spiritually dead?

[september]

The members of the forums here seem like some of the most hopeful and spiritually aware people I've encountered... well... on the Internet! So I thought I'd stop by and see if there was any advice you all could offer me.

For years and years I've been trying to establish some kind of real spiritual connection... praying didn't work. I eventually became an atheist. Attempting to meditate and speak with whomever might speak to me... didn't work. I end up creating conversations with myself, believing that perhaps the words might actually be coming from another source, but in the end, these efforts fizzle off into nothing. I was an avid fan of psipog while it was active, and spent an hour a day for weeks at a time trying to coax my psiwheel around, focusing and unfocusing my vision in attempts to reveal the colors of my aura, and meditating in attempts to clear my mind of crap to achieve these things. I have failed... without fail.

I feel like I'm spiritually dead, but an unflagging flame within my brain makes me want to continue searching. But how can I establish any kind of meaningful connection to lead me in a more fulfilling direction for my life? I'm current a student who feels pretty aimless and depressed. I feel cut off and very unaware. This is with understanding of the principles of subjective reality, openness to the Law of Attraction and definite openness to hearing from any kind of guide or my higher self. That hearing, that concrete evidence would represent for me a real step forward - something I can put my roots into and grow from. I feel so shallow currently, like I'm trying, but my power of doubt seems to overwhelm every time (I'm a philosophy undergrad trained in the analytical tradition, which draws aggressively from sentential and predicate logic and the power of discrimination in reasoning).

I've read through Steve and Erin's articles. Almost all of them. I'm very thorough (though my memory's not perfect). But I still feel empty and overwhelmed. Let me cast out my intention: I intend, with open arms, to bring spiritual help and direction into my life, from whatever direction it presents itself. Obviously, I came here with the intention that I could get some help from this forum, but I want to remain open to it from any direction.

[Erin Pavlina]

Receive. Listen. Stop looking and let your spirituality unfold. Instead of chasing the truth, let it be revealed to you. Don't try to label yourself. Just be. Just experience. Don't try to fit yourself into a model of thinking. Find your own truth through experience.

[Ernie]

Too many people are outside knocking on the door to get in! You are ALREADY IN!

[Lola]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

Find your own truth through experience.

Absolutely.

Be Still.

You can read, research, try-on anything and everything. Ultimately though, if you are Still, your answer will come. It won't be my answer. It may not be like any answer you've ever heard. But it will come.

[Ernie]

It takes both action and contemplation! If we're only still, who are we helping? If we're always active, we'll burn out and really have nothing to give. There must be a balance between the BEING and the DOING, but doing does flow out of being. There is a priority to the matrix.

[Lola]

Originally Posted by Ernie

It takes both action and contemplation! If we're only still, who are we helping? If we're always active, we'll burn out and really have nothing to give. There must be a balance between the BEING and the DOING, but doing does flow out of being. There is a priority to the matrix.

True, but I got the sense from the OP that s/he's still in the process of defining BEING. In my personal experience that part came first. DOING prior to achieving a clear understanding of my truth, my BEING, would have served only to inflate my ego. I'm not advocating getting still and staying that way always and forever.

[gforceforever]

September, you reminded me of ME when I was going through the "who am I, and what am I doing here?" phase of life. I can assure you, you are not alone in your thoughts, fears, and doubts.

One thing I want to impress upon you the most is that YOU are the key to your own spirituality. YOU HAVE A SPIRIT; you may choose to accept this and begin to enjoy discovering the many facets of your personality and uniqueness, or you may simply choose to attend to daily life experiences and forego the innermost workings of your psyche.

Either way, you have things to learn in this life. We all have free will, so we can decide for ourselves which path we take and how we will travel. Some of us get impatient, and we want to see as much as possible while we are capable, so you may read a lot about those of us who wish to astrally project, in order to discover the "secrets" of our universes.

I believe you are on the cusp of something big, because you already question your purpose and consciously choose to seek knowledge. I commend anyone at any age/stage of life that wishes to discover their connectedness to everything else.

[estrella]

Originally Posted by Lola

True, but I got the sense from the OP that s/he's still in the process of defining BEING. In my personal experience that part came first. DOING prior to achieving a clear understanding of my truth, my BEING, would have served only to inflate my ego. I'm not advocating getting still and staying that way always and forever.

NIce. I know this. From somewhere. Thank you - to show me that some of "these" are here, too.
(I read your other post, too.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina View Post
Find your own truth through experience.
Absolutely.

Be Still.

You can read, research, try-on anything and everything. Ultimately though, if you are Still, your answer will come. It won't be my answer. It may not be like any answer you've ever heard. But it will come.
11-23-2007 05:06 PM

[Jennihul]

I'm totally on the same page as the rest here...you are trying to force spirituality and direction into your life.

You have to accept that you are as perfect as you need to be, right now. Forever, really....

Life is an endless exploration...Taste. Many things. If something resonates, study it. If not, leave it. Quit trying to find your niche and don't try so hard to define yourself by your spirituality. You seem to want a label to stick to your lapel. Aimless is the goal, not a reason to be depressed. Exploration is not a failure and spiritually "unlabeled" is not a four letter word.

Jennifer

[Ree]

You've already gotten some incredibly excellent advice! I have only one thing to add: Listen to your intuition.

Don't be afraid to trust and be guided by your intuition. I have always had strong intuitive feelings, but didn't completely trust them until the past few years. I've found that sometimes I am able to make instantaneous decisions about things and I KNOW that I'm making the correct decision. It has not failed me. And looking back, I can recall a couple of incidents where simple intuition definitely saved me from serious difficulty and distress.

The Path really is within us