Fear of Public Speaking (Blog)

[Erin Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Erin Pavlina's blog:

Fear of Public Speaking

[ellie]

Thanks Erin for this timely post.

I have a big fear of public speaking, but I even fear going to toastmasters -lol! I've had it in my back of my mind to join, but feel chicken.

I've avoided public speaking all through my life as well. I do know I have to deal with this head on, because it will make me stronger.

[openeyes]

"There is nothing more empowering than facing down a fear."

Exactly. That's why I often make a point of seeking out things that I fear, though lately the supply has been running low There's plenty of room for improvement yet, it's just that fear doesn't seem to be such a limiting factor. Rather than running from fear, I'm apt to use it as a guide, pointing out areas that would benefit from my attention.

A couple weeks ago I did a brief piano solo for a class of about 100 people, just for the challenge of it, as I'd never done a solo before, and I'd barely played piano, just xylophone/marimba. Afterward I led a few other people in song (I'm more used to singing with dozens of people, where I'm not the one in the spotlight), and the class roared with applause. Then this past Sunday several friends and I had our first improv comedy performance.

In my mid teens I'd given speeches at conferences to hundreds of people about spiritual experiences I was having at the time, but I generally knew about what I was going to say going in, just as when I later gave a speech per week in Toastmasters. Improv is a good chance to think on your feet and work on channeling your creativity on a moment's notice.

[Angela]

I've heard nothing but good things coming out of people's involvement in Toastmasters. I overcame my fear of public speaking a different way, though -- in one long weekend -- the Landmark Forum's Advanced Course.

I went in on Thursday just petrified, so scared I didn't want to do the course, and at the Sunday "graduation" I gave an off-the-cuff speech in which I was 100% free and connected with every one of the 300 people in the audience. It felt miraculous.

I recommend it highly, not just for this, but for anywhere you're stopped in life.

[munish]

Thanks.

But what about the writing skills? As without that there can never be a good speech.

Most of the Toastmasters i have met , are a good writer first and then a good speaker.

Shouldn't one focus on be a good writer before trying to be a good Speaker ?

[Zukin]

Great post, Erin!

Something that has helped me in public speaking is to connect to your audience through love. If you genuinely want your audience to succeed and feel you can teach them something that will improve their lives, it gives you more confidence.

[Erin Pavlina]

Munish, writing is one aspect of giving a speech, sure. But actually in Toastmasters you also learn how to speak eloquently and thoughtfully off the cuff. We have a section of the meeting called Table Topics where someone asks a question and you go right up and answer it as eloquently as you can for 1-2 minutes.

What I really learned from this is to pause when I am searching for a word instead of saying "um" all the time. And I've learned to think quicker so there isn't an awkward pause in my conversation as often. This skill can help in everyday conversation.

Zukin: Yes I'm working now on staying present when I am speaking and staying connected to the audience.

[Tina Rowley]

Hi all-

Well, let me just say I have plenty of fears, but as an actor, public speaking ain't one of them. Fear of NOT public speaking is more like it!

So, here's something that may or may not be helpful. Zukin's note about connecting to the audience with love is excellent. And in addition to that, you might try some of these things an actor uses on stage.

Try giving yourself an objective. Say, for example, your objective is to make the audience feel loved. Ask yourself ahead of time, how will I know if it's working? What are some cues I might see out there? Maybe I'd see people start to smile, or relax their bodies, or even cry. Break your objective down. I want to see that guy smile. Or I want to see that person uncross their arms.

Think about tactics to support your objective. How do you make your loved ones feel love? You can't, perhaps, reach out and touch your audience physically, the way you do with your beloveds. But you can speak to them with tenderness in your voice. You can make eye contact with them and hold it as much as you're willing.

Make substitutions. Imagine that the audience is someone you're really comfortable and happy speaking to, only there's X amount of them and they're disguised in other bodies and faces. Talk to that person underneath the physicalities of the audience members.

Also, on a day you're going to do public speaking, do 20 minutes of cardiovascular exercise within a few hours of the event. This siphons off some of the nerves. And then, within an hour or two of the event, do a little vocal and physical warmup. Stretch your body, wake it up. Shake it around. Open your mouth wide, do tongue twisters, go through your speech enunciating the living daylights out of it. Then you're less likely to be plagued with stiffness, and your body will carry the nice feeling of having prepared, too.

Right before you're going to go on, bring yourself right into the moment and into your body. Take a couple of minutes not to think, but to feel. Feel the air. Note the temperature. Touch something cool. Touch something warm. Feel your feet in your shoes. Go up to a wall and look at the patterns on it as closely as you can. Get micro-micro into the physical moment. It helps bring you here and now, and out of your head full of fears.

This may or may not be helpful for you, but there you go anyway. I wish everyone well with conquering this fear!

And Erin, you can give me a little of your courage with connecting to your clair-abilities! That's where I tap into my chicken within.

Sending you all good wishes,
Tina
the gallivanting monkey

[Freelancer]

I'm a bit weird in this regard, public speaking has never been a problem for me. In fact I thoroughly enjoy myself on stage (joined toastmasters last week) without a bit off fear, I'm having the time off my life when I'm on stage which is pretty awesome.

Now comes the weird part, as soon as I have to talk to someone individually I freeze up. Calling someone over the phone? What people feel right before they have to go on stage, I feel right before calling. The same goes for stupid stuff like asking for directions on the street. The strangest thing is that if I'm in a big group off people I fear speaking up about something, yet giving a speech is easy and enjoyable.

Somehow I managed to convince my subconscious that 'strangers' are scary but public speaking is easy...

Had a job for a few weeks as a charity worker, had to go on the street and open people, giving a short presentation and then asking if they want to donate some money. Scariest thing I did in my life, worked for about 10 days (4 hour days) and talked to a load off people. Problem was that it barely carried over to other parts off my life and the fear remained, it was better for some time but I stopped talking to people again after a while and it returned again.

Really need to get out and do something similar again, bleh already nervous...

[munish]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

Munish, writing is one aspect of giving a speech, sure. But actually in Toastmasters you also learn how to speak eloquently and thoughtfully off the cuff. We have a section of the meeting called Table Topics where someone asks a question and you go right up and answer it as eloquently as you can for 1-2 minutes.

What I really learned from this is to pause when I am searching for a word instead of saying "um" all the time. And I've learned to think quicker so there isn't an awkward pause in my conversation as often. This skill can help in everyday conversation.

Erin,

I am also a Toastmaster. (But the slowest learner in the club).

I participate regularly in the Table topics.(Though i have never won any award)

The points you mentioned above are very correct.

What i fear is writing a 5-7 minute speech.For example,I have to deliver a speech in a theme meeting "Fortune teller". The all other speakers are DTMs.
This really intimidates me.

Thanks.

[Guardian Angel]

Erin has a very nice blog here. I am an Engineer but I love "communicating" or being the center of listening since childhood. I just want to just add something. It will also help if you know your audience first, or what group do they belong so that you could choose the "layman's term" or "language". I used to train newly hired operators in our company, who are aged 18~24 years old which is twice as my age. So avoid them to get them bored, I sometimes crack a joke, or site examples that are "in" to their ears. With that, I can see in their eyes that they are really absorbing my lecture. Lastly, after you "talk" you may ask your audience how do they feel, or what is their comment. With this, you will somehow learn how to improve, and course, it is a very big help if you read articles such as Erin's....I learned a lot..thanks!

[Angela]

How do you write a speech of a particular length of time? Are there guidelines for getting started -- like, how many words per minute?

[siddha]

I used to work for Toastmasters International in public relations, at the world headquarters in Rancho Santa Margarita, CA. I also used to work at the former location in Santa Ana, CA.

It's a very good organization with thousands of devoted followers all over the world. My claim to fame there is that I was the one who went through 50-year-old files packed into ancient filing cabinets, and discovered so much Ralph Smedley (the founder) memorabilia and old paperwork that the executive director decided to create a museum in the world headquarters building. I guess it's a good thing I didn't toss any of that stuff away ;-)

I wrote and edited endless articles about public speaking, but I never did join a Toastmasters club. I was deadly afraid of public speaking then, and still am. I had a stint in college with a required speech class -- I was the best speaker in the class of 40 students -- but after that, I lost my confidence and have avoided public speaking ever since. As a side note, my first college speech was about lucid dreaming, and it was a huge success, also.

I am becoming a financial planner and will need to present quite a bit, so I will soon join a local Toastmasters group. As I have grown older, I have become more distrustful of people, and I have learned to avoid people when I can. The corporate world jaded me quite a bit. Backstabbers and evil bastards and such.

I will have to get over this anti-social preference and learn to become a human being again, despite that I am considered too eclectic for most people. It's always been this way. I stay away from narrowmindedness, which is everywhere in America, it seems. It wasn't this way when I lived overseas (British Virgin Islands, Mexico, etc), though. I love America, don't get me wrong. I am an avid supporter of Ron Paul, in fact.

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.

[siddha]

Originally Posted by Zukin

Great post, Erin!

Something that has helped me in public speaking is to connect to your audience through love. If you genuinely want your audience to succeed and feel you can teach them something that will improve their lives, it gives you more confidence.

Having written dozens of Toastmasters articles for Toastmasters, I can tell you that you are on the right track. Fine-tuning it a bit, I would add that your audience really does want you to succeed and put in a good performance, because they want to connect with you and also enjoy the experience with you. The last thing they want to see happen is you freezing up and stuttering through your presentation. This is torture for them to watch. If you can always remember that the audience is always on your side, and look out among them as friends from the get-go, you will have attained "proper attitude."

[smallstar]

Originally Posted by siddha

The last thing they want to see happen is you freezing up and stuttering through your presentation. This is torture for them to watch.

Cheers,

I don't doubt the validity of your sentence, but I'm just frightened about the thought. Between the lines, it seems that you are saying that those people have high expectations, which, when combined with internal insecurity, is likely to give anyone a hard time.

I think that it would actually be easier to deliver a speech in front of an indifferent audience. Torturing people who don't care for you (or people who wish you to fail) makes you feel less bad than torturing people who wish you well.

Sorry for the negative post, SS

[siddha]

I didn't see your post as negative. I respect people who speak their mind, rather than those who are overly concerned about being politically correct.

What I am really saying is that you already know the audience has high expectations, and that you are insecure about talking in front of them. Your mind and body know this and there is no way to trick yourself into forgetting this. So rather than avoid the obvious, you dive deep into it, to resolve it. You explore the fear and let it become your friend. This is how you transform it.

So what you do is look at your presentation from the audience's eyes. Watch yourself watch other speakers. Deep down inside, you want the speaker to hold your interest and convey calm and confidence. You want that for the speaker. When you realize that the people watching you also want this for you, that that is their mindset when they are sitting in front of you, you realize it's actually harder to screw up than it is to "wow" them -- because they are already emotionally on your side.

People are like horses. Ever watch the "Horse Whisperer", the movie? People want to be led because it feels good. It's like being in momma's arms again. It is nurturing for them. So you could call this "loving" your audience, but if you really examine it, it's about guiding the deep emotional needs of the people sitting in front of you. Be the horse whisperer, and sooth your audience. They want you to do that for them. It's a game of seduction.

I hope this makes sense.

[Erin Pavlina]

Angela, there is a way to calculate how long a speech will be. I don't know the formula but it has to do with how fast you talk and how many words you write. Steve knows the formula.

For me, it's about 2.5 pages equals 5-7 minute speech.

[Kaspian]

Originally Posted by siddha

What I am really saying is that you already know the audience has high expectations, and that you are insecure about talking in front of them. Your mind and body know this and there is no way to trick yourself into forgetting this. So rather than avoid the obvious, you dive deep into it, to resolve it. You explore the fear and let it become your friend. This is how you transform it.

When I was in college, a great trumpet player told me to expect to be nervous, and instead of fighting it and trying to make it go away, work with it; use the nervous energy to focus so that it improves you performance.

[siddha]

Originally Posted by Kaspian

When I was in college, a great trumpet player told me to expect to be nervous, and instead of fighting it and trying to make it go away, work with it; use the nervous energy to focus so that it improves you performance.

It seems surrender of the ego (including fear) allows the process of alchemy (transformation) to take place. Enlightenment follows. Doing this from moment to moment to moment is the difficult part of being alive.