Searching for my Twin Soul/Flame through Higher Self

[85thOwl]

Hi,

I don't know if this is the right place to post this question/experience but I'll give it a try.

I won't bother with all the details of what happened that led me to this path and everything unless someone is interested in finding out but here is my experience and I hope that someone can give me some insight.

Lately I have come in touch with my Higher Self by doing a Self-Esteem meditation and finally getting rid of my distorted self-image. The unsing the journaling method that Erin recommended I got even better in touch with her.

She gave me some pointers, told me some important things and then she warned me not to give up on the person that I love for he is more connected to me then I realize now. To make a very long story short, this person is someone that I love unconditionally and I also believe that he might be my twin soul for there were a lot of clues that led me to believe this. However lately I have been paying less attention to him for our situation is quite complicated and causes me pain and so I stepped back to help myself grow while leaving him to fight for himself basically.

However my higher self told me not to let go of him and even though he is hurting me now (by simply not being able to accept my love, and not in any other way to be clear) I should still be a good friend to him and be patient and help him in every way for she told me he is part of my own soul. I believe 99.9% in the fact that we are twin souls however that 0.1% is still causing me to doubt, so I contacted my higher self again and she told me to meditate and I would find the answer for myself.

I meditated and saw my soul (in the form of a briliant silver light) connected at the lower part to his soul (brilliant golden light) those two souls merged and created this beautiful white light together that was blinding and warm. Now while this could be an obvious clue I am not so certain of my meditating abilities and am still wondering if this is what I truly saw or what I wanted to see.

I have to add that I have already seen his soul. This was also the reason I fell in love with him and still love him after all this time. The first time I saw him I saw the shape of his soul and it was completely black, darkness everywhere. But from a tiny little hole somehwere near his heart I saw golden light shining out of it, like when someone pricks a whole with a needle through a black cloth and let's the sunlight shine through. When I saw that light when I felt that warmth I realized that if I could remove all that darkness and fill it up with light, that would be the most beautiful thing in the world, and this all happened the first time I met him and I don't think we had even spoken but he was simply sitting there.

I don't know how or why but I have always been able to see things that weren't there (ghosts, energy fields, had premonitions etc.) and somehow I can sometimes take a glimpse at his soul and see his progress (how big the light is)

After my meditation I contacted my higher self again and this is what I got:

HS: Why do you love him?

Me: Because he is part of me. Because I feel him as part of my own being. I cannot feel X without feeling myself, the fact that I can feel him means that we are connected.

HS: Indeed...have your worries lifted?

Me:No, I want to find my twin soul, I want to find out who X is, why we met, what my purpose is with X and if we'll be together.

HS: You know it yourself, you chose to meet him, you chose to meet him for a reason. You placed him there, you are the one that chose him and he chose you. The answer lies within you for he is part of you and you have created this life.

I wanted to ask her something more but then I heard his voice. It was not too loud but I hear it clealry and I could feel his voice inside of me. His voice told me to not give up on him and that he can help me and that I can help him and that I should not give up on him. He told me he was part of me and that I was part of him. He told me that this was his consciouss self and that I should help X awaken this part of him and to become the person I always saw inside of himself.

Now I was quite shocked for in my meditation this morning for contacting my higher self and raising my self esteem, next to her in the mirror for the first time I saw him as wel, only he was older and he had a different kind of energy and feeling to him. I dismissed this because I could not bother to analyze why he would be mirrored as part of my higher self. However when I contacted my higher self later on he appeared again.

My question to those wiser and more experienced: Am I simply diluding myself into thinking that he is my twin soul and that I had a conversation with him like with my higher self or could he truly be a part of my own soul and HS and simply chose to contact me now because I become more aware of my own existance?

Please I would truly appreciate some feedback on this for I am really confused here and do not know what to do or believe.

Thank you all for your time and patience.

[85thOwl]

Is there really no one who can help me?

[Erin Pavlina]

Read this for more insight on what you're looking for.

Erin Pavlina’s Blog » Blog Archive » Do you believe in Soul Mates?

[Adrienne]

owl...
being as such that i dont know your entire story, here is my experience with this situation.

I have a good friend who had had a similar experience as you describe. She was young when the met him ( i think she was 5) and what she saw in him, no one else could see.
He was on a bad path as was she. As they grew up, they would disappear from each lives only to try and find each other again.
He was often underground and She thought of him often.. whenever she got really worried about him... he would just know and find her or call her.

I dont think she ever really got over him. She married someone else and has 3 kids. She never told him she got married, but he has not contacted her since.

She is happy for the most part and loves her kids. She thinks of him alot and wonders what happened to him. She is 24 or so now. I certainly hope we have not seen the last of him.


So, why does it matter if he is your soul twin or not? Do you love him? It sounds like you do. What do you mean by he hurts you by not accepting your love?
Regardless of if you love him or if he is your soul twin, you have 2 choices.
1.. cut your losses and move on with the realization he cant or wont be what you need in a romantic partner.
2. realize that in spite of his current actions, you love him and you are willing to do what it takes to be with him.

It sounds like you have alot of history with this person and that you have done alot of thinking.
For people who are very aware as you have stated you are, i would say trust your gut. Perhaps he is here to teach you unconditional love and acceptance and you are here to teach him the same.

You can make this relationship with him whatever you want, you just have to decide and put 100 percent on yourself behind it. If he cant accept your love you have to accept that right now he does not accept it. Once you do that, you can move forward. It sounds like he wants help and cares for you because he has not bailed... it might be his way of making sure you care enough to break down his wall.. because if you love him enough to do that, he might think you love him enough not to hurt him.

If you can tell me what you mean by not being able to accept you love, it might be easier to help...

Adrienne

[Zena1980]

Do you still need help, i have met mine.