16 and majorly depressed

[gitfacehal]

Sorry for the long post, I poured my heart and deepest held secrets into it. Please read.

I am 16 and depressed. Looking at myself, I have every right to be.

Let me tell you about myself before this happened, when I enjoyed things and there was no bleak outlook.

For my whole life, I have chosen and wanted to be alone. I stayed at home all day, played games, listened to and created music, browsed the net etc. All alone. I didn't want to go out and I liked this way of living, despite knowing how isolated and strange this made me. I went to school, talked to people and made friends, with no desire to see them outside of school.

If I was invited to a party, I would go and have fun. However, after six or so hours (without the influence of alcohol) I would have a desperate craving to be alone, or to go home.

Another thing about this is that an average or bad mood rendered me literally speechless - I was incapable of speaking normally and words became laboured, as if they were being carved out of my flesh. Nothing came naturally. Likewise, in a good mood I could talk and be confident with ease (this was less common)

Upon one occasion after drinking too much (don't worry, this was a rare occasion) I vomited out of the car window on the way home. After this beer made me feel ill, so I decided there was no point going to parties since I didn't really know anyone anyway.

After one more party and a whole night of vomiting (the drink suppresses my anxiety) I decided that there was no point going anymore. I then stopped doing anything after declining two parties. After my exams, 10 weeks off for summer ensued. During which I have seen or talked to absolutely no one my own age. I have just stayed at home doing the same damn things every day.

One night in bed, I started thinking distressingly negative. I saw no purpose in life, everything seemed meaningless and couldn't go on. I wanted to just stop breathing. Many hours I was in this agony, it was unbearable. I mistakenly stayed at home the next day, pacing, saying 'Oh god' because everything seemed hoplessly bleak. I vomited with the stress. I ate nothing.

I managed to fully emerge from this week by going out (with my Mum, how embarrassing) doing boring but different things such as going shopping, walking round a market and just sitting in the car at our house we are restoring, because nothing at home held any interest and I feared being alone (this left me to my own thoughts which encouaged me to want to die). I felt just as I always had, wanting to be alone and doing the same things as always.

Of course, this continued until one evening a week or two later the depression returned, though less severe. I currently have reduced interest in activities, less appetite, and thoughts of a meaningless existence. If I keep busy and don't think, I feel ok, but there is an underlying feeling that I could return to 'the pit' at any time.

What I am asking is, could loneliness (for 10 weeks) regarding people my own age and repetitive days (despite this being what I wanted to do!!!) have triggered this pure hell that I am experiencing? Is this just a sign that I need to get out and get a life? I just scared that if I do I will be tongue-tied as usual, or that if I recover I may repeat the same mistakes.

Do I just need to socialise? Should I change my entire life and make going out a major part it? Is that what I need and want?

Thank you for reading, this is a genuine problem. Any advice is welcome.

[Zukin]

Hi gitfacehal,

Depression is mainly due to two factors: biological factors and catastrophic thoughts. The Wikipedia article on depression has a good overview.

These articles are also very good at describing the basis for depression:
Demystifying Depression - Part I || kuro5hin.org
Demystifying Depression - Part II || kuro5hin.org

If you want an inexpensive way to treat depression, I recommend the following steps:

1. Change your diet to include a wide variety of fruits and vegetables. Also, reduce the amount of processed foods in your diet (such as products made with sugar and white flour).
2. Take omega 3 supplements, especially fish oil. Magnesium supplements may also be helpful.
3. Read about cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy will teach you to identify depressive thoughts and deal with them effectively.
4. Try to go outside for ten to twenty minutes each day. A lack of sunlight leads to a lack of vitamin D production in the body, which can cause depression.

The Wikipedia article I linked to at the beginning of this message also has a variety of potential treatments.

If these don't work, or if you feel suicidal, you may want to see a clinical psychiatrist.

Also, loneliness can definitely contribute to depression. Humans are evolutionarily programmed with a need to be be around other people. That is why prisoners get so messed up when they get put in solitary confinement.

[Livgivare]

I am also abit of a lonley soul. But my problem is that even if I just spend time with mom and dad and boyfriend - I do not live with these people today - I find myself depressed too, and start to think backwards.

I don't have the axact figure, but I think that since human kind is a social "animal" there is just arround 4% that are totally at ease with being alone most the time and like it. So yes we need people.

But to try to help you I have a few things you could try out.

1) Get a pet if you don't have one. Because this pet will make you feel better with it. I got me pet rats when I was at the lowest and that helped me alot. A dog could be ideal. But stay with one pet that you are not allergic to.

2) At least go to the grosary-store once or twice a week, even if it is just for 10 minutes to buy milk. This will make the time spending with others limited and you can start from there. Make remarks about the weather to the people that work at the store. Or just stay in the park for a half hour with a book, no need to interact, but if someone ask for the way, tell them.

3) Pick flowers in the summer, make snowball-pyramides in the winter or anything outdoor try to at leat implement 20-30 minutes of exersize in a place were you can handle people being arround you.

Try one out for a few weeks and try to tell your mother or father to keep track with you, if there is something that needs to be each day like a liter of milk tell your mother that you need to buy that each week two or three times.

Take it slow, maybe go and see a therapist if you feel suicidal. Tell yourself each night at least 3 things you did good that day.

Hope I have helped any.

Love Leelene

[ticktockclok]

According to this article of Steve's, you seem to be at the level of Apathy, the third lowest level of consciousness. It is defined as "feeling hopeless or victimized; the state of learned helplessness." If socializing is your problem, and you haven't talked to anyone your age for ten weeks, you're not going to be able to go out and be Mr. Extrovert when you wake up tomorrow. Start small. Make it a goal to smile at one attractive person every day for a week. That should be easy enough. Next week, make it ten people. The week after that, say hello while smiling. Baby steps.

Read this article; it helped me, and it will help you.

[NotesMaeve]

Sweetheart, just hold on until you're 18. If you can make it that long, I promise you will see a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dim.

Go out. Socialize. Do cool stuff. I promise it will get better.

[Love]

Hi gitfacehal,

The best thing about this is that many people have been where you are right now and successfully recovered from it. It sounds like you are ready to come out, take some action, and put the power back into your life. You're on the brink of possibilities. So, question is, What is you want to do most??

[m18pak]

Listen to me, and listen very carefully. You do not need to go out and socialise simply for the sake of it. That will do nothing. That is not the problem.

This is your fight, yours and nobody else's.

Going out and hanging around people might hold off the demons for a while, but then they will return, with reinforcements. When you interact with people, all you are doing is that you are forcing yourself to think about the situation at hand, effectively blocking out the pain that you feel. This is not a solution.

What you must realise is that it is your thoughts that are doing this.

So you must change your thoughts.

Seriously, change them. Thoughts aren't real, so don't let them control you. You are not your thoughts. When the voice of negativity speaks to you, stay present, and notice that it is not you. Notice how it almost seems to come from outside of you.

Stay awake, don't let your thoughts take over.

And then change them, turn them around. Whatever it is that inspires you, whatever it is that stirs your soul and fires your blood, whatever it is that fills you with passion and makes you come alive, do it now. Keep doing it until you have enough energy to tackle your thoughts head-on and look at them honestly, with complete detachment.

If you don't have anything that you're passionate about, then find something that fills you with murderous rage. Something that makes you want to rend and claw and tear. And then use that anger to give you the energy to examine your thoughts.

And if you can't make yourself angry either...then exercise. Exercise exercise exercise. Until you're so exhausted that your muscles feel like lead weights. Drown yourself in physical sensation, until the thoughts go away.

Or something...

[dmobfuscation]

All in my humble opinion, nothing that happens in high school really actually matters except for the education you take from the school. Not drinking is good, along with not doing drugs.

Well, basically, I can tell you this… when I was 16 and felt that way, basically, I dealt with it (mostly pushed myself in faucets that would help me like my job and the one club I was part of). Then I graduated, moved out, got screwed out of my college education, found a place to live, and started drinking, smoking pot and doing cocaine. I wouldn’t suggest that path, but let me tell you everything may seem desolate now, but you also need to realize it isn’t that bad.

Trying to fit in is a ♥♥♥♥♥, and it gets easier as people mature. Which in your case, you have some time before you’ll probably get along / chill with a lot of your “friends” (and believe me, when people get out in the real world the are completely different people, so don’t write anyone off either… no reason to burn the bridges you don’t yet want to cross)

I think it’s extremely important to find a active social outlet, at your age mine was online-forums as well as my work as a retail associate. Becoming a better communicator is an invaluable skill. Also remember, that you don’t have to think of social outlets that are limited to your peers, there are many adult organizations that like seeing the good convictions in a young person.

If you think about being sad, you will be sad. On the bright side, I feel that the hardest part of a person’s life is between 18 and 22 (I say that on the words of my ex-boss)… the time of being an “adult” when no one wants to treat you like an adult, but expect you to act like one. Fortunately for you, it seems that you are mature enough that by the time you get there you will be able to focus yourself and watch / help your friends through… because you yourself will seem to be the best one off.

Most importantly be honest with yourself. Completely. So your depressed in the pit… you look in the mirror and your hairs a mess, so do you comb it or just walk away? Are you even being honest enough to admit that your hair is a mess?

Just remember, every second is a chance to turn it all around, to live your life. It’ll be hard, but hey, you’re built for it. Just start doing things that you know you need to do; if you don’t know what to do, look closer in the metaphorical mirror (or, perhaps, literally)

edit: oh yeah, God.


-Blaise

[Xin]

Been there, done that. I completely understand you.

We could tell you lots of stuff, but IMO you just need to know one thing: you can be happy, if you want to. But it has to be YOU wanting it; not someone on a forum telling it you want it. It has to be YOU. That's it.

I've been were you are, and know it's hard. When you try to get out of that state, things will get even harder. But, in the end, you'll see it never gets easier. You just get tougher.

If you need to talk or something, just shoot a PM.

[Matthew Shea]

Hal, my brother in law has a personality that seems a lot like yours. He's got a very social side and has a very large friend network in fact, but he's also got a very personal side and strongly values time alone. I think the key is to indulge your alone time in a way that keeps your mind off the negative thoughts. When you want to be alone, don't just sit in the house and brood. Get out and do something, anything. Even if it's just reading a book or taking a long walk. Better yet, find something that interests you, like a musical instrument or some sort of hobby that will allow you to focus on something productive instead of destructive negative thoughts.

[Victoria]

Originally Posted by m18pak

What you must realise is that it is your thoughts that are doing this.

So you must change your thoughts.

Seriously, change them. Thoughts aren't real, so don't let them control you. You are not your thoughts. When the voice of negativity speaks to you, stay present, and notice that it is not you. Notice how it almost seems to come from outside of you.

Stay awake, don't let your thoughts take over.

I agree with m18pak, it appears that your thoughts are the problem- the question is do you want a long term or short term answer to the depression? Short term would be making external effort like doing social things, excercizing, or walking in nature. Internal would be investigating the thoughts (and yes, the pain) that you are currently experincing. I have been mildly depressed before, and what helped me was realizing that I could choose to be happy, and not minding feeling sad...or not minding feeling nothing at all. Also realize that more people than you might think are struggling with depression. Eventually I got fed up with feeling that way. Eventually things got better, bit by bit, and day by day. Now I can observe such negative emotions and thoughts within me, and question why I feel that I'm lacking. Perspective has been a valuable tool for me personally. I wish you luck with this current life challenge.

[Boreas]

Hi gitfacehal,

First I just want to say that I am very impressed with how you write and express yourself, and I hope to see more of your posts on this forum.

Next I want to say that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be on your own, it it is you, it is you. In fact, happiness must come from within you, it would not be good to depend on others for your happiness. Friends are good, but you are all you ever need to be truly happy.

I also think that any crises serves as a great opportunity for learning and growth, making us each more of a person than we were before. I think when you get a feeling of lonliness, or sadness, you should just let it sit there, and watch it, and try to ask yourself what the reason for the lonley feeling is? Where is it coming from?

I look forward to hearing what answer you find.

[Christian223]

Well, there is a part in wich i think i can help and the other part i cant.

I have experience with having no friend and beign allways alone, this is not healthy and can hurt, so it may cauase depression, you can fix yourself by getting out of your comfort zone, use EFT EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else, it has helped me tremendously Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique for some free videos, also try using Affirmations, read books about socializing, im reading one now called "how to make friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie, its awesome, i recommend it to you since it teaches things we should have learned since we where childs and it will make your life so much easier.

Not socializing is caused by deep emotional traumas, and EFT will help you get rid of those. In my case not socializing was a way of protecting myself from beign hurt, once i applied EFT on many traumas of my past in wich i was emotionaly hurt by a person close to me i got rid of that need of staying away from people, wich was making me feel bad about myself and not letting me live a fulfilled life.

The part in wich i really dont know how to help is in the area of "no purpose in life", i can tell you that in my "lone wolf" years i never felt this way, i just felt sadness when i realized i was beign anti-social (not too many months ago), but it was just sadness of my condition because i still enjoyed life, i enjoyed the happyness of it, i still do, i look for the future, and i enjoy the present, we live to be happy, thats our part in life...

I think that maybe your depression comes from something you are not taking care of, maybe you are not beign proactive about a problem you have, it may be your attitude of not socializing, it may not be, i think only you can answer that, but you must put the effort to thing about it and find out.

Try searching for articles about finding life purpose or goals in life in Steve Pavlinas blog, good luck.

[Sunnybayes]

YES! You must get out of your house to socialize...

Thoughts don't cause the depression, the depression causes the bad thoughts.

Bad thoughts are the effect, not the cause.

How do I know this? I can be without verbal thoughts, though I will still be depressed if I don't get out of my house and around people.

I'm good with meditation, so my mind can be completly silent, though I will still feel depressed if I have not gotten minimal physical movement... (just walking for like 20 minutes will do it)

You have to be around people, you have to have some movement besides sitting on your butt staring at the computer or TV.

After you've been out and about, then you can actually beging to make yourself have good thoughts. But if you don't get stimulation then good thoughts won't help.

Well you have to live at least in some way like we did for 99% of human history which was out in the wild... being close to family, doing some basic movement like walking...

Just read the thread in my signature... I wrote like 7 posts about several times how I discovered this...

Need stimulation or you will be depressed.
stimulation = being around people, = seeing the 3D environment move and change as you walk around new places... ect...

[ginkgo]

Have you heard of Positive Psychology? It studies what makes people happy. There is no need to socialize. It is fine for someone to be alone. You can be alone and help people. But this is part of being happy-- helping people. So do not go out and socialize unless you want to waste your time. Volunteer at places where you can help people. They call it a helper's high. It is important just like exercise.

Here is webpage about having a purpose in life that was built in. Not doing what you were made for causes unhappiness. Read this article What is Enlightenment. Everyone needs to make an effort to be happier.

[ericwordelman]

I think going out is an important part of life. I think what you're going through is what is called "making space" in your life for something to emerge.

It's a little messy now but if you focus on improving everything should fall into place.

It sort of sounds like you're going through an awakening similar to me when I was around your age.

If you just let things happen and realize that something incredible is emerging it will be a lot easier on you.

And you don't have to go out with everyone if you feel that they aren't individuals who are congruent with the person you want to be.

Patience is key, but I know it's one of the hardest virtues to master.

Good luck.

[robertanthony]

I think that it's important for you to socialize more. Start planning small trips and spend longer periods of time outside your home. Sometimes when a person is depressed and withdrawn speech can be effected this is due to a dip in confidence and positive emotion. Resist the tempation to rush home to the comfort zone as the comfort zone can become a prison making you feel worse. There's a book called Do One thing Different by a guy called Bill 0 Hanlon that teaches you how to break the pattern. Some of the worlds greatest thinkers and artists have suffered from depression. Therapists can sometimes focus too much on the negative so maybe check out your signitures strenghts at the positive psychology centre online. Also maybe check out your emotional intelligence as you might just be a lot smarter than you thought.

[Lauxa]

Socializing would probably be a good idea. You say you like creating music, is there any way you could do this with other people? If not, maybe you could volunteer for something. Just hanging out and going to parties would probably be a less fulfilling way to socialize than hooking up to share a common interest or common goal.

Also, I would recommend getting some motivational books and audio material and pulling them out when you find yourself brooding. Especially audio material has pulled me out of many a depression.