Removing romantic feelings & control.

[Sanity Panda]

I once had a discussion with my closest friend about emotional feelings and bonds. While we both agreed that you can't really control who you fall for, I personally felt that I could always direct my emotions and feelings in a way since I usually rationalize them. She couldn't believe that someone could remove feelings for another person in the manner I decribed.

Fast forward a couple of years. I'm at a stage where I have feelings for my friend (not sure if they are romantic, just a sense of wanting to be around her.) However she does not view me in that way anymore. I figured in these sort of situation, my feelings for her may potentially cause her to be uncomfortable. I haven't changed them yet, but all she has to do is say and I'd probably be willing to "change them/remove the romantic attraction."

Thinking back on my discussion a long time ago, I wonder whether this sort of thing is even possible? What does it even mean to change/remove romantic feelings?

Does it mean to forget and move on? If so, I'd rather not as this is a valuable friend that I'll always stick with for life. Am I meant to be aiming for some sort of balance? Mindset shift?

[Boreas]

If you really love someone, then you will love and support them for whatever decision they choose, even if it is not you. Why change or try to control it? Just let things be in their way.

If you love yourself and are happy, then it should not matter. Your happiness should not depend on another person.

[ethereal]

There is romantic/personal love, between a you and a her, and then there is spiritual love that is unconditional, a way of being that does not depend on you or her, based on connecting to Source. In some ways, those two overlap.

It's possible to remove the personal aspects of that love, if necessary (I do it all the time ) -- and in my experience, that tends to "clear" the channel for unconditional love to take its place, so it's no loss. The way to do it, is to remove all desire/personal will in the matter, and transmute it into unconditional love. It is up to your discretion whether that is wise in this situation. Perhaps its best to just be honest with her with your feelings and see what she really thinks, before you do anything -- you've got nothing to lose

The whole "romantic feelings" making friendships uncomfortable, I don't really agree with. Girls already know whether you like them or not, subconsciously or consciously, and you can't really hide your feelings anyway, so it's best to be open and honest either way That's just my opinion though.

I like Boreas' post, agree 100%

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by Sanity Panda

What does it even mean to change/remove romantic feelings?

Does it mean to forget and move on?

I remember developing strong feelings for a female friend early last year and then learning that she only dated women. I continued hanging out with her, but no longer felt a need for it to be anything more than friendship. Rather than totally moving on, we've actually gotten much closer, particularly since a year later (5 months ago) I mentioned to her how I'd felt before. In fact we ended up getting much closer than I'd thought possible. We both really light up around each other.

As Ethereal mentions, it can be worthwhile to share your feelings before you try getting past them. The girl (or guy) may surprise you.