When can I be consistently and not conditionally happy?

[thethinkingboy]

I don’t understand why my levels of contentment and overall happiness are always up and down so drastically. When I left my ex in February, I was doing badly, very depressed, drinking, pills, binge eating, and just abusing myself. In March, I got back into therapy, joined a 12 step program for codependency, and started reading again. I was very positive and operating at a high level of vibration. Whenever I get into these modes, friends and women from the past start calling me out of nowhere, my confidence is higher, and I am a lot of fun to be around.

There also seems to be a correlation with how business is going and my happiness. I like to make money, I like to work, I like being busy. When things get slow, my stress levels rise and I get like this. I like predictability and control.

It feels like this thing is cycling around and I can feel it approaching. My anxiety is very high and I am always tense. I focus a lot of my energies on externals like my friends or women I am dating; for example focusing on their problems or giving unsolicited advice and then doing the whole negative self talk afterward for it. My therapist wasn’t doing much for me so I stopped and I haven’t been to a 12 step meeting in over a month, maybe two. I plan on getting back into my meetings very soon, but aside from that….

What does it take to be consistently happy? I want to operate at a higher vibration level all the time.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by thethinkingboy

What does it take to be consistently happy? I want to operate at a higher vibration level all the time.

In one sentence... by "being totally committed to being all that you can be..." and accepting no less from yourself...
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[thethinkingboy]

Originally Posted by Shamou

In one sentence... by "being totally committed to being all that you can be..." and accepting no less from yourself...
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Shamou, I've read your posts and they are usually really insightfull, inspirational, and you always break them down. So can I get some elaboration on that? Maybe I know it, but I really need to hear it. What keeps you so balanced and positive?

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by thethinkingboy

Shamou, I've read your posts and they are usually really insightfull, inspirational, and you always break them down. So can I get some elaboration on that? Maybe I know it, but I really need to hear it. What keeps you so balanced and positive?

Thank you for the kind words... very nice of you to say that...

Whatever balance and positiveness that I may have springs from the fact that I work very hard at it...

Not a day goes by that I don't spend some time on motivational and inspirational material... I try to feed my mind with the stuff as much as possible...

I also mentally associate very much with people like Tony Robbins... Donald Trump, Pierre Trudeau et all... I see myself as one of the elite crowd... and, since you will behave as who you perceive yourself to be... I will admit that it has helped me very much...

Change your self-image... then, everything else becomes a piece of cake...

The very best of luck to you...
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[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Change your self-image... then, everything else becomes a piece of cake...

This is very true. How you perceive yourself or your self-concept determines how you experience life. Of course it is no small feat to over-haul your self-image but you have to start somewhere and that somewhere is with you.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by ZHereford

Of course it is no small feat to over-haul your self-image but you have to start somewhere and that somewhere is with you.

Another good way to start that overhaul could be to click on the "sef-concept" hyperlink that you've included in your post... very good info... I especially like the part that says,

"When you maintain a solid self-concept nothing can rattle you or take you off your stride. You are confident and assured because you know that you are able to handle the adversities and challenges that come your way."

Very true and very well said...
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[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Another good way to start that overhaul could be to click on the "sef-concept" hyperlink that you've included in your post... very good info... I especially like the part that says,

"When you maintain a solid self-concept nothing can rattle you or take you off your stride. You are confident and assured because you know that you are able to handle the adversities and challenges that come your way."

Very true and very well said...
.

Thanks Shamou!

It's apparent that you have a healthy 'self-concept' - as it well should be. It all begins and ends with how we view ourselves.

[thethinkingboy]

i just bought Trump 101 and I am half way through it. Just being reassured that I am on the right track feels good. I see that to maintain a consistent level of well being requires effort and regular input of positivity.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by thethinkingboy
i just bought Trump 101 and I am half way through it.

Great move… I also suggest that you post a picture of Donald next to yours where you can see it often… by doing that, you create an association between you and the man…

And don’t ever forget… Donald was born with a brain just like yours (or mine) and, if you add to your brain what he has added to his… you can perform like he does… At first glance, this could sound outrageous… but as you slowly let it sink in… you’ll find that it’s just common sense…

After you’re finished with Donald ( I call him Don ) I suggest that you tackle Arnold Schwarzenegger… fantastic guy… also, you should rent the movie, “Wall Street” with Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko… that movie will set your butt on fire…

The very best of luck to you…
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[ethereal]

I like the suggestions of saturating yourself with positive and inspirational energies. Get back into the 12-step group and actually work on the 12 steps, they're incredibly useful. Be more proactive in noticing when negativity creeps in, find out from which sources, and plug up those leaks, internally and externally.

To be consistently happy, you have to let go of all of the obstacles that get in the way. Rate of happiness correlates directly with level of consciousness, so you might want to look into how to keep raising your consciousness/vibration. As we keep evolving and raising our consciousness, all the lower negative LOC parts of our being will come up to be healed and surrendered. Just keep working on it, and keep your intentions on where you want to go, and sooner or later you'll make it

[thethinkingboy]

Originally Posted by Shamou

After you’re finished with Donald ( I call him Don ) I suggest that you tackle Arnold Schwarzenegger… fantastic guy… also, you should rent the movie, “Wall Street” with Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko… that movie will set your butt on fire…

The very best of luck to you…
.

Thanks Shamou. I am halfway through Trump 101 and I want to get to the Trump and Kyosaki book next. The best part of reading 101 is that it's been mostly review for me and that makes me feel optimistic and positive about my present and especially my future. Schwarzenegger is on the list as well. I read a lot about him as a teenager and I always found him interesting. -It's funny you mention Wall Street, I practically memorized that movie.

Relatively recently I came to the realization that the work I have been calling a hobby is really my passion and I have been expanding that into a business gradually and cutting down my financial consulting business (snooze). Working on something you are passionate about seems to be the biggest factor in success.

[Freelancer]

To me being positive as a baseline is achieved a bit different. Note that I haven't quite reached the end point yet but am getting closer.

The thing is you want to try and get yourself on a baseline instead of swinging up and down all the time. The more you swing with your emotions the more it will drain you. If you are internally validated which means that you draw your happiness from yourself and not from your surroundings than this means that you will swing much less after a while (lifelong process). This also means that external validation should be avoided as much as possible.

This means that if for instance if you win the nobel prize, your greatest love returns into your life and you win the lotery at the same time that you won't feel much different than if you lost everything you owed, your greatest love left you and your family wants nothing to do with you.

If you draw your happiness from the inside most of the time than you will achieve balance and your average happiness 'level' will be higher than the swingy one.



Ps. This is very difficult to achieve and I don't really have advice on how to do this. Just putting it out there as another suggestion.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by thethinkingboy

Working on something you are passionate about seems to be the biggest factor in success.

I cannot think of anyone who ever became a success without passion... certainty (the winner's edge) and hard work (which is seen a playing)...

BTW - For about two years I used to watch "Wall Street" every months... now it's down once or twice a year... Just love that Gordon Geekko...
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[thethinkingboy]

Hi there friends, it's been over a month since my last post (i think) and just wanted to chime in. I finished Trump 101 and it was excellent. Every time I felt low or lazy, I would read a few chapters and that was my positive input for the day. I am halfway through the Kyosaki and Trump book and so far, not so good. I'm putting it down for good. It's about 2/3 Kyosaki and Trump only affirms what was already written. I actually find that Robert brings me down and makes me question choices I have made in business where as Trumps advice seems to coincide with my past choices and my direction for the future.

I'm back here posting because I am feeling a low settling in. Went back to my 12 step meetings for the first time last night. My best friend, a woman, has cut me off because of an attraction she has developed for me and I can't reciprocate..... And the woman I was pursuing decided to demote our relationship back to a friendship, despite her mutual attraction, because I dated here step sister briefly several years ago, and she (understandably) doesn't want things to get "wierd". Also, my brand new business is going considerably slower than anticipated and has diverted valuable attention from my other business. Ugh, feels like a lose-lose period of time...

I guess the idea is to maintain a steady level of happiness and not to be so highly affected by all of the outside circumstances. Still, I'm low now.

Got anything for me guys? I know you've got something good for me Shamou.... haha...

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

For me, there's been a conscious effort to stay happy. I believe that you can choose how to feel. It's not always easy as I can tell you from experience.

My method is to be aware of myself and my emotions so I can stop negativity in its tracks. When something happens (like losing a friendship or a change in a relationship or a downturn at work) I try to catch it before I go too far into wallowing in emotions. I notice that something has happened that could affect me. I ask myself whether I want to be angry, upset or sad. Usually, I don't. Sometimes one slips by me and I get to feeling wretched. Then I let that go and start again.

It's a process. It gets easier as you practice it. I now have a larger gap between the event and my reaction which makes it easier to choose how I will respond.

I also continuously feed my mind and body well. I try to stay away from negative input (many news stories, people who have drama, reliving painful past memories). I read uplifiting books, I converse with wise people, I spend time doing things that I enjoy.

I used to have intense periods of depression, real lows like you describe. Now, I have discovered they don't serve me in my life and I avoid them. For me it's a matter of choice and perspective. If you feel you need to see a doctor, by all means do so.

This article of Steve's helped me.

Good luck. I believe you have the power to make your life fantastic.

[Anya]

aspiring:

The article that you've proposed rocks!!!! I naturally feel that it is the easiest and at the same time the hardest way to respond! Wow, I am impressed! I hope that next time I am facing a challenging situation I will be able to respond in a right way. I think that I will!

thethinkingboy:

I agree with aspiring in the thought of:” I also continuously feed my mind and body well". Development is something that you do even when you do not have a great motivation for it. This is just how it is. Just keep that fire burning inside of you all the time.

Best of luck to you, Anya

[Gary]

Elements to controlling your own happiness

There's more about it through out the site.

[Old Soul]

What does it take to be consistently happy?

The optimum word here is "consistancy" be consistant in mind at all times, practise practise practise.... any thoughts that are counter productive to what you are trying to achieved must be mastered..... you * are in control of you* that means your mind has to be subject to your will ....