The desperation mindset

[ken nubo]

Here is a true story not too long ago, when I was working in the military.

“Dude, how old are you? I said. I sat in a nice comfy couch in the lounge.

“26 years old,” the balding white guy said. He was very timid and looked like he had a sheltered live after living in a small town all his life. He just finished boot camp, failed, and was waiting for his second try at this army thing.

“Oh okay. What did you do for a living before you joined the army?”

“I was a manager at Mcdonalds. And Wendys. And Harveys.”

“Really?” I said. “Wait ... I thought managers at fast food make a lot of money?”

“Not really. I supervised the whole place, but I still did drive through order and front store cashier”

“Oh really? Haha. And you like the army, I take it?”

“Nope” he said.

I was a bit confused and stunned.

“So why did you joined?”

“Because there was no other option” he said plainly.

“Huh.”

“Well I lived in a small town and there was no other job so I joined the army.”

“Oh ... I see. But you hate it. Why don't you work at the oil rigs or something? You'll make tons of money,” I said.

“I don't know .... I don't think they'll hire me”

“Uh. Dude, you're white, this place is flooding with jobs (and it was, literally. Too many jobs and not enough people working due to housing shortage)”

“I just don't know ....”

“Oh, I see. Well, it's a nice and secure job, I'm sure you'll do fine” I said, trying to find some words of encouragement.

[Boreas]

Good story.

We can all appreciate loss of a physical sense, but never the loss of an opportunity missed.

Success in life is hinged on the belief that opportunity is everywhere and infinite.

[Shamou]

Sad but true... if someone has been living in extremely modest conditions all his life... he will be terrified of anything better...

He may be miserable there... but at least he knows that he can survive there... so why take a leap into the unknown...???

Beside, all honest and sincere people are poor and suffering... are they not...???

Very sad... but true...
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[ProjectX]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Beside, all honest and sincere people are poor and suffering... are they not...???

Very sad... but true...
.

Where did you get that idea? More like timid and fearful.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by ProjectX

Where did you get that idea? More like timid and fearful.

I will take a crayon and make you a picture...

Many poor people are held back because they believe that somehow rich people had to do something bad go acquire money... and that thought hold them back from even trying to succeed...

There's even a saying in French that goes like this, "We may be poor... but we're honest..." ...which describes very well the mindset...
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[carenkh]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Many poor people are held back because they believe that somehow rich people had to do something bad go acquire money... and that thought hold them back from even trying to succeed...

I *know* I'm held back, not because I believe rich people had to do something bad, but because I believe I'll somehow *become* bad if I have money. I'm afraid my priorities would change. Whereas now, community and connection are important, I'm worried property values and stock options would take priority. This was a message I got over and over again... I remember vividly if someone had a new car, rather than being happy for them, my mom would say, "Well! Don't they think *they're* something special!" I know it's time for me to drop this - but this was recently reinforced by a friend's changing attitudes when she married into money.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by carenkh

because I believe I'll somehow *become* bad if I have money.

You would be amazed if you knew how many people have that mindset... It probably stems from the fact that many people feel that if they cannot have affluence superiority... they can always feel that they have moral superiority...

Very sad... because that mindset automatically sabotages any success someone could be having in getting out of poverty...
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[Buddy]

"Beside, all honest and sincere people are poor and suffering... are they not...???"

I'm trying to like you Shamou, despite our discussion, but this is the same defeatism you seem to be condemning.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Many poor people are held back because they believe that somehow rich people had to do something bad go acquire money... and that thought hold them back from even trying to succeed...

There's even a saying in French that goes like this, "We may be poor... but we're honest..." ...which describes very well the mindset...
.

I think a person who is being really honest will recognize that she is not poor because other people are rich, and she is not poor because she is good and only bad people get rich. Those are rationalizations that someone might use to feel comfortable in her circumstances, but to cling to that mindset is not something I'd describe as being honest.

[Shamou]

Angela! Buddy! ...I think that if you read my posts in this thread, you will find out that I am in complete accord with you guys...

Maybe I did not explain my views clearly enough... but suffice to say that I fully agree with you both are saying...

Buddy... when I wrote, "Beside, all honest and sincere people are poor and suffering... are they not...???" ...I was expressing the opinion that some poor people have... not mine...
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[Angela]

Hey, Shamou -- no, I got that's what you were saying. I'm not quibbling with you, but with that attitude. You darling pussycat, you.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Angela

You darling pussycat, you.

You are such an angel...
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[Boreas]

Originally Posted by ken nubo

“26 years old,” the balding white guy said.

It struck me later how much the description of age appearance affected how I reacted to the story. What if he was the 26 year old good looking guy?