Self-confidence.

[jsot]

Throughout my short life up to today I have been very shy. Whenever I'm forced to be somewhere with a lot of people I don't know it's easy for me to get nervous and shut myself off from the world. Over the years I've gotten better about this but my social awkwardness has caused me to be low on friends and the ones I do have I rarely see outside of school. Part of my goals this school year is to try to overcome my fear of people and not be that weird kid who is always by himself. It's not that people dislike me or anything, even if I'm not that great at making friends, none of my acquaintances has anything against me, but I'm not exactly good at taking it beyond that.

But I've been researching this and everyone seems to say that you need to like yourself before anyone is going to like you. And that's where my problem is, I can't really get the liking yourself part down, sometimes if I try really hard I'll start to really feel good about myself, but then, something happens and I'm back to where I started, or worse.

So my question is, how can you make that positive self-image mindset a permanent one? Do I just need to go out and try stuff to build confidence?

Thanks for any responses.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by jsot

And that's where my problem is, I can't really get the liking yourself part down, sometimes if I try really hard I'll start to really feel good about myself, but then, something happens and I'm back to where I started, or worse.

First, you must realize that you are absolutely unique... and that there is no one like you in the world... and that in your uniqueness you are perfect... exactly as God or Nature or whatever you want to call it, wanted you to be...

You don't have to try to "fit in" ...your entire personal universe revolves around you... you are at the center of it all for as long as you live... and when you go... that unique and personal universe will simply cease to exist...

Now, if you can accept and integrate that mindset... you will never have any problem with being timid or shy... you are the light... the energy source... the creator of your own world/universe... so, go out and play with it...

That may sound very esoteric at first... but, give it some thoughts... you will see that it is only common sense and the logical conclusion that we can have about our life...

The very best of luck to you...
.

[karlos768]

close your eyes and imagine someone who loves you unconditionaly, standing there in front of you....... now imagine stepping into that person, take some time to observe yourself from that perspective and notice what it is that person love's about you try to think of specific's, then when your finished step back in to your own body and feel the feeling's of being loved.


also try this, imagine yourself standing infront of a mirror, and send yourself love. your mind will naturally focus on the positive and you'll feel better about who you are.

that is from a paul mckenna mind programming c.d i highly reccomend it, its accompanied by a book too, its called Instant confidence, the power to go for anything you want in life.

also a personal tip about confidence, who cares what other's think, i dont know your reason's for lack of confidence, but i can asure you, you need be exactly who you are and comfortable in doing so and you will naturally attract more people to you.

good luck, karlos

[karlos768]

Yes, shamou has the right idea, damn i wish someone told me that a few years ago,

[sebcarroll]

You are obviously a bit of a loser. Shy people are a waste of space.

Ok so now I've got your attention.

Listen: mindspeak, internal dialogue, talking to yourself, or whatever you want to call it - really does work. How do I know this? Well, somebody showed me that for thirty-plus years I had been, without fully realising it, silently calling myself a loser etc on a daily space. In other words, I had a poor self image and was reinforcing this unknowingly with lots of self critical thoughts and so on.

I suddenly realised that, if this kind of negative self talk 'worked', i.e. had a negative impact on me, then the opposite must also be true. I could not have it both ways. Positivity must also breed positivity.

Therefore, every little positive comment made by myself, to myself, about myself, became an important little building block in my new found self esteem.

I still have my shy moments, but they are nothing compared to what they were, and continue to get less and less each day.

You are already on the road to high self esteem. Your posting shows maturity, self awareness and self compassion. A certain amount of shyness or self-consciousness is normal at your relatively young age, and even expected. And please note: it is certainly not unattractive. My fiancee is living proof of this.

Keep doing what you are doing, and remember that you are loved.

[johnths]

I belong to the 'shy' world too. Because of my introverted nature, I tend not to speak alot at functions.

however, I do notice when I speak alot,and confidently too... when I am passionate about something and I have knowledge (and skills) of the area(s) that come to light.

So, you may want to really ask yourself - what is or are you strong areas that you could speak boldly and confidently about? Start with those areas. And in order to enhance what you may not have, listening to others and reading up help alot. Well, "Rome wasn't built in a day...", so the saying goes; it takes us time to develop confidence.

And by the way, listening is a powerful communication tool too. If you do not have confidence, yet, too talk alot, it's okay; just develop further the art of active listening, ya?

JT

[David365]

Confidence is never a permanent state. In any field if you are an expert, but make a couple of mistakes, you can start to doubt your ability and your confidence will suffer. You remember the recent mistakes rather than the 1000s of previous successes.

If you have a problem liking yourself, get in the habit of reminding yourself of what IS nice/good about you and good about your life. Have things around you to remind you (perhaps keep a portfolio) - keep compliments, records of success, pictures of people you love, reminders of things you enjoy.

You can still make friends whatever you think about yourself - the trick is not to think about yourself but be genuinely interested in others. Pursue interests, meet others through social activity that revolves around mutual interests. The more you focus on them, and not worry what they think of you, the easier it becomes for genuine friendship to emerge. "To make a friend, be a friend" (cannot remember who said that).

David

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by Shamou

First, you must realize that you are absolutely unique... and that there is no one like you in the world... and that in your uniqueness you are perfect... exactly as God or Nature or whatever you want to call it, wanted you to be...

You don't have to try to "fit in" ...your entire personal universe revolves around you... you are at the center of it all for as long as you live... and when you go... that unique and personal universe will simply cease to exist...

Now, if you can accept and integrate that mindset... you will never have any problem with being timid or shy... you are the light... the energy source... the creator of your own world/universe... so, go out and play with it...

That may sound very esoteric at first... but, give it some thoughts... you will see that it is only common sense and the logical conclusion that we can have about our life...

The very best of luck to you...
.

I could hug you. Thanks for those beautiful thoughts, how did you come to think them?