Is something wrong with me for not wanting to be friends with a good person?

[thethinkingboy]

deleted my post, sorry. just in the act of writing it, i discovered the answer. thanks.

[JimOfferman]

Hey,

Sorry to see that you've deleted your post since I started reading... there were a few things I would like to comment about. For the most part, it felt very much like you were expecting your friend Jane to act and behave according to your standards.

For example, you said she goes to the bathroom every hour and that you suggested to her that she needed to see a urologist. Have you considered that there might be nothing wrong with her 'plumbing'? Just because you don't have to go every hour, doesn't mean that that holds true for everybody. :P

Anyway, perhaps you should look into why you expect people to act and behave according to your standards all the time (which was my impression), rather than to appreciate them for who they are - quirks included.

Good luck,
Jim.

[thethinkingboy]

well, at first, a while back, I did think so and tried to change my perception of her. Also, she wasn't so comfortable with me in the beginning so she minded her manners a bit more. I focused on how positive she was, how I could depend on her all the time, and how she can be a sweet person. But in the end, it just doesn't make sense. It goes past quirks, everyone has quirks, but it's to the point where I am almost disgusted with this person. Why should I force myself to stay in a friendship with someone I genuinely dislike only because they are kind to me? Poor manners, an immature personality, an opportunistic frugality that's palpable; who needs that?

By not criticizing her directly about things that are hardwired into her core, and cannot be changed, I think I am respecting and acknowledging her right to be.

But simply because I am low on close friends and she is ready to jump in at my cue doesn't mean we should hang out. It would be selfish and unfair to her and just a bad idea because of all of the resentment that would continue to build up.

And out of respect for myself, there are somethings that people would consider "quirks" but if those basic particular things are very important to someone like me, then they aren't just quirks anymore. They are genuine traits in a personality that I don't want in a mate or a friend. To simply label them as quirks minimizes my feelings about the situation.

I personally, find it disgusting when someone puts there filthy hands on my sandwich and starts gnawing away while I sit there speechless, hungry, and empty handed. I think it's disgusting to invite me out to a show, and then wait with your hands in your pockets while I pay for the tickets. I think it's disgusting to invite me over for dinner, then order in and have me pay the delivery boy. I think it's sad to be well into your 30's and have your parents support you and says a lot about your weak opportunistic personality. I find it gross that she sprays a soiled blouse with perfume so she could wear it out and cover the odor. I think it's misleading that she lives in a very expensive high rise condo but is flat broke. I have to stop myself here becaue it goes on and on and it just comes down to who she is, and I don't like it, and I don't have to like it. I think you can tell a lot about yourself by the people YOU CHOOSE to surround yourself with.

[Sam988]

Originally Posted by thethinkingboy

I personally, find it disgusting when someone puts there filthy hands on my sandwich and starts gnawing away while I sit there speechless, hungry, and empty handed. I think it's disgusting to invite me out to a show, and then wait with your hands in your pockets while I pay for the tickets. I think it's disgusting to invite me over for dinner, then order in and have me pay the delivery boy. I think it's sad to be well into your 30's and have your parents support you and says a lot about your weak opportunistic personality. I find it gross that she sprays a soiled blouse with perfume so she could wear it out and cover the odor. I think it's misleading that she lives in a very expensive high rise condo but is flat broke. I have to stop myself here becaue it goes on and on and it just comes down to who she is, and I don't like it, and I don't have to like it. I think you can tell a lot about yourself by the people YOU CHOOSE to surround yourself with.

I didnt get your first post since you edited it above there, but by what you're saying about her above there i would say just close the friendship with her or throw it all on her face, all of these bad manners of her and see if she changes; if she doesnt, then drop it.