Scared of dying a virgin

[SuperDuperDude]

I am 22, and a virgin. I also have some pretty serious health problems... and I have social phobia.

I am scared so badly of dying a virgin.

I am trying my best to get "moving"... losing about 20lbs, getting a job, oh and START driving... (i never got my license)...

Does anyone have any advice for me?

[Shamou]

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" said Confucius...

Pick one objective and get it done... pick another one... etc...

As far a dying a virgin... it should be the least of your worries... there is some hot mama out there waiting for you... your paths simply have not crossed yet... but they will... trust me...
.

[Matthew Shea]

Why is it so bad to die a virgin? Yes, it would be nice to have that experience but if you don't, how much will it really matter in the place you're going after you leave this world?

Now, given that you're not going to die anytime soon, I'd just relax. It sounds like you've got the right movitation but love tends to come along when you least expect it. It rarely happens when you're trying to make it happen.

If you're that desperate, though, travel to Nevada, Amsterdam or some similar place and find yourself a legally registered brothel. That way you could at least say you're not a virgin. I'm not seriously suggesting you go out and do this, but if you're THAT worried about it, you might as well take the pressure off yourself.

[NotesMaeve]

Sex, for the most part, is greatly overrated. And I like sex a LOT.

The big thing I'd tackle, were I you, is overcoming that social phobia. Try making yourself go out and talk to people. Just set a goal of hanging out in a bar or pool hall, saying hi to three people and starting a simple conversation of something like:

"Hi, my name is ___! I'm pretty shy and haven't been much into the night scene. What's fun to do in this town?"

or

"Hi! I'm new to this joint and don't know a soul here! What's your name?"

Hang around long enough to finish your soda or whatever, then you can go. Tremendous self-confidence builder.

[Doku]

Could also make a post on craigslist. There are many women that like being a man's "first" and would "jump" at the chance.

[dalang]

I think these are too many issues to be dealt with at once. Maybe you should start with taking that apart, and prioritizing. Personally I like to do all that on paper, so that I can get back to it whenever needed.

In your position, I'd probably start out with "health". Although I don't know whether it is something you can actually cure or just ameliorate, it is essential that you do the best you can for being healthy. If it is chronic, you should establish a working routine.

As to being a virgin, I don't think it's that big an issue. You still have plenty of time and nobody is able to tell anyway. Actually, many of the popular PUA guys say they have been virgins up to the age of 26 or 27, if I remember correctly.

[SuperDuperDude]

PUA guys? WHat is pua?

[dalang]

Originally Posted by SuperDuperDude

PUA guys? WHat is pua?

PickUp Artists (David DeAngelo and co.). This was just a sidenote, telling you that even guys that are very successful with women often had a late start. Actually I think it might even be an advantage, you can approach this in a more conscious way.

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by SuperDuperDude

I also have some pretty serious health problems...

How serious are your health problems? Is an early death (within the next few years) a real possibility?

For a while I chose to live like I wouldn't make it past 20, living most every day like it was soon to be my last, and thus accomplished most everything I really wanted to by that time. I'm 23 now and will likely live to be at least 90, barring an accident during one of my extreme sports.

If I were you I'd focus on getting a job and try to have it be somewhere in walking/bicycling distance so you can also work on tackling the weight issue as a matter of course.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Putting aside the issue of your health which I don't know enough about to comment on (like openeyes said, is death imminent?) I would say calm down.

I was a virgin until 25.

[songwriter]

I have virtually no health problem and I'm virgin anyway at 29. Life goes on anyway, and I know I'm happier than most of the people I met.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by SuperDuperDude

Does anyone have any advice for me?

If you've got the time, go pick up all those books on how to beat social phobia, and on how to seduce women. It'll take time to get there, but you can succeed. Thousands of men have overcome their social phobias and girl problems through systematic education,overcoming their fears, and learning to interact with people and women. There are many books and blogs and websites on it, some of which are quite useful.

If you don't have the time because you're about to die, but you have a little bit of money, you could head to the area surrounding Las Vegas where prostitution is legal.

[stephencp]

Figure out what/who you WANT, not what you're afraid of (dying a virgin.)
You can fix that with a prostitute, though I suspect you appropriately don't view that as an option.
Additionally, your paradigm is off. Do you really want a woman to sleep with you just so that you can get laid? (If so, revisit option A.)
Hopefully what you want, once defined, isn't just "sex" (again, if so, see option A.)

Stephen
Power-Book Library: Free personal development, success, inspiration and motivational classics

[Jams]

When i had social phobia, virginity was a massive issue for me too. If you're like i was, you probably see losing your virginity as the solution to all your problems... it's like, if i can go out and have sex, then everything will be OK and the social phobia will just disappear.

Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. There is no miracle cure for. When i lost my virginity, i still had social phobia the next day. It didn't change anything... It took another 3 years of hard work for me to overcome it.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by SuperDuperDude

I am 22, and a virgin. I also have some pretty serious health problems... and I have social phobia.

Social phobia is not a major impediment to losing your virginity, unless you were planning on mass orgies.

I am scared so badly of dying a virgin.

You know - if you drew up a list of "100 things I Must Do, Be or Have Before I Die", I think you would discover some things more important than losing your virginity.

I am trying my best to get "moving"... losing about 20lbs, getting a job, oh and START driving... (i never got my license)...

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Sure. Take a new notebook. Write down your goals. Break them into nice little subgoals. Set timelines. Write down concrete little steps towards each subgoal. Take those steps.

[Jams]

Originally Posted by stephencp

Hopefully what you want, once defined, isn't just "sex"

Speaking from experience here - i wanted sex because it represented a liberation from all of my anxieties brought on by social phobia. That kind of intimacy is only achievable once you've overcome your social fears, surely?

Unfortunately, i hadn't overcome my fears that night, a bottle of Jack Daniels had

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Jams

That kind of intimacy is only achievable once you've overcome your social fears, surely?

Hate to tell you that... but sex and intimacy really don't have to go together... I have been more intimate with people that I met on a commercial plane then I have been with girls that I have picked up for sex...

Intimacy is one thing... sex is another... but, heaven is when they are both together...
.

[Amandaaa]

hahhahahhahh..... this thread made me laugh.


and everyone else has already given all the good advice...


it sounds like you're already headed in the right direction though.
being more active and getting a job will definitely boost your confidence...which will probably help with the social anxiety.


just start doing things that make you feel good...
set goals for yourself. figure out what you're passionate about. find some new hobbies. pick up a new sport. ..stuff like that.

once you start feeling better about yourself, you should practice some one-on-one interaction... like hanging out with just one person. then try hanging out with two people. get comfortable with a few good friends, and then brave the world with them.
you won't feel as anxious and phobic if you have a solid support system.




(and having a license is definitely a plus.
i have no idea how you've lived this long without one...)

[Plato]

Venture into the Pick Up Community.

[andrew]

The hungry don't get fed. The more desperate you are, the less likely it will happen. Once it becomes indifferent, is when you'll start seeing things happen. That, and after you do a lot of work on your inner and social skills.

[ethereal]

I second the advice on venturing into the pickup community. It was what started my self-improvement path as well

Check out The Don Juan Bible: Hints, tips and articles on the art of seduction, romance, dating and courting (DJB, DJ), and read the posts there. I highly recommend Pook's book and posts and the DJ Bible. Focus more on inner game than outer game, because that is what really matters. Do whatever motivates you the most, i.e. health, working out, building your career, working on your social skills, self-improvement, raising consciousness. Follow your bliss, and life will take care of you

Most important thing is to get something started and make it a habit, and work your way up step by step. I know many people would advise that sex is overrated and it doesn't really matter, but it's very useful as a motivational device, i.e. all the successful PUAs Use it while you've still got it

You're probably familiar with all the other self-improvement advice on this site, but I would like to add one more: try getting into some form of spirituality or spiritual practice. Go to church or a 12-step group if you have to, even if you don't believe in it. You'll pick up on the positive energy through osmosis, just by being there Your life will change, little by little, even though nothing seems to have caused it -- the positive energy will subtly shift everything in your life in a positive direction.

[Sworn]

Yeah man, I can totally vouch for the seduction community. There are a lot of freaks there, and a lot of guys there won't grow up, a lot of guys come out of the community even more weird than when they came in.

Use your common sense. But The Seduction Community has helped me tremendously. I was a virgin until I was 20 and I lost it to a 35yr old I was desperate. Now, I'm 25 and have a gorgeous 21yr old girlfriend who won't leave me alone.

It takes work and a hard look at yourself, but it's damn worth the 6mnths - 1 or 2 yrs you need to invest.


Hope this helps.

[ABdude]

Well, for what its worth I was technically a virgin until the ripe old age of 30. It was a year later that I got in my first real relationship, so trust me I know how you feel, because I felt the same way at your age. Oh and I had (and still have to a minor extent), social anxiety.

I agree with the posters who said to check out the seduction websites. However, keep in mind that a lot of so-called "masters of seduction" teach how to pick up a girl, not how to keep her. By all means read all the information (trust me, there is a LOT) on those sites, but reading will not do anything unless you put it into practice. At the same time, work on your inner self. Lose that weight you mentioned, get hobbies, join clubs, work out. Make yourself interesting, and by a similar token, be interested in other people. Its not going to be easy, and it will take a LOT of work but if you persist you will eventually reach your goal.

[somaziro]

do you want the loss of your virginity to be 'special' or just something that you need to do. if its the latter, i would say just get a hooker - seriously. get over the 'hump' of being a virgin. if its meaningful sex you are looking for, it will probably be easier for you once you don't have the anxiety of being a virgin.