| |||||||
| Emotional Mastery Emotional intelligence, addiction and recovery, grieving, loss, fear, anger, guilt, resentment, frustration, anxiety, depression, happiness, joy, love, kindness, forgiveness, self-acceptance, confidence, escaping the pit of despair, EFT |
 |
| | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
08-07-2007, 08:27 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4
 |  Oversensitive, and way too emotional..
Hello everybody, Any advice any of you could offer would be very much appreciated. Basically my story is that i'm incredibly insecure and very sensitive. My emotions go up and down like a rollercoaster and i don't quite know how to stop it... im just so moody all the time, and i sometimes FREAK OUT for no reason. And there are times when i just get so sad and disappointed in myself because i know i'm just reacting so badly.. i just get so stressed out sometimes and i feel like EVERYTHING pisses me off.. and i hate that.. i just want to be happy and i know that sounds trite, but i feel like i'm hardly ever in a good mood. I'm so needy too..my fiance is great but i know my crazy emotions are taking a toll on him too... i just cry sometimes and i don't even know why..it's just because i FEEL sad... my sudden outbursts seem uncontrollable..especially if we're in a middle of an argument i cannot control my anger.. i just get more and more upset... and i am so sensitive to HOW anyone says somethign to me, or how they make me feel... i grew up in a home where fighting happened daily... and i wonder how that affected me?... Does any body have any good book recommendations?? Let me know! |
|      |
|
08-07-2007, 09:55 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 120
|
I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I'm kind of the same way. I always joke that I am an "emotional open wound." I can't even watch an upsetting movie without bawling. As for your emotions, being emotional is not always a bad thing. But your irritability and anger probably do need to be addressed. I can't speak to the many things going on in your life that may influence how to feel on a day to day basis. Stress, health, relationships all impact how you feel. To get started, this may sound trite, but make sure you're getting enough exercise and nutrients. Sometimes, vitamin deficiencies can show up in mood swings. Omega 3's can help with mood swings too. Beyond that, it might behoove you to see a therapist or someone who can help you get to the root of your sadness and weeping. Best of luck to you! |
|
| |
|
08-07-2007, 11:06 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: norfolk, england
Posts: 63
|
hey there, I was very much the same as you a year or so bak, and its easy for me to slip back in to that pit of infinate low self estem, or lack of assertiveness, but i went through a massive personal development stage, as well as using self help books i used a book by a hypnotist accompanied my a mind programming c.d, i never felt hypnotized but the power of the combination suggestion and n.l.p is an amazing and compelling force. The book is " Confidence by paul Mckenna " and i highly recomend it. One thing that really struck a chord with me was a section commenting on how wen we feel like this we are only strengthning those negative nuerological pathways, you will therefore enforce the habituation that is a negative psychological state, in other words practice makes perfect so the more u make yourself happy using whatever techniques you wish to employ other than substance abuse of course, it goes with out saying. If you requrie any more reccomendations or even examples of techniques that i have used and favoured, feel free to send me a p.m. hope this has helped peace karlos Last edited by karlos768; 08-07-2007 at 11:08 PM. Reason: spelling and grammar mistakes due to my new rubbish wireless keyboard, lol |
|
| |
|
08-07-2007, 11:10 PM
| #4 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: norfolk, england
Posts: 63
|
and of course as red willow says nutrition can be a key factor Quote:
| |
|
| |
|
08-07-2007, 11:36 PM
| #5 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Australia
Posts: 3,503
|  same boat
Hi, this story could be mine with a little variation. I came on this forum with the same intention. I wake up crying most mornings and find myself near to despair everywhere I look. I believe our emotions are the symptoms of our vulnerability that stems from childhood trauma. Have you been the peace maker in your family? Does it hurt you when there is conflict? Are you angered by injustice? Do you feel more sensitive to these things than others? Do you feel dismissed or not understood when you try to explain? The problem is within and so is the solution but I haven't got there yet. However, I do accept my vulnerable self as it is the biggest part of me. I do not tell myself I am over sensitive. From where I am standing it is 'insensitivity' to others feelings that create conflict. I allow myself to feel anger but I don't vent it. I sit with it and rant and rave inside my head. Anger is a defensive mechanism meant to stop you being hurt. Sitting with it reveals the core of the pain. I would never judge my emotions as crazy. Out of control, maybe but not crazy. We are spiritual feeling beings and this is being human. Everything pisses me off too but maybe there is good reason that none vulnerable people cannot relate to? The first step would be in not blaming others for your emotions even if it is true. They are your emotions and only you can take care of them. I do believe we are experiencing spiritual awakenening and it is painful. These forums are the only outlet I have and am so grateful for todays technology that is supporting me through this. It is a wonderful place to support each other as strangers. Stay with it and lets see if we can turn this around. Blessings. Quote:
| |
|
| |
|
08-08-2007, 12:30 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 270
|
You sound like me when I am depressed. Nutrition and exercise are great things. Most people don't realize that what they get out of their bodies is a result of what you are putting into it. In the same way, avoid alcohol and street drugs, because they alter the way your brain processes things and moods. You do not need to drink or smoke right now. Also, finding a support group and a behavioral therapist would be a good thing. I'm not recommending medication, at least not yet. It's more important to figure out how to get you out of this mess right now. |
|
| |
|
08-08-2007, 03:07 AM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4
|
thanks for all the advice...as for nutrition that side of it is all good for me... i'm actually in the health industry so i eat very well and at times i can be lazy with exercise but for the most part i'm pretty good with it.. I am very sure that the reason i am so sensitive is because of the environment i grew up in..there was tons of fighting, and that's how i deal with arguments. The way that my family dealt with things is just by fighting.. and screaming..and not listening to each other... all my life i've felt like they never understood me... i was always the "bad" one in the family when in reality i sincerely wasn't doing anythign wrong.. we're an asian family , although i've never been to asia..my parents are very traditional and I am not. They've always looked down on me and compared me to their friends children wondering why i couldn't just be like them. It was so frustrating because i just never felt accepted... and nothing I did was ever good enough.. so now when i'm having an argument with my fiance, i get so defensive because wiht my family i was ALWAYS on the defense. and i guess it's just hard for me to let go of what i used to know, and treat my fiance like a different person. I shouldn' treact the way i do with him..becuase he hasn't given me a reason to feel defensive.. i just feel like i always have to prove my point and re-explain everything about how i feel because i fear he doestn' understand me... i hate feeling ignored... and i'm constantly seeking reassurance and validation in him... because i never got it from my parents... and believe me, i'm not trying to sound like the victim.. i'm just trying to figure out why i am the way that i am, and how i can change... my emotions just seem so uncontrollable.. i can't HELP feeling so needy for attention and for acceptance and love... i don't know what to do... |
|
| |
|
08-11-2007, 03:07 AM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Auburn, NY
Posts: 15
|
anger and outbursts are a reaction when you are fed up with being out of control. For example, when your plans are changed beyond your control or you are just sick of your current situaiton. it is a clue that a different way of functioning is an immediate need. like einstein said, doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is insanity, don't go back to your childhood, or over analyze yourself, just live your life, (i am speaking from my own experience)  |
|
| |
|
08-11-2007, 05:30 AM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Singapore
Posts: 27
|
HI Lemon, you are right... what you are now, how you behave... may be traced back to the enivironment you are in. Having said that, it does not mean that you should be bound by it. I encourage you to spend more time alone, perhaps at the beach or at a quiet park and quietly reflect what have been happening and how you could manage it. Do not rationalise or justify your outbursts, or they remain unsolved. Each time you get fired up, and you are about to scream, walk away from the scene immediately - this is definitely one way to cool yourself. If you remain at the scene, you will definitely burst, and again regret over it. And as I quote from the Bible, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry (Ephesians 2: 26)", it simply means that you try your best to cool down and talk about it to the other party, resolve the problem before going to bed at the end of the day. In essence, if you go to sleep with a heavy heart, you wake up feeling lousy and the unhappiness remains... Well, we are all in the same boat... there would be times when we can't control ourselves and we burst. But strive on, to become better each time you lose youself,, ya? I actually wrote about "managing my upsetness" Managing my upsetness « Training, Engaging the Adult Learners Feel free to read it. Take care... JT Training, Engaging the Adult Learners |
|
| |
|
08-11-2007, 10:01 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 322
|
Take a look at this post: Neuroscience says: to feel better, write to these forums |
|
| |
|
08-14-2007, 06:53 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 5
| 
Hi. There could be another reason entirely for this problem. I was plagued by the same problems as you for many years. In fact, I was diagnosed as bipolar & took medications for 8 years that did nothing to help me. It was last summer that an excellent psychiatrist gave me a diagnosis of toxic anger syndrome. I had never learned to properly express my emotions, especially anger, but would bottle them up until I would explode over something completely trivial & my reaction would be completely out of proportion to the incident! I suggest strongly that you look into this possibility as it has changed my life completely. Getting off the drugs was difficult, I went to a psychiatric wing for help with this & with learning new responses to situations I had never been able to cope with. I hope you will try this, & let me know if it helps!
|
|
| |
|
08-14-2007, 07:37 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Dayton, OH
Posts: 112
|
I think one or two other people also suggested this, but I really second the idea of seeing a therapist-- even if it's just once or twice as an evaluation. I know exactly what you mean by the emotional roller coaster--and feeling out of control in regards to your emotions. For me it's often triggered by stress or change and I've learned now to recognize that the emotion I am feeling is out of balance with the actual situation and just ride it out (which is different from fighting it or ignoring it). But without training that is really hard. Also, sometimes it's not about will power or being a better person, it's just a chemical unbalance--and only a professional can help you decide which it is for you.
|
|
| |
|
08-16-2007, 03:38 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 48
|  I am also a member of the walking wounded
I cry at news stories, books, tv programs you name it. I am also sensitive how people treat me. BUT I realize this is my problem. What I do is: read over and over again and again the FOUR AGREEMENTS (take nothing personally, it is not about you), exercise, and stay away from sugar. I also journal if it keeps me up at night. This is my problem and not the other person's and it is my responsibility to find ways to channel, this unwanted energy. I hope this helps, of course I really feel for you. Artic |
|
| |
|
01-16-2008, 05:34 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 62
|
God what a coincidence I read this post because I too am over emotional and highly sensitive person. I went today to buy something but the shop I was looking for was closed so I strolled into a book shop to ahev a browse. The first book I saw was the four agreements a book I had never heard of and the first page I opened was don't take things personally. I am having a really upsetting time trying to deal with bullying in the workplace and it is effecting my self esteem and confidence. Im trying to deal with it by realising that it's not about me it's about the bullies but I was having trouble grasping the concept. Needless to say I bought the book and read the chapter on not taking responsibility for other peoples behavior and straight away I felt better. I felt like someone was looking out for me when they made me go in and look for at that chapter!
|
|
| |
|
01-16-2008, 09:08 PM
| #15 (permalink) | |
| Retired Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,448
| Quote:
I am sorry that you have been having a very difficult and painful time for quite a while. It sounds like you are very discouraged, frustrated, a bit confused, and a little worried over your behavior. Generally, our emotions may change a bit throughout the day and this is normal. However, when an individual's emotions (especially anger) are very uncontrollable, severe and durable there needs to be some resolve. From just reading your post, it sounds like the description of borderline personality disorder. I am not a professional but I have researched the topic many times (for a paper I did in college) and SOME of the things you said sound similar to disorder. I am just throwing that out there and I just want to state it is simply my opinion of what I read from your post. It sounds to me like there are some serious symptoms that you are experiencing and I would suggest seeing a professional. There is a reason why you are feeling the way you do and there is something that can be done about it. Good luck and I wish you much peace, joy, and love! | |
|
| |
|
09-16-2009, 09:47 AM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4
|
I have a similar profile and have some things to say. I guess this thread is kind of cold now but anyway ... The way I see it, I tend to mind things more than I need and assert myself less than I need. Maybe I mind things so much because I am scared by the idea I might have to assert myself. So I avoid the mental process of deciding whether I need to assert myself by instead just getting upset. To me, getting upset feels less risky than stating the problem one is having with another. After all, what if they disagree? What if they get angry and leave you over it? Then you would be alone. That is how my mind works anyway. On balance though I get upset a lot because what I am really upset about is my powerlessness in the world and the fear I feel all the time. And also, although it feels less risky it is actually more damaging than appropriate assertiveness in the long run. Good relationships NEED appropriate assertiveness. I have gotten better in my emotions by learning to be more assertive. It's a slow process but it has gotten better. It feels really good when assertiveness works out, like being a whole new person. Then after a while another thing comes up and it is hell trying to get the courage to speak. It's a little easier every time though. And a necessary partner to the skill is recognising when it is not really a problem and it really is the right thing to drop it. One good rule is unless it happens three times it isn't worth mentioning. I also find the concept of "surrender" helpful. I know some people find it old-fashioned but I think it is useful for people who tend to be controlling. It's an enormous relief to let it go. If I had only one piece of advice though, it would be this; to tackle oversensitivity by working on *fear*. |
|
| |
|
09-16-2009, 12:49 PM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,216
 |
Yeah, interesting a lot of people here consider themselves overly sensitive. Me, too. I struggled with anger for all my life, but I think I may have finally overcome the worst of it very recently. It is such a relief. As a kid, I'd often get angry if I didn't get my way. As an adolescent, I gained a little control over that and would get angry if a) something was insensitive or b) it was illogical to me and opposed to my views. I remained this way for a long, long time. Over time, I learned to use logic to get my way out of a lot of anger... and I surrounded myself by people who were more intellectual, respectful, and of a similar mindset. This saved me from a lot of anger, yet I was still left with plenty of it. And if I found myself around people who were not intellectual, respectful, or like-minded, things could get especially bad still. What ultimately got me out of this was meeting someone who was incredibly sensitive to others, understanding, of a similar mindset. She showed me how to be more positive by actually doing that with me... she is very devoted to learning as a reality of life and always approached me saying, "I want to learn about you." Then suddenly I felt like I just wanted to learn about people instead of judge them or change them because truly I know nothing, and this led me more to feeling that others are the same as myself... that another's suffering is my suffering even if I don't understand it. Heck, I don't even understand my own suffering!! - how can I expect to understand someone else's? If someone is insensitive toward me, that is their own suffering or their own ignorance... we're all different, and we all have something to learn from everyone. From everything. "Either you succeed, or you have a learning experience." So instead of looking at people and worrying why they can't treat me in a very particular fashion, I see them for who they are, an independent being who is different from me, who is interesting, who I may have something to learn from, who is as foolish as I am but in different ways, who suffers. We suffer because we look for perfection outside of ourselves, when in fact the answer is inside. I already thought of myself as inward-looking when I met aforementioned person, but the truth is that I wasn't looking deeply enough, and I didn't realize that. When I got angry at that person, all the while knowing that actually she was quite perfect already, it forced me to turn within and ask why the bloody hell I was getting angry. ("When you realize how perfect everything is, you will throw your head back and laugh at the sky." - Buddha) We need some way to realize that what's outside of us, or even inside, is already perfect. We are just different manifestations of this one universe. We are all in this together, and we can choose to appreciate that reality or use it to continue destroying. I used to get angry in all the forum communities I was part of. It made me feel like a horrible person. Why was I the one who always got angry at others and sparked their wrath? I just couldn't see it... Then after meeting this person, I first noticed my interactions in one particular forum changed dramatically... I ceased getting angry at people there. Eventually, this spread to other interactions, and lately I haven't found myself getting angry anywhere... or if I do get annoyed, I am able to make sense of it and look more deeply and let it pass quickly instead of getting caught up in it. I hope this explanation makes sense to you because so far it has had a profound effect on me. To be free of anger is quite liberating. By the way, a fantastic film is American History X. It's about hatred and anger and some Neo Nazis' journey through it. I love this film because it shows why people hate and why they get angry instead of just depicting angry people as monsters. |
|
| |
|
09-16-2009, 04:33 PM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Slovenia, south central Europe
Posts: 830
|
I don't know if this will be of any help, but know that I've been through situation(potentially worse) and have gotten out of it. I'm not quite really, but still I can't believe I'm out of it.
|
|
| |
|
09-16-2009, 05:08 PM
| #21 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Mexico City
Posts: 11,168
|
Hi there, Here another one with the same emotions When I was younger I could just burst out in tears in the middle of the class... that was not very good for my social standing  For me it definately came from feeling powerless. What has helped me increadible is to realise that I am responsable for my emotions, not somebody else. The only one who can still make me feel like this (where I want to scream and cry) is my husband. Right now, if he does it, I just keep repeating over and over to myself, patience and understanding, patience and understanding... And slowly I start to see his point of view. I still usually disagree with it, but it doesn't make me feel bad anymore, because I don't let it. Another thing that helps is to meditate. I have a lot nervous energy inside me. If I keep it there it will burst out into anything. Could by crying or screaming or panic attacks etc. Meditation eliminates that feeling and makes me feel peaceful and calm (and extremely happy, which is weird, but very very nice). Remember that you alone are responsable for how you feel. Nobody can make you feel anything, unless you let them. It is normal for your fiance to have more effect on you, because you let him make you feel happy and loved. Now you just have to try and seperate those feelings from letting him make you feel sad and powerless. |
|
| |
|
09-16-2009, 05:32 PM
| #22 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 6,439
|
Hello lemon.. (nice nickname to have) I know exactly how you feel. Few years back I was very much like you. Just want to tell you that you can change. It takes time, patience and practice but its very much possible. As for books, there is the one and only book I keep on recommending, Feeling Good. Good luck! |
|
| |
|
09-16-2009, 07:48 PM
| #23 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,216
| Quote:
| |
|
| |
|
09-17-2009, 05:00 AM
| #24 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,897
|
Hi Lemon, It sounds very similar to my own behaviour in the last few years, and I have similar experiences of being scapegoated as the 'bad'one in my family unit. Realize that it is their own projections, it has NOTHING to do with you at all, you, unfortunately are just the one that cops it. I got the real impression, when reading your first post that perhaps you carry all this frustration and anger inside you because you have not been allowed to express your feelings in a normal and healthy way. This is due to your family dysfunction, and THEIR inability to deal with your feelings, as they themselves are so cut off from their own. Whenever you try to express, they shut you down and force you to push your emotions down, which is what is causing the depression. It also sounds like you have some symptoms of Post traumatic Stress Disorder...PTSD...which would correlate with your family environment of constant fighting and yelling at each other, and other violence. I have been recovering from PTSD for years now, since my world took a 360 degree turn and changed forever...and have gone from being a very stable person who was not so easily offended or hurt, to becoming the total opposite...and it upsets me ALOT and frustrates me as I don't recognize myself and don't want to be this way...but I can't help it. I just want to be able to express my feelings in a safe space, but everywhere I go I am shut down by other peoples suppressive tendencies. They don't want you to express what you are feeling as it will bring their own feelings...which they try so hard to keep buried...from welling up and, they FEAR, will overcome them, and they won't be able to cope with them. This is an unfortunate product of the dysfunctional way in which people in society have been taught to "cope" with life...when really we'd all be able to cope much better if we were allowed to feel what we feel and express ourselves in a way that is right for us, instead of having insensitive people stomp all over us and not even realize what they've done, or care! I think journalling and screaming, painting and any other form of therapy that resonates with you would be a good start. |
|
| |
|
09-17-2009, 05:04 AM
| #25 (permalink) | ||
| Family Member Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,756
| Quote:
Engineers design ways to make water flow. They do not control water, but they give it a sense of direction. Quote:
Ask yourself when was the first time you felt like that in the distant past. This will help you to see chapters of your emotional life that remain unsolved. Arts are a good way to vent your feelings. There are two ways to make arts: 1.To vent feelings. Those works are not for the public, just for yourself. Do not show them to others. 2.For exhibition. Critics may criticize your work. You show it when you are interested about improving technique or just make money as you do what a customer wants. Here a tutorial on arts Main Page - Fantasy Art Resources and Tutorials Last edited by ar81; 09-17-2009 at 05:16 AM. | ||
|
| |
|
09-18-2009, 11:40 AM
| #26 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Osnabrück, Germany
Posts: 50
|
Hi lemon, Thanks for sharing. Although it sounds trite, clarifying your issues for yourself is a big first step. I would like to recommend The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner, if you are particularly interested in managing anger with respect to intimate relationships. Also, others' suggestions about seeing a therapist are well-founded. The relationship can be relatively short-term. Lots of very high-functioning people get a lot of value from such work. I recommend someone who works with cognitive-behavioral therapy so that you can separate your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Journaling is also a wonderful tool (already mentioned previously). Best wishes - let us know what choices you make. |
|
| |
|
09-20-2009, 12:17 AM
| #27 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: uk
Posts: 405
|
Hey I'm a perfectionist and the sudden bouts of inexplicable anger etc i can relate to. If you are too, then you may be struggling to meet the unfair expectations you are placing upon yourself. Try releasing all the tough rules for yourself and try just being...take some of the burden off yourslelf. I think you may be unfairly putting yourself down by asking too much of yourself... Whatever emotions you have, never feel that they are "wrong." If necessary, just accept they are happening and allow them to come out. Watch them as they are arising, and accept them. This will allow you to feel like they are "getting released." If you fight them and repress them then the problems will remain. Last edited by Jaiysun4; 09-20-2009 at 12:22 AM. |
|
| |
|
09-20-2009, 04:00 AM
| #28 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 43
| Quote:
Please keep us all updated on what you try and the results. Good luck !! | |
|
| |
|
09-21-2009, 06:10 PM
| #30 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 522
|
I've had issues in the past with anger. It helped me immensely to take responsibility for my life and stop being a victim. Since doing this, I feel less angry. It's okay to be angry, but if you are spewing your anger on to others, it's not helpful -- there are other choices. Next time you get angry, examine what's behind the anger and why it is you are angry. Why you are angry is not about what someone has done or said, that is often just the story you are telling yourself, which just keeps you trapped in the anger. Search for "victim" on the forums, there is much to read and learn. Also, look out for Angela's posts, she is a great teacher of taking responsibility. Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" is an excellent book to calm the mind, reach acceptance and surrender to what is. |
|
| |
|
| Bookmarks |
« Previous Thread
|
Next Thread »
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
Linear Mode
| |
All times are GMT. The time now is 11:22 PM.