30-day first-aid trial of food and fun

[smallstar]

Cheers,

I'm going to start a new 30-day trial, effective immediately. I'm in a situation where I need to a quick solution:

I lost my job two months ago, and immediately did what I usually do in such situations: got depressed. Despite my practically non-existent efforts, I got a new job after three weeks. The new job is more interesting, has better salary and benefits, but lacks a similar lively social environment. Unfortunately, for the entire month, I have been suffering from a common cold which has disrupted my work, and I'm afraid that I'll get fired if I can't get myself together soon.

Some relevant facts:
* I am a computer person, and can be considered a 'nerd' into some extent.
* I have always 'calculated my value' from my capabilities, actions, skills or property rather than my emotions or well-being. The same applies to other people (with less extent, however). My hobbies also have a habit of becoming compulsions, where action begins to count more than doing. I have identified this as my current main problem.
* I currently eat too little, and no breakfast. I have almost nonexistent appetite when I am alone, even if I like food and eat normally when in company. I don't want to go to a restaurant for 20€ when alone, even if I will gladly do so in company.
* I lost about 50% of my social contacts when losing my job (none of which can be replaced at the new job), and am currently excluded from about 10% of the rest as I'm currently unable to continue my sports hobby as long as I'm still in a half-sick condition. My fianceé lives out of town, we meet in weekends only, and usually we don't spend our time meeting new people or trying new hobbies.

Needed actions:
* Food. Eating breakfast (this will be hard.) Spending 15-30 minutes each day to cook dinner for myself instead of buying something from the shop (I can cook). Daring to go to the restaurant alone on dinner time.
* Fun. Trying a new hobby every day. Anything I have not done during the past one year counts. Movies, TV, books, computer-related stuff, or new RPG systems do not count. Going out for a coffee/etc. with entirely new people, or with people I have not met during the one year, counts.
* Relaxation. Spending 30 minutes a day relaxing, visualizing, etc. enjoying of something when not actively doing anything or even thinking of actively doing something (this would be good for the general health, but is actually very hard for me).

Decided actions:
These actions are way too many. I'll only trip on my own feet if I'll try all of them. Currently I'm thinking of the breakfast (at least a cup of cereals and a loaf of bread every morning, this also involves setting the alarm clock at 6.45 instead of 7.00), and the new hobby a day thing. I will allow one failure each 5 days without feeling bad about it and/or interrupting the program, so this means 24 breakfasts and 24 new hobbies during the 30 days.

Am I trying the wrong things, too little or too much? Please comment soon, so that I could benefit and probably adjust the program, as I intend to start ASAP (actually, the first day to be tomorrow, Mon Nov 13.) Thank you in advance, and I'll post the details for anyone interested.

--SS (Mood meter: -3 in scale of -5 to 5)

[smallstar]

Hmm... maybe better be less drastic - I'll drop the expected number of new hobbies from 24 to 20 in 30 days, allowing one day of rest per two new hobbies. This will of course tax on my old hobbies, but probably not cannibalize them completely.

--SS (Mood meter: -3 in scale of -5 to 5)

[Lotus]

One nerd to another, grok* this:

Wowie, that hobby thing is too much... for anybody. Why not investigate 1 per week and dive deeper into it? Did you have any particular things in mind? Knitting? I took up teaching myself philosophy several years ago. Ditto to meditation, although I've since been to a lot of group meditation, and I tend to prefer the "group energy" that comes with deep meditation among a good group of people.

Instead of a "hobby" per se, you might consider trying to read 1 book (per week? whatever your book-consumption-rate works out to... mine's like 1 every 3 days) concerning the meditation goal. Or at least go surfing and pull some lit off the web to read in your spare time.

What's wrong that you feel ill? If I may be so nosy?

1. Write down your specific goals when you've decided on them. My profession teaches FEAST format, but that's just one way to write 'em, and it's rather clinical.
F= function, "In order to..." is somewhat standard.
E= expectation, "I will"
A= action, "do x"
S= specifics "y"
T= time allotted to reach goal "within z (time period)"

Ex: In order to improve my diet, I will spend 15 minutes cooking a healthy breakfast for myself each morning for the next month.

Just pick a goal writing method that works for you and stick with it until it quits working.


2. Post your goals on your bathroom mirror so that you have to look at them every single day when you are getting ready for work.

3. Tell someone in person, face to face, about your goal and ask them to check in with you. Your gf is a likely helper.

4. Evaluate your goal at regular intervals and at the end of the allotted time frame. Did you meet the goal? If yes, yay! If not, what went wrong, specifically? Not enough free time? Not properly prepped (wanted to cook, but forgot to hit the store... consistantly )... you get the idea.

5. Write new goals so that you are consistantly meeting a low-to-moderate challenge in which you are moderately to highly successful. (People who continually write goals which are too hard to meet usually feel guilty and quit the whole goal thing.)

*those who have not been exposed to grokking should consult the Heinlein text of Geek Canon.

[SamBeaven]

Originally Posted by smallstar

Spending 15-30 minutes each day to cook dinner for myself instead of buying something from the shop (I can cook).

Quick thought: Why not do your cooking ahead of time and freeze/refrigerate it? I'm guessing your weekends are full of fianceé-ing, but maybe monday or tuesday nights you could do a good few hours cookery and free yourself up for hobbies later in the week. Just a thought.

Oh, and the new-hobby-every-day thing is a bit much, I'm not sure you could squeeze it in with the relaxation/cookery. Besides, you don't really have a chance to understand the hobby after only a couple of hours looking into it. Try one a week as suggested by Lotus.

[Guinevere]

You could try setting everything up for your breakfast the night before (the bowl with cereal with a napkin or something to cover it on the kitchen table, a spoon by its side; sliced fruit in the fridge...).

I agree that one a day are too many hobbies to try; you wont really know if you like them or not. Choose 4 or 5 for the month (so you get the one a week average) and maybe do them on alternate evenings, for instance: Monday, woodworking or painting; Tuesday, some physical outdoors activity; Wednesday, try being an actor in some community play; Thursday, poker night; Friday, go out with friends to a cafe, or play or bowling (something different every Friday). By the way I don't mean to suggest hobbies, just a varied schedule.

A bonus would be that if you choose an ongoing hobby that includes other people (like being an actor), you could make new friends completely unrelated to work, with different things to talk about, different points of view...

Good luck with the trial!

[smallstar]

Cheers,

Thank you all for the good advice. I'll seemingly have to clarify a few things... first, my definition of 'hobby' may be broader than the usual one, including those hobbies that I used to do as a child or a few years ago, visiting events that occur rarely, or visiting events and attractions that will 'wear out', being interesting if you visit them once a year but which you could not think of doing every week. My brain is already set in producing hobby ideas in such speed that I'll not have time to complete them all. I will, for now, deliberately leave out hobbies that require more than one evening to get started with. Unfortunately, this includes most handicrafts (like my former long-time favorite, canvas oil painting), but I'm sure that with creativity, I can figure out something. This is also for the fact that I'm necessarily not ready to take up new serious hobbies and new compulsions yet, but am looking for a more random fun (note the relationship analogy.)

I'm still having this common cold flu (viral infection only as checked many times already), no fever but a constantly annoying throat ache and some coughs.

I already read about one fiction book in a week and about one nonfiction in two weeks. I have excluded reading (about any subject) from my list in purpose - reading about meditation would not be enough as I already know about the subject, now is the time of action.

The advice on food are good - I'll still have to think how exactly to implement them.

I'm fixing the goals now as '20 new or old-new hobbies in 30 days, and a sufficient breakfast every day during 30 days'. I can still re-adjust these if necessary, but currently I don't see why they should not succeed...

--SS (Mood meter: -2 in scale of -5 to 5)

[smallstar]

== DAY 1 REPORT ==

Food: The breakfast I ate (two loaves of bread and a piece of ginger cake) was too light - I was already starving at lunch time, actually worse than what it would have been without any breakfast at all. In addition, I missed dinner completely as I had to go shopping before today's hobby. Time for a late dinner soon. Status: 0,5 breakfasts eaten in 1 days.

Hobby: STRETCHING (Aerobics class). This may sound like cheating in the trial as I already own a card giving me unlimited monthly access to a local fitness club, but I have only so far tried 4 of their 12 available classes, this not being one of them. This is also the only one that I could do, taking my condition into account. Well, now I know that even when slightly ill, I can go, visit the fitness club and actually do something (and break out the unfortunate trial of '30 days without going to the club'). Anyway, I feel relaxed, even if not worth a full workout, and at least I don't have to do the after-stretching at home. Status: 1 new hobby tried in 1 days (19 left).

--SS (Mood meter: -2 in scale of -5 to 5)

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

My contributions:
1. Make one of the hobbies EFT, and get rid of your cold that way!
2. I eat fruit for breakfast, or at least grab a couple of pieces of fruit as I walk out.

Good luck, you know we're all behind you here!!

[smallstar]

== DAY 2 REPORT ==

Food: Today, I succeeded in having a breakfast and a dinner as it should be. Status: 1,5 breakfasts eaten in 2 days.

Hobby: PENCIL DRAWING. It's embarrassing to say that I haven't been doing this for the whole year. All children always draw, why don't most adults do it any more? Anyway, I spent about two hours of drawing three pictures: two imaginary Egyptian gods (I have recently read again Mika Waltari's The Egyptian, probably the widest known Finnish novel ever), and one nude model after domai.com, a site for artistic nude photographs. I think I have improved my hand-eye coordination since childhood, or maybe I'm just doing this with more "feeling" now than then.

Status: 2 hobbies tried in 2 days (18 left).

--SS (Mood meter: -2 in scale of -5 to 5)

[smallstar]

Originally Posted by ReallyGoodIdeas

My contributions:
1. Make one of the hobbies EFT, and get rid of your cold that way!

I suppose you mean this one: Emotional Freedom Techniques - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. How can I start doing this? And, I hope it also works with skeptics.

Originally Posted by ReallyGoodIdeas

2. I eat fruit for breakfast, or at least grab a couple of pieces of fruit as I walk out.

This is really strange, but I simply hate all kinds of fruit. All I can eat is citrus and some types of berries. Too bad I can't grab some lingonberries on my way out.

Originally Posted by ReallyGoodIdeas

Good luck, you know we're all behind you here!!

Thanks - I'll keep you posted.

[msd]

Originally Posted by smallstar

I suppose you mean this one: Emotional Freedom Techniques - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. How can I start doing this? And, I hope it also works with skeptics.

Their official website is EFT Website
Go there and download the free manual. It worked wonders for me.
Matter of fact I'm doing a 30 day trial on EFTing my emotional issues. I also was very skeptical at first.
Hope this helps

[smallstar]

== DAY 3 REPORT ==

Food: This is starting to work. Status: 2,5 breakfasts eaten in 3 days.

Hobby: AQUARELLES PAINTING (= watercolour). Wow. If drawing was hard, this is something else - you need a steady hand, you need to apply just the right amount of water, to mix all the colours... and there is no eraser. Anyway, I now have a big red image of Horus The Great Falcon Bodybuilder (actually it's not even finished yet, but I'm waiting it to dry...) What a great way of furnishing your house with the pictures of your own intentions and manifestations!

Status: This is already improving my general mood. 3 hobbies tried in 3 days (17 left).

--SS (Mood meter: -1 in scale of -5 to 5)

[smallstar]

== DAY 4 REPORT ==

Food: It's lunch time soon and my stomach is empty already - note that one bowl of cereals is not enough as itself. Status: 3 breakfasts eaten in 4 days.

Hobby: Scheduled failure today as I'm keeping alive an "old" hobby (attending a Bridge tournament). Status: 3 hobbies tried in 4 days (17 left).

--SS (Mood meter: -1 in scale of -5 to 5)

[madgeylou]

hey smallstar, what is it going to take to get your mood into the positive scores, eh? maybe that should be your next hobby!

[smallstar]

Originally Posted by madgeylou

hey smallstar, what is it going to take to get your mood into the positive scores, eh? maybe that should be your next hobby!

Well, a few problems need to be solved first: the illness, the inability to do sports (a direct result of that), the constant tiredness, especially at work (also a result of that), which leads to the poor work efficiency and a feeling of time wasted.

I have a lot more positive moments now than a few days ago, but the weighted average still brings it to the negative side. Well, I'll give EFT a shot tomorrow (and maybe also NLP later on), hopefully they'll lead to some improvement.

--SS (Mood meter: -1 in scale of -5 to 5)

[smallstar]

My fianceé paid me a visit this weekend, hence the lack of reports.

== DAYS 5-7 REPORT ==

Food: It's always easier to eat properly while in company. Status: 6 breakfasts eaten in 7 days.

Hobby: BOWLING. Almost exactly a year after my last visit, a nice sport for the recoverer.

Hobby: LASER RIFLE MAZE (trademarked Megazone). As most of the other combatants were pre-teens, this turned out to be a massacre. Since they mainly used group tactics instead of sneaking behind my back, I was many times able to get 4 or 5 of them at once, and my final hit ratio was over 3-to-1. After the 25-minute battle, I felt like the God of War (and the next morning, all my muscles were sore.)

Hobby: BAKING. Praising the Internet's wide variety of recipes, we made some muffins with my fianceé. How could I have been without this so long?

Hobby: EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE. I read the document (except the testimonials), and tried a few rounds of affirmations. I was able to build a positive anchor for social situations, which actually manifested itself. When approaching a social situation, the words "I completely accept myself" came back to my mind in a warm tone, and they did it several times over the situation I previously had deemed stressful. I suspect the affirmation part to be the "beef" of this, and most of the other things just plain silliness (maybe still necessary), I need to conduct a few more experiments to confirm. Note that I am clearly an "aural" person and as such, for me probably the words receive more focus. Affirmations for a sore throat and tense muscles did not produce an immediate effect (if they had, I'd be there registering a new religion in my name now.)

Status: 7 hobbies tried in 7 days (13 remaining.)

--SS (Mood meter: 0 in scale of -5 to 5)

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

Hey well done Smallstar!! You're out of the negative numbers!!!

In the hands of a newcomer, EFT is usually about 50% effective, it gets better with practice. That's partly why Gary has written that long doc with much repitition in it. He's emphasising reptition. I'm far lazier than him, so I've written a small document with the shortcut version: http://http://www.reallygoodideas.co...%20process.pdf

[Dimitry]

I think it's fantastic what you're doing. I wish you all the best!

[smallstar]

== DAYS 8-10 REPORT ==

Food: Two occasions with a normal breakfast and one where I had eaten so much in the evening I was not yet fully hungry in the morning (!) Status: 8,5 breakfasts eaten in 10 days.

Hobby: DANCE PAD. A party toy I have wanted for long, finally bought now. Too bad I had to argue with the shop employees to get a decent guarantee (even if backed by the law), I really hate to have stupid arguments. Anyway, surprisingly fun and addictive, even if used when alone. Also makes up for a light aerobics session, especially for the recoverer. My muscles will probably be sore tomorrow...

Status: 8 hobbies tried in 10 days.

Mood: 0

[smallstar]

== DAY 11 REPORT ==

Food: Normal. 9,5 breakfasts eaten in 11 days.

Hobby: TOASTMASTERS CLUB. Originally recommended by Steve Pavlina in one of his posts, I simply had to check out the local branch. Their web page provided an incorrect meeting place, however, so I was late to the meeting. The speeches were mostly entertaining, and I even got to deliver one of my own - first time in a while. Boy was I nervous (even if I have delivered numerous lectures, the pre-speech excitement just never goes away... anyway, nowadays I can contain it so it's not visible to the outside.) A good start for probably an interesting membership.

Status: 9 hobbies tried in 11 days, 11 hobbies remaining.

Mood: +1. The Toastmasters rock.

[JeffS]

Finally positive!

You know, by the end of the month, you'll be the local expert on hobbies...I didn't know one person could partake in so many!

[daringd]

May be you should have changed your nick to Big Star because you deserve it for all your effort. I'm so impressed with the numbers of new hobbies you've actually tried.

I believed you'll be able to pass your trial period with flying colour.

D.D.

[smallstar]

Thanks for the positive feedback. Anyway, up to this, everything has been easy, and the harder part is only coming. When originally planning this trial, I knew I could easily do 10 new hobbies during the first two weeks, however I did not put much thought on the later two weeks. Actually, of these 9 hobbies tried so far, only 2 have been completely new, while all others being such that I have been doing at least at some point of my life. Additionally, I have now exhausted my "easy" alternatives. During the remaining two weeks, I will really have to stretch my creativity and my comfort zone by actively searching for interesting secret societies, hobby groups, lectures and museums, by contacting old friends and so on. By so far, all my experiences have been positive and uplifting - but perhaps there is something even more interesting around the next corner...

[Rosi]

Hi Small Star,

You are doing fantastically! It's very motivating to see how many changes you can make and that you are keeping going and not rnning out of steam.

Now that your mood has gone up quite a bit are you feeling any healthier? and is your trial having a positive effect on your new job?

Good luck!
Rosi

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

Yay smallstar! Great to see the positive number! I am amazed (like everyone else) that you have the stamina to do all those things! I just looked back at your first entry. Have you been doing the 30 minute relaxation activities? Maybe you could come up with a list of new relaxation things for some of your new hobbies for the second 2 weeks?

Saying it again! Yay!
Hazel

[smallstar]

== DAYS 12-14 REPORT ==

This weekend, alone.

Food: as planned, 12,5 breakfasts eaten in 4 days.

Hobby: BODYCOMBAT (Aerobics class). Phew, what can I say? The feeling was super (first time with a full training in 4 weeks!) but of course I overdid it, and had real stinging pain in my shoulder muscle on the next morning. It must be just the muscle, growing so fast that the tendon won't keep along with it. Anyway, the style was funny - resembling some martial arts, but still from a totally different perspective. I could go there again next time, maybe I'd already have learned something...

Hobby: ANTI-WAR ACTIVISM. I was invited to a seminar of anti-war activists discussing the problems of conscription. With my trial going on, I naturally said yes. The seminar was smaller than what I expected (about 15 people), and unfortunately all were activists. So, very few real discussion, only a few women, who seemed to only be interested in gender inequality questions, and a few total pacifists who saw a professional army as "immoral". Towards the end, I started to diss those people on grounds of being too idealistic - this gives me more proof on my theory on "Top-Down versus Bottom-Up People", which I'll discuss in a separate thread as soon as I can formulate it.

Other hobbies (not counted as they do not qualify as new): Roleplaying, a visit to the nearby national park, cooking in the nature with a burner, mastering the dance pad, miscellaneous computer games.

Status: 11 hobbies tried in 14 days, 9 hobbies remaining.

Health: I'm no more sure if I'm well or ill, but at least I can now even have sport normally.

Mood: +1.

[Scott Bird]

Just came across this thread and Smallstar, I'm impressed. It's great watching a transformation take place in someone's life.

[JeffS]

Originally Posted by smallstar

With my trial going on, I naturally said yes.

Interesting thing to emphasize here. I read a book called "Improv Wisdom" not too long ago ...apparently one rule of improv (acting, comedy, etc.) is to always accept the premises of others. So if your improv partner says, for instance, "that is a HUGE piece of cheese," you respond as if you, too, see the cheese, and build on the idea. It's "against the rules" to make like your partner is crazy, that there's no cheese there.

Anyway, the book extrapolates from that that it's a good life habit to "always say yes." (Within reason, of course.) If somebody invites you to a party...go. If someone wants you to help them with something, agree. You get the idea. It's really easy to decide that there are certain things that we just don't do (trust me, I'm expert at saying no to things for that reason!), but why not try?

[David Hausladen]

Good lord, smallstar! This thread is ridiculously awesome! You may have stumbled upon yet another Great Idea in Personal Development. I may have to give this a try at some point!

[smallstar]

== HALFTIME REVIEW ==

FOOD: This has exceeded my expectations. My working efficiency in the mornings has risen despite the fact that I now sleep 15 minutes less per night, and breakfast has become an essential part of my day. The bad thing is what the scales tell me: a 2 kg increase in two weeks. And only now I remember my previous attempt, 4 years ago - it included bodybuilding three times a week, and I quit after a month after I had gained 5 kg mass - around the waist instead of to the muscles. I'm now 181/82, BMI 25 - the upper limit of what is considered healthy. Instating one change has started a cascade effect - now immediate action is needed to stop this.

The problem is still that I eat too much at a time, too unhealthily, and too late in the evening. Trying to fix everything at a time would probably result in a mess. I need a focus, and it needs to be a positive one. Here it is: I'm going to eat a regular snack between 14 and 16 every day. This might sound a bit strange (combatting eating too much by eating even more), but I'm sure that this is about the only goal that will work. Dinner will adjust itself after this.

HOBBIES: This is also in a crisis. Now that I'm out of the first-aid-immediately-needed level, my attention is again focusing too much on other things, even unnecessary and stupid ones. As I said before, my pre-planning only covered these first two weeks, now I have 15 days, 9 hobbies left, and my "idea generator" is producing new hobby ideas at a very slow rate. It's not that I don't like doing new things any more, but it seems that my "shyness" and internal resistance - "inertia" are returning to the normal level now. I need to point that this only concerns situations when I'm about to think about what to do next or to do something, and it doesn't feel bad any more when I'm already engaged in the new hobby. I've earlier had the same problem when deciding if to have sport or not to have sport, but not in cases like this. This is pretty strange, perhaps someone could explain the phenomenon?

I have considered discontinuation of the trial (perhaps 30 days is indeed too long, and I think that I will indeed need a more rapid cycle: my next trial will only be 21 days). Anyway, the example value of the situation is too critical for me to quit now. If I succeed in defeating this obstacle, and, more importantly, gain a method to do so, there will be some very interesting results during the next year.

Originally Posted by Scott Bird

It's great watching a transformation take place in someone's life.

Well, until this point, this has only been recovery and reclaiming - perhaps if I can do this to the end, some permanent transformation is indeed achieved. Anyway, thanks for my success comes to you, my readers. Cheers!