Self-Made Stress: Productivity vs. Passion and Happiness

[restless]

Hi everyone,

I'd like to get some advice on a major problem in my head. It's probably an imbalance in my life, or a focus on the wrong things.

About me: I'm a 19-year-old student with a lot of free time. My main hobbies are computer programming, playing computer games and playing the drums. I've never had a big social life (nor a girlfriend), but that has always been okay for me.

Just one year ago (summer of 2006), I was enjoying my holidays and I was very passionate about my hobbies:
Sometimes, I played computer games for hours and really loved it.
Or I wanted to write certain computer programs and worked intensively, until it was finished (or I lost interest in it ).
I also used to play the drums regularly. It's a big dream for me to get into a band, but I haven't met the right people yet (and I don't know many people at all).

The present: Now it's 2007, and holidays again. When I think back one year, my whole attitude towards life and towards my hobbies has changed dramatically. Personal productivity is now very important for me. I want more and more, and I want to be perfect. (Perfectionism is maybe a part of my problem).
Examples:
Instead of playing the drums a little bit every day, I now practice about 3 hours, daily. And I don't enjoy it most of the time - it's self-discipline that keeps me going, and not passion about music. There are always these thoughts in my head: "I MUST become a great player in order to play in a band, otherwise the whole thing would be completely useless." Whenever I can't play something, I feel worthless. Whenever I practice less than I've planned to, I experience stress and unhappiness - it's almost like an obsession.
When playing computer games (which I do very seldom now), I constantly think: "This is unproductive.", feel bad about it and quit after 1 or 2 hours.
When programming, I keep telling myself something like that: "I have to code faster. I have to produce more stuff. I have to learn more things. I need to get my projects finished, so other people can see it." - instead of just enjoying what I do, like in the past.

So basically, instead of having a great time and enjoying my holidays, I feel stressed right now! I want to do more and more - but don't feel happy anymore.
There is also a difference in my eating habits. For example, one year ago I used to have dinner when I felt really hungry, because I enjoyed my hobbies so much (that's the optimum, i think ). But now, I always look forward to having dinner at a certain time - dinner is like having a break from a stressful day.
I haven't gained weight because I care about healthy food, but nevertheless my eating habits feel wrong.

Seems like I don't enjoy the journey anymore. I couldn't even tell what I would like to do right now (besides writing this post), because the I-have-to-mindset is stuck in my brain. (Reminds me that I haven't practiced drums today...)
Has anyone experienced similar things? How could I possibly escape this self-made stress and unhappiness, and go back to simply enjoying what I do?

Yours,
restless

[Shamou]

Hello and welcome aboard restless…

Great thread… I think that the underlying reason that you are not enjoying yourself as much is the fact that you are failing to see a part of the “big picture.”

What you are now doing is the true path to success… therefore, you should associate yourself with the big winners such as, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Tony Robbins etc…

That would give a tremendous boost to your ego, self-confidence and personal worth…

Also, you should take into consideration what such a life style will eventually bring you… a life of excellence… satisfaction and abundance…

The very best of luck to you… and hope that you find peace very soon…
.

[Dan.Linehan]

Hey Restless,

Great first post, welcome to the forums! Cool screen name too.

You'd be surprised how productive gaming can be. I work in IT, and the people in my office frequently have long discussions about the games we've been hooked on over the years.

Quake one FTW *cough*

What kind of programming do you do? Ruby on Rails, Shockwave, PHP and Ajax are all really hot right now. Make sure the app you're working on is an inspiring one, and it won't seme like such a chore. Maybe you could make a mini game in shockwave?

[JeffS]

Take a day off!

Or three!

Every once in a while I fall into a similar rut. I'm very driven and often have several projects on my plate that could keep me working from dawn to (after) dusk every day. And usually that's what I do. But, of course, that gets boring, even with stuff I'm passionate about. Heck, I *LOVE* tennis, play almost every day, but have lately gotten a bit bored with it. And I used to be obsessive about practicing music, and know how you feel on that score (no pun intended).

Here's what works for me. Take a day off (or three, as I say, whatever it takes to hit the point I'm about to describe) and consciously decide to "waste" time. Do whatever you want--sit around and watch TV, read a novel that's been sitting around, whatever. The point is that, in that time, you do what you want to do in the moment, and there's NO pressure to do all that other stuff.

I'll bet that, by the end of the second day of that, you'll be itching to get back to your projects. When you start itching, force yourself to stay away a bit longer. When you finally do return, you'll have some of that original spark back.

A nice side-effect is that you discover what new things you really want to do. Sure, watching TV may not turn into a new life goal, but I actually built a business out of something that started as an indulgence on off-days from other things.

[stayfly]

I highly recommend "Live With Passion" by Anthony Robbins

Anthony Robbins Companies - Product Details

my advice whether you do or do not decide to buy the above product are;

1. Use Quality Quantifiers
ask yourself "what could I do to enjoy this more?"would it be to listen to some of your favorite drummers for a few minutes before practicing? would it be to find a drumming friend and practice with them? would it be to teach drumming to someones else? would it be to take drumming lessons with an expert? would it be to create a reward for yourself to buy a drum set you love? would it be to practice with a band? etc.

2. Create Empowering Rules (I think this may be a big one for you)
create rules for yourself that allow you to feel good and experience the feelings you desire easily and often. Right now you have diempoweing rules such as;

"I MUST become a great player in order to play in a band, otherwise the whole thing would be completely useless."

and

"playing games is unproductive:

and

"I must program extremely fast to be effective"

all these rules create major challenges and I would say are 90% of the reason why you are struggling at the moment. I would recomend you change your rules so they empower you. As an example your new rules may become;

"by practicing drumming daily for any amount of time I am taking steps toward my dream. If I enjoy my drumming then I know I am doing the right thing" (you can probably think of some better rules"

and

"by playing computer games I bring joy and fun into my life which allows me to be a more productive person in all areas of my life. I realise that playing games for too long can be unproductive so I limit my gaming to 1 hour per day on weekdays and 2 hours per day on weekends. I also create certain days throughout the year were I reward myself by playing games all day and enjoying it to the fullest"

and

"by focusing on programming at a steady and enjoyable pace, I am more productive in the long term and get more programming done and at a higher quality than if I go too fast. I also realise that my programming speed will increase naturally and easily over time as repetition is the mother of all skill.


that's all I have time for right now but I can add more later of you like. by the way, most of that is from the first two cds of the Tony Robbins product I mentioned above which is a 6 cd set designed to live with passion and to enjoy the process as you achieve your goals. it really is fantastic stuff.

best of luck!

[Chinese Dragon]

Originally Posted by restless

When programming, I keep telling myself something like that: "I have to code faster. I have to produce more stuff. I have to learn more things. I need to get my projects finished, so other people can see it." - instead of just enjoying what I do, like in the past.

Ok, I'm only 15 so you probably know a lot more about programming than I do, but I believe it's actually a lot more productive to program at a more natural pace instead of pushing yourself. Coding quickly allows bugs to creep into programs easier which will undoubtably lead to headaches down the road and you'll end up spending more time debugging than if you had just taken it slowly.

I suggest you read (or reread) Zero-Defect Software Development. It helped me out tons (in fact, it's how I found StevePavlina.com) Now I program at a slowly-but-surely pace, never going forward until all bugs I am aware of are gone. It sounds like a lot of work but most of the bugs I leave in my programs eventually have to be fixed, and sooner is always better than later.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by stayfly

2. Create Empowering Rules (I think this may be a big one for you)
create rules for yourself that allow you to feel good and experience the feelings you desire easily and often. Right now you have diempoweing rules such as;

"I MUST become a great player in order to play in a band, otherwise the whole thing would be completely useless."

and

"playing games is unproductive:

and

"I must program extremely fast to be effective"

all these rules create major challenges and I would say are 90% of the reason why you are struggling at the moment. I would recomend you change your rules so they empower you. As an example your new rules may become;

"by practicing drumming daily for any amount of time I am taking steps toward my dream. If I enjoy my drumming then I know I am doing the right thing" (you can probably think of some better rules"

and

"by playing computer games I bring joy and fun into my life which allows me to be a more productive person in all areas of my life. I realise that playing games for too long can be unproductive so I limit my gaming to 1 hour per day on weekdays and 2 hours per day on weekends. I also create certain days throughout the year were I reward myself by playing games all day and enjoying it to the fullest"

and

"by focusing on programming at a steady and enjoyable pace, I am more productive in the long term and get more programming done and at a higher quality than if I go too fast. I also realise that my programming speed will increase naturally and easily over time as repetition is the mother of all skill.

Wow, great advice stayfly. Thanks!

You just helped me think about something a little differently myself.

[stayfly]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

Wow, great advice stayfly. Thanks!

You just helped me think about something a little differently too.

your welcome my friend!

I am extremely grateful to have learned much about rules and how they effect our lives from listening to and reading Tony Robbins material

[John Hill]

Good post, I think you have mentioned how many people feel in life, especially people around your age who were once happy doing what they were doing but are no longer satisfied with that.

Since you made mention of the fact that you haven't had a girlfriend perhaps finding one would be a step in the right direction as it would be something to broaden your horizons. Spending time with your first girlfriend might enable you to get a whole new perspective on life and get back to enjoying the journey.

Once you start to attract women into your life or find a steady girlfriend it can add more color to all the other areas in your life as well.

John

[restless]

The very best of luck to you… and hope that you find peace very soon…

Thanks Shamou, I hope too

What kind of programming do you do? Ruby on Rails, Shockwave, PHP and Ajax are all really hot right now. Make sure the app you're working on is an inspiring one, and it won't seme like such a chore.

Currently I'm into 3D programming with DirectX. It's not easy and since that's a new topic for me, I need a lot of time to accomplish even the most basic things.

Here's what works for me. Take a day off (or three, as I say, whatever it takes to hit the point I'm about to describe) and consciously decide to "waste" time. Do whatever you want--sit around and watch TV, read a novel that's been sitting around, whatever. The point is that, in that time, you do what you want to do in the moment, and there's NO pressure to do all that other stuff.
I'll bet that, by the end of the second day of that, you'll be itching to get back to your projects. When you start itching, force yourself to stay away a bit longer. When you finally do return, you'll have some of that original spark back.
A nice side-effect is that you discover what new things you really want to do.

Wow. That's an excellent idea. I really have to do this.
Seems like I have forgotten that it's just natural to enjoy breaks from time to time!

all these rules create major challenges and I would say are 90% of the reason why you are struggling at the moment. I would recomend you change your rules so they empower you.

I see!

Coding quickly allows bugs to creep into programs easier which will undoubtably lead to headaches down the road and you'll end up spending more time debugging than if you had just taken it slowly.

You're right - I'll think about it. Steves article on gamedev.net is very interesing.

Once you start to attract women into your life or find a steady girlfriend it can add more color to all the other areas in your life as well.

Yeah. I'm quite confident that I will find a girlfriend sooner or later. It would really be a step in the right direction.

Thanks everyone for your great suggestions! It really made me think different about my problems.