how can I attract legal justice/peace?

[cbreeze]

Okay, granted I've learned I attracted this, however my sorrow over being humiliated by being told to move out, asked for divorce AND losing a LOT of money, creedence and sanity, I plot revenge and hate paying expensive lawyers for payback of somekind. If none, his sociopathic narcissistic (spouse) will be brought to the communities light. He has a history of fooling ppl/lvd one's and of course himself, but, now, all I'm doing is obsessing and filled with hatred no matter how many relaxation/forgiveness cd's i listen to. Again, yes, I know I attracted him, but, can't let the hate go. How can I attract justice?

[ahimel]

Originally Posted by annah

Okay, granted I've learned I attracted this, however my sorrow over being humiliated by being told to move out, asked for divorce AND losing a LOT of money, creedence and sanity, I plot revenge and hate paying expensive lawyers for payback of somekind. If none, his sociopathic narcissistic (spouse) will be brought to the communities light. He has a history of fooling ppl/lvd one's and of course himself, but, now, all I'm doing is obsessing and filled with hatred no matter how many relaxation/forgiveness cd's i listen to. Again, yes, I know I attracted him, but, can't let the hate go. How can I attract justice?

I'm not sure it's possible, as stated. In order to attract justice for him - whether that's legal recriminations, ostracization from the community, equal amounts of pain, or whatever - you must focus on him receiving that, focus on it continually, with strong emotion and heartfelt desire.

In order to attract peace you have to focus on letting go, getting over it, and being happy, without letting other thoughts interfere, and with heartfelt desire. You have to want to get over it so badly that you'd give up anything for it, even revenge.

The two are contradictory - you can't hold both thoughts in your mind at once. If you're thinking about him getting his just desserts but feel guilty because you're not getting over it, it won't manifest. If you're thinking about getting over it but plotting revenge, it won't manifest. You have to pick one, or you'll just get stuck in the middle forever.

I'm guessing that, at the moment, one of these is easier for you than the other. I offer my sympathy, and hope that it gets better soon. I can't tell you which one to pick, but I'd like to offer the benefit of my experience, as a person who is far too often controlled by her anger.

Even though it seems easier right now to hate him - to want him to feel pain with all your heart - please believe that it will get harder down the road. Manifesting anything requires a lot of work, and those of us with low polarity have to focus for a long time. It's possible that his problems won't begin to manifest until after you've already started healing. If you choose that road, you'll get tired. You'll have this burden of having to focus on his recriminations all the time. You'll get bored with it. Your heart will be healed but you'll have to summon the discipline to hate him anyway. It can be done - trust me, it can be done - but why add another chore for yourself?

If you choose the path of peace, hard as it is now, it will be easier over time. Right now, it seems absurd to say "No. I'm not thinking about that" every time the thought of him comes up. You'd be saying it thousands of times an hour if you tried. But there will come a time when you'll want to forget it - and be glad that you've practiced that. Once you've manifested the ability to feel peace, you don't have to continue manifesting it - you only have to employ the skill. That option will feel much better as you're emotionally torn by divorce and poverty and dealing with lawyers. When you're tired, it feels a lot better to just let it all go.

Also recognize the polarity of the flow. If you manifest revenge, then you've asked the universe to do something - you'll owe it a favor. If you manifest peace, then you've done something hard and given a benefit to someone else - he'll owe you. Again, not saying one is better than the other, but be aware the consequences of your choice.

I'll leave you with a quote from Oscar Wilde: "Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more."

Best of luck. PM me if I can help.

[unwiser]

I dont think it is good to use up your energy trying to play god. Instead of using that energy wishing for his demise, use that energy to make yourself a better person.

[emf]

Try using a divorce mediation specialist. The fee is fixed and paid in advance. It is non-refundable, which discourages either of you from storming away from the process instead of working out a settlement. The mediator meets with you together and individually to help you split things fifty/fifty (as the law expects), and gives you a realistic idea of whether going to court would win you a specific item or not. An attorney will go after anything you want because he/she gets paid the more you fight, whether you win or lose. You can have an attorney review the dissolution agreement before you sign it. It's tough to stay angry forever but your spouse sounds more vindictive than you are, so it would be great to have someone calm talking you both through things. Mediation helps you to focus on equity instead of payback and you'll start to heal emotionally. If you were the sort of person who thrived on thoughts of revenge you'd feel energized by the anticipation of a no holds barred fight right now instead of burdened by negative energy. Good luck.

(If you research the idea and it sounds like a good one, you could run it by someone your husband likes and wants to impress first. If it's suggested to him as a reasonable, relatively inexpensive option by a third party he may be more open to it.)

[Meldread]

You should try and look at things differently. I don't know this man and I do not know you, but I know what it is like to hate someone with every fiber of your being. I know what it is like to want to see someone suffer, and I even know what it is like to cause suffering to others because you hate them. I can tell you from personal experience: It is never worth it.

You may think your hate is empowering you but it isn't. You are giving him power over you, you are surrendering to him by allowing him to cause such emotions in you. Causing him pain and suffering will only reflect badly on your character in the end, believe me I know this from personal experience, which will in turn only cause you more suffering.

It isn't easy letting go of hate. Especially when you've been hurt repeatedly. However, at the same time it isn't worth hating someone either, because while you are hating him, you are not happy. You cannot be full of hate and happy at the same time, even if you are standing there watching him suffer.

Do you want the ultimate revenge? Let go of the hate and find happiness. Then when you're happy you can look back with indifference. You don't have to like or even forgive him. Just refuse to allow him to conjure up such emotions in you by realizing that he isn't worth the effort spent.

[Ree]

Someone told me once that living well is the best revenge.

[DanielBrenton]

To All, especially Annah --

I'm with you, Annah. The desire for justice is valid. That's the one thing I hear all the time from New Thought and most Law of Attraction folks is that you focus on something else than the injustice of the situation. Well, how about the justice. What is wrong with that? What is wrong with an individual who is obviously doing wrong, obviously doing harm to others, to meet their justice? The mindset that allows others to abdicate responsibility for their own actions enables them to become bigger monsters than they already are. That's irresponsible.

Let's have a real answer here. This is a fundamental problem in human existence. Is it that we are not willing to manifest justice and right action in our lives? That we are not willing to say in our deepest souls no, you can't do that to me?

We're talking about people's lives here, about real suffering -- emotional, physical, financial, not some blasted intellectual abstraction. Even if I were to attract some malicious act into my life, I do not for one second believe the person committing this act is not in part responsible, and made a choice to participate.

This is the hard stuff, and we need hard answers. I don't have one yet, but I'd be happy to hear a real one.

[Meldread]

Daniel-
There is a difference between justice and vengeance. Neither will solve Annah's problems. She can't control her ex-husband anymore than she can control anyone else. The only person she is responsible for is herself, and really for most people being responsible for yourself is a full time job.

I don't believe in that whole Law of Attraction mumbo-jumbo. Sure, it's true that when you think positive thoughts you are more likely to receive positive things, but that is only because when you are thinking positive thoughts you are committing positive actions. I can guarantee you that there is not a positive thought in Annah's head when it comes to her ex-husband based on reading her post.

If anything happens, she will simply attract to herself more pain and suffering by pursuing something that she is better off severing all ties to and moving on. If she makes any decisions on achieving justice against her ex-husband it should be after she has achieved emotional stability and can think rationally. Right now, it seems that she is full of hatred and anger, and when you are driven by those emotions you can never make clear decisions.

[DanielBrenton]

Meldread --

I think anyone who has had any exposure to a divorce situation sees how ugly these things can get. And further, it is almost the nature of the judicial system to tie people together into an adversarial relationship that at least one of them does not want. I've seen it too many times.

Now, I am coming from a place of Law of Attraction. This stuff is either true or it isn't. So I would ask anyone reading to give me a good definition of Justice in a Law of Attraction framework. I believe there is a difference between vengeance and justice, but the sense I get is that most New Thought types (and probably a lot of LoA folks) can't seem to see the distinction, that it all gets lumped together as vengeance. Sorry, don't buy that. Justice is an innate knowing -- "we know these truths to be self-evident" -- and there has to be some kind of outworking of Justice in our existence. There simply has to be.

[DanielBrenton]

To All --

I just realized this discussion -- at least the way I'm perceiving it -- should really be on the Intention-Manifestation forum. My apologies for not catching that sooner.

I will start a new thread there.

[Meldread]

Well I've never read Law of Attraction, mostly because I am not into the whole self-help thing. The market is over saturated and most of it is just a gimmick. Really, if I'm looking to help myself I probably shouldn't be turning to a book, but instead try and examine what is wrong and find a solution to the problem. Advice is always helpful, but that changes depending on the situation and therefore a book is useless when getting advice.

It seems to me, though, you have some sort of anger toward those who buy into LoA, and really I don't think that should play into Annah's problems. Justice is irrelevant to Annah. It won't really make her feel any better about the situation. It won't change the reality of the situation. It won't give her back the time she's lost.

It's hard really to give Annah any serious good advice because she's told so little on her situation and specific things surrounding it. It is also important to keep in mind that her perceptions are colored by her emotions. We are all bias when it comes to dealing with ourselves, especially when we see ourselves as victims.

I really do think I gave her the best advice possible, and I am being especially careful because I do not know if Annah has any children with her ex-husband and as such I believe it is important to place their emotional needs above her own.

[DanielBrenton]

Meldread --

I think you've misread me. I do not have an issue with LoA. And I've moved my discussion about LoA and Justice to the Intention-Manifestation forum.

[Nelson]

How can you attract Justice?

What has he done wrong? He divorced you?

Last time I checked divorce was completely legal. If you enter a marriage without a pre-nup you can blame no one but yourself.

I may be missing something (He must of done something terrible to put you into such a state of hatred)

To answer "How can I let the hate go?" - Choose to. Choose to experience something else. I don't 100% believe int he LoA but I do believe that "energy flows where attention goes." Throw yourself into something constructive instead of throwing yourself into a spiral of hate and revenge. Commit yourself to some goal, task or lifestyle. Choose to be happy instead of angry.

Whatever you do - don't sit at home all day watching TV, brooding and talking on internet forums.

P.S. I'm not trying to make light of your situation, I'm certain he has done something wrong - just not illegal or even neccesarily immoral (Of course that's a subjective term).

Just remember that he is looking out for what he believes to be his best interest. He's probably not trying to hurt you personally, he just doesn't care if you get hurt in the process.

[emf]

When we started mediation we were both angry enough to think the other person deserved nothing. Since mediation began I've begun to think more about what comes next for me and not care about getting even. I thought we were both calmer. I've even found myself worrying about what will happen to him afterwards since he's picked up some bad health habits and a shady online trading group.

I just got a hate filled email from him. He's nowhere near calm and wants me to know he will "forever despise" me and expects that I "will lead a lonely and miserable life." Apparently he's been getting angrier and angrier and I've just been ignoring it in an effort to stay in a positive state of mind. True, on Saturday he said I was evil and would burn in hell, but he was complaining about me using the last of the laundry detergent. It sounded so off the wall I just gave him the new bottle and assumed he was kidding.

Something's wrong with him but I have to stop trying to figure out what that is. Since we're splitting up his problems aren't remotely mine and quite a few wiser people have been pointing that out to me.

I let go. Now.

[cbreeze]

He, Knowing full well that I was healing from the suicide of a parent, surgery, break up from a six yr. relationship for he, too, played mind games - I attracted what I thought was kismet, my soul mate and I felt love and loved and wanted to live and laugh and move on. He's a NARCISSISTIC SOCIOPATH. Honesty/integrity he preached. Yet this church going pig didn't tell me he was a meth recovering, three times in jail, panhandler. His inconsistent lies and other red flags I thought were character flaws. But, I started getting tired of wondering about many fishing trips with his buddies, online all the time and he claimed he couldn't type, etc. I couldn't forgive myself for falling for it/attracting him as it only proved just how unstable I was as well. and then, the monetary loss I incurred i know i'll never get back however a lawyer said with the written proof i have i may. I'll file for the divorce. I've seethed for days in disbelief that anyone as malicious is that cold treating strangers and friends so well, but loved ones with such disrespect/disregard. And wishing I'd be reimbursed somehow by the justice system by showing them proof of all the ppl he's harmed - this george clooney wannabe. He's diabolical. I don't think I am, so, i'm stumped as to why I attracted him in my life at a sensitive time. only to be deceived and betrayed by the only "family" I had, but, sleeping with the enemy - I was really, really in love with him is what kills me and I miss him, but am getting over it as I realize how sick he is.

[nightdiamond]

Hi Annah, just a quick suggestion , I think the others are right, don't get caught up in the "I must have attracted this to myself" type of thinking-in fact it was just a mistake (although a big one), but it happens all the time, especially with relationships.
If he showed you only one side of himself and you were alert and paying attention to his behavior his character and this still happened, then it was just a mistake, happens alot.

You'll drive yourself crazy thinking that you're emitting some force that's bringing the worse type of people to you when it's hard to even prove it to yourself so you can at least get a handle on it huh? Seeing it as a mistake may give you more comfort and prevent you from feeling either paranoid or hopless about the situation.

Since your question is about attracting justice, I have a simple way to get the justice you're seeking without resorting to hatred or anything damaging to you or him.

If you can, try to get up an extra hour earlier than you know he does, and while you're still sleepy yourself, sit up and count down from 40 to 1. After reaching 1, picture him, or think of him, or feel his presence, feel a sense of warmth and connection with him, then simply send your thoughts directly AT him asking and telling him for example to stop his proceedings and that his behavior towards you was wrong and hurt you and that it would best for his conscience to give in (concerning what he is in court for).
Don't just do it once and just wait, but do it each morning until you get results or the situation changes.

You can also simply picture him giving in and feeling remorse for what he has done or him simply apologizing to you as long as you do it with feeling. Imagining how good it would feel to see that might help you picture it easier.

How's that? Let us know how everything turns out......

[Angela]

NightDiamond, welcome to the forum! I hope you have a great time posting & reading here.

I think a person who lets herself off the hook when a relationship goes bad by chalking it up to a mistake, and not looking at how she was responsible for creating it, is doing herself a big disservice and is likely to keep creating the same kind of "mistake" over and over again.

For instance, in this case, annah, you refer to the "inconsistent lies and other red flags" that you "thought were character flaws" during the relationship. And yet you are surprised by the deceit he has perpetrated on you (and it looks like on others as well.) Why did you not deal directly with his earlier lies?

Also, how honest have you been with him? How honest have you been with yourself? In February of this year, you started a thread in which you spoke of "dating a gorgeously ugly superficial man" and you were also seeing another man at the same time, too. Did you get married and divorced since February? In June, you posted asking if any of us wanted to move with you: "Hey, I'm fun, out going, bored of desert, no dependents, savings, car..... looking for fun, positive M/F to move anywhere!" There are plenty of inconsistencies in what you say, Annah; should it be a great surprise that you attract men who are also inconsistent?

If something is "in your face", it's probably in your heart, too.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by Ree

Someone told me once that living well is the best revenge.

Holla.

[cbreeze]

Lawyer today said not to expect a dime back unless I can prove duress. I've got therapists, witnesses that could tell judge and other evidence, but, let's be real. I made the biggest most expensive mistake of my life and have experienced two deaths without closure. Can no longer wake up and lay on bed searching for info on divorce and forums on women married to sociopaths anymore. Did it three days straight. Ppl easily say, let go, get over it, but, believe me, it's not that easy, I was truly in love with him, and would do anything to hear his voice, be held/hugged. aside from him being mental, he had a lot of things I totally loved and got caught up in being adored on/off, then questioning fishing trips and possible online dating for his body language indicated that to me. All the sudden I was no longer "beautiful" to him but something the cat drug in. When he'd get mad, he'd make it a point to go outside to accuse me of being a druggie or unfaithful for neighbors to hear for he obviously was planning to kick me out by giving neighbors a reason my car was no longer in garage. Even upon my fighting back pointing out his flaws, he'll always see himself as perfect and having a famous well known presidential name - delusional that he too should be a presidential figure. I grew tired of the BS and upon questioning him, his lunacy/blame placing. Yes, I was desperate to feel a connection with life after losing close friends/family in such a short time - hence my making light of those red flags.

I'm searching for the positive and am glad it happened sooner than later and learned that you must be who you want to be with, so, I wonder how the heck you get to a place of loving yourself at this time when you're hating yourself for being such a sucker. As sophmoric as it was, I called a mutual friend of ours to tell him to tell J that I'm filing for divorce so he didn't need to, and that he's got everyone fooled, him included, and making fun of misc. items about him.

Angela, yes, in the beginning there were a lot of white lies back and forth. I did have another man in my life, a friend/BF I worked with and was great support upon Mom's demise. Yes, I posted a msg. about anyone game to moving anywhere as I've no reason to remain in this state and it would be nice knowing someone who lived there beforehand. Understand, I've no friends/family here - J was it, and the friends we shared. My family is scattered in different republics of S.A. And, yes, I do lie to myself as a way to be accepted/approved of. I've much to work on that I've ignored (me).

Today is the day we got married last year. I remember tears welling in his eyes, the honeymoon, all too perfect. Now? We're arch enemies. All within several days the love of my life dumped me off his steed. He's not worth it. I'll never trust him again. I need to focus on me now and stay away from the books, the sites, the hate. I'm done with the pain/blame/shame.

Guess that's it. Thank you all for caring to wonder and offer advice. I wish us all the best of the best and be the best you can be to others, but moreso, to your self. That's my story... and I'm stickin' to it.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by annah

Hey, I'm fun, out going, bored of desert, no dependents, savings, car..... looking for fun, positive M/F to move anywhere! I'm in my late forties, good health. All my friends are obligated to stay in Tucson, YOU?????? Let us talk!!!!

annah, why did you post this message on June 1st, two months before this whole divorce thing came up? Were you looking to leave your husband then?

[cbreeze]

The red flags - started taking heed and backup plan just in case what happened - happened. Anything else?

[Angela]

My point is, did you tell Mr. NarcSoc that you were putting a back-up plan in place? Did you mention in your "travel want-ad" post to us anything about a husband, or a need to escape from an untenable and deceitful situation? Did you admit to yourself that by having a "friend/boyfriend" and telling us that you were "dating" others, while you were already married, you were lying to everybody?

You are spending an awful lot of energy broiling about your husband's lack of honesty, and all the pain that has caused you. Are you willing to take responsibility for all of YOUR inauthenticity, and all the uproar that causes in the lives of the people around you? I suspect that one big reason his dishonesty bothers you so much is that you are recognizing a part of yourself that is really agonizingly painful to see.

Until you take a bold, honest look at yourself, and take responsibility for what is yours, it will run you, and you will not be free.

[Ree]

I just asked a similar question in another thread: Could this husband be a mirror that you are looking into and seeing aspects of yourself that you haven't dealt with?

[cbreeze]

When we met I intuitively felt it won't solidify into a LTR - the forever kind I'd like (maybe in dreams) - I didn't take it that seriously hence my self confidence and inavailability which drove him nuts as he saw me so elusive and in his mind, he started feeling, "gotta haver". During the course of the world turning, my confidence left when he'd chide/badger/insult/ignore, etc. All this I take as signs of what I was doing to myself but never wanted to realize/work on it - therefore, attracting this time bomb of conscious awareness to blow up - in both our faces. I was frank with him about moving since the day I met him as I will always express my feelings and I've always disliked this barren desert. Throughout our marriage I had asked him for a divorce and that he pay for it since I refused on wasting another cent as he claimed to always be poor and he fully took advantage that I had my nest egg. The whole this was a farce and a lie - and so were we. It was doomed from the beginning, that is why I'm shocked to see how things developed as they did and with all his charismatic wooing and attention consistently till the last week or so, all was a fairy tale. Too good to be true. And wasn't.

Ree: Most definitely. I believe we all are reflections of each other - that's why I have a lot of work to do on myself that I've neglected. Learned behavior? Hate to place blame, but, my Mom was so subserviant and co-dependent and I've always attracted men who were passive. My attraction to J was so great because he was such a manly man - but passive agressive soon to learn. Again goes to confirm that I have to have "all my ducks in a row" before I find one that does as well.

[Ree]

Originally Posted by annah

Ree: Most definitely. I believe we all are reflections of each other - that's why I have a lot of work to do on myself that I've neglected. Learned behavior? Hate to place blame, but, my Mom was so subserviant and co-dependent and I've always attracted men who were passive. My attraction to J was so great because he was such a manly man - but passive agressive soon to learn. Again goes to confirm that I have to have "all my ducks in a row" before I find one that does as well.

Annah, hopefully you will work on getting "all your ducks in a row" for yourself and not for some elusive relationship that may or may not materialize. You can't really love someone else until you love yourself. That's why this whole idea of justice doesn't ring true.

If you aren't genuinely you living in the now and ready to give yourself to this relationship, how can you not understand that it didn't work out? Don't you think you might share in the responsibility for a failed relationship? If that is the case, you have no need for justice or retaliation. You need to move on and work on yourself. And you need to let this poor guy move on and work on himself.