Fear of driving

[vktk]

My geeky bf fears driving...I want to help him overcome this fear. He took 12 driving classes but still doesnt get a hang on the steering control. He does't have a DL yet.

While I understand his fear completely, it sometimes gets very frustrating. It often brings unnecessary fight between us. It creates a lot of stress in an otherwise wonderful relationship. pls offer suggestions to help him overcome his fear.

TIA.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by vktk

My geeky bf fears driving...

The fear of driving is a phobia just like any other...

And, according to some authorities, a phobia is a fundamental belief (in that case that the person has the fear of driving) that was acquired in an instant...

The way it usually work is that, while the subject is in a state of helplessness an event will happen that will create a deep seated fear in the subject...

In the case of fear of driving, it could result following a very vivid dream where the subject was feeling extremely vulnerable and got killed while driving a car...

Such a benign incident could be enough to trigger a life long fear of driving...

So, if the fear of driving is a phobia... it should be treated like any other phobia by a trained psychologist...

That being said... I personally would never get in a car where someone who had a driving phobia was driving... a phobia is an almost irresistible fear where the affected person could have a totally irrational behavior... and, in this case, could lead to a fatal accident...

.

[Shamou]

BTW... vktk... I just noticed that this was your first post... therefore I would like to welcome you to this board... and assure you that I am very glad that you decided to join...

I'll be looking forward to reading your posts, and hopefully share, learn and grow with you...

The very best of luck to you...

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[silicon toad2000]

He probably needs to do this on his own. I remember learning to drive. When I got in the car with my dad my driving sucked.
One of my dad’s mates was a copper and he took me for a driving lesson. He was so relaxed in the car and it was a little contagious. Once I relaxed, my driving sucked a little bit less.
Find him an empty paddock somewhere, or a deserted country road to get the hang of things on his own (just ensure he knows where the brakes are first).

[Peleke4]

It may sound far-out, but it definitely won't hurt if he gives this a try. Hopefully he's open-minded to trying new and different things. It's very simple. Run him through this and have him do the following:

*Have him relax, close his eyes. Preferably, do this when he's tired and about to knock out for the night.

*Imagine he's Clark Kent, Superman. He's wearing the spandex suit, cape, everything.

*Instruct him to imagine himself in his new Superman identity flying around town. See what he sees from the perspective of Superman flying. Hear what he hears; it must be a loud continuous "swoosh" like sound as he travels swiftly at such a high rate of speed. Feel what he feels; how does the air feel as it rushes through his hair and cape? (It's key for him to really associate into being Superman, and to do so throughout this entire pattern).

*As he enjoys flying around, he sees a sole car below driving on a road. He notices that the person driving the car is Geeky boyfriend (Thus, he is now seeing himself drive the car).

*Instruct him to continue flying and to use his super vision to zoom in to have a better crystal clear view of himself. Using his super vision, he sees Geeky boyfriend driving the car with so much confidence. He's cruising along with a huge smile on his face, having a great time driving.

*Now instruct him to use his super hearing to hear what tunes Geeky boyfriend is listening to. Turns out, Geeky boyfriend is busting out his favorite tune (What's a favorite tune of his?). From a distance, he now sees and hears Geeky boyfriend driving along the road singing along to his favorite tune. Geeky boyfriend bops his head up and down like a big dork in unison with the beat.

*Instruct him to fly right next to Geeky Boyfriend as he drives along the road. Geeky boyfriend notices him and smiles really big. He honks his horn and says, "Hey Superman! What's going down? You're the man!" Geeky boyfriend then honks his horn again.

*Now instruct him to give Geeky boyfriend a thumbs up. Geeky boyfriend responds in kind. Finally, instruct him to fly off into outerspace or whatever.


There is no right or wrong way to do this. If he likes the Iceman for instance, have him associate to that character instead. The main thing to keep in mind is that through the entire pattern, he's associated into Superman's identity. In his minds eye, while he's visualizing, he'll always be looking/seeing through the eyes of Superman; thus, he'll be seeing himself driving the car. This is key!

If you really go through each step and have him see, hear, and feel all of this in his mind's eye, running this pattern once should do the trick. If you decide to give this a try, let us know the results. Hope this helps

[Shamou]

Peleke4!

For someone who said he/she was not an expert on NLP... you give great advice... Hope that vktk uses it...

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[vktk]

hehehe....sounds interesting...lemme try...

i hope geeky bf doesnt end up posting something on the lines of- help...crazy gf)

btw, thanks shamou. will contribute as much as poss.

[Erki]

You said that he has had 12 driving lessons - is one less one hour or half an hour long? When I learned to drive, my one lesson was half an hour and I had two lessons at once. If you meant that 1 lesson=30minutes then I wouldn't worry about it - I was crap until halfway through all my lessons (40 lessons = 20 hours and one of them was the exam). I also never felt comfortable going to the lesson and I was pretty nervous.

Going and finding a large place with no or little car would be beneficial as well I'd imagine. Find some cones or something so you can mark down a turn or curve and take a car for a spin!

Taking a little break(a month or so) from driving can help too - at least it did to me, I don't know what happened but after the break I was a changed driver.

Best of luck.

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by vktk

hehehe....sounds interesting...lemme try...

i hope geeky bf doesnt end up posting something on the lines of- help...crazy gf)

Haha thanks for brightening up my day, the image is somehow very funny for me lol...


Edit;
Lemme add some advice as well, don't worry about this just yet I had about 50 lessons of an hour before passing the exam. At this point I was still not very comfortable and ended up in a minor accident that damaged my parents car (lol great timing :P). This made me quite nervous to park the car and I usually did everything to avoid driving because I'd have to park the car somewhere (I love to drive but parking made me nervous). I got over it when my dad gave the following advice;
Driving is a job and you should treat it as such, don't get distracted but don't let it dominate your life. You just do it the best you can and let it go when your done...

Somehow struck home with me and since then I lost all anxiety about parking...

[vktk]

Erki,

It's 2 hours per lesson. So, that makes it 24 hours Poor bloke has made little or no progress.

Freelancer,

That was a morale boost - 50 hours. Geeky bf has some hope! It's not the number of hours that hurts, it's the fees per hour - $40

[Erki]

Originally Posted by vktk

It's not the number of hours that hurts, it's the fees per hour - $40

Ouch. That's a whole lotta money. Maybe he could borrow a car from someone and just drive around in places far from other cars and people and potential dangers? It sounds like it's not so much the traffic situations but the actual driving that causes his headache. Y'know, one has to feel comfortable behind the wheel, so it'd be good to practice without any pressure.

It would also be good to know, which came first: fear or driving difficulties. When I learned to drive, it was pretty hard for me at first, and I felt quite pretty anxious every time I had a lesson again. Maybe it's the same for him?

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by vktk

Erki,

It's 2 hours per lesson. So, that makes it 24 hours Poor bloke has made little or no progress.

Freelancer,

That was a morale boost - 50 hours. Geeky bf has some hope! It's not the number of hours that hurts, it's the fees per hour - $40

Tell me about it, its 40 euro's per hour over here. Haven't made the exact calculation yet but it sure hurt my income stream lol.

[Erki]

Just checked:
A course containing of 20 hours of theory training and 40 half hour long driving lessons is 300 euros.
If 40 lessons proves to be too few, an extra lesson is €5.75.
Maybe come and learn driving here then?

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by Erki

Just checked:
A course containing of 20 hours of theory training and 40 half hour long driving lessons is 300 euros.
If 40 lessons proves to be too few, an extra lesson is €5.75.
Maybe come and learn driving here then?

*slap* I'm already done damnit.

[vktk]

Originally Posted by Freelancer

*slap* I'm already done damnit.

LOL...

Now, this has become a ''tragedy for those who feel (my bf) and a comedy for those who think (us)

[Love]

Something that was helpful to me:

I used to be pretty fearful about driving. I live in NYC. I moved out to Minnesota. Minnesota was so empty in comparison, that I didn't fear getting hit. There, I learned how to confidently control my car, and I was able to drive once I returned to NY.
My suggestion is to find a very empty spot somewhere to practice. Find a highway that does not get much use. Just have him work there until he feels comfortable with the basic skills and then move it on up.

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by Love

My suggestion is to find a very empty spot somewhere to practice. Find a highway that does not get much use. Just have him work there until he feels comfortable with the basic skills and then move it on up.

Agreed. I learned to ride on country roads and empty parking lots with my dad. By the time I was taking official lessons I largely already knew how to drive. Any apprehension I feel is largely when a car isn't as responsive as I'd like (as far as breaking, acceleration, or steering goes), as my training vehicle was a sports car (my dad's) and few normal cars handle quite as well. Areas with poor visibility can also be bothersome. I've never understood why so many corners have large bushes planted which prevent one from seeing oncoming traffic.

So ... would it be legal for your boyfriend's mom/dad to take him out into a fairly open area to try driving a bit?

Also, I have a number of friends who do their best to avoid ever needing a car. Personally, in high traffic city areas I'd just assume walk, ride a bike or carpool with someone else. It's nice to not NEED to drive. Cars present significant costs and risks to one's life, so it could be an entirely valid choice to stick to safer (and cheaper) means of transportation such as walking, bicycling, or taking the bus.