Attitude of a Loser

[rapidsnyc]

Today I was chatting with one guy I know who appears to be a self-made loser .

As we were talking I recognized many of the trends in him that particularly attributes to losers.

Here is the issue, He is studying a certain technical course in local college, in this course he is supposed to take on-site industrial training. He already has completed that training last year. Now today as he went to college to check his status the college people told him that they were unable to find his report (about his on-site industrial training).

So he was thinking about going back to (on-site industrial) training once again. Then I suggested him may be you should go to company for the duplicate report or the college guys will find his report soon or their must to be some other way.

But then what he told was truly astonishing,
"You have to prepare for the worst in every situation man....so that you don't get disappointed when it doesn't happen as you expected."

A psychological analysis of such a mindset is needed.

DISCLAIMER: My intent of starting this thread is to find the reasons for such a mindset and not in any way to criticize it.

[RT Wolf]

I think the problem here is not being able to deal with disappointment. Its better to have the emotional fortitude and discipline to deal with the eventual disappointment rather than to be afraid of being disappointed.

[agnostic]

Originally Posted by rapidsnyc

"You have to prepare for the worst in every situation man....so that you don't get disappointed when it doesn't happen as you expected."

A psychological analysis of such a mindset is needed.

It's a mindset that leads to sanity and serenity.

It doesn't mean that you have to get the worst or that you shouldn't struggle to get the best that you can. It just means that if your world falls to pieces, you don't go mental on top of it.

As it was said in: "Don't worry, be happy"

"If in your life you have some trouble, when you worry you make it double."

Nothing wrong with that statement unless it is used as an excuse for apathy. But even then he could be happier than a success-junkie.

[agnostic]

Here's the attitude of a loser:

"Everything I do or think has to be perfect, the world has to bend to all of my wishes, everyone must love me and be reasonable and my life must be easy and fun all the time. If any of these claims isn't fulfilled, it would be HORRIBLE AND UNSTANDABLE. I'm a worthless no-good ♥♥♥♥♥ for not making it work and life is not worth living."

[Carl Carlson IV]

Originally Posted by rapidsnyc

But then what he told was truly astonishing,
"You have to prepare for the worst in every situation man....so that you don't get disappointed when it doesn't happen as you expected."

Ahh the pessimist. So he would rather think like that than even try to straighten things out? Sounds unintelligent to me.

[Akashic_Librarian]

- deleted because it had no purpose -

[Ak47]

He's right i think, he's just preparing for dissapointment a little early (yeah, he should check with the company first). Goes with the old theory about the lottary i've always believe true even in other situations.

Expect to lose the lottary for two reasons. The first being so that when you lose, you aren't disappointed. The second being so that when you win, it's a complete shock of surprise and happiness.

[Matthew Shea]

I think his statement is on the right track, but is missing a couple key elements. I would rephrase it like this:

You have to expect the worst, but hope and prepare for the best. That way, when things come out better than you expect you'll be much happier for the effort you put in.

I agree with Carl about him being a classic pessimist. He seems to have added a self-defeating mindset on top of that, too. A more optimistic attitude would be much more empowering for him.

[HowlingDao]

I was raised with the saying that just when u get past the one wave another is on it's way to take u under. I never realized how this attitude was destroying my life and my ability to have the life I wanted. When u prepare for the worst u will get the worst and when u prepare fo rthe best u will get the best. Now I go by the saying that the better is gets the better it gets.

If u go through life expecting the worst of every situtation then dont be suprised when that is what u get.

[jsot]

"You have to prepare for the worst in every situation man....so that you don't get disappointed when it doesn't happen as you expected."

Damn, that's pretty much how I think most of the time. >_>

[rapidsnyc]

As I have came realize now the problem with this guy is Fear of Failure.

A real loser is not the one who fails but is........who is so afraid of failing that he doesn't even try. In all the endevours of my life, I will never regret and cry foul about my failure, but I will never get over that I didn't even tried. All life is an experiment, it is a game and it becomes fun when one realizes that it is just a game. What is fun in the game if you already knew you are gonna win? Journey of Life is full of surprises and mysteries otherwise it wouldn't be worth taking. The real joy is in the attempt, in the triage.......Try..........even if you fail you will fail trying so greatly that your rank will never be between those cold timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. and That's the strength undefeatable.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

- deleted because it had no purpose -

Akashic where have you been? How's it going?
This isn't like you. You usually have more than enough to say on any given subject.

[Angela]

Did this thread get gutted? There are some posts that just disappeared with no explanation. Or is it just my cold medicine causing hallucinations?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Maybe you were thinking of this other thread about losers?

[Angela]

Yes, I guess I was thinking of that thread, Aspiring! Thanks. I'm going to sink back down into my DayQuil haze, now......

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Hehehe Enjoy!

[Matthew Shea]

Originally Posted by Angela

Yes, I guess I was thinking of that thread, Aspiring! Thanks. I'm going to sink back down into my DayQuil haze, now......

You get that, too? Glad I'm not the only one. That stuff makes me seriously loopy. It's better than breathing through your mouth all day, though.

Sorry for going O/T.

[x3r0bug]

I don't think there is anything wrong with being "prepared" for the worst, but I think expecting the worst is something else. As with the law of attraction, if we expect to get junk in life... maybe for the most part that's all we'll ever get.

It seems to me that in this situation, it would be wise to check back with the company and see if there is ANYTHING that can be done to retrieve his records because taking the training over again would mean whatever training he had went through before was basically just a waste of time.

Like I said, easily accepting a loss and moving on is a great skill to have... but I wouldn't recommend accepting a loss before you have LOST.

[unwiser]

It does not make sense. I dont think he is telling you the full story. so if he takes the course again and they cant find the report again is he going to take the course for a third time?

if he tries to get the duplicate report and he is unable to for some reason he is not any worse off.

[Mark Lapierre]

I agree with those who make the distinction between preparation and expectation.

The way I see it, you should be able to deal with the worst situation, but you don't need to actively prepare for it. Unless that preparation is the acknowledgment of your abilities, and building the confidence to do what you need to.

In this specific case the statement is fine, but the application is flawed. He isn't preparing for the worst, he's acting as if the worst has already occurred before exhausting other obvious options. Like AK47 said, he's jumping the gun... (sorry AK47, I had to throw that one in... )

So my response to him would be, "Until you've called the company, then gone down to speak to them in person, and they've completely denied ever seeing you before, you're not dealing with the worst scenario."

[kaushal1]

This is no a proper criteria to judge a person loser.Some people are negative thinkers while some are positive thinkers.There are also the personalities which think in productively negative way.They prepare themselves in advance for a negative situation.