Controlling anger

[unique]

hi all of you.been feeling very depressed after having an arguement over a silly issue with my best friend.rather we are on the way to become the best of friends.it all started with my anger and now i feel terrible at the way i behaved.and i am unable to get back into a state of positivity,which has been my strength all the time.i am no more the cheerful person i used to be.feel totally lost.my thoughts are going haywire.i am just becoming more and more upset.everything my friend says seems to hurt me.makes me look foolish.i want to get back to being happy.i want to get this anger out of my system.how do i do that.i need a real strong dose this time.

[mlc82]

Working out is a great way, especially either lifting weights or beating the crap out of a punching bag.... If you don't have access to either of those, wearing yourself out with pushups or sprints could work as well... Not only is it an aggression release, but it triggers endorphin (natural "happy" chemicals) release in your body as well

Note from personal experience, don't try wall-punching when angry. The wall will win, and your hand will hate you.

[oharrell]

Did you tell her you felt bad about your arguement? As for controlling anger....physical extertion is definately a good idea. I wouldnt know anything else as I just go into a room alone when Im angry to avoid doing something stupid....maybe be alone when youre taking your anger out on your punching bag (I use a pillow ).

[John Hill]

I know you are feeling pretty low right now but the answer to your question is inside of you. The very fact that you are feeling so down and unhaapy about what has happened with your friend has been caused by your own thoughts.

The following article You Are What You Think About gives a clear explanation of where you are at and how to move into a happier position.

John

Attracting People.com

[silicon toad2000]

I have a rather nasty temper sometimes. I have learnt to control mine by seeing the signs that a rage is coming on and stopping it before it takes hold.
Also notice the things that make you angry and realise even before the signs of rage manifest that this might lead to a rage.
When I realise these things I immerse myself in logic and open mindedness. Often arguments are illogical and by applying logic to both sides it invariably cools the situation.
Also important is to remind yourself to be open minded and accept that everyone has their own opinions and have been presented with different information over their lives than you have which will lead to them drawing their conclusion, lol, even if they are wrong and behaving like buffoons.
Works for me, hope it helps you.

[Gary]

The long term emotional healing for anger is forgiveness.

Ask for forgiveness from your friend.

And ask for forgiveness from your self for beating you self up with self judgment.

Forgive the voice in your head that is berating you.

Forgiveness is an exercise that requires humility. However when you take action in a manner of humbleness your humility grows. As your humility grows the ego that was behind all the anger lessens.

[MSC2471]

Gary has the right message in terms of forgiveness. An apology can go a long way to healing the relationship. Whether it's in person face to face (the preferred method) or even writing a quick letter/e-mail to send off to your friend, help him to understand that you were the one to lose your temper and that you are aware that you are in control of how you react to situations in life.

Physical exertion works wonders- anything that can take your frame of mind away from the pain and put into a productive outlet. I happen to use a combination of music, reading and bowling to get my negativity out in a positive way without hurting anyone else.

Matt

[patrick24601]

Recognize and admit to the offending person what you did, why you did it, and what you and they in the future can do to prevent it.

Please remember that the other person did not make you angry. The other person did something and anger was your choice and your reaction to the situation. What you have to do is control that reaction in the future. I am sure you have heard the cliche "It is not what happens to us that matters but how we react to it". It is 100% true.

Change your reaction and you change the world.

Patrick aka "Action Man"
StopDoingNothing!

[The Cloud]

One way I've found to lessen anger is to try and empathize with the other person. If I try and look at it through their eyes, I realize that they are not trying to hurt me with whatever it is that I am angry about, they are simply trying to help themselves. Knowing that the person I'm angry at is simply not trying to hurt me (even if they are intentionally hurting you, it is for selfish reasons, and they would not be hurting you without those reasons) really helps cool things down so that I can step back and ask myself what I'm so afraid of that I have gone into an aggressive state against this person (imo, anger is a result of fear, and fear is a lack of acceptance of the nature of reality).

[unique]

hi all of you.thanks a ton for your wonderful advices.

i cannot say that i am angry enough to punch a bag.i am more upset at myself.argueing with friends has never been my cup of tea.for so many years,i have had a wonderful relation with my other friends without a single arguement.and now,i put myself down by doing this.i guess i knew anger does no good to me.more so because,i have really been very honest about myself with this friend which i haven't been with the others.somehow it led to building up high expectations from this friend to understand me more.i guess this could be the root cause of my problem because i kept insisting that he should understand better.

like you all know,i have been feeling let down by my other friends,who are just too busy to keep in touch.and now,this arguement did no good to my already low emotional status.i am finding it difficult to accept that i did something like this.which started off as a silly arguement,went on to become a serious issue.and now i need to definately do something about it.

and i know,my friend definately wants me to get rid of this negativity for my own good.i don't want to hurt him anymore.i need to forgive myself in the first place and accept that i have done a mistake.been trying my best.have been studying to keep myself busy.there was no progress for 2 weeks.it just kept building up.today,i feel a little better.tried my best not to think negative.let's see day 2.how it goes.

thanks once again.will keep you posted about my progress.hope to get some more wonderful advices from all of you.have a good day.