Rationalising distress

[limbogirl]

hi all,

I have been reading a lot about spirituality and the nature of existence over hte past week or so and am now thoroughly confused. I hope people here can help me clarify my thoguths a bit! I am still nto 100% convinced abotu the idea of all of us beign a part of consiousness, and that all of existence is jsut consiousness. This is mainly becasue I am yet to experince that for myself. ( I htink I have started the journey, with meditation etc). Anyways, since I have been desling witht a chronic illness for almsot 3 years, I have started to wonder what all this means. If we are all part of the same consiousness, why do some of us manifest the way we do? WHy did I manifest to become ill? I have been feeling envious of all my freinds who are moving on with their life and achiving their goals and have no health issues. so, I guess my question is, if we are all part of the same consiousness, why do some people have lives of poverty and sufferring and others just cruise through life? how does one rationalise this?

I hope this question makes sense to you all! the thoughts in my head are all muddled!