Pornography, Should or Shouldn't.

[rapidsnyc]

I like porn. Now, as I have come to a stage of emotional maturity (or what Steve Pavlina calls 'Living consciously') I have came to a revelation that it is a total destroyer of my whole personal-development process.

Because,
# It wastes my time and money.
# It totally distorts my view of female society as a whole.
# I feel moral weakness. (maybe a guilt sort of thing)
# It is very addictive and it somewhat comes in way of my duties.
# It takes away lot of my energy.

As on this strong reasons, I ventured into a total porn-ban for myself.It worked well for 2-3 months then I came across another revelation..." Life is too short...so enjoy every moment of it." So I decided to do what I really enjoy. And the porn game was ON again.
A swing from two extreme ends was obvious. So I decided to pursue my porn hobbie in a moderation but it didn't happened. I am addict again. I know it is not good for me.

Help Please.

[Trustme]

I wouldn't feel guilty about it. The money/time thing is another issue. Try not to spend more than a certain amount every month on it (like 70% of what you are spending now). Then gradually decrease the amount to zero.

Do the same with time. I wouldn't reduce it to zero in terms of time. It's a natural instinct especially if you are not in a relationship. Just don't let it take over your life....

My 2 cents. Lots of people here think different about it - I am sure.
TM

[agnostic]

To get rid of it entirely, go on another 3 month ban and learn to become really good with women during that time. Make that your goal in the area of self-improvement. You'll learn social skills and confidence.
Also, real sex beats masturbating to porn 10 out of 10 times.
How about this thought:

Watching porn is *not* enjoying life to the fullest, having sex is much better.

However, watching porn is nothing to be ashamed of.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by rapidsnyc

I like porn. Now, as I have come to a stage of emotional maturity (or what Steve Pavlina calls 'Living consciously') I have came to a revelation that it is a total destroyer of my whole personal-development process.
Because,
# It wastes my time and money.
# It totally distorts my view of my female society as a whole.
# I feel moral weakness. (maybe a guilt sort of thing)
# It is very addictive and it somewhat comes in way of my duties.
# It takes away lot of my energy.
As on this strong reasons, I ventured into a total porn-ban for myself.It worked well for 2-3 months then I came across another revelation..." Life is too short...so enjoy every moment of it." So I decided to do what I really enjoy. And the porn game was ON again.
A swing from two extreme ends was obvious. So I decided to pursue my porn hobbie in a moderation but it didn't happened. I am addict again. I know it is not good for me.
Help Please.

I am happy to hear that you have tried to quit and that you have seen the negatives of pornography! I know that much of society does not look down on porn and most men view it. But I have always thought it was wrong and I DO believe that porn (like almost anything) can become a destructive addiction.

My boyfriend has an accountability partner and he has Covenant Eyes to help with pornography addiction. I believe it is very hard to moderate pornography because pleasure is fleeting; an individual is constantly seeking to view the material. I would advise you to seek an accountability partner if you really want to break this addiction.

Do not give up and I am so encouraged to see that you have made some positive steps in overcoming such a strong addiction!

The best of luck to you!

[Amadeus]

Viewing porn is an all or nothing thing in my opinion. You were probably exposed to porn at a very early age (9-13) in some way. You are addicted. It is morally wrong and unhealthy. Just because it makes you happy and life is shrot is not reasons to do it. I've struggled with this in my life. I would advise you to pray about it and maybe go to counseling.

[Trustme]

unhealthy?
What do you think of sex in general - I mean sex for fun and before marriage?

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by rapidsnyc

I like porn.

Heck, I started looking at claddily dressed women in the bra section of Sear Catalog when I was four years old... and to this date... I like to view the female form in all its glory... and it has, is, and probably always be pleasure...

The problem is not pornography... the problem is being addicted to it... or, not being in control of your actions if you will...

So my advice to you is to focus on making it a high priority to establish as a fundamental personal value to be in control of your life and actions and not be driven by passions or circumstances... that way, you can have you cake and eat it too...

.

[Keith]

What Shamou said - the problem isn't the porn, it's the addiction. Some types of porn are very degrading and should be avoided - you don't want that rot floating around in your head! But a little sexual appreciation of the naked female form won't do you any harm.

IMO, if you fill your time with other pursuits that you value more than porn, then your porn usage will automatically become moderate.

P.S. I disagree with the advice to pray about it - religion gets even more addictive than porn after a while!

[rapidsnyc]

Originally Posted by Trustme

I wouldn't feel guilty about it. The money/time thing is another issue. Try not to spend more than a certain amount every month on it (like 70% of what you are spending now). Then gradually decrease the amount to zero.

Do the same with time. I wouldn't reduce it to zero in terms of time. It's a natural instinct especially if you are not in a relationship. Just don't let it take over your life....

My 2 cents. Lots of people here think different about it - I am sure.
TM

May be I should try this, try to cut it gradually, till it is zero. But I am not sure about whether I should cut it to zero.

[rapidsnyc]

Originally Posted by agnostic

To get rid of it entirely, go on another 3 month ban and learn to become really good with women during that time. Make that your goal in the area of self-improvement. You'll learn social skills and confidence.
Also, real sex beats masturbating to porn 10 out of 10 times.
How about this thought:

Watching porn is *not* enjoying life to the fullest, having sex is much better.

However, watching porn is nothing to be ashamed of.

Probably what I didn't made clear is that it is a problem of Sex also. Sex is also very addictive. My porn-ban was in reality a oath of celebacy.(unfortunately short-lived.)

[rapidsnyc]

Originally Posted by Shamou

The problem is not pornography... the problem is being addicted to it... or, not being in control of your actions if you will...
.

Super!
Problem solved! Like all things in life I should do it with a moderation.
Thanks all you guys, you are tremendous.

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by rapidsnyc

Super!
Problem solved! Like all things in life I should do it with a moderation.
Thanks all you guys, you are tremendous.

Don't forget clear cut rules about it. Perhaps the following;
Your only allowed to watch porn on days that start with a S and no more than 2 hours on those days.

Does that sound about right?

[Trustme]

Originally Posted by rapidsnyc

May be I should try this, try to cut it gradually, till it is zero. But I am not sure about whether I should cut it to zero.

aaaah
sorry I didn't make myself clear - I mean reduce the amount of money to zero, not the time. I don't think it's wrong to look at porn, not at all. I am not sure it's necessary to actually spend money on paysites.

[Matthew Shea]

I'm going to take a shot in the dark here and say that lack of accountability is what sabotaged your previous attempt to quit porn. If you really want to quit, you need to add that in some form. There are web sites and even software programs that can help in that regard. In my experience, all the best intentions in the world aren't enough to overcome this type of addiction. There needs to be some sort of consequence before you realize the true effects of this behavior.

[mlc82]

As much as I love porn, I've never been "addicted" to it, that honor goes straight to computer games for me... I'd recommend doing what I do with my game time really, since going from one extreme to the other (NO porn at all swinging back to non-stop) is obviously not working for you... Pick out your "porn time" of the day or week, say 30 minutes/1 hour which you could otherwise spend wasting time with something like TV, and set an alarm in another room of the house so that, when it goes off, your quick time-wasting session is over.

This is what I do when I have other things that need to be done, but am dying to get in some computer game time as well, and it surprisingly isn't that hard to do as long as the alarm is in another room, forcing you to get up and break your focus. I also don't have any qualms about porn/sex (not religious and not a big fan of social stigmas either- I can't imagine porn causing me to disrepect women any more than playing a violent video game has ever made me want to try going on a killing spree in reality- which has been not at all ) so wouldn't consider it any worse than a waste of time, and we all have fun wasting time at some time or another- limiting it is the key factor, at least for me.

[abhi]

You should try again......try try but don't cry.

[finandom]

Recently, I found that I lost in interest on porno because I have my new goal for my life where I spend much of my time on it currently. So I always busy until I forget about the porno stuff. I am really happy with this.

Harrison

[rapidsnyc]

Originally Posted by mlc82

As much as I love porn, I've never been "addicted" to it, that honor goes straight to computer games for me... I'd recommend doing what I do with my game time really, since going from one extreme to the other (NO porn at all swinging back to non-stop) is obviously not working for you... Pick out your "porn time" of the day or week, say 30 minutes/1 hour which you could otherwise spend wasting time with something like TV, and set an alarm in another room of the house so that, when it goes off, your quick time-wasting session is over.

This is what I do when I have other things that need to be done, but am dying to get in some computer game time as well, and it surprisingly isn't that hard to do as long as the alarm is in another room, forcing you to get up and break your focus. I also don't have any qualms about porn/sex (not religious and not a big fan of social stigmas either- I can't imagine porn causing me to disrepect women any more than playing a violent video game has ever made me want to try going on a killing spree in reality- which has been not at all ) so wouldn't consider it any worse than a waste of time, and we all have fun wasting time at some time or another- limiting it is the key factor, at least for me.

Wow! What a insightful writing! Your solution is very much human. The idea of setting up pre-defined times sounds nice.

[mlc82]

Originally Posted by rapidsnyc

Wow! What a insightful writing! Your solution is very much human. The idea of setting up pre-defined times sounds nice.

Thank you... It does work surprisingly well. I play a lot of "hardcore" wargames, which are really brain-intensive and can sometimes take half an hour to just plan your next moves, so I know that "what just happened??" feeling of say starting at 8pm, then looking up thinking it's been 45 min or so and realizing it's suddenly 2am I'm one of those types also who's either 100% "zoned in" and unable to notice anything else, or just absolutely apathetic toward whatever I'm doing- balance and I don't always get along yet.

I set aside a whole lot of "game time" for the weekends, and play enough to stay sane during the week also, but annoying myself with an alarm allows me to not lose track of time, or stuff that needs to be done around the house, and etc. I'll go, hit the snooze button, go back and finish up/save whatever I'm doing, and when it goes off again 9 min later, I'm ready to get back to what I need to do that day.

[HowlingDao]

There is nothing wrong with a little porn. I have viewed porn for many years and yet enjoy a great marriage, great job and a great life. I would recommend that you never go to pay sites. Go buy a few DVD's and go for it. You should be able to take the next several months going through the first DVD 3 minutes at a time.

[rapidsnyc]

Originally Posted by HowlingDao

You should be able to take the next several months going through the first DVD 3 minutes at a time.

Sounds too strict!

[Steven Moros]

I can definitely sympathize with you. Going cold turkey isn't an easy thing to do, but I believe it's the only way. Moderate indulgence isn't the answer either, because while you may intend to wean yourself off the material, you end up watching it more than you wanted to, and thus feeling guilty for not being strong enough to resist.

I commend you for wanting to give it up altogether.

All the best
Steven.

[Plato]

Don't pay for it!

[Matthew Shea]

I'm going to throw this out there for what it's worth. I don't necessarily agree with all of it (I find the anecdote about her Orthodox Jewish friend questionable in that she's using an embellished personal anecdote to promote an agenda), but she raises some very good points about an excess of sexual stimulation turning men off of the real thing.

The Porn Myth

[Advent Shade]

I don't really see what the big deal with pornography is. According to the Supreme Court of America pornography is;

'Any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thought'

I love hearing Bill Hicks rebuke to this point.

'Gee that sounds like... every commercial on television'

The depiction of consensual sex should not cause one to feel guilty or shameful. Of course some gender stereotypes are sometimes ridiculously exaggerated in pornography but then again every form of entertainment has a habit of doing this. I don't think everyone who watches porn is instantly going to view all females as so-called 'sluts'. I certainly haven't gone down that route.

Sex is better of course but requires a great deal more work to bring about. For single people with no relationship prospects then mastubation is perfect - it relieves stress, lowers heart-rate and feels good too. It is a natural desire, just like breathing, although less urgent on a survival basis.

[mlc82]

Originally Posted by Advent Shade

I don't really see what the big deal with pornography is. According to the Supreme Court of America pornography is;

'Any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thought'

I love hearing Bill Hicks rebuke to this point.

'Gee that sounds like... every commercial on television'

The depiction of consensual sex should not cause one to feel guilty or shameful. Of course some gender stereotypes are sometimes ridiculously exaggerated in pornography but then again every form of entertainment has a habit of doing this. I don't think everyone who watches porn is instantly going to view all females as so-called 'sluts'. I certainly haven't gone down that route.

Sex is better of course but requires a great deal more work to bring about. For single people with no relationship prospects then mastubation is perfect - it relieves stress, lowers heart-rate and feels good too. It is a natural desire, just like breathing, although less urgent on a survival basis.

I honestly think that the people who claim porn will cause men to "think of all women as sluts" are the same types who think that violent video games will definitely increase the chances of anyone who plays them going on killing sprees (violent Prime Time TV is fine though.).

[dennis08]

Originally Posted by rapidsnyc

I like porn. Now, as I have come to a stage of emotional maturity (or what Steve Pavlina calls 'Living consciously') I have came to a revelation that it is a total destroyer of my whole personal-development process.

Because,
# It wastes my time and money.
# It totally distorts my view of female society as a whole.
# I feel moral weakness. (maybe a guilt sort of thing)
# It is very addictive and it somewhat comes in way of my duties.
# It takes away lot of my energy.

As on this strong reasons, I ventured into a total porn-ban for myself.It worked well for 2-3 months then I came across another revelation..." Life is too short...so enjoy every moment of it." So I decided to do what I really enjoy. And the porn game was ON again.
A swing from two extreme ends was obvious. So I decided to pursue my porn hobbie in a moderation but it didn't happened. I am addict again. I know it is not good for me.

Help Please.

Its healthy just don't look at women like they are going to do what you saw in the video.

[dennis08]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Heck, I started looking at claddily dressed women in the bra section of Sear Catalog when I was four years old... and to this date... I like to view the female form in all its glory... and it has, is, and probably always be pleasure...

The problem is not pornography... the problem is being addicted to it... or, not being in control of your actions if you will...

So my advice to you is to focus on making it a high priority to establish as a fundamental personal value to be in control of your life and actions and not be driven by passions or circumstances... that way, you can have you cake and eat it too...

.

Pretty much.

[fballer11]

This issue is huge to me and my family. My father was essentially addicted to porn for about 8 years, in the dark, and he was the main bread winner. He would be online for hours a day. Our family (mom, two brothers, one sister) spiraled down, and we are barely scraping by today.

It is important to recognize that this isn't about porn. What heterosexual guy doesn't like watching attractive females, whether in person, on computer, or still images?

Even though many people would blame the porn (like many on this forum), digging deeper is necessary. Since porn doesn't have the raw addictive power of some drugs, the addiction comes about from other issues

[fballer11]

Originally Posted by Advent Shade

The depiction of consensual sex should not cause one to feel guilty or shameful. Of course some gender stereotypes are sometimes ridiculously exaggerated in pornography but then again every form of entertainment has a habit of doing this. I don't think everyone who watches porn is instantly going to view all females as so-called 'sluts'. I certainly haven't gone down that route.
.

Right on. Nice Bill Hicks quote too.

But seriously, I don't view women as sluts or anything. And I have seen my share of porn, but the naked female body is still amazing, and attaching emotions to sex and intimacy is amazing! The partnership between any intimate partners is great, far greater than porn.

You are right, gender stereotypes are everywhere, and anyone who takes them seriously is an idiot. Sorry. If you think about it, porn is the exact same as any other type of modern media, just with naked people. Not that the messages conveyed in porn are good, but come on . . .