How do you NOT care what people think about you?

[lightthecandle]

I'm not sure if there's a thread that already asks this question, but i'll ask it anyway to be safe.

HOW DO YOU NOT CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU? ESPECIALLY YOUR PEERS?

[Erki]

I think not caring about other people's thoughts is not the answer, whatever one wants to achieve.
Maybe it was just wording but words, as we know, do play a (big) part.
So perhaps what you really want to know is...

How to be yourself(your self) without feeling bad about what people might think about you?

Exactly - MIGHT: do you really know what your peers are thinking about you? Even if they comment something about you, could it maybe be that they are afraid of what their peers might think about them and leave their REAL thoughts to themselves?

[palimpsest]

My teacher said "Just switch it off." Because, well, while everyone is entitled to their opinion... few people know how to properly form an opinion, especially about someone else -- it's usually just scandal, Milgram, pack and herding instinct, and shouldn't hurt unless it's true (note: truth about yourself, never well-decided by consensus.) And if it is, you can just make it not true. Of course, finding a metaphorical switch in unfamiliar inner architecture and moving it without your fingers ought to have been trickier... but I thought it was a huge leap already to conceive of Not Caring about Other People's Thoughts, and in trying it out it was almost instinctive. There's a load of unneccesary pain going around, I think denying the obsolete any relevance is the way that ubiquitous Freudian coping mechanism ought to function.

[Erin Pavlina]

You'll stop caring what others think of you when you think more of yourself than they could possibly ever think of you. In other words, when you are totally comfortable with who you are; when you feel no shame or guilt over anything about yourself, then nothing someone else thinks of you will affect you.

How could someone else possibly know you better than you know you? Their opinions about you could not possibly take into account all that you are. Don't give them that kind of power over you.

Work on your confidence, personal power, and self esteem and you won't even ask the question anymore.

[jbsmith]

Chalk it up to wisdom and experience, but it sometimes takes people a lifetime to finally understand that what people think of you really doesn't matter - your purpose, cause and goals need to be much higher than any one single person or group of people.

In fact, the more you live, the more you respect those that are different, that do not follow along with the crowd. Someone who has the courage to stick with their own convictions usually happier and has achieved more of their goals than those who's fear of opinion, rejection and failure hold them back.

The way I look at any goal now is that if I haven't pissed someone off along the way, then my objectives haven't been significant enough.

Jeff

[Shamou]

lightthecandle!

You would be amazed if you knew how little most people find it important to know just who you really are... they have a gut feeling but that's about all...

What they "really" care about is the opinion that you have of them... so, most everyone is going around worrying about others think about them... while no one "really" does care...

So, quit worrying about that... and have fun...

.

[agnostic]

You realize that they can't possibly know more about yourself than you do, so you just value your own decision higher, because you define yourself as the expert. Other people's opinion of you is not "the truth", it's just that: an opinion.

[MartialDev]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I'm not sure if there's a thread that already asks this question, but i'll ask it anyway to be safe.

HOW DO YOU NOT CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU? ESPECIALLY YOUR PEERS?

Nature abhors a vacuum. Find something more important, and care about that instead.

[Liara Covert]

Many great suggestions are presented here. What Erin says especially rings true for me. As you discover your passions, or what makes you feel good, and choose to pursue these things, then your joy will show. People may become curious about why you seem to be so happy. You're secret is discovering how to be true to yourself.

[Gary]

For some practical steps to accomplish this, instead of just wisdom to think about, do the exercises and practices in the Self Mastery course. It will help specifically identify and help you change the core beliefs, fear, and self image concerns of what others think about you.

I'm making an additional practical suggestion here. Listen to the podcast audio "Don't Take Anything Personally" It should give you some ideas about what is going on in the mind and specific interpretations to be aware of that are false. When you are aware of these the emotions will begin to change.

[Love]

I don't know if you know for sure what these people think about you, or whether you're imagining what they may be thinking. If you think it's the latter case, I'll relay this.

I was at a life-coaching meetup recently. One man was explaining that he had a fear that his boss was talking about him negatively.
One other participant yelled out, "What's makes you so damn important!? That's some ego!"
We all started laughing, because it was true. Most people are self-centered, that is, to think that most actions/thoughts/comments are related to self. However, we all know that can't possibly be true, and we might remember that when a fear like that pops up.
I hope that was helpful.

[Lynn 007]

Who cares what people are saying about me. I have to like me.

Whenever someone tells me that someone was talking about me I am absoultely flattered. My response is usually really? wow, that's great. What did they say? Were they telling everyone what a great person I am? the charities I'm involved in? or how I might be the next person to discover the cure for cancer?

I try to use humour whenever possible and keep things light. This response usually lets the person know that 1. I'm not interested in what they have to say. 2. I'm acknowleding their gossiping or can't keep a secret and 3. Whatever the person thought was important enough to tell me hopefully my response puts things in perpective.

[Lynn 007]

I apologize if my previous post seemed a bit strong in tone but I've met a number of people who cared more about what other people thought of them than what they thought of themselves . Some people I've met have really taken comments other people have said about them to heart and the sad thing is if you might start believing what other people are saying about you. My experience has mostly been from a parent/child relationship rather than peers but it's so important you value your opinion of yourself.

[Erock]

You have to change that limiting belief. I don't really know how to do it in a practical way, maybe try Gary's program. In fact, I've never really heard of a practical way of changing a belief, yet people talk about it all the time.

[Alvin]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

You'll stop caring what others think of you when you think more of yourself than they could possibly ever think of you. In other words, when you are totally comfortable with who you are; when you feel no shame or guilt over anything about yourself, then nothing someone else thinks of you will affect you.

How could someone else possibly know you better than you know you? Their opinions about you could not possibly take into account all that you are. Don't give them that kind of power over you.

Work on your confidence, personal power, and self esteem and you won't even ask the question anymore.

Originally Posted by jbsmith

Chalk it up to wisdom and experience, but it sometimes takes people a lifetime to finally understand that what people think of you really doesn't matter - your purpose, cause and goals need to be much higher than any one single person or group of people.

In fact, the more you live, the more you respect those that are different, that do not follow along with the crowd. Someone who has the courage to stick with their own convictions usually happier and has achieved more of their goals than those who's fear of opinion, rejection and failure hold them back.

The way I look at any goal now is that if I haven't pissed someone off along the way, then my objectives haven't been significant enough.

Jeff

Thanks Erin and Jeff, both your replies are pure gold and come in a time when I need to hear them the most.

The reality of it is that not every single person in the world will love you. People are complex, and even if you don't screw up, they'll still find a way to hate you if they want to or even need to: there are some insecure people running around who still cannot deal with people whom they feel threatened by except in a hating relationship.

I've had to learn this the hard way recently.

I've also had to realize that if you put yourself in a room of 100 people, you're going to have 100 different reputations. There just isn't any way to control it.

So I'm learning, as Erin and Jeff put it, to judge myself by my own values and mission: every day just to live them as best as I can so I can lie down with integrity and pride at the end of the day. The only person whom I should really care about what he thinks of me is me.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by Erock

In fact, I've never really heard of a practical way of changing a belief, yet people talk about it all the time.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...t-005-beliefs/

[Ivan]

Stay mindful of your goal or goals. When you know what you live for, you live on a level that is above what other people think. Perhaps another good strategy is to make those people happy with themselves. I sincerely belief that frequently critics just project themselves into their criticisms. Try to put them on the right path toward personal development, for their sake (not yours).

[Sarasvati]

Self-esteem has a lot to do with this subject. I grew up a wallflower, and very shy; being ignored by my 'best friend' when another friend came along. I've had to do a lot of growing, from false beliefs, stemming from my childhood. I've seen that I am worth a whole lot more to myself, and others, but I had to believe that first.

Now, I don't mind stating my opinion and I find others respect me for it. Of course, there is a time for everything, and a time to say nothing at all.

[unwiser]

Humans are social creatures. Anyone who tells you that they dont care what anyone thinks of them is either lying or not successful at all.

you would never get married, you would never have a decent job, you will never keep a job, you wouldnt have friends.


Caring what others think of you is healthy as long as you dont sacrafice youself in order to please others. This wont happen if you love yourself

[Erock]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...t-005-beliefs/

Yeah I've listened to that podcast about 5 times, and I always get to the end asking the same question. "So how exactly do you change a belief?"

Erock

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Erock

Yeah I've listened to that podcast about 5 times, and I always get to the end asking the same question. "So how exactly do you change a belief?"

Erock

A belief is a notion supported by references… and those references may be true of false but they will support our belief if we think that they are true…

So, if you want to change a belief you have to find some new references that will support a new way of seeing things…

As an example… if you ask someone if they think that you look sexy… and the person replies, “No, I don’t think that you do.”

You may go away believing that you do not look sexy… However, you may meet someone who tells you that you look sexy… with that in mind, you ask four or five other person how they feel on that subject… and they all say that they think you look sexy… so, you will change your belief and start believing that in fact you do look sexy…

Now, in other matters, if you want to change a belief, you look for evidences that this specific belief may not be true and support that new view with other references… and, then, your belief will be changed…

.

[Ak47]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I'm not sure if there's a thread that already asks this question, but i'll ask it anyway to be safe.

HOW DO YOU NOT CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU? ESPECIALLY YOUR PEERS?

Personally- i consider the person who's in question and turn it around on them in my head.

Oh, you don't like me? (do i really like you?)

You don't like my hair? (well, look at your teeth)

most of the time though, i just consider mainly... whether i should really respect the person at hands opinion or not. often... often, there's no reason for me to respect the person who cut me in line at the gas station, laughed at my sunglasses, or called me stupid for an accidental incorrect pronunciation... do i really care if they THINK they're better or smarter than me? no..., though they may very well be, i don't know that and they haven't proven it to me. So, there you have it, their thoughts about me don't really matter.

[Atma]

Originally Posted by Lynn 007

I apologize if my previous post seemed a bit strong in tone but I've met a number of people who cared more about what other people thought of them than what they thought of themselves . Some people I've met have really taken comments other people have said about them to heart and the sad thing is if you might start believing what other people are saying about you. My experience has mostly been from a parent/child relationship rather than peers but it's so important you value your opinion of yourself.

I agree,it's true,but it's not eazy to be in an environment where there is constant stream of poisonous gossip accentuating your weknesses.It can cripple your work and you personally.The most important thing is what we know ourselves,but as I said,gossip can be crippling and the pain acute, and often only thing you can do is to physically remove yourself,especially if you are sensitive.But the truth holds- the only important thing is what we know about ourselves

[Andrew Brunelle]

If you follow a subjective reality model, you are the only one who thinks, therefore, only your thoughts about what other people think of you will manifest. In that case, you are 100% responsible for what "others" think of you and if you just say to yourself, "They don't think of me, I project my thoughts onto them," then it will be much easier to go about your day without anyone holding you back. It's not easy, but try it out.

[phoenixmama]

Wow I can relate to this. I used to obsess over what people thought of me, at one point is was so debilitating I would quit jobs because I thought my boss didn't like me or just stop calling people because I didnt want them to judge me. I am better now but its a very destructive thought pattern. What helps me the most now is what someone mentioned earlier,I think" what makes me so important" and secondly what makes this person (who probably is not thinking of me) so important. It helps keep things in perspective. But its a daily struggle for me.

[artic123]

what people think of me. My concern is to take care of myself and loved ones. Other peoples opinion would limit me as to decisions and growth. It isn't my business--please repeat.

S

[The Cloud]

One thing I've found to be true is that we care about what other people think of us because we are afraid to lose (or fail to gain) their positive regard as a consequence of our actions. The only way I've found around this is to learn to accept the consequences of my actions, to accept the worst-case scenario. Once you've accepted the worst (logically possible) scenario, there will be no reason to be afraid of what they will think of you. And if the worst case scenario does come about, if somebody stops being your friend or stops thinking you're an intelligent person or stops wanting to hire you, then it is to your advantage. Do you really want friends that will hate you for not being afraid of them? Some people will not like you if you don't* pander to their opinions of yourself, but these people are not worth your time in the first place and you are better served by offending and repelling them. One thing that you absolutely must NOT do is be ashamed that you are affected by other people's opinions. Being ashamed of yourself is only going to lead to you to trying to deny and bury your real feelings instead of confronting and overcoming their source. So accept that you are afraid of other peoples' opinions and that you are not a bad person for being afraid. Accept the worst possible outcome for acting how you believe you should act despite these opinions. Do these things, and you will be free.

[Steven Moros]

It isn't easy to disregard the feelings of other people totally, which I think is part of being human, but I agree with Erin, the more you focus on and value yourself, the less you'll be affected by other people.

All the best
Steven.

[songwriter]

Well, I don't enter this site since a lot lot of time.

I'm good in don't caring about other people's opinions.

It depends if you care about the consecuences of their opinions. If you care about them is that you think they can do to you a big good or bad effect... bigger than you effort to care about their opinion.

I try not to care about the opinion of anyone except that's something really important to me.

If you were in a judgement you would care about the judge opinion... because it could affect your life so much, so you do the effort. Some even facing a death penalty wouldn't care because they don't worry because they're religious, etc.

It's different for everyone, if you care about the results you'll care about the opinion.

But mostly the best result is to be free.

[Peleke4]

I used to be overly self-conscious. I overcame this by changing my self-image. I started visualizing myself as someone who was self-reliant and carefree. While I visualized, I "acted as if" and really built those feelings of being carefree and self-reliant from within. I soaked myself in those feelings.