Help on speaking up my mind

[Nyx]

Hey guys, this forum is awesome. I've recently done some thinking on myself and I have something I would like to open to discussion with you all.

I don't usually say what I want for fear of appearing pushy/greedy/needy. I dislike asking for help from others cos I hate the feeling of 'owing a favor' after the deed is done.

Result is most of the time I'm dragged into things I don't really feel like doing, and I get resentful towards others for not being considerate enough to ask if its ok, when it is partly my responsibility to say that I don't feel like it. Or I would be stuck doing all the hard things by myself.

I would like to address this issue and was wondering what would be a graceful way to handle these situations.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Nyx

it is partly my responsibility .

Not "partly". It is completely, 100%, your responsibility to say what's right for your and what's not right for you!

Is the problem more that you don't get what you want, because you don't ask for it? Or is it more that you get roped into doing things you don't want to do? Or is it both?

[Nyx]

It is none of both. They are both results of me being frustrated for being unable to say that I did not want to do certain things in the first place.

My issue is how can I not feel bad for speaking up my mind?

[Angela]

I don't understand what you just said, Nyx. But you are doing people a service by telling them what's ok for you and what's not ok for you.

You are actually taking something away from them if you don't speak your mind about that: honesty, connection, and freedom. A person is free to respond to you with integrity if YOU ARE HONEST AND DIRECT.

Otherwise, your entire relationship is muddled, because no one is really communicating.

By the way, welcome to this forum!

[Love]

That is a pain, feeling guilty about saying no. I feel this way, too sometimes.
I bet if we thought long-term (what does this do to myself and what patterns does this create) we might be able to do better than handling each issue separately. My 2 cents...

[Dharma]

What would be a graceful way to handle these situations? Tell it like it is.

"You know I don't feel like doing x right now, so I'm going to go home and finish reading a book I'm into. (or something like that)

You can add: "I feel bad inside for saying no, but I'm going to go now."

Which is true and it matches what's inside of you in the moment.

Originally Posted by Nyx

My issue is how can I not feel bad for speaking up my mind?

A question for you. Does it matter if what comes out of your mouth is a 'yes' or a 'no'? Do you get the feel bad thing for both? And for you, does "speaking your mind" mean "I'm going to say no or disagree with you"?

[Nyx]

Originally Posted by Dharma

What would be a graceful way to handle these situations? Tell it like it is.

"You know I don't feel like doing x right now, so I'm going to go home and finish reading a book I'm into. (or something like that)

You can add: "I feel bad inside for saying no, but I'm going to go now."

Which is true and it matches what's inside of you in the moment.



A question for you. Does it matter if what comes out of your mouth is a 'yes' or a 'no'? Do you get the feel bad thing for both? And for you, does "speaking your mind" mean "I'm going to say no or disagree with you"?

Thank you guys for ur responses so far. I truly appreciate it.

Dharma, I feel really bad if I 'disagree' with someone. Like if someone wants to do something and if I say no, I'm really scared of getting rejected or not asked to be part of the group again. I feel guilty and scared that I hurt people's feelings. I think it reflects who I am, because when people say no to me, I feel that they are rejecting me or don't want to be with me.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Nyx

I feel guilty and scared that I hurt people's feelings. I think it reflects who I am, because when people say no to me, I feel that they are rejecting me or don't want to be with me.

Nyx, contrary to what you may think, people respect those who are honest and forthright. It helps them know where they stand and understand you better.

You have everything to gain by being true to yourself and up front with others. If they have a problem with that, perhaps they aren't really your friends. Of course, you must be diplomatic and considerate with how you say things.

[SeriousKidding.com]

Don't worry about what others think about you speaking your mind. They'll respect you for it. Since when is asking for something an automatic debt you have to repay? Most folks I know expect nothing in return. When someone helps you, THEY/WE get immediate repayment by the good feeling it produces to be able to help in the first place. When you help someone, it comes back to you.

[John Hill]

It is just a basic insecurity you feel within that stops you from speaking up for yourself and many people feel this way. The thing is though, people actually like others who speak up for themselves. You come across as bold and assertive, not pushy or needy.

John

Attracting People.com