Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

skanda · 06-24-2007, 12:19 AM

hi everyone..
im trying to give self-discipline in my life a bit more of a go.. i thought for me to give myself a real chance .. i need to admit my growing addiction as well . I am a female.. and i am growing addicted to internet erotica.. i feel ashamed.. does any other lady have this problem ?

Shamou · 06-24-2007, 01:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skanda

hi everyone..
im trying to give self-discipline in my life a bit more of a go.. i thought for me to give myself a real chance .. i need to admit my growing addiction as well . I am a female.. and i am growing addicted to internet erotica.. i feel ashamed.. does any other lady have this problem ?

If you simply subject yourself to enough erotica... you'll soon get tired of it... same old... same old... same old...

So, my advice to you is... get your fill... then you can get on with your life...

.

nownow · 06-24-2007, 03:16 AM

Addicts don't get tired or they would not be addicts. Are you really an addict?. If you are its biologically based and self discipline will not be enough. You need your addiction to release the chemicals which your brain craves. People can become addicted to anything and exactly how the brain becomes so wired is extremely complicated. Some brains are addicted to suffering. You need to find out what your really getting out of the porn and then get that same thing but not from the porn. Usually addictions are related to a problem with dopamine in the brain, maybe antidepressants will help. Its necessary to work from both ends at once though and try to change the way you think about things. Focus on positive things and not on overcoming negative things. Being ashamed is a sign that you are stuck in the negative and you are trying to overcome it, which will not work, instead of focusing on how nice it would feel to not have the addiction.

agnostic · 06-24-2007, 08:32 AM

I've read poll results stating that 20% of all Christian women are addicted to porn. So don't down yourself. 20% means 1 in 5. You're not alone.

I'd even suspect that Christian women are trying harder not to be addicted to porn or don't tell even in a poll, so I guess the actual percentage of women being addicted to porn is even higher.

But there is no reason to be ashamed of this anyway. It's just an odd cultural stigma that the depiction of naked (especially fornicating) humans is somehow a bad thing. There's no real reason for this.

From a biological point of view, sex is the answer to the question "Why are we here?" both in terms of origin and purpose. By fulfilling your sex drive you are just doing what you are supposed to do. It's just that we still live in a sexually suppressive culture and get instilled tons of guilt for being who we are. Internet porn is just a way to unleash the built-up inner sex drive. It may seem enormous, but that's just a cultural thing. There's nothing wrong with you.

If you are looking for a "cure" (even though you are not actually sick), get more actual sex (that is: get your sexual pleasure without the shortcut to the web) and the problem should be solved.

Keith · 06-24-2007, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shamou

If you simply subject yourself to enough erotica... you'll soon get tired of it... same old... same old... same old...

The trap there is, if it's unfulfilling then you just crave increasing amounts of it, trying in vain to find that fulfilment.

It's similar to food addiction. You can get to the point where you're not particularly enjoying your food, but you just keep eating anyway to try to reach that enjoyment.

Akashic_Librarian · 06-24-2007, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shamou

If you simply subject yourself to enough erotica... you'll soon get tired of it... same old... same old... same old...

So, my advice to you is... get your fill... then you can get on with your life...

.

Thats exactly what I did Shamou! I had the same problem Skanda and I can verify that, even though I am a boy, if you look at enough of it, you get bored. Now look at me, a year ago I was a boring, geeky 15 year old wih no social life who was heavily addicted to this sort of thing.

Now I am 16, I have a girlfriend, I have wonderful friends, I very very very rarely look at Erotica on line, I recently deleted all my..."files" that pertained to erotica and it feels great.

Max Power · 06-24-2007, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skanda

hi everyone..
im trying to give self-discipline in my life a bit more of a go.. i thought for me to give myself a real chance .. i need to admit my growing addiction as well . I am a female.. and i am growing addicted to internet erotica.. i feel ashamed.. does any other lady have this problem ?

Why do you feel ashamed?

Max

AndyMartin · 06-24-2007, 01:54 PM

skanda,

I feel like you're getting a lot of answers around your problem, but none to the problem. Some people might not feel you should need to make this change. But that doesn't matter: You don't need anyone to validate your desire to change something in your life. It needs no justification outside your own desire to do so. If you want to change this, then it's perfectly valid and you should do so.

But you do have to really want it. You have to want it more than anything else. There is no substitute: no amount of guilt, pressure or visualization will overcome insufficient desire.

And the measure of desire is your willingness to make a commitment to live the change you want, even when you don't feel inclined to do so. The good news is that you don't need to make a lifelong commitment today.

Take it in small bits. AA teaches members to take it "one day at a time." I take an increasing scale: I start at one day, and each successive commitment is the sum of the last two (1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13...) -- yeah, the Fibonacci sequence. That way you always have the confidence of knowing you're not asking yourself to do anything you haven't already done. And you build up your ability to live commitment over time.

It is the strength of our commitment, not our feelings or thoughts, that allows us to change. And I think that's great news, because feelings and thoughts can betray you at any time. But if you have integrity to fall back on, you will always have the strength you need to make whatever change you feel is important.

Good luck,
Andy

Amadeus · 06-24-2007, 04:59 PM

Shamou, you are as wrong on this one as you can possibly be. You can not get enough of it. Erotica in her case will beget more erotica. She'll never get her fill. The reason I know this is because she posted about it and thinks she may have a problem. She does have a problem.

absvan · 06-24-2007, 07:29 PM

I agree with what Amadeus and Keith says. If you dont enjoy it but continue to do it, then its a habit that needs to be dealt with.

Incidentally, I just finished an article on my blog on how to quit smoking. The tips I have mentioned can be used for any addiction. You can check it out... if it helps, great!

agnostic · 06-25-2007, 09:16 AM

Okay, I understand now how addiction is the problem. I think you are right about this one Amadeus and Keith. I thought it was about the shame. But if the sexual pleasure you get doesn't make you fulfilled, you always crave for more, that's as true as it can be. So to beat the addiction, that's what you should work on.

06-24-2007, 12:19 AM	#1 (permalink)
skanda Junior Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 23	addicted hi everyone.. im trying to give self-discipline in my life a bit more of a go.. i thought for me to give myself a real chance .. i need to admit my growing addiction as well . I am a female.. and i am growing addicted to internet erotica.. i feel ashamed.. does any other lady have this problem ?

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06-24-2007, 03:16 AM	#3 (permalink)
nownow Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 53	Addicts don't get tired or they would not be addicts. Are you really an addict?. If you are its biologically based and self discipline will not be enough. You need your addiction to release the chemicals which your brain craves. People can become addicted to anything and exactly how the brain becomes so wired is extremely complicated. Some brains are addicted to suffering. You need to find out what your really getting out of the porn and then get that same thing but not from the porn. Usually addictions are related to a problem with dopamine in the brain, maybe antidepressants will help. Its necessary to work from both ends at once though and try to change the way you think about things. Focus on positive things and not on overcoming negative things. Being ashamed is a sign that you are stuck in the negative and you are trying to overcome it, which will not work, instead of focusing on how nice it would feel to not have the addiction.

06-24-2007, 08:32 AM	#4 (permalink)
agnostic Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 230	I've read poll results stating that 20% of all Christian women are addicted to porn. So don't down yourself. 20% means 1 in 5. You're not alone. I'd even suspect that Christian women are trying harder not to be addicted to porn or don't tell even in a poll, so I guess the actual percentage of women being addicted to porn is even higher. But there is no reason to be ashamed of this anyway. It's just an odd cultural stigma that the depiction of naked (especially fornicating) humans is somehow a bad thing. There's no real reason for this. From a biological point of view, sex is the answer to the question "Why are we here?" both in terms of origin and purpose. By fulfilling your sex drive you are just doing what you are supposed to do. It's just that we still live in a sexually suppressive culture and get instilled tons of guilt for being who we are. Internet porn is just a way to unleash the built-up inner sex drive. It may seem enormous, but that's just a cultural thing. There's nothing wrong with you. If you are looking for a "cure" (even though you are not actually sick), get more actual sex (that is: get your sexual pleasure without the shortcut to the web) and the problem should be solved.

06-24-2007, 01:54 PM	#8 (permalink)
AndyMartin Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 208	skanda, I feel like you're getting a lot of answers around your problem, but none to the problem. Some people might not feel you should need to make this change. But that doesn't matter: You don't need anyone to validate your desire to change something in your life. It needs no justification outside your own desire to do so. If you want to change this, then it's perfectly valid and you should do so. But you do have to really want it. You have to want it more than anything else. There is no substitute: no amount of guilt, pressure or visualization will overcome insufficient desire. And the measure of desire is your willingness to make a commitment to live the change you want, even when you don't feel inclined to do so. The good news is that you don't need to make a lifelong commitment today. Take it in small bits. AA teaches members to take it "one day at a time." I take an increasing scale: I start at one day, and each successive commitment is the sum of the last two (1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13...) -- yeah, the Fibonacci sequence. That way you always have the confidence of knowing you're not asking yourself to do anything you haven't already done. And you build up your ability to live commitment over time. It is the strength of our commitment, not our feelings or thoughts, that allows us to change. And I think that's great news, because feelings and thoughts can betray you at any time. But if you have integrity to fall back on, you will always have the strength you need to make whatever change you feel is important. Good luck, Andy

06-24-2007, 04:59 PM	#9 (permalink)
Amadeus Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 410	Shamou, you are as wrong on this one as you can possibly be. You can not get enough of it. Erotica in her case will beget more erotica. She'll never get her fill. The reason I know this is because she posted about it and thinks she may have a problem. She does have a problem.

06-24-2007, 07:29 PM	#10 (permalink)
absvan Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Ohio Posts: 376	I agree with what Amadeus and Keith says. If you dont enjoy it but continue to do it, then its a habit that needs to be dealt with. Incidentally, I just finished an article on my blog on how to quit smoking. The tips I have mentioned can be used for any addiction. You can check it out... if it helps, great!

06-25-2007, 09:16 AM	#11 (permalink)
agnostic Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 230	Okay, I understand now how addiction is the problem. I think you are right about this one Amadeus and Keith. I thought it was about the shame. But if the sexual pleasure you get doesn't make you fulfilled, you always crave for more, that's as true as it can be. So to beat the addiction, that's what you should work on.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums