How do you accept yourself???

[lightthecandle]

Ok, first off I have to thank everyone whose responded to my posts!!! You guys have been nothing short of amazing. I'm soooooo glad I've stumbled upon this website not too long ago!!

Anyhow, on to my question:

Alot of the posts here claim that accepting yourself will take away all your problems of self worth,confidence, etc.

but how on earth do you go about that? HOW ON EARTH DO YOU ACCEPT YOURSELF???????!!!!!!!!!

I mean, I need some hardcore information. I need a list that I can follow. or something to remedy this.

[unicorn]

First of all, the most common subconscious belief that prevents one from accepting oneself is this one: "I have to be perfect to be acceptable".

To change it use this affirmation: "Even though I have imperfections in my thinking, behavior and accomplishments I completely and deeply love and accept myself". On your chest you have a point about midway between your nipple and collarbone that is a bit more sore to pressure than the rest of your chest. Find that spot and rub it clockwise while affirming. If you feel resistance to the statement, like a feeling that it's not true, then affirm out loud and put deep emphasis and conviction on it. Be an actor and pretend you totally believe it. It is about convincing your subconscious mind and it can sometimes be stubborn in it's beliefs.

Rubbing the sore spot while affirming helps reverse the energy on the faulty belief. Do the affirmation every time you feel some sort of self-critisism arising in your mind, and repeat it at least 3 times every time. After keeping that up for a while pay attention to whether there are specific thoughts, behaviors or other things that keeps bringing up self-critisism and lack of self acceptance. For the "repeaters" change the affirmation to "Event though I ....fill in whatever you do not accept from/in yourself...., I deeply and completely love and accept myself, and I forgive myself for ....what you have not accepted in yourself.... And rub the sore spot while affirming.

If you pay attention to your inner critic and meet that critic with rubbing and affirming daily, you will get an increasing level of self-acceptance for each day that passes by.

This is a simplified shortcut version of Emotional Freedom Techniques that works well with problems of self-acceptance.

Best of luck falling in love with yourself (then everybody else will too)!

[agnostic]

Accepting yourself is not something that you do, it's more something that you don't do. If you don't down yourself, you accept yourself. You have to have a nonjugdmental attitude towards yourself. That's about it.
We worry enough about what other people think about us, which is also completely unnecessary most of the time. Then we internalize this fear of what other think about us and are axious about what we do even if nobody is watching. It's completely pointless.

As Ghandi put it: "They can't take your self-respect if you don't give it away."

You don't need to acquire something to accept yourself and you don't need to do anything special. All you have to do is not down yourself for anything. In fact, it's best to completely forget about all these "self-issues".

If you don't think about them, they don't exist.

Stop believing that you have to do x, y or z to be a worthy human being. The thing is: You don't. The whole problem doesn't really exist. We made it up by confused thinking.

There's this Zen-book that starts with "My dog doesn't worry about wether it'll have a fulfilled life..." I like that line.

Similarly, you don't have to worry about wether you'll have self-worth or self-esteem. You just have it. You just confuse yourself by falsely believing that you had to do something special to earn it. You don't.

I've read this quote somewhere, I think it was in "Self-help stuff that works":

"Self-esteem is the opposite of self-consciousness"

This means that if you don't think about your having self-esteem or not, you have it automatically.

So the best advice I can give you is to forget the entire issue alltogether and just work on actual measurable real-world problems to improve your life. You'll be so busy, you will then over time realize that it wasn't a problem after all.

Or as Emerson (I think) said it:

"Do it and you shall have the power."

It's really this simple.

The entire problem of "self-esteem" is an illusion, an invention, a trick we sadly play on ourselves. I'm currently writing a blog about this problem, because I think it's taken such proportions, it's not funny. So if you still have any questions, please ask. It will help me improve my blog writing.

And since I'm already in quote-mood, here's a nice story:

"A young cat was constantly running in circles chasing its own tail. An old cat was watching it, slightly amused:
"What are you doing?"
The young cat replied: "I'm trying to catch my own tail. After I've caught it, I will be happy."
The old cat smiled again and said:"Well, I have done this, too, in the past. But then I've found that if I just walk wherever I want to go, my tail is following me automatically." "

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

Ok, first off I have to thank everyone whose responded to my posts!!! You guys have been nothing short of amazing. I'm soooooo glad I've stumbled upon this website not too long ago!!

Anyhow, on to my question:

Alot of the posts here claim that accepting yourself will take away all your problems of self worth,confidence, etc.

but how on earth do you go about that? HOW ON EARTH DO YOU ACCEPT YOURSELF???????!!!!!!!!!

I mean, I need some hardcore information. I need a list that I can follow. or something to remedy this.

Good question! I have often pondered this too and one of my positive affirmations says: I love and accept myself." Here is what Webster's Dictionary defines as accept:

Accept:to take willingly; to believe in; to submit to

*********

For me, I have found that I am a much more happier and confident individual if I am accepting of myself. Why is it? Well, I believe that acceptance allows us to examine ourselves (strengths and weaknesses) and by doing that, we may say, " You know what, I am not so bad after all."

I also believe that when we accept, we then do not have the ability to reject. As individuals working toward a more sound mind we cannot reject ourselves for personal weaknesses or mistakes, but rather we must understand that AS A WHOLE we are trying our best.

Positive affirmations have assisted me in accepting myself but you must ask yourself, what is it about yourself that you are not accepting?

Remember, that you are a human full of potential for good. We have the capacity to do great good or harm, but it is our choices that determine our character. It is not wise to base our worth on a few mistakes or successes, but rather by being the precious individual that you and I are.

Acceptance comes from forgiving yourself that you are not perfect, but fully capable of making positive choices!

[oharrell]

How do you accept yourself?

First, dont put yourself down. If you notice something about yourself that you'd like to improve, that's different. Remind yourself what's good about you.

[dulaney0330]

Here is a GREAT website that talks about acceptance and love:

Unconditionality

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

but how on earth do you go about that? HOW ON EARTH DO YOU ACCEPT YOURSELF???????!!!!!!!!!
I mean, I need some hardcore information. I need a list that I can follow. or something to remedy this.

Hi lightthecandle,

I talk about this very thing on my site. It's important to have a healthy self-concept and to love yourself.
That is the beginning point of all personal development and you can't proceed until you accomplish it. You can also use affirmations to help you along the way.
Have fun with it and enjoy the process!

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Hi, lightthecandle. It's hard sometimes, isn't it, trying to like yourself? I have also had trouble accepting myself and therefore being open in relationships and feeling loved.

Whenever a self-defeating thought comes into your mind, refute it. Tell yourself all of the reasons it isn't true...even if you kind of believe it's true. It will seem awkward to begin with, but eventually you will be talking positively about yourself. This could be affirmations or just talking to yourself like a friend. Challenge yourself to improve, but don't beat yourself up for your shortcomings. You will see that when you come to accept yourself, others will find you more approachable. They will accept you as well.

What are some things you think you could do to begin to accept yourself more?

[DreamingBig]

For me, it's just listing the good things and the bad. Appreciating the good and doing whatever I can to fix the bad. After that, I accept myself flaws and all.

[carenkh]

This book is quite awesome:

There is Nothing Wrong With You

Also, this one:

Radical Acceptance

Originally Posted by ZHereford

It's important to have a healthy self-concept and to love yourself. That is the beginning point of all personal development and you can't proceed until you accomplish it.

I have to disagree with this somewhat. I posted this recently on another site:

“I have learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

Though, of course, I’ve learned if one flops awkwardly, full of self-doubt and insecurity, in the general direction of her dreams, sometimes that’s enough to start.

If I waited until I fully accomplished a healthy self-concept and self love, I'd never have gotten anywhere!

[Old Soul]

Funny but I'm sitting here reading your question "How do you accept yourself"
and it is a great question.............

but It is a toughy to answer, at least for me.... because I only know that I do accept myself, however how I got to this point ......... I draw a blank...

it is like I am or was oblivious to the mechanics of it... but it just happened

I can tell you that one thing I really notice which is different for me , and has probably something to do with self acceptance is......... I have no fear of people or death.... it is kind of like 2 huge burdens are just gone....

and as for the fear of people, what that means is, I live unto myself and my principles first and foremost, in those principles I realise there is no competition ... words said to me or opinion of me by others are respected.. but they do not define me... they do not decide who i am ...... so there is strength in knowing this ....

I see myself as a person in progress.... in that I am free to learn all kinds of new things develope new passions, and a love for life and fellow man

I will come back to this if anything else jumps out at me :-)

[lightthecandle]

heloooooooooo everyone!!
thanks for all your responses...I truly love you all for them

anyhow, I just wanted to update you guys on a few things that have drastically changed me for the better!

ok, so I learned that everyone and noone is perfect. EVER. SO DEAL WITH IT. also, i realized today the most amazing feeling in the world, that I haven't felt for years, which is so freeing. I Hope you all can feel this way soon, or do now. OK ready? how do you get this amazing feeling about yourself and your life???

STOP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU. its that simple, and yet it is forgotten by so so many. IF you honestly don't care what anyone thinks about you, you are truly free. free from pain. free from doubt. free from uncertainty. free from anxiety. SERIOUSLY...ONCE YOU CAN STOP CARING...YOU WILL TRULY START TO LIVE.

go with your own pace. do something because YOU want to do it. CHALLENGE YOURSELF...face your fears.

for example, I've quit eating junk food (well, for the most part). So, now if i eat a good/healthy breakfast/lunch/dinner i feel really good about myself...as if i've got this amazing control...simply by choosing smartly which foods i eat.


ahhhhhhhhh i have so much more i want to say...but I'll keep it to this for now. if any of you guys need additional help, feel free to post here!!!


Good luck everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shamou]

Hello lightthecandle…

If you want to accept yourself, here is what you do… now, it does take some efforts on your part… but it works…

You start by writing down what you expect of yourself… determine how you expect yourself to act and behave… what you will do and what you will not do… no matter what… and once you have that down pat, act accordingly…

The only person in the world over whom you have any control is yourself… so it is in your power to act anyway you want… therefore, if you act and behave in a way that is exemplary to you… you have no choice but to accept and like yourself…

The very best of luck to you...

.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by carenkh

If I waited until I fully accomplished a healthy self-concept and self love, I'd never have gotten anywhere!

You're absolutely right carenkh, bad wording on my part. What I meant to say was that a healthy self-concept and self love are where you should begin your personal development - period.

Certainly people can accomplish many things whether they love themselves or not - look at Marilyn Monroe, perhaps Elvis, and many others. The problem is that when you don't have a healthy self-concept no matter how accomplished you are, you don't feel good about what you've done and or what you've have acquired. There are many rich, talented yet miserable people out there. People can still function and be productive and not love themselves.

[inova]

Live with the memories and people get stronger in the end

[Jayne]

It sounds like something is working for you. I would love to hear more. I do a lot of reading, and even more listening to books on CD. There's one that comes to mind that may sound strange for acceptance, called Radical Forgiveness. It's one of those I truly believe everyone should read. I posted a review of it on my website here: attractionportal.com » A Radical Shift

I hope it continues to well for you.

Blessings,
Jayne

[leshka]

Accept yourself or not to accept is just a game of your mind. Just look at the facts:
Everything what is going on in your life is about YOU.
Every time you open your mouse you want to express YOURSELF.
Every person that you love reminds you YOURSELF specially when you feel as one.
Every quality that you like in others is a reflection of YOUR same quality.
Every activity that you take is meant to benefit YOU otherwise you are not involved.
The only everlasting relationship in this life you have with YOURSELF.
Your world is YOUR clear reflection.
The world will end when YOU end.

At the moment your acceptance of yourself is COMPLETE, you just don't know about it yet. As soon as you get this knowledge the question of acceptance will never occur to you again.

[MercuryLime]

I agree with what unicorn said about those emotional freedom techniques. Check out tapping.com for one method that has been working for me.

I wrote a short list of tips on this subject that can be found here.

[Ak47]

^i usually just remind myself that although i may not be the best - there are a heck of a lot of other people who are worse than i am. a bit pessimistic, but that's how i tend to be.

really though, as long as you don't lean toward being better than everyone, or less than everyone- i don't see why anyone could not be comfortable with themselves.

it's probably best just to realize that everyone is different; different enough to have unique qualities that others don't. many don't even realize a lot of good qualities they have- but it's a fact, whether you agree with it or not, you DO have good qualities.

i tend to struggle with wanting to be knowledgable at times mysef. i know though, no matter how much i know, or how much some genius knows- there are still billions and billions of things that neither of us will ever know, that somebody else or nobody else does.