stop staring/glancing at my chest!!!!!!!!

[lightthecandle]

ok, so i have a problem that has recently come about.
I"m a female in my early 20s and when i talk to people i feel like i'm looking at their chest too. i feel like they realize that i look at their chest and their eyes when i talk to thme.

for the record I'm not homosexual. I don't know why I tend to glance at people's chests, sometimes more, even guys. I honestly don't know how to stop it!!!!

i know this is a weird problem. but the thing is I don't recall having this problem a few months ago. I don't when exactly it resurfaced. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh help!!!!!!!

[Angela]

maybe you're trying to see into their hearts.

[Tuumble]

Lightthecandle,

I'm not sure I could offer any real helpful advice on how to deal with this issue but I guess that by concentrating on what you perceive is the problem you are only re-enforcing it. This can only make you more self-conscious/nervous.

It's on your mind so while you try and tell yourself not to look you find yourself wanting to look as well. It's like seeing a sign that says 'Wet Paint' which asks us not to touch but we feel we have to check whether the paint is still wet or not.

I remember some years ago an experiment where they checked the eye movements of both men and women looking at the opposite sex. The results were quite enlightening.

The mens eyes would, perhaps not that surprisingly, dwell on the lady's chest but for women they would switch rapidly between the mans eyes and his crotch like a metronome!

All I can suggest if this is really bothering you is trying to find another way of talking to someone that breaks the pattern. An example could be sitting at an angle to them or looking at something different on the face like the mouth.

I wouldn't worry too much as I suspect the individuals may not even have noticed.

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I don't know why I tend to glance at people's chests, sometimes more, even guys. I honestly don't know how to stop it!!!!

i know this is a weird problem.

Why do you WANT to stop it? What's wrong with appreciating the human form? Rather than it being a weird problem, I think you're simply waking up to life.

[Doku]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

for the record I'm not homosexual. I don't know why I tend to glance at people's chests, sometimes more, even guys. I honestly don't know how to stop it!!!!

Try to learn lip reading. It makes for really interesting job interviews when they sit out outside of the room, talk a bit behind the glass, then bring you back in.

[Dharma]

Has anyone said anything to you about it?

Are you looking at the chest to avoid looking in other places, esp. the eyes?
Do this with everyone?

When you look at people's chests, do you get information about them?

Are you avoiding them?

The chest/breast is all about nurturance; any issue for you there?

[John Wesley]

Practice trying to look people in the eye. You're probably glancing downward out of nervousness. I used to do the same thing and have worked very hard to break the habit.

The best thing I did was always reminding myself to look people in the eye. With practice you get used to it. Make sure to blink occasionally so you aren't starting, and if you have trouble try looking at a spot on the forehead instead.

[Minishark]

Originally Posted by John Wesley

Practice trying to look people in the eye. You're probably glancing downward out of nervousness. I used to do the same thing and have worked very hard to break the habit.

The best thing I did was always reminding myself to look people in the eye. With practice you get used to it. Make sure to blink occasionally so you aren't starting, and if you have trouble try looking at a spot on the forehead instead.

I agree. You've got to make a conscious effort to look people in the eye when you're having a conversation with them. If you're always looking around, people will think you're nervous, or lying, or unsure of yourself. At first it's going to be really awkward, but eventually you'll get used to it. After a while, you'll be doing it without even realizing.

[Amit]

How exactly is this a problem for you? Guys stare at womens boobs and bums all the time. Isn't this just called "checking someone out" ?

Would you say that unconsciously your eyes just almost sink to the persons chest and you almost don't realise it because it's an unconscious thing?

[Brad Isaac]

What could be going on is you are "Kinesthetic". If you are a feeling person, you would naturally look downwards to emotionally absorb what people are saying. Visual people tend to look upwards while processing and people who rely on sounds look side to side.

If this sounds like you, the second someone's conversation touches you in an emotional way, your eyes move downward and right to process the emotion. You might interpret this to mean you are looking at their chests or feet but it's a natural and helpful processing response. Should you 'break yourself' of it? I don't know if that would be a good long term strategy.

But when you find yourself doing it, you can simply see it for what it is and not be so hard on yourself. You wouldn't want someone to feel bad if they were dawing a picture in their minds as you spoke and glanced toward the ceiling (if it meant they were listening) would you? For the same reason you shouldn't feel bad about looking down.

[ChaosKiwi]

When talking to someone keep telling yourself "don't look at their nose, don't look at their nose" and eventually you'll inadvertantly look at peoples noses instead of their chests

If no one has said anything to you about when talking to them, then people probably don't notice it as much as you think.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

ok, so i have a problem that has recently come about.
I"m a female in my early 20s and when i talk to people i feel like i'm looking at their chest too. i feel like they realize that i look at their chest and their eyes when i talk to thme.

for the record I'm not homosexual. I don't know why I tend to glance at people's chests, sometimes more, even guys. I honestly don't know how to stop it!!!!

i know this is a weird problem. but the thing is I don't recall having this problem a few months ago. I don't when exactly it resurfaced. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh help!!!!!!!

Could it be that lately you have been feeling insecure about the attractiveness of your own chest...???

If that were the case, you could be tempted to compare and see where you stood compare to others... and that way, try to reassure yourself that as well endowed as anyone else...

.

[silicon toad2000]

I find it's a posture thing, that's about the level my eyes naturally seem to fall unless I make an effort to hold my head up then my eyes naturally fall on peoples faces.
Might sound like an excuse but it the one im using

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by silicon toad2000

I find it's a posture thing, that's about the level my eyes naturally seem to fall unless I make an effort to hold my head up then my eyes naturally fall on peoples faces.
Might sound like an excuse but it the one im using

Maybe if you wore sunglasses the problem would go away... and you would not have to use the excuse anymore...

.

[silicon toad2000]

lol I don't have a problem with what's happening.

[Matthew Shea]

I agree with the suggestions that perhaps you're placing too much importance on other women's chests. Perhaps you could convince yourself that, since all women are born with them, it's not a big deal. What's more is that we're all beautiful in one way or another and are bound to be appreciated by someone whether you're an A or a D. This could help take the pressure off so you're not mentally focusing on this as much.

[lightthecandle]

ok, so i've tried doing all the things you guys said. i still think that its not right to glance (constantly) or stare at one's chest. I'm really trying to stop. I'm a woman and I look at both mens and womens chests (i'm not homosexual). i hate it!


could it be that i don't feel comfortable when talking to people in the first place? i always feel under pressure to say 'the right thing' or the next 'funny' thing, that i get so tense and awkward. I"m in my mid 20s and goddddddddddddd i wish i could FINALLY GROW UP, AND ACCEPT MYSELF.

ANY IDEAS???????????

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

ANY IDEAS???????????

Is there a nudist area nearby?

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

i wish i could FINALLY GROW UP, AND ACCEPT MYSELF.

ANY IDEAS???????????

Growing and accepting ourselves is a lifelong quest… and not an easy task… but, you could start by trying to accept the fact that it is perfectly correct to be imperfect… and that people will love you… not because you are perfect… but because you make them feel better about who they are themselves…

You see, the bottom line is that most people are focused on themselves… and they only use others as a guideline to see how they personally rate… so, if you want to be loved, cater to the other person’s needs… and they will worship your every words…

You and I are unique… just like everybody else… and that is good… so, rejoice in your uniqueness and let it shine…

Best of luck to you…

[El Gufo Pazzo]

... Maybe it's something about primal competition?

[soccer7]

alrigtey, time for my 2 cents worth. Firstly i am a guy and don't have a problem with girls staring at my chest, but i'm not sure what the girls think of girls that stare at their chest, i like to stare at a girls chest, of course only when they are not looking, hehe.

i guese you just develop this habit out of some subconscous reason. I have this habbit of grinding my teeths when i'm bored and not talking, i know that its bad cause its killing my beautiful teeths. Anyhow, when ever i notice myself doing it i just stop it and focus on that.

maybe the reason is your afraid to look at people's face when speaking to them, cause you afraid they will not like to be stared at. maybe your aslo afraid to stare at their feet cause that might give them the impression your not interested in talking to them. so you look somewhere in between - i.e. their chest.

when i talk to someone, i look at their face to talk to them but not for too long, otherwise it makes them feel uncomfortable, so i look to the side or or in a diagonally upwards which is the body language for thinking mode.

after reading your second post i realise you're just like me, and So many others. When talking to people, we i used to be like "oh man, they must think i'm boring, i have to somehow fill up this silence, oh this is bad, what to say what to say, if i can just be funny" - then i hear a tiny voice in my head, "Be yourself, say whats on your mind" then i fire back with "I can't do that, if i say what's on my mind they will surely look at me weirdly, and i probably would get a bad reputation and no one will talk to me making me a social outcast"

For the rest of my high school years i focus alot of attention into how to deal with this, i was very miserable because i just didn't have the courage to say whats on my mind, making me timid and lousy. But over the years i have develop alot of courage, this year is the year that i've improved the most but iwon't go into that now. So my advice is to practice, you have to push yourself out of the cage of fear you built for yourself subconscously, you might not understand what i mean, but when you push out and see the bigger picture you will understand. Here's the short version "Be yourself and say what's on your mind"

i don't knw, thats all i got, hope that helps and remember to take it easy, that's how life should be.

[chas]

Well I am bisexual and when i talk to an attractive woman my eyes are fixed on the chest without realising it sometimes. When i talk to a guy my eyes fixate from face to crotch incessently.

[ConcentratedMind]

Maybe just too shy to make eye contact? I don't know.

If so, try looking between the eyes. That always helps.