From a shy, introverted person to an assertive extrovert in 1 day?

[lightthecandle]

for those of you who have changed from being an introvert to an extrovert, how do you change?????
what steps must i go through?????

ahhhhhhhhhhh

[Angela]

First take a look at all the focus you put on yourself, your looks, your voice, how you appear to others.

Now, move your focus! Who are all these other people? What are they doing, thinking, being, achieving, and caring about? Ask questions (not questions about you; questions about them!).

Put your candlelight together with the light of others, and spontaneously combust!

[Shamou]

lightthecandle... first, you have to reach the threshold of tolerance... that is, reach the point where you can't take it no more... the point where things have got to change and change right now...

On that day... you will find in in you to do an about turn and become the extrovert that you want to be...

But... before all that, you must know that you have within yourself all that it take to feel and act like an extrovert... and, in order to do that, think of a time where you got really furious and really spoke your mind... you were pretty good at being an extrovert... were you not...???

Now, if you could do it when you were angry... why could you not do it all the time...???

Best of luck to you...

.

[Angela]

lightthecandle, I was just reading the current (July) issue of O magazine at lunch.... there are so many great articles in there, all around the same theme: be bold, and break through the inhibitions that are holding you back.

I'm not shy at all anymore, but I still found all kinds of valuable stuff in there.

[Alchemiss]

lightthecandle,
Introversion isn't a problem, necessarily--a lot of folks here are naturally introverted but still are happy and successful in their lives. Plus introversion isn't something you can just jump out of; most people stay either introverts or extroverts their entire lives.

The shyness is another matter. There are many ways to gain more confidence and feel more engaged in your life. Self-acceptance helps tremendously with this. Have you done any journal writing? Getting to know yourself helps when you want to get to know others better.

Best wishes,
Alchemiss

[frogcat]

Maybe my understanding of what it means to be an introvert, and what it means to be an extrovert is different than yours.

As far as personality types go, I'm not sure if you want to change your personality.

Far better to uncover your own personal spark of genius and strengthen what you're already good at, than bemoan what you don't do well.

Having said that, perhaps you're thinking in terms of actions. How to behave in a manner where you feel confident talking to strangers, how to engage their interest, how to have fascinating things to discuss.

There are many methods to accomplish that, and you don't need to "change" from an introvert to an extrovert to be sociable and outgoing and friendly.

Personally, my journey involved steps such as: joining Toastmasters, learning how to be a PUA, stepping up to more management roles at work, learning how to have fun and enjoy being myself.

[frogcat]

haaa. I just read your earlier posts.
Here's my "magic pill" for a one day tranformation.

Go right now, cancel what you've got planned, postpone dinner, whatever, and go get changed and go for a jog for at least 30 minutes.

Seriously. If you want the one day transformation, this will do FAR far more for you than any other encouragement or peptalk.

Tomorrow morning, when you first wake up, have a BIG glass of water, and then before showering, eating breakfast, etc, go get changed and do another 30 minute jog.

I could explain the "Why" of this, but if you're looking for excuses to justify why you can't/won't go do 60 minutes of sweating/exercising then I'm afraid I'm not interested in playing along.

Just do it.

Please report back tomorrow to share your results!

[Angela]

in·tro·vert /n., adj.
1. a shy person.
2. Psychology. a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings (opposed to extrovert).
3. Zoology. a part that is or can be introverted.
–adjective 4. Psychology. marked by introversion.
–verb (used with object) 5. to turn inward: to introvert one's anger.
6. Psychology. to direct (the mind, one's interest, etc.) partly to things within the self.
7. Anatomy, Zoology. to turn (a hollow, cylindrical structure) in on itself; invaginate.

I just don't buy it when people say that introversion or extroversion is a fixed personality trait.

Look at the definition of 'introvert.' A person is characterized by a concern because that person holds that concern, not because that's "just the way she is." Hold a different concern, and you can be characterized another way! The other psychological definition, the verb, is an action; if one directs the mind or one's interest to things outside one's self, the definition no longer (or only partially) applies.

In zoology, ok, you're either invaginated or not (and even that can be changed with surgery!) But psychologically, you can switch back and forth from being inwardly and outwardly focused. You might have a tendency one way or the other, but it's not something you can't transform.

All it takes it choice and action.

[frogcat]

*sigh* Just for the record, I don't think that personality is fixed. But I also don't think that it's healthy to want to change it either.

As for "definitions" of introversion/extraversion, and discussions of the validity of the field of Personality Theory, and whether or not introversion/extraversion is a component of personality, I'd prefer to not get involved.

Let's just say that there's a whole heck of a lot of thought gone into it than simply a dictionary definition.

Anyways, while there's plenty of room for debate, my point is that based on the posts made by lightthecandle, the "one day fix" she seeks is probably best addressed by vigorous exercise.

I can base this advice on both theory, anecdote and personal experience.

There's a reason that Nike had that slogan "Just Do It" One that is known to those that engage in vigorous exercise.

[Angela]

You make a statement, it gets responded to, you respond back -- Poof! You're involved!

If personality is not fixed, why would it be unhealthy to want to change it? Isn't that what personal development is all about? You use what works, and you transform what doesn't work so well into something that works better. I believe that is the heart and soul of health.

I think lightthecandle is looking for ways to do that, right lightthecandle?

I agree, frogcat, that vigorous exercise is a great approach to transforming just about anything. That and water.

Especially if you combine the exercise and water with other people.

[frogcat]

I think that while one's personality traits may change over time, to want to change one's personality implies a refutation of self, a rejection of "who you are", a denial of what makes you unique, a failure to embrace both your stengths and weaknesses.

Now, there's a problem of definitions, and a lot of times, colloquioal usage of "personality" might encompass behavior that is certainly changeable and indead healthy to change.

i.e. calling someone an a*hole, another a slacker, a third a drone might be construed by some as describing their personality. Certainly, if an a*hole, or a slacker, or a drone decides they don't like what their behavior is getting them in life, they may be motivated to change. But to me, that's not changing their "personality."

Far be it from me to claim much expertise in the field of Personality Psychology. I'm not a psychologist, nor do I play one on the internet. Although I sometimes pretend to be a psychic...

As for me, a trait like introversion/extraversion is an aspect of personality, and it's like asking "where do you get your energy from?" In broad brush strokes, if interacting with people, doing activities "energizes you" then you're probably an extravert. If having alone time, contemplating, having quiet time "energizes you" then you're probably an introvert.

As far as I'm concerned, introverts can be very skilled at interacting with people and socializing. It's just that it "uses up their energy" to do this, and at some point, they need to "introspect" and recharge their batteries.

Is it desirable to change this trait? I'm in favor of embracing and accepting "who you are" and figuring out how to get what you want in life knowing your strengths and weaknesses and personality traits.

And I'm in favor of people like lightthecandle ending their "analysis paralysis" and getting out there and taking action to improve their lives.

As for her, while there's many steps that can be taken, I strongly believe that for her, The First Step would be to do some vigorous exercise immediately.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by frogcat

As for her, while there's many steps that can be taken, I strongly believe that for her, The First Step would be to do some vigorous exercise immediately.

Well, lightthecandle hasn't responded for awhile, so maybe she's taking your advice!

I see what you mean about 'where you get your energy from.' I'm thinking about my early shy days, when I had it that it really cost me energy to Be With people because I was resisting it so hard. People around me would have said I was shy (like a personality trait --that's Who She Is).

Now, since I surrendered Being Shy, I see there is no such thing for me as "costing me energy," as if it were circumstances outside myself (being alone, being with people) that energized or depleted me. I generate being energized or being depleted; my vitality doesn't depend on where I am or who I'm with. I'm able to connect joyfully with people in away I could not in the Shy Days. And I'm able to freely move back and forth between Being With Others and Being With Myself. This works much, much better for me than shyness ever did! It feels a lot healthier to me to be a generator rather than a reactor. I guess the whole process of that transformation didn't feel so much like "changing my personality" as it did "letting go of things I didn't need anymore."

I can't think of any personality traits that are really "who I am." Who I Am is the consciousness that lives like a dog -- simply present and alert. Everything else is fluctuating and malleable and subject to surrender.

And like you, I am also in favor of lightthecandle (and me, and you, and everybody else) moving their bodies as much as possible. (sorry for talking about you in the third person, lightthecandle! Where are you, anyway? how is all the stuff in this thread landing on you?)

A

[frogcat]

Thanks for sharing a completely different way of looking at the issue! I really appreciate it, and I would agree that your approach is much more liberating!

As for lightthecandle, one can only hope that she is able to move forward from the troubles she's experiencing. I hope I'm speaking for many of us in that we've been there, and feel her anguish, and are hoping to "light a candle" and show her a way out of the darkness...

[Shamou]

Here is an excellent article on, "Extraversion and introversion"

Hope it helps...

.

[brandi]

aahhh grasshopper, people change as life occurs to them.

find something that brings you joy.
be active with it, share interests with other people,
socialize to be an extrovert.
start every day being grateful.
be grateful through out the day.
surely you will be smiling
when you start itemizing the neat stuff about you!.
and folks will see you as approachable
drawn to you actually.

and you'll be bursting from the seams with joy
and you really can't pin point why...
but you're just happy,
and voila!
being an extrovert snuck up on you!
and you are converted and you blog about it....
and everyone is happy


I must tell you sometimes i wish i weren't so danged happy for no reason really i couldn't just sit down and tell you about in under three minutes.
I'll keep you for hours.
but at the end of the day.
i am so grateful i have my own disposition.
warts and all~ wouldn't have it any other way

[Keith]

On the Myers-Briggs test I vary between Introvert & Extrovert.

It was once explained to me that this doesn't actually represent how social you are, but rather whether you tend to internalise or externalise your thinking processes. I'm comparatively shy but I tend to register as an "I" because when I have ideas I like to bounce them off people. I call it 'outsourcing my thinking'.

[Amit_S]

I'll recommend a book:
Dont Say Yes When You Want To Say NO

Its a awesome book! The BEST self help book I've come across! The underlying philosophy of this book is Behavior Therapy.
For what you want (become an extrovert) the book has Assertive Training.
It has easy to follow 'assignments' which build up on tasks (from less difficult to comparatively more difficult ones.)

[Minishark]

If you're trying to be more outgoing and extroverted, you've just got to get out there start meeting as many people as you can. Get out of your comfort zone. It's going to be uncomfortable, awkward, maybe even painful, but with every new person it will become more natural. You've got to get over your initial fear of rejection, and the only way to do that is to get rejected, and then learn to laugh it off. You'll probably encounter a few jerks who wouldn't give you the time of day, but the majority of people would be thrilled that someone would take the time to have a conversation with them. Be genuinely interested in other people. Never turn down an opportunity for socializing. The people around you are what make life worth living.

[JohnPlace]

First, I think it's important to clarify the difference between introversion and extroversion, as it is only related to "people and social skills" in an indirect way.

The difference between introversion and extroversion is really related to where you draw your strength -- where you recharge your batteries.

Introverts recharge their batteries through solitary activity. Extroverts recharge their batteries through the company of others.

Most people who meet me at a party would swear I'm extroverted. They are shocked to discover I'm deeply introverted.

I know very introverted people who are the life of the party, who have great people skills, and who can speak in front of large groups with no problems.

Introverts may struggle to learn these skills, but it's not impossible. These skills, like many others, are within your grasp -- and you don't have to change your nature to learn them.


My advice? Embrace what you are, and learn the skills you desire.

[lightthecandle]

ok, so I haven't replied for a few days. I haven't really been excercising or eating right. I don't know why, but eating junk food makes me really feel crappy...but when i'm stressed out, i eat like a pig and eat as much junk food as humanly possible. (I'm pretty thin, except i feel like in the past two weeks my cheeks have gotten larger, and my tummy has begun to get big too). I made a promise to myself to go work out tomorrow at 7 am outside!!!!!!! the problem is, sometimes when i break a rule (for example eating a candy bar) i get mad at myself, and feed myself more junk food, because i tell myself "tomorrow will be different, tomorrrow i'll start eating right, and working out". but it has never worked!! but!! tomorrow morning, i really really want to COMPLETELY change myself for the better.!!

thanks for all the responses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


if you guys have any other tips, that'd be awesome!!wooooohooooo, i'm pumped!!!

[Jill]

Why does it have to happen in 1 day?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Jill

Why does it have to happen in 1 day?

Why does it take a whole day? It can happen in one moment!

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Angela

Why does it take a whole day? It can happen in one moment!

You mean an "instant" don't you... (At least, that's what Tony said...)

.

[Freelancer]

Haven't read the entire thread yet (no time blah blah) so if I repeat stuff well to bad lol.

You probably want to change from a less social person to a very social person. First you must decide you want to change (obviously) than you can start working on it.

Now a couple of things first:
Body language; Standing up straight, shoulders straight, arms relaxed next to your body, head up high. Just pretend there a string on the top of your head running through the center of your body and than pull it a bit.
Voice tonality; This is a tough one, you probably need to learn to project your voice better. This means speaking louder and to not be affraid of being heard. For now just take note of this and leave it at that.

Some excersizes:
SMILE to everyone
Keep your body language correct at all times
Talk to 10 strangers a day, if you can't do this just say Hi to 10 people and make it tougher ones you can do that comfortably. Its best to try and do this to people of the opposite sex, you might as well get that out of the way.
Try and make the above conversations longer and more interesting untill the point you can talk to anybody anywhere for like 10 minutes. Don't worry about what people think about you, in fact don't worry at all...

If you can get all this down I'd bet you'd be suprised by the results.

[munish]

Read this

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...-to-extrovert/

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Shamou

You mean an "instant" don't you... (At least, that's what Tony said...)

.

Who is Tony? Do you mean you think I'm gggggrrrrrrrrreaaaaaat!

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Angela

Who is Tony? Do you mean you think I'm gggggrrrrrrrrreaaaaaat!

Angela... I don't think you're great... I know you are...

.

[WayToTwilight]

Hey lightthecandle, I think you are already changing. The moment you had that thought in your head, that's the change in your thoughts you'll need. Of course from here it's a whole new ball game.

I don't want to be a party pooper, but I don't think people can make real massive changes in one day, even in an instant. It's a gradual process. But one thing you can change in an instant is your present actions and behaviors. As you continue to change your actions and behaviors, your mindset will reflect that. Think that you ARE extroverted and be extroverted!

Of course then you need to know what it means to be extroverted. To be more extroverted, or more specifically, less socially awkward, you have to stop being afraid of what people think of you. Easier said than done no? Then you have to start being able to smile! Smile even if a great sadness has overcome your heart. Smile as if you just saw the cutest little baby or puppy or kitten or whatever makes you happy. Just start smiling, make eye contact with people, say hi or nod or wave, let people know that you're a friendly cool person. And practice, practice this, practice talking to people, just make small talk!

And one more thing, you will fail many times. You'll still be socially awkward. But if you keep working on it, you can get past it and keep going. Even the most social people run into situations they are unfamiliar with. Don't let your fears control you. I don't remember who said this but, "Feel the fear and do it anyways!"

Hope this helps! Good luck lightthecandle, and don't worry about being alone. I myself am still struggling with being more social and more extroverted. But I'm working on it, let's wish each other well on our social and personal development! Cheers!

[Alchemiss]

Originally Posted by JohnPlace

Introverts may struggle to learn these skills, but it's not impossible. These skills, like many others, are within your grasp -- and you don't have to change your nature to learn them..

I agree with this and the aspect of where introverts vs. extroverts get re-energized.

Also, light, the secret to change is starting over. When you eat something you would rather not eat, practice starting over quickly rather than punishing yourself and getting into a downward spiral. People who change learn how to restart and keep doing it again and again and again until the change becomes part of who they are. Self-punishment delays the restart. Congratulate yourself every time you bounce back and restart, no matter how long it takes.

Take care,
Alchemiss

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by WayToTwilight

I don't want to be a party pooper, but I don't think people can make real massive changes in one day, even in an instant.

Have you not met someone who decided to stop smoking in an instant and stuck to it... or someone who decided to reform in an instant... and have been straight ever since...???

In most cases... changes can and do happen in an instant... the instant the person says, "I've had enough... I am more than I have been manifesting... and this is how I will be in the future..."

.