how to stop looking sad, when you're really not..=(

[lightthecandle]

I don't know why but I look sad...all the time when I honestly really am NOT. for example one of my friends came up to me and asked me if i needed a hug as i was using the school computer and looking at the screen. she told me she asked because i looked as if someone had just died, and i'm looking at the computer screen in total sadness. She's not even the first or only person to tell me that...i've gotten that many, MANY times by people. one of the reasons is because i have very small lips, so even if i smile, it's not that huge and warm looking. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT IF THATS HOW I WAS MADE! is there any way i can stop looking sad, and look like my true happy self inside as well as out? i'm sure this scares people away from talking to me or engaging in speaking to me. i'm willing to do anything it takes. i know it scares people away because i don't have many friends.and one of the reasons is because i look like i'm sad ALL THE TIME. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh help!

[Chet]

I am with you on this, people say I look angry. And I am like the most non-angry person ever.

[Ree]

Lightthecandle, this is probably going to sound silly, but you need to rehearse while looking at yourself in the mirror. This has happened to me since I've (ahem) aged slightly. What used to be a serious-looking face has turned into a seriously pissed off looking face.

So with the help of a public speaking professional, I practiced my many different faces while looking in the mirror. I picked the one that I liked the best (approachable and friendly, yet not giddy-looking and I worked on it until I could remember how it feels to make this face.

Now, let me say right here that while making this face, in the beginning I felt like I was looking smug and self-satisfied and maybe even like I had a hilariously funny secret. BUT, after watching myself in the mirror, I realized that what I felt and what I looked like were two extremely different things.

Now, I have this face that I carry wherever I go and it feels very natural. This happens after a lot of practice, so if you try this, stick with it And like I said in the beginning, it sounds silly but it works.

[Dharma]

You are sad and unconscious of it. You want to blame it on your facial features or whatever.

When someone says you look sad, take it as you're telling you you've got some sadness inside you're not in touch with. It's not a problem. Using your awareness go to the belly area and relax it. See if there's any tightness or discomfort there. Keep your focus there and breathe, it will surface.
(the belly is the place where the physical body and the emotional body connect.) Feel what is there - it will most likely be sadness. Don't make it about something, just feel it.

After you've felt it go back to what you were doing. If you felt the sadness and allowed it expression you will feel more space inside yourself and your belly will feel different.

It's not a problem. It's just you asking yourself to be aware of something.

[Alchemiss]

Have you considered you may just be introverted instead of extroverted? At various times in my life, I've encountered something like this as has an introverted friend of mine. I don't necessarily display my inner life on my face--for me it is part of being a private, introverted person.

Have you seen this article?
Caring for Your Introvert

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Ree

So with the help of a public speaking professional, I practiced my many different faces while looking in the mirror. I picked the one that I liked the best (approachable and friendly, yet not giddy-looking and I worked on it until I could remember how it feels to make this face.

What an excellent idea! I'll have to try that.

[Carl Carlson IV]

That would probably help!

[JeremyW]

What Alchemiss said. And don't bother trying to put on a show for anyone just be yourself.

[lightthecandle]

I DO try to be myself!!

it's just that i don't have many friends here at school (i'm taking summer classes at college). no one seems to like me, out of 90 students =(

and today, another random girl told me today that when i was looking at the computer screen i looked like someone had just killed my dog. why?!! why, when I wasn't even sad to begin with???!!! how do i stop this madness???

maybe, its because i feel ugly...or know that i'm ugly

[Lychee]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I DO try to be myself!!

it's just that i don't have many friends here at school (i'm taking summer classes at college). no one seems to like me, out of 90 students =(

and today, another random girl told me today that when i was looking at the computer screen i looked like someone had just killed my dog. why?!! why, when I wasn't even sad to begin with???!!! how do i stop this madness???

maybe, its because i feel ugly...or know that i'm ugly

Don't change for anyone else, change only for yourself. Listen to peoples' advice objectively and see if it is true in reality, or if a person's perception just interprets you that way.

You shouldn't say that this might be happening because you "know" you are ugly. That is the problem. You are setting up obstacles for yourself by listening to what people may tell you and thinking that perhaps it is true. You are accepting it into your reality. Say to yourself that you are happy and cheerful, regardless of what people may tell you.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Maybe this will help...

Or at least make you smile for a minute like it did me. What will they think of next?

[Shamou]

Hey guys... the best way not to look sad... is to chew gum... you might look cheap... but you won't look sad...
.

[karlos768]

I know what ur saying in my first year of high school i had an argument with my teacher about wether or not i was frowning he insited i was, man woud i like to see him now, lol.

i have just excepted i was born with a fixed frown which has its disadvantages and advantages, i overcome it by just smiling at people to let them no im a happy chappy. but if im out drinking and come across one of fellas who just looks 4 a fight i dont bother changin my face they soon back down ha ha ha like i say theres disadvantages and advantages.

hope my own experience provide you with some degree of help

[nightdiamond]

Hi lightthecandle, this may be a simple body language issue, and a first impression issue as well. If when these same people see you just walking by and they thought they've seen the same expression, their conclusion may be you're a sad-like person and causes them to see it when you're at the computer.

The solution can be as simple as learning to smile and greet people warmly. Smile as you walk by them, and at the computer, look up when they come by and smile and greet them. See the difference in how they respond afterwards. You'll get a hint when they begin to joke with you, include you in conversations, ect.

Don't be so sure no one likes you, light, that's often a misconception made by people who are usually shy or introverted. If people see from your expressions that you look sad, they may hesitate to approach you because they think you won't respond warmly to them.

So give it a try, tell us what happens....

[Jross22]

Originally Posted by Ree

Lightthecandle, this is probably going to sound silly, but you need to rehearse while looking at yourself in the mirror.

Sounds pretty brilliant to me.

Like Chet, above, everybody says that I look angry. Usually I was just trying to concentrate. Well they did, I wiped that look aside and now I look tired. Looking tired is much safer for me, in my line of work! Unarmed solo night clerk at a low income neighborhood gas station.

Anyhow, you can connect this advice with Dharma's, as changing your expression is a good way to change the way you feel. In my own experience, when I went around looking angry, I did have a shorter fuse, so probably I was tuning out a bit of my anger.

I.E. as you start wearing a more cheerful face you may find yourself feeling better. Good luck with it and enjoy your life...

[codenamesmiley]

Light, Wear tshirts with funny stuff on them once in a while...if people cannot see thru your "I'm staring at something intensely" face...they will at least know by your tshirt that there is a happy, funny person in there.

[Halcyon]

for example one of my friends came up to me and asked me if i needed a hug

and today, another random girl told me today

Ya know LTC, you could just use that as an "opener". If people are coming up to you to ask if you need a hug just say like... "Oh, you need a hug?" smile REAL big ... hehe You seem shy too.

Alchemiss and Dharma might have something there as well.

[Halcyon]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Maybe this will help...

Or at least make you smile for a minute like it did me. What will they think of next?

Well, the Japanese were taught to always hide their emotions. There were a lot of people on a small island space. To get along better and live more peaceful they taught that it was bad to express emotions. Only now are they cutting away from that. This is an excellent little tool. Nothing overtly funny about it.

[Susanna77]

I had that at school. If people still think it I don't know; I haven't been told that in a while.

But yes, I was sad. I still think when I am not smiling I look furious or sad...I don't know. The tips of my mouth face downwards (for lack of better description).

ANYWAY...tell you what. If you're still at school don't try to change to get approval. Keep being yourself. I'd just change this: if you're into "manifesting" (lots to read about that in here) manifest yourself the right kind of friends.

I did this (I did not know about manifesting but used what I had then: prayer). Funny looking back now: one of those people that crossed my path was someone who thought I was nasty person (because I did not smile) and another one was someone who had a bad reputation at school and I never thought we could relate in any way. Not going to bore you with details. Just that it works. I'm still in touch with these girls (women).

INTEND.

[Lauxa]

Originally Posted by Ree

Lightthecandle, this is probably going to sound silly, but you need to rehearse while looking at yourself in the mirror. This has happened to me since I've (ahem) aged slightly. What used to be a serious-looking face has turned into a seriously pissed off looking face.

So with the help of a public speaking professional, I practiced my many different faces while looking in the mirror. I picked the one that I liked the best (approachable and friendly, yet not giddy-looking and I worked on it until I could remember how it feels to make this face.

Now, let me say right here that while making this face, in the beginning I felt like I was looking smug and self-satisfied and maybe even like I had a hilariously funny secret. BUT, after watching myself in the mirror, I realized that what I felt and what I looked like were two extremely different things.

Now, I have this face that I carry wherever I go and it feels very natural. This happens after a lot of practice, so if you try this, stick with it And like I said in the beginning, it sounds silly but it works.

Love it! Definitely going to try this.

[JackTP]

Just SMILE more?

I used to look very serious also, which influenced peoples first impression of me as well, not in a negative way, but I wanted to convey more of a fun, dynamic side of me.

So, I simply started smiling more, just the big "fake" smile, whenever I would meet someone, and no surprise even this got much better reactions from people. I also found that once you start smiling more it becomes a reflex.

There is really only positives to smiling more, I think the cause and effect sets in, smiling more keeps your thoughs more positive and vice versa.