Mugged.. how to move on?

[insatiabl3]

Hello,

I was robbed yesterday while in the parking lot of my campus. Someone drove up and dropped an accomplice off, who came up to me while I was getting into my car.. he threatened me with a knife and told me to give him my purse. Then they drove off. I wasn't hurt but he stole about $1000 worth from me - designer bag and wallet, Blackberry phone.

I know I should be thankful that I wasn't hurt, and I am truly grateful for that. However, I keep replaying the scenario in my head.. wondering if there's somehow I could have fought back, etc. Wondering why I had to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

And I'm so angry at the thief too. I keep thinking, "he doesnt deserve to take things from people" and I wonder how many others he has stolen from. He must have been so happy, driving off with all my things and then using my credit cards to go on a shopping spree.

I was a very trusting and independent person, but now I am kind of afraid to go places by myself.. I was robbed in broad daylight too, at 1pm. I have class at that campus until 10pm starting next week.

How do I move on from this? I know there are much worse things to recover from, but I find myself focusing on this experience and wondering why it had to happen.

Thanks everyone

Edit: I took all the necessary steps... filed a report with campus police, cancelled credit card, replaced driver's license, suspended cell phone, filled insurance claim (i can only get 200 because of 500 dollar deductable).. I am asking for help in dealing with the emotions. thanks!

[SuperStar]

Feel compassion for the thief. Sounds crazy, right?

-put yourself in his shoes. He doesn't have any skills to make money, he is insecure about his ability to live in society, etc. Feel how desperate his situation must be to be doing this sort of thing. realize he's the same as the bully on the playground back in the day, picking on people 'smaller' (nice, trusting women) than him to make himself feel bigger.

-realize that when you are angry at him for being so happy with your things, that there is a small part deep within you that is jealous, and wishes you could do the same thing. someone wise said "all anger is actually projected self-anger".

-forgive him for his misdeeds. he is a slave to his ego, and anger and hatred will never heal him. He needs compassion to help him be free from his suffering.

These are just some suggestions of things to think about as you get over this. As far as being afraid to go out alone... I can't really offer advice, except to maybe think about how long you've been alive and nothing has happened until this incident, so it probably won't happen again for as long a time.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by SuperStar

Feel compassion for the thief. Sounds crazy, right?

Yes, it does sound crazy to me... it may be nice to be forgiving... but there is a limit... forgiving someone like that is like giving them a license to do it again...

When you are the victim of a crime... it is normal to feel anger toward the perpetrator... and, if I was in insatiabl3's shoes, forgiveness would be the last thing on my mind...

.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by insatiabl3

I am asking for help in dealing with the emotions. thanks!

This article on Post-traumatic stress disorder could offer some useful information for you...

I wish you the very best...

.

[Uplift]

Gidday insatiabl3, I can relate to you because I was severely abused as a kid. I also am qualified as a counsellor, but haven't really practised... I did it more for helping myself. I know that thinking about what happened is normal, but dwelling on certain parts of it, just gets you mucked up. But not dealing with it doesn't work either, otherwise it will effect your life without even being aware of it, maybe in ways you don't want.

I know for certain, from experience, that focusing on what good you can is best, for you. For instance, you filed a report, you have already taken action, and have done what is in your power to protect others as well as yourself. You are coping pretty well, and must be a strong, together person to be able to respond so clearly, and decisively. Whatever way you acted during the mugging kept you extremely safe, again, that is your doing, you acted extremely well. Telling the story to all the people here is good, you are seeking support, in an environment you trust. Just being able to get it all out is dealing with it, and will help how you choose to develop your attitude about it. Again, look, you are doing things that other people find hard, even with extensive counselling. You must be pretty together, to be acting and responding in the way you are. The important bit is choosing which responses you want, to the thoughts that pop up, and it is like the snowball effect. For me, I found it so hard, that I had to help myself, that in the end, it was all up to me, as to how to really deal with it, even though I was innocent, and wanted the abusers to pay, to make up for it. When I let myself focus on my anger and fear, and guilt, and remorse...or any of the bad stuff for too long, I would suffer, I would feel bad, live bad. Eventually I had to choose, and when I noticed those thoughts happening, I had to shift my focus to things like I described above. That automatically causes a snowball effect in the opposite direction, and sets up a different, really good for you, attitude and pattern of thinking about the mugging, which will lead to different actions and entirely different beneficial outcomes.

You are obviously a smart person, run it around in your head. Do you really believe you actually could have done anything to stop the mugging, other than lock youself in a bank vault for the rest of your life? Muggers mug people, thats what they choose to do. Are you going to see that as a fault in you, as wrong doing by you? That's a choice you have. If it happened to a friend of yours, would you see them as being to blame, or guilty, or less of a person because they were mugged? It's not a crime to be mugged. The crime is to mug people. You've done nothing wrong, in fact, the exact opposite is true, you dealt with, and are dealing with a radical situation amasingly right. It's a credit to you, a wonderful indicator about you.

I hope this is some help. If you could shop around and speak to a really good counsellor that gels with you, I am certain it would really be beneficial. But you mightn't need to, you will know. All the best.

[Andrew Brunelle]

If you really want to get over it, you know you are capable of choosing your response to this incident. You can look at it from many angles, and my advice is to try and find the most empowering one, such that you are better for the experience.

When bad things happen, which they inevitably will, you have to choose a way to deall with it effectively. You could even be grateful for the incident, as it shows you how precious life really is. You could have been killed just like anyone could be in a mugging situation. He may have taken your wallet, credit cards, and cell phone, but he did not take your life. And life is a million times more valuable than what the crook took.

As Superstar said, having compassion for the mugger is another way to deal with it. Someone whose life is based on stealing other people's possessions is suffering immensely. The reason they feel it necessary to inflict pain and damage on others is because they feel pain themselves. It is unfortunate that you were the target this time. But life goes on, and we have to learn from every experience. Live life more proactively. Realize how precious it is and be prepared for anything.

[Enlightenment]

I know right now all you feel is anger and 'why me?'. 'Did I do something wrong?' I think, is our first response, which is quite sad actually. We automatically think it is us and not the other person, no matter how obscene their act was.

Without becoming self-righteous, and in times like these, I try to think of things that I have done for others. Really good things that have helped others. For example, we foster a child through World Vision, and I try to instill the ideology in my own children that it is important to help our foster child. This means that we go and pick out simple things at the store for her, things she will not possiblity be able to have otherwise. I ask my children to write a note or letter in the card, sign it, and pack all the things up. I then bring them to the post office and we mail the letter or package together. That way they are totally involved in getting this package to our foster child.

It is so easy to get caught up in this world of materialism, we want the designer bags and the newest technology. But the people we are emmulating are messed up! Who wants to be like Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan. Which is, by the way, a totally different story -- they could do so, so much good in this world but won't.

Instead of buying a replacement designer bag, why don't you use the money to donate to your favourite charity? That would be a thousand times more powerful than that thief could ever be.

E

[silicon toad2000]

A few years ago someone broke into my house while my wife and I were home. We were oblivious to it, I was watching TV in the bedroom and my wife was in the study.
I was so angry when I realised.
I made some enquiries from friends that travel in less than lawful social circles to try and find out who it was and have them dealt with.
After a week or so the anger dissipates, you accept it and just take steps so it doesn't happen again.
If you are still feeling anger and or fear in a few weeks, maybe find someone to talk to about it.
Hope this helps

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

My house was broken into on Christmas day this past year. Almost all of our gifts and many sentimental gifts from my boyfriend were stolen along with all our dvds and some other things. It felt scary to know that someone had been in our house. The police weren't able to find out who did it. The main thing that helped me was feeling greatful to be unharmed (since we were out of town for Christmas) as well as feeling a sense of compassion for the perpetrator(s). Either no one ever taught them to respect others' property or they really needed some money. No matter what, they must have a very different and difficult life than I.

I don't know if that will help, but I wish you the best. Like silicon toad2000 said, if you still feel really uneasy after a few weeks, perhaps come counseling would be in order. I am sure there are people who specialize in this kind of situation. I wish you the best.

[insatiabl3]

I just wanted to say thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I have been dealing with it for the past week and have just gotten things in order.

I was insured for most of what was lost.. so that's okay. I have to focus on the good in the world, instead of the bad. There is so much worse than robbery, I realize how actually lucky I am to avoid the other bad things.

Thanks to you all. I love this forum

[carenkh]

EFT can help clear up any remaining fears, feelings, etc. I didn't look at the PTSD threat, it might be in there. Some great info here: Gary Craig's EFT site

I'm glad to hear things are getting back to normal... whatever that means!

[mlc82]

Originally Posted by SuperStar

Feel compassion for the thief. Sounds crazy, right?

-put yourself in his shoes. He doesn't have any skills to make money, he is insecure about his ability to live in society, etc. Feel how desperate his situation must be to be doing this sort of thing. realize he's the same as the bully on the playground back in the day, picking on people 'smaller' (nice, trusting women) than him to make himself feel bigger.

-realize that when you are angry at him for being so happy with your things, that there is a small part deep within you that is jealous, and wishes you could do the same thing. someone wise said "all anger is actually projected self-anger".

-forgive him for his misdeeds. he is a slave to his ego, and anger and hatred will never heal him. He needs compassion to help him be free from his suffering.

These are just some suggestions of things to think about as you get over this. As far as being afraid to go out alone... I can't really offer advice, except to maybe think about how long you've been alive and nothing has happened until this incident, so it probably won't happen again for as long a time.

This does sound crazy to me also... I could definitely understand compassion for someone who's stealing food because they're starving, or stealing money to buy food/provisions with without harming anyone else, but once you start sticking a weapon in someone's face and disrupting their lives for you own gain, that's where the compassion goes to "off" for me.

I do see where you're coming from, however in cases such as this having compassion enough toward the mugger just sounds to me like telling them to go on ahead and do it again, and maybe next time when the victim possibly tries to defend themselves, they'll (the mugger) end up stabbing and killing the person over a thousand dollars worth of stuff or less.

[Minishark]

While I don't have any emotional advice, I can offer some advice for preventing this kind of thing in the future. Get your keys out and have them ready while you're walking to your car. That way you can just walk right up to your car and immediately get in, and nobody will ambush you while you're standing at your car fumbling for the keys. Maybe get a cheaper bag. If you have expensive designer things on you, you're more of a target because the mugger will expect a bigger payoff robbing you versus someone else. Better yet, don't even carry a purse, just keeps things in your pockets. It's a lot more hassle for a mugger to get you to empty your pockets than for him to just grab a purse and go. If you still feel unsafe, carry pepper spray, and know how to use it.

[LifeFirst]

Or you could just get a gun.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

Or you could just get a gun.

Do you also believe in preemptive shooting too...

.

[Beloved]

I'm sorry to hear of this, I can't offer advice on it. Especially won't tell you not to carry a handbag or to get a cheaper one and no it's not your fault. I know how angry I was when I had a cheap purse stolen that had just $10 in it, especially when it was all I had at the time to buy baby food.

Get your keys out and have them ready while you're walking to your car. That way you can just walk right up to your car and immediately get in, and nobody will ambush you while you're standing at your car fumbling for the keys.

I have a real problem with cars with electronic locks, my car for instance unlocks every door when I press the button to unlock the car, it does the same if I use the key. There is no way I unlock just the driver door. For me it's a real security issue. My mother was mugged one day after work, the guy was standing by the passenger side of her car, she had a 2 door car and because she is short she would automatically put her bag on the floor behind her seat. The guy asked her directions while he walked around the car and before she knew it he had grabbed her bag from the car. She was so irate she chased him. He ran past her male workmates, she told them what he had done and they chased after him. He dropped the bag and then one guy caught up to him, the guy pulled a knife on him so he backed off. When she got her bag back, she found her diary had gone, it was a leatherette diary and looked like a purse. One of her female workmates had earlier noticed the man by her car, when she unlocks the car her passenger side doesn't open as well, she had locked her door as soon as she got in. From that day forward all female employees were given permission to park in the customer carpark, they used to have to park in a spot down a long dark lane.