what to do with anger

[cally9096]

what do you do when you have so much anger that you feel like you are going to explode? I find myself thinking "what can I do to get back at so and so" and then I think to myself WOW where did that come from? I hate having all this anger and not know what to do with it. It is definately getting in the way of finding peace.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by cally9096

what do you do when you have so much anger that you feel like you are going to explode?

First, I would take some deep breaths... next, I would walk away... not just walk away... but walk really fast to get rid of that pent up energy... finally... when I am calmed down... I would try to find a solution to what has angered me...

Anger is an emotion that is usually prompted when we are faced with a situation that is beyond our control... and, in some rare cases... anger can give us the necessary strength to do things that need to be done... but could not do without that added energy...

It might help you to read up a little on anger... see here...

Good luck to you...

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[m0vingon]

I have found that being more conscious in the moment has helped enormously with anger. Not that I don't still get angry, I do, but I don't react in anger very often.

A way to overcome anger is to learn active compassion. If you're angry at someone, try letting go of your own feelings and really looking at the other person's perspective. Try and step into their skin and see if that doesn't diffuse the anger.

[Shamou]

Sometimes anger is caused by a conflict of “personal rules.”

A “personal rule” is a rule that we have for specific situations… like, some people believe that it is OK to let kids be loud and unruly when they are in public… while others believe that kids are no exception and that they should behave in a civilized manner while in public…

The problem with “personal rules” is that most people believe that their own “personal rules” are universal and adopted by every one… which, obviously, they are not…

So, when an argument arise… it is usually a conflict of “personal rules” so, when an argument does arise… we must ask ourselves… which is most important… my rule… or harmony and peace…

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[Shamou]

Originally Posted by m0vingon

A way to overcome anger is to learn active compassion. If you're angry at someone, try letting go of your own feelings and really looking at the other person's perspective. Try and step into their skin and see if that doesn't diffuse the anger.

There is an old Native American proverb that goes something like this, "You should walk a mile in a man's moccasins before you judge him.

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[Keith]

Anger is our mind's way of screaming out "This is unacceptable! Something needs to be done about this!".

This tells us something valuable - either:
(a) our mind is right - we need to do something! Unfortunately, while anger is a great indicator of a problem, it's lousy at coming up with solutions. Ripping out that guy's entrails with our bare hands is probably not the optimal solution to the problem. I'd suggest dumping the issue onto paper and coming up with a solution comparatively dispassionately.; or
(b) our mind is wrong - we don't need to do something. In that case, there's a flaw in our thinking and we need to reframe how we think about the issue.

In this case you're angry at a particular person - so the first question I'd ask is "is that anger justified?".

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Keith

so the first question I'd ask is "is that anger justified?".

Keith...

If you can do that... you certainly have a lot of self-control... my first question usually is, "How can I destroy that SOB..."

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[Keith]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Keith...
If you can do that... you certainly have a lot of self-control... my first question usually is, "How can I destroy that SOB..."
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Okay, then make it the 2nd question.

[palimpsest]

Originally Posted by Shamou

There is an old Native American proverb that goes something like this, "You should walk a mile in a man's moccasins before you judge him."

Hear, hear! That way, when you do make your judgment, he's a mile away -- and barefoot.

The best advice I've heard is that anger is not a primary emotion, but a secondary one that comes up as a defense. Yoda said "fear leads to anger" and all the way to suffering-- but suffering and pain can cause anger, too. So, when angry, it's interesting to ask (as a 3rd and 4th question ) -- what are you scared of? Why was that nerve so raw in the first place? Usually (by my experience) it has less to do with the offending person and is really more like your heart was a sloshing sea of gasoline and that offense was the lit match. Sometimes, it's everything to do with frustrating offending-person relations -- and once you stop expecting a different outcome from doing the same thing over and over, the habit can fade away too and you can distance yourself? I hope this helped.

[ZenFender]

Anger

A buddhist perspective on it all.

[cally9096]

excellent responses everyone thank you!
there are 2 major things that I get angry about...
1) my next door neighbor. She is always yelling and screaming because her music is turned up so loud she cant use a normal voice. This is at all hours of the night and day. This morning they woke me up at 3am because they were still outside hanging out by the fire (we live very close together and they light fires on the sidewalk in a barrel) it is like this every year as soon as the weather starts to get nice. Last summer the police were called on them so many times that they finally told them if we have to keep coming here then we are going to start fining you. So my other neighbors and I are going to start calling them again. I just CANNOT go through another summer like this. I am coming off Paxil and my psyche cant handle anymore stress.
2)My boss. She is the worst boss I have ever had. She treats people like they are beneath her and noone knows what we are walking into on any given day, is she in a good mood or a bad mood? I have only been there about 6 weeks and in that time we have gone through 6 employees. Some got fired and some quit. Isnt that alot of people? Some of the other employees are so happy to throw people under the bus for any little thing it is like working with a bunch of 3 yr olds. And when someone does something wrong instead of taking that person aside my boss gets at least one other person involved. I am looking for another job and I cant quit until I find one so I wrote down exactly what I want in a job and I will get it.
Sorry this is so long

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Keith

Okay, then make it the 2nd question.

You are one bad Dude...

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[Erki]

When I feel angry(happens rather often), I would like to take an ax and go and chop some wood... it would make a good work out as well.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Erki

When I feel angry(happens rather often), I would like to take an ax and go and chop some wood... it would make a good work out as well.

There is more logic than poetry in your statement... the energy spurred by the anger needs an outlet... and hard physical labor is certainly a good way to spend it... certainly better than growing a tumor...

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[Old Soul]

My son had a problem with anger, and his anger led to impulsive behavior, I picked up a book to help him understand the deffention of Anger, and how Anger can hide and mask as other things.... he said it helped because he was able to see through reading various deffentions, just how ingraned anger is/was in his/ the personality..... , so seeing a bigger picture, made him take responsibility for his thinking as well

I'm going to ask him for the name of the book and author , because I can't remember at the moment what it is called, I'll get back to this post

[silicon toad2000]

I learned I need to realise when things are making me angry and then go a bit vulcan (StarTrek) on the situation.
I read somewhere that fear and anger are physical primal responses. Joy and sadness are higher level emotional responses.
Perhaps its a reflection on society as far as the frequency of angry responses that develop in people.