It can be a trap ...

[Chet]

Be careful
Mastering your emotions doesn't mean you they are all bad.
Too much mastery can be a destructive thing.
If the 300 pounder in line in front of me steps backwards and smashes my sandle shod toes I can ...
1) detach and consider I should have worn steel toed boots
2) Get really angry and punch his nose
3) Tell him calmly and cooly that he is rude, inconsiderate and clumsy

1 is certainly mastery, its also dumb, this was not may fault and to much 'mastery' can turn everything into your own fault. Yes, you own the emotions and a bit of rightous anger is good for the self-respect and self-esteem.
2, well probably not. Unless of course you are a 400 pounder.
3 - yup, just right. You have the right to be angry and the right to say so.

[Erki]

I personally would wait for an apology from him to start with.

[Chet]

I hope you don't hold your breath waiting on an apology.

[Erki]

I hope you don't assume that all 300-pounders are inconsiderate boneheads.

[Chet]

nah, just the ones that step on you and apparently don't notice.

[InJoy]

4) Consider that my current vibration attracted this event into my experience, be grateful for the relative gentleness of this indication, shift my vibration accordingly, and thank the man for his assistance.

[Dharma]

Mastering your emotions means expressing them without the mind filtering them.

#1 and #3 are filtered expression. #2 seems like the only one close to being real.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Chet

Be careful
Mastering your emotions doesn't mean you they are all bad.
Too much mastery can be a destructive thing.

There are no bad emotions... what could be termed a "bad" emotion is usually a call for action... an indication that something has to change... that some action must be taken...

Mastering your emotions means having them work for you and not against you...

Emotions are some of the most powerful tools that we have... using them well can propel us to great hight... but it can also destroy us... that is why we should strive to master them... and not be ruled by them...

.

[Mark Lapierre]

Dharma, you assume that #3 isn't a natural, unfiltered response. It could be.

But it seems we have different definitions of emotional mastery. My understanding is that mastery means being able to experience the emotions you want, not the ones you don't. Which means that all three are valid, as long as your 1) want to feel detached or 2) want to react angrily or 3) want to react calmly but with a sense of righteousness.

[SuperStar]

Dr. Paul says that anger is caused by hurt, and once it is in you there are 3 directions it can go.

1. Downwards - suppressing it. This turns it into sadness and eventually depression.

2. Outwards with negative intention - he calls it "aggression". This leads to the "cycle of aggression" or "cycle of violence"

3. Outwards with positive intention - he calls it "assertion". Leads to more well-being. This one is mastery.

I don't think in any case mastering an emotion means suppressing it.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by SuperStar

Dr. Paul says that anger is caused by hurt, and once it is in you there are 3 directions it can go.

1. Downwards - suppressing it. This turns it into sadness and eventually depression.

2. Outwards with negative intention - he calls it "aggression". This leads to the "cycle of aggression" or "cycle of violence"

3. Outwards with positive intention - he calls it "assertion". Leads to more well-being. This one is mastery.

I don't think in any case mastering an emotion means suppressing it.

That Dr Paul... (whoever he is) is one smart Dude... thanks for sharing that with us...

.

[ZenFender]

Chet said: "3) Tell him calmly and cooly that he is rude, inconsiderate and clumsy"

I don't think emotional mastery is just what you do with the emotion when when it comes up, but what you do BEFORE it comes up. Personally, I won't consider the 300 pounder to be rude, inconsiderate or clumsy at all. It's a mistake! And to attach a static label like that on someone....just not the way to go I think.

And if we were to be entirely selfish here- what benfit do you get from telling him he is rude, inconsiderate and clumsy? Do we take pleasure in making 300 pounders feel bad? Do you really think your toe's pain will heal after saying those words? And to be honest, I find it difficult to imagine someone saying those words while in a "calm and cool" manner.

[Chet]

lots of good answers here, thanks everybody.
I like the 3 possible reponses list, good way to think about things.

What really interested me was that I have found practicing the 'detach' thing, (which I visualize as a little me watching me) I tend to lose any interest in taking action, even when some action is really called for and that would not seem to a good thing.
The toe stepping was probably not the best example but its what came to mind.

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by Mark Lapierre

Dharma, you assume that #3 isn't a natural, unfiltered response. It could be.

But it seems we have different definitions of emotional mastery. My understanding is that mastery means being able to experience the emotions you want, not the ones you don't. Which means that all three are valid, as long as your 1) want to feel detached or 2) want to react angrily or 3) want to react calmly but with a sense of righteousness.

Mark,
Here's my POV: Whatever the emotional body sends is perfect for the moment. The minute I start comparing what's coming up with a list in my head, I know the mind has gotten in there to start filtering. Also, if I imagine the other person's reaction to my emotional expression (I think "what will happen if I say XYZ?") , I have left the moment and engaged the mind to filter the response based on what I think might happen.

The thing to avoid is eating the emotional movement and never letting it surface. #1 is definitely filtered. #2 is a choice to respond physically and I assume the emotional body is free to rage on. #3 could be natural, but I doubt it. If there's an underlying "get off my foot you clumsy bastard!" and it is never expressed, either by those exact words or in tone or in the expression on the face, it will be stuffed down to be expressed another time.

I in no way do this flawlessly. I still couch my responses to people all the time. I'm aware I'm doing it, but still lack the courage to be totally free with my emotions.

[Enlightenment]

Can you not just say to him 'Ouch! You stepped on my toe and it really hurts!'? Thereby acknowledging your own pain (in the toe) without accusing him of doing it purposely.

I agree with InJoy in some ways, perhaps you woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day and the whole day was shot, if not perhaps you were to post it here and get a bunch of responses that would help you next time.

All in all, it is a great allegory, because it asks the question: how much of this did I attract? Should I blame myself? And how much should I blame myself, partially or fully? If he stepped on my toe purposely then, would it make any difference in the fact that my vibrations may have attracted this event? My toe got hurt .... period. What can I take from the experience? Perhaps answer #1 is the best answer. Because next time you can call the guy a bonehead.. again, but that won't change the fact that you wore sandals yet again. On the other hand you can't go around, say on the beach, with steel toe construction boots. So what gives?

Who knows.

[Angela]

I think real mastery in your example would involve being so present that you'd be aware of what's so in your surroundings, and nimbly sidestepping if necessary.

Also, maybe he stepped backwards because he suddenly felt dizzy because he's on a diet, or he was pushing back to avoid Lindsay Lohan driving up onto the sidewalk, and therefore he was protecting you from getting hit.

Maybe mastery is being alert in the moment, and taking the next right action, without judgement.

You know about the Baby in the Backseat?