Angry about Anger

[ZenFender]

I used to be a very angry child.

But years of introspection, maturity and a change in perspective has left me relatively anger free nowadays.

But there is always one thing that still makes my blood boil a bit- anger. When other people are angry, I get angry at them.

I'm not sure where this comes from. I guess it could be sort of a fear/anger response towards angry people. I get afraid when other people get angry, and maybe this somehow translates into anger somehow?

And it really doesn't help that I get most of my exposure of anger from my dad. I this is extremely hypocritical, but I get totally PISSED (and fearful in equal measure) when he's angry.

Another example is when my GF got pissed at me, I started to feel my temperature rising. But then, I realized the folly of my ways and started to suppress the angry feelings...not healthy, I know. Ideally, those feelings of anger shouldn't have popped up in the first place.

What can I do about this? I don't want to be fearful nor angry about anger.

Is it possible for me to have a healthy relationship with other peoples anger?

[Akashic_Librarian]

Yes. But you have to come to terms with your own power. You cannot control other peoples emotions be they Anger, Joy or sadness. You hav eno say over it. Only they do. And as such, you have a say over your OWN emotions. So when you see people get angry, just slip into a neutral mindset. What will be, will be sort of thing. And people will soon sort it out on their own

[emeraldbaby]

Hi Zenfender,

I'm kinda similar to you; was angry from an early age without real reason, and then slowly got better as i changed my view of 'reality'.

I used to get angry at angry people. I think I got it from going through alot of corporal punishment in primary school. I think it's mostly my ego saying "how dare you treat ME this way?

Now I mostly just feel sorry for them. Because I'm so happy & relieved to be emotionally aware, to not be damaging other people with emotional abuse, I wish other angry people can make the change too.

As for actual advice...Just think - angry ppl are at the level you were at some time ago. Think back to when you were an angry person - would somebody getting angry at you for being angry help you? angry ppl don't have the realisation and inner peace you have now, isn't that more sad than anything else?

Also, i feel I am more intolerant of anger because i'm trying to get rid of it. I'm focused on it because it triggers momeories. However, it is a natural emotion, and everyone shows it from time to time. Has it occurred to you that your GF's level of anger might actually be quite normal for the 'average' person? So don't get too pissed off at other ppl's anger. Afterall you're going to see it in ppl for the rest of your life, especially if you focus on it.

be happy that you had enough awareness to change yourself. I'm really happy for you as i'm for myself.

[InJoy]

This is an interesting phenomenon that I have noticed within myself at times. It seems that when I focus my attention upon an aspect of myself that I want to change (such as anger), I notice it more in other people around me. What's more, it irritates the heck out of me when I see it in other people!

I don't know why that is. What has worked for me, though, is to recognize that this is what I am doing. It's a form of projection, really, for whatever reason. Once I realize I'm doing this, and that it really has nothing whatever to do with the other person, the irritation usually dissipates.