Your problem or my problem?

[Love]

Hi, I have this question I've been puzzling over lately. In some situations, there are things have bothered me about people, and I've wondered whether it was their problem for being bothersome, or just my problem for noticing it. For example, I work with one man (my boss) who has extreme pride, and is always telling everyone how clever he is. I really think this is bothersome. I also think he's not aware that he does this. I also think that the fact that I am aware of it is my problem, too. So... what do I do? Should I mention something so that I can be sure that he is, in fact, aware of it, and then shut my mouth, or do I just try to work on myself and ignore him when he does this? And what might be some suggestions of make something like this less noticeable?

[Shamou]

Our degree of our acceptance for another person is directly proportional to the affinity that we have for that person...

If we truly like the person... almost anything that this person will do or say is OK with us... however if we do not like the person... everything about the person will get on our nerves...

Seems to me that you are not very fond of your boss... however, if you tell him what you think about his bragging... you will only make matters worse...

That's just my two cents though...

Good luck to you...

.

[Love]

I actually do like my boss' other qualities. I don't think that means, however, that I can never be critical. But yes, I'm thinking now that I should not say anything. (Sigh). I guess it's the principle of the thing. I mean, when are you allowed to think that everyone should accept your personal code as standard? For example, if I think it's wrong to pollute the environment, should I say something about it or keep my mouth shut? That sort of thing. When to ask someone else to believe what you yourself believe in.

[Shamou]

Before speaking we should always be reminded of this classic quote from Dale Carnegie,

"When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

And my mom always said... "In case of doubt... don't."

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[AidanMatthews216]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Our degree of our acceptance for another person is directly proportional to the affinity that we have for that person...

Really?? Interestingly, I always find the opposite is true. The people I like or love anger/irritate me the easiest. (Or else something I love is at at stake.)

[Green]

Originally Posted by AidanMatthews216

Really?? Interestingly, I always find the opposite is true. The people I like or love anger/irritate me the easiest. (Or else something I love is at at stake.)

that's right i am with you Aidan, i always found too that when someone i care for do something that bothers me i really get irritated and so hardly can accept it because if i love someone i am keen to keep my relation with him in a good state otherwise if it is not more than work or studying relation i always say " what everyone do is his own business as long as he doesnt make something bad to me directly" and i dont usually bother myself with other's attitude.

[Angela]

I would say it more like: The acceptance I have of another person is directly proportionate to the acceptance I have of myself.

Something about this man's behavior is bugging you because there's a correlation of something in your own self that's unacceptable to you. (and of course, that which you resist, persists.) Maybe you could practice superlove therapy on him, which is actually superlove therapy on yourself. Whenever you find yourself irritated by what he says, practice giving him what he needs. If you hear him saying how clever he is, agree with him! Find and acknowledge what it is he's looking for acknowledgement on, with a generous heart, letting go for the moment of any resentment you may have. Then find and acknowledge something in yourself that needs recognition -- it's probably related to this issue in way that will surprise you.

I recommend just trying that on for a few minutes at a time -- see if it feels good to you. Remember that you can always let resentment and irritation back in to your heart if you find you need it.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by AidanMatthews216

Really?? Interestingly, I always find the opposite is true. The people I like or love anger/irritate me the easiest. (Or else something I love is at at stake.)

When I don't like someone... just thinking about them irritates me... they don't even have to do or say anything...

.

[Love]

Angela, that sounds like a very loving approach that would be quite helpful.
I will certainly try that out this week.
Thank you very much!

[Uplift]

What is wrong with someone saying and believing how clever they are? (All right, I know the 'royals' had to enforce something to keep the upstarts under control). If someone is actually intending to harm you by their speech, or inadvertantly harming you by thoughtless actions, then I believe there is an issue to deal with. But someone saying, and believing they are good...awesome even? And actually having the guts to do so? I know heaps of people that can't stand Anthony Robbin's for instance, because of his fearless display of knowledge, and bristling enthusiasm, which they view as sickening, contrived or over the top. Many people also cringe at his shameless self promotion. It is also amusing to me that people pay money to learn from him, and are inspired by him, and admire him, yet wouldn't dream of thinking, or acting like him. Or that they would be ashamed or embarrassed, or feel unworthy to do so, or would deride and be irritated by anyone else attempting to do so.
So are you saying that 'The Secret', and the key to 'LOA' is

[Love]

The quote you put down, Shamou, about people being creatures of emotion, is very helpful for me to think about. I will use it when I choose my words and thoughts. Thanks!

I agree with you, uplift, that a healthy self-concept can bring people to great heights. Tony Robbins does have a strong self-concept. He also has some really powerful and insightful things to say, too.

[Uplift]

Originally Posted by Love

I agree with you, uplift, that a healthy self-concept can bring people to great heights. Tony Robbins does have a strong self-concept. He also has some really powerful and insightful things to say, too.

Does that mean that your boss doesn't have any good insights or things to say? Or that he says things that are derogatory? I am not trying to be argumentative, but noticed you mentioned that you like your boss. So I am genuinely wondering, is it actually the overall content of what your boss says, or just the fact that he says how clever he is? As it seems you are listening (it isn't clear whether or not you have a choice), what would happen if you joined in and outlined your strong points to your boss?

If he is talking about himself at your expense, or without showing any respect or interest for you, or is forcing you to listen, then I can see there is an issue. Whether you should ignore him, or put time and energy into changing him, or changing your reaction to him is your choice. I would probably say something (carefully as other posts suggest) if I really valued the person's friendship, but not bang my head against the wall if I saw it was pointless, or if the person couldn't care less about me. If in the end, it was up to me whether I listen to the person or not, and I found myself constantly listening and reacting, I would figure (try to) it was an issue in me.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Love

The quote you put down, Shamou, about people being creatures of emotion, is very helpful for me to think about. I will use it when I choose my words and thoughts. Thanks!

You are welcome...

And, when your boss gets a bit obnoxious... just imagine that he has a hole in his stocking and that his big toe is sticking out of it... that will put a nice smile on your face and he will think that you see him as the most interesting guy on the planet...

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