How Do I Change My Focus?

[Lexi]

I am relatively new to these forums and to the concept of personal development in general, so I have a lot to learn, but I feel I am stuck in one area: I tend to care too much about other people and their opinions, and perhaps not enough about myself.

Right now some issues with my neighbors -- people I have never actually met -- have me at the boiling point. (you can read about that in this thread: Perverted Neighbors)

Also, last week I read something in a blog that I did not agree with, and was suprised at how all the commenters agreed with the blogger, so I wrote my own comment, but that one never was approved. So I emailed the blogger, telling her she shouldn't be bragging about how everyone agrees with her when she's not approving comments from people who disagree. That started an all out email war that has been going on for a week now, and with another person that I have never actually met.

Last night I couldn't sleep, and this morning I woke up mad, and this is consuming time, affecting my work, and my relationships with real people I care about.

I hate to see injustices, but the world is full of them, so my questions are:

How do I let go of everything around me and concentrate only on myself?

How do I ignore something that I feel is wrong and get on with my life?

Is there an easy way to accomplish this?

[Akashic_Librarian]

Do not ignore the evil. See it. Feel it. Cry for it, if you must. But do not ignore it. Embrace it and vow to change it if you feel so inclined.

There is no easy way to do this. Sheer grit, determination and will power will see you through nicely though.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Lexi

How do I ignore something that I feel is wrong and get on with my life?

Is there an easy way to accomplish this?

It is best done through a process called maturity... it permits you discern between what's important and what's not... what you should be concerned with and what you should let fly...

Especially on the Internet... if you start taking this stuff to heart... you're not out of the woods...

You hate injustice...??? the world and nature are full of it... better get used to it...

Best of luck to you...

.

[Iksander]

I personally think you *should* ignore that stuff, if you hate it you are giving it attention and if you love it you are giving it attention. You obviously do not like it so just stop thinking about it, therefore no longer giving it attention.

Trying is a terrible word, too many people 'try'; you are either 'thinking about this subject that is bothering you' or 'thinking about a subject that is inspiring you'. You have absolute control over your focal point, it just takes practice and (ironically) focus. Trying to stop thinking about it IS thinking about it, so, just think about something that you enjoy thinking about and you can stop trying so hard.

Condemning it only gives it strength; feeling it gives it even more strength, being at peace with it is allowing 'it' to be what it is. In allowing all things to be what they are you allow yourself to be who you are, for none of those 'things' can affect who you are without your gift of attention to them (*they* do not affect you per-se, you are actually embodying the state of being that you are observing IN them).

Whether the 'it' be a person, object, thought, collection of thoughts (ideas/subjects/etc..), or expression of thought (articles/emails/pictures/etc..) it will always have a feeling value attached to your response to it - feel good and feel bad. Bad feeling means 'new course' and good feeling means 'on course'.

[uberinquisitive]

Perhaps this is less about the actual events, and more about your new exposure to the seedier, shadowy side of life. The perversions, the hypocrisy, the lies...

I'm not suggesting you condone these behaviors - you have every right to your moral values, and your discomfort.

What I am suggesting is knowing which battles to fight, and which to let go.

There is no real formula on how to do this. You just learn through real life experience. You make some missteps, get incensed over small stuff, and learn the hard way that you just wasted your energy.

But, you also never allow yourself to change your values because others seem indifferent.

It's frustrating, letting go when you know you're right. I have experienced it many times. However, as I get older and less ego-driven (I'm 28) it gets easier too.

Good luck.

[ginkgo]

I liked your post since it easy to answer. Pain or discomfort is to teach you. If you light your arm on fire, the pain teaches you not to try that again. So do something differently. If you had someone stalking you, then you would not care about these things. You are doing what Christians do (were you raised Christian) but Jesus taught against it.

Everyone is a Christian's business since they are supposed to convert everyone. Jesus said that you look for splinters in others eyes when you have logs in your own eyes. Now you already know this is a problem for you but maybe it will help to see how you got this way. If you were a celebrity, the guy would sell your picture for a lot of money. Instead he will just enjoy looking at it. Care about him. How sad that this is how he enjoys life.

You cannot ignore something, you have to focus on something else (as far as minding your own business). You can try this or just think about it or maybe it will give you an idea. Go and visit the 60 year old while wearing a bikini. Tell him that you would like to visit and talk to him. He would love the company. It would change his lonely life and it will help you. You could even at some time bring it up how his hobby bothers you and see his view of it.

Positive psychology (see it under this page: Rx for Happiness) teaches how by helping someone it can change your life and make you much happier. Isn't this a better idea than you going and getting a gun and shooting him? You will also learn that you are not the only person that exists. I am not saying this to put you down. Again I like your post. It is sincere.

Then you could even talk to the wife cheating on her husband. Then you will become friends with her when she explains that her husband abuses her and she shows you all the bruises and burns on her body caused by him. Also she tells you about how he forces her to have anal sex with him and it hurts her physically and emotionally. (I actually knew a woman who had the latter problem). Then she will tell you how her husband calls her 'slut' all the time. Or maybe it will be something else.

The point is that you do not know but you can find out if you want. Then you can come up with other ways to help people. Watch the movie Pay It Forward with that boy from The Sixth Sense. Then many years from now you will write a book about it and change the world while becoming rich and famous for making the world a better place. You can call your book Don't Mind Your Own Business. The most empowering movie for a woman is Whale Rider so watch that right away. "Talk is cheap. Action speaks louder than worlds." You are like Jesus. He did not mind his own business. But he did something about it. So do with others what I did with you. I put myself in your position.

Tell Brad Pitt to mind his own business. His main goal is to wipe out poverty in the world. Here is a short article about being happier and it is all about you. It is called What is Enlightenment. Here is wishing you the best. Two more things. You said that you were a woman and wear a bikini to the pool. If you did wear a bikini and were not a woman, it would probably bother others. Also have you heard that saying that goes something like this. Reasonable people accept how things are around them. Unreasonable people do not accept things around them and try to make things the way they want them to be. Therefore all changes come from unreasonable people. Also a 3rd thing about the email. This is very hard. But try to never say anything unkind to anyone no matter what they say about you. That is how you can win every argument. Your reward for winning will be peace of mind. The site above talks about feeling perfect peace and limitless happiness. Now you can get back to the real people in your life.

[Lexi]

Thank you all for your wonderful advice. I feel like I grow more everytime I come in here. Please keep it coming, because I'm sure it's helping a lot of other people besides me.

[Liara Covert]

I agree with previous posts. Life is full of opportunities for learning and personal adjustments. Only you can figure out what is worth your time, energy and attention. You only have 24 hours in a day and the passage of time will enable you to focus on those things that really matter. You will naturally grow to stop spending time on those things that matter less to you.