What about love?

[Chet]

Ok so assume you have real emotional mastery, you can choose at any given time to feel the way you wish ... happy or sad, afraid or confident

But what about love? can you turn that one on? or better yet off?

[Trula]

Yes, I believe you can turn love on or off. In my own experience, I almost got a divorce in 2002 and my husband and I were at a point of not loving each other anymore. Making the decision to stay married was tough and truly, we had to decide, to choose to love and trust one another again.

On another note, I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and one of the ways I was finally able to leave was to turn off the love, or what I then thought was love, I felt for that man.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Chet

But what about love?

The problem with your question Chet is that there are so many facets to the emotion of love...

You can love to eat... love your dog... love people...etc... but I am assuming here that you are talking about romantic love...

If that is the case, I would say that this type of love is much like fire... the bigger it is... the harder to put out... and, sometimes, when it's big enough, you can only let it to burn out by itself (fire) or die out by itself (love)...

That's just my two cents though... no data to back it up...

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[Chet]

Yes romantic love was what I intended. I have a sense you could turn it off on purpose, but that it would be roughly equivalent to cutting off your own leg.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Chet

Yes romantic love was what I intended. I have a sense you could turn it off on purpose, but that it would be roughly equivalent to cutting off your own leg.

Plato said, "Love is a dangerous mental disease."

He may just have been right...

.

[Sam988]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Plato said, "Love is a dangerous mental disease."

haha thats a good metaphor

[ZHereford]

Indeed there are many types of love. The romantic type usually begins with a strong physical attraction/chemistry and the survival of our species depends on it, however, it can go anywhere from there.

If there is friendship, mutual respect, common goals and interests, it can turn into a lifetime commitment. If there isn't much else going on beyond physical attraction, it can be unfulfilling and shallow.

It can also run amuck if the two people involved are immature, insecure and have unrealistic expectations.

To answer your question - yes you can turn off an emotional attachment that sometimes passes as love. The challenge is knowing what's right for you.
It may take time and effort but it definitely can be done.

[Shamou]

If you really… and I mean really love someone… it also means total respect for that individual… and total respect includes the choices and preferences of the loved one…

In such a rare case… if that person chose to leave you… the separation should theoretically be acceptable… or, at least acceptable with less pain…

Not an easy task… but at least one that we should aspire for in front of a situation that we cannot control and are stuck with…

.

[Chet]

yup, there is the rub. can you love enough to let go?

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Chet

yup, there is the rub. can you love enough to let go?

Yes, you can.

If you love enough to put the other person's needs ahead of yours (especially if that's what they want) then there's no question.

If you don't, then it's all about you and what you must learn to deal with.
Either way, you'll have to let go.

[Chet]

uuh, ya. I meant that in a kinda rhetorical way. I think that sort of love is fairly rare.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Chet

I think that sort of love is fairly rare.

You're probably right.

But if you can't love to that extent, you can love truth and honesty and learn to accept when it's time to move on and trust that it's for the best.

[Liara Covert]

Love is the most popular historic topic for writers, and for good reason. Shamou makes a lot of sense when he states many kinds of love exist.

Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. -Franklin P. Jones

Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination.
-Voltaire

What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by ZHereford

It can also run amuck if the two people involved are immature, insecure and have unrealistic expectations.

That is the situation I find myself in right now. It is easy to feel like the situation is happening to you *gives credit to Angela for this insight* but in reality you can choose to take control of your emotional state although I am finding it to be very difficult. It's almost as if I want to believe that love is this uncontrolable, torturous thing that can fulfill you or wreck you alternately. I am trying to come to the realization that I choose to be fulfilled or wrecked. I choose to love and accept love. And it's more of a verb than a noun, more of an action than a feeling.

This is all coming from someone who is in the middle of a big, drama filled trying to figure it all out sort of romance or lack thereof, so forgive me if I make no sense. I am working on getting there. Lovesick insanity be damned!

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

..... trying to figure it all out sort of romance or lack thereof, so forgive me if I make no sense. I am working on getting there. Lovesick insanity be damned!

Forgive my levity but this is the kind of stuff great poetry and literature are generated from!

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I choose to love and accept love.

Is there a deliberate choice here... or are you just hanging on for dear life... ???

.

[Chet]

I don't think we actually have much choice when it comes to romantic love. You can choose how you express it, as in letting go if thats what needs to be done but that only expresses the love, not cancels it.
I don't think we 'pick' whom we love, just wake up one day and realize that we are 'in love', the choices come after that, what you do or do not about it.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Chet

I don't think we actually have much choice when it comes to romantic love.

Romantic love is an emotion... and based on instinct... it has little to do with logic... if anything, it tends to cloud logic...

Romantic love is something that hits you when you least suspect it... swipe you off your feet... and takes you for the ride of your life...

It happened to me twenty four years ago... transformed my life... gave it meaning... and was the greatest gift that life ever gave me...

Best of all... after all that time... the flame is bigger than ever before... and life is a ball... I'm just a lucky s.o.b. I guess...

.

[Mayo]

If love is not altruistic then it's flawed and gets you into position where one is the master other one is the servitude.. anyone with enough "pickels" in their brains would try to pass that kind of "love" in grand detour and find something that is real... well there are also many sadistic/masochistic persons on this world so who am i to say waht is wrong or right ..

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Chet

I don't think we actually have much choice when it comes to romantic love. You can choose how you express it, as in letting go if thats what needs to be done but that only expresses the love, not cancels it.
I don't think we 'pick' whom we love, just wake up one day and realize that we are 'in love', the choices come after that, what you do or do not about it.

I disagree. I think romantic love is all choice, all the time, every moment. We tell ourselves stories about Cupid and the Thunderbolt -- as if romantic love were some volitional force outside ourselves that 'works' upon us. The sizing-up and the breathless mayhem and the irresistible sex appeal -- all these things can happen so quickly that we feel like the subjects of agents, but there is really a choice being made in each moment of the whirlwind.

"Waking up and realizing you're in love" is just the result of all the tiny little micro-choices you've been making without realizing you were making them.

But it's like tennis: at first you're afraid you'll be hit by the ball, but the more you practice, the more the ball appears to slow down. You start to be able to see the seams; you feel you have more time to prepare, to make the right swing, and to follow through. Playing becomes so much more satisfying and fulfilling as you realize it's your game and your court and all your choice. But when you decide that romantic love is just something that happens to you (or not), it's like a thousand balls hit to you all at once. All you can do is try to protect your delicate bits.

Come to think of it, I think ALL love is all choice, all the time.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Angela

Come to think of it, I think ALL love is all choice, all the time.

Obviously you're never been struck with lightening... I have... 24 years ago... and let me tell you there's no option... you're down for the count... but, what a lovely way to go... ...best thing that's ever happened to me...

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[Gary]

I really don't see the relationship between being hit by a tennis ball (which you describe as being afraid of) and being hit by Love.

And when it comes to love, there are many different varieties and intensities. I have to agree with Shamou, when Great Love comes for you, there is no choice, and you don't want one. The mind might toss around some ideas, but Great Love is too beautiful to pass on for any other option.

If you are going to have a discussion about the choices in love, then you had better be more specific about which version you are talking about.

[Angela]

I've had a variety of romantic love (that's what I was mainly talking about, Gary) some of it Great (to use your capital!) Looking back at the Lightning Love I've had (like yours, Shamou, except clearly not as long lasting!) I can clearly see that there were choices I made from the very beginning that turned into Great Love. Couldn't see those choices at the time, though.

Gary, I think you missed my point, and also that I was being playful. I was saying that when that Lightning Love looks like it's "hitting", I believe that it's choices that are being made so lightning fast, and you're so engaged in the process, that you don't even realize you're making choices -- much like when you play tennis! and that with practice at both, you become more masterful at handling the ball (so to speak ) And then I realized that I feel that way about all kinds of love I've experienced. I'm sorry if I wasn't (or are not) being clear enough for you to understand what I'm saying.

I also believe lots of people feel strongly that love is something that "happens" to you -- but I don't. I'm in the middle of the Greatest Romantic Love I've ever had, and I feel like a poet of power and an athlete d'amour -- a generator, a facilitator, a welcomer of delight and flow. It didn't "hit" us -- Danger Man and I created it willfully.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Angela

I also believe lots of people feel strongly that love is something that "happens" to you -- but I don't.

I believe that deep, intense, passionate and lasting love is the result of chemistry between two people… something that happens when the yin meets with the yang… when you meet the seventh wonder of the world…

Is that something that you have attracted… thus created…??? I don’t know… however, is it something that you can willfully decide to walk away from…??? I can’t speak for anyone else… but as far as I’m concerned… wild bears could not tear me away… so, I must maintain my position that, at least for me… there was and still is no choice and no options…

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