Anger and anxiety

[nistacular]

If you have a bunch of just, general anger, at people, and humanity - do you think there's any way to move forward besides expressing that anger to people? Because I can't seem to make it go away by holding it in.... and I can't legitimately express it on inanimate objects.

Also when you don't release anger, can it manifest itself in anxiety? I feel like this is the source of some of my anxiety problems - I'm holding back my true thoughts/feelings, and feel pressured to behave in certain ways.

Recently there was a post very similar for another member (thank you for that btw), and now I'm going through the same thing.

[Greek Dog]

nistacular - I resonate with your opening post. I spent most of my life filled with such anger and at times rage. In recent years it just seemed to bubble over and I did not seem to be able to control it. And yet in the past year I found that it suddenly had abated. But what was left was a bit of depression and a lot of anxiety.

I have been working for many years to unravel what I will simply refer to as my dysfunction. In the last few years I finally got down to the source. Perhaps I could have accessed it earlier but it was embarrassing to me and I could not quite fully realize that I, as an adult, was still crippled by things that had happened to me as a child and adolescent.

because it was embarrassing to me that I was still plagued by childish things I repressed it and went into a kind of denial. One factor that added to the repression was that I had no one with whom to share my pain. Those closest to me simply denied or ignored it and that added to my sense of shame and doubt about it all.

But the point I am getting to is that once I recognized the source of my pain and I realized that while other humans would deny it of me and not be able to offer me compassion and support or even encouragement that I would have to own it for myself. Taking ownership has been difficult and slow. Not being able to share with others and to receive compassion and empathy left me feeling alienated and isolated. And as rejection and alienation were huge issues and pains for me all of that seemed to tumble in to gather and make things worse.

The bottom line was that I had great reason to be angry but because anger is not well received and because I was not in touch with the source of my anger and because the reason for my anger was actually denied by those who had been witness to the experienced that generated it all fed my denial. As I got in touch with the origins and owned the validity of my anger the rage began to abate and I began to have enough time (a few seconds) to identify what was actually happening and to intervene before I reacted.

Now I am facing the overpowering effects of anxiety that actually undergirded the anger. I am left with that and though it is very, very difficult and debilitating I am able to persevere because I know what the future can bring.

I encourage you to trace the source of your anger and to validate it for yourself. When you experience anger in the present spend time with it and trace it back to some older wounds that made you mad.

This practice released me from some uncontrollable anger in my life and though the anxiety is wretched it is simply a stop along the path to wholeness.

God speed to you in your journey.

[nistacular]

Thanks for your reply. I can relate to childhood experiences that caused trauma resulting in the present mental conditions.... I think in my case it mainly has to do with my brother. I always felt rejected by him and his group of friends. I never built up my own group of friends, I never had anyone that was truly close to me, not even my parents (after a certain number of years). I will work on this as much as I can... I don't wanna be depressed when I see my family for the holidays

[Greek Dog]

You don't have to be depressed for the holiday. That is what is so remarkable about becoming mindful about the source of your anger. As you get in touch with it you become released from the anger, hurt and frustration. You develop a compassion, sort of a sadness about the rejection and compassion for those who were rejecting. It really changes everything and is quite a release and relief.

[nistacular]

But then people misinterpret me... and the anxiety comes back. I believe everything you're saying... and I feel like consciously, I know exactly the way things should be. And yet I'm still stuck.

[Greek Dog]

The anxiety and the anger are actually two separate issues. Both of them are reactions that become neurological patterns. Both of them can be changed. In my experience getting release/relief front he anger (sometimes rage) became the first. I am still working on the anxiety. The anxiety is much more painful and unpleasant for me. Anger would come and be released and then there would be consequences but there were much less omnipresent than the anxiety.

Yes the anxiety is miserable. but the way forward is to be aware of it and to not repress it. This is easy to say and difficult to do.

I encourage you to focus on the anger first.

Do you think that knowing that you will be misinterpreted before you even get there can help you when you experience it to simple acknowledge to yourself that you are indeed experiencing there very thing you expected. then spend some internal time just recognizing the miserable feeling and validating for yourself where it comes from.

By acknowledging to yourself what you are experiencing you are bringing the past (possible unconscious) wounds out into the present. The pain will be felt but that is where the healing comes as well. Talk to yourself as you experience it and provide the comfort for yourself that you need and deserve.

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by nistacular

If you have a bunch of just, general anger, at people, and humanity - do you think there's any way to move forward besides expressing that anger to people? Because I can't seem to make it go away by holding it in.... and I can't legitimately express it on inanimate objects.

Also when you don't release anger, can it manifest itself in anxiety? I feel like this is the source of some of my anxiety problems - I'm holding back my true thoughts/feelings, and feel pressured to behave in certain ways.

Recently there was a post very similar for another member (thank you for that btw), and now I'm going through the same thing.

Yup....

[nistacular]

What's that supposed to mean? I mean... to connect with my self esteem is one thing. I can do that. When I'm alone I feel very happy and conscious... but I often get angry or anxious after human interaction.

I feel like I know your perspective... and that of Osho at this point. I feel like I absolutely agree that this perspective is the ultimate path to long term happiness and freedom/maturity.

However.... some part of me actually doesn't want that right now... it's like, all my life I've been so close to participating and actually enjoying the 'ego game' but it's never really happened for me... there have been fleeting moments, weekends, or just afternoons where I've been given this sort of high, because I feel my ego rise due to something I said or did. And people looked up to me/I felt like I was important. So I just want to play the game to see what I'm missing... I feel like if I don't do this, somewhere down the line I'll be facing a midlife crisis or something.

This has to do with anger and anxiety of course, because these are the biproducts of threats to the ego... and I feel like I need them right now. I want to express them... I'm almost ready to give in to them completely and probably make some remark I may or may not regret to someone. I'm so apathetic sometimes, even around the people I care about - it's like I'm on the verge of establishing an ego and I don't want to step down - not after feeling so rejected for a portion of my life.

Also this feels odd, because right now I'm not at all playing the ego game - I'm just kind of speaking literally about myself.... well I guess online I have some exceptions ahaha.

What do think of this decision? I value your opinion

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by nistacular

What's that supposed to mean? I mean... to connect with my self esteem is one thing. I can do that. When I'm alone I feel very happy and conscious... but I often get angry or anxious after human interaction.

That's me except for the angry part....been that way all my life....I see in me a deep sensitivity to others that aren't being themselves....the more authentic a person is, the more relaxed I am, but since most people are posing, I anxious around others.

I feel like I know your perspective... and that of Osho at this point. I feel like I absolutely agree that this perspective is the ultimate path to long term happiness and freedom/maturity.

However.... some part of me actually doesn't want that right now... it's like, all my life I've been so close to participating and actually enjoying the 'ego game' but it's never really happened for me... there have been fleeting moments, weekends, or just afternoons where I've been given this sort of high, because I feel my ego rise due to something I said or did. And people looked up to me/I felt like I was important. So I just want to play the game to see what I'm missing... I feel like if I don't do this, somewhere down the line I'll be facing a midlife crisis or something.

Then go for it, but I have to tell you that the midlife crisis is the ego collapse...when you so screwed up your life with so many entanglements and you've got no way to walk away from your mess. And no good escapes.

But I can tell you that clarity is orgasmic....and it lasts forever, not fleeting like an ego trip.

This has to do with anger and anxiety of course, because these are the biproducts of threats to the ego... and I feel like I need them right now. I want to express them... I'm almost ready to give in to them completely and probably make some remark I may or may not regret to someone. I'm so apathetic sometimes, even around the people I care about - it's like I'm on the verge of establishing an ego and I don't want to step down - not after feeling so rejected for a portion of my life.

Ok, so then you achieve domination...then what? They knocked you down for so long and "fulfillment" seems to be to knock them down. Ok, after that game gets old, then what? Will you be ready to try clarity?

Also this feels odd, because right now I'm not at all playing the ego game - I'm just kind of speaking literally about myself.... well I guess online I have some exceptions ahaha.

What do think of this decision? I value your opinion

You are playing the ego game....what you're asking is advice on how to win it.

I don't have that advice because everyone that plays is a loser.

[nistacular]

Oh LOL sorry I didn't even see the part you bolded so I was a bit confused

edit - now reading your response... thanks btw

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by nistacular

Oh LOL sorry I didn't even see the part you bolded so I was a bit confused

edit - now reading your response... thanks btw

u r welcome, btw

[nistacular]

I feel somewhat lucky to be born with a natural tendency to see people's true self as well... and I almost never got angry until this year - but now I feel like I'm converting that anxiety into anger, which seems to be more healthy in certain ways. It's establishing boundaries at least - but I'll still be able to see right through people, so some in some sense it's just silly....

Damnit Ron, every time I read one of your posts I can't NOT agree with you. Well this is something I will be experimenting with more... I still have an anger inside me though, it goes away most of the time but comes back at random times. I just had a flash of it writing this post because I think I've confused myself. Do you think it's moral to express anger at/towards someone else as a release? Idk what to do with it......

Today I had a really nice bike ride... riding past an area of downtown Detroit with an outdoor ice skating thing set up. Seeing all the couple holding hands, with the Christmas lights out was so wonderful, and made me wish I had a gf and was skating with them.

That inspired me to just have a good attitude, and express love to everyone, which is probably my happiest state of mind. But then later in the night, it went away. How do you keep the consistency?

Also in my first post I wasn't intending to ask for advice about how to win... just about the decision to participate in the first place, given what I wrote.

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by nistacular

I feel somewhat lucky to be born with a natural tendency to see people's true self as well... and I almost never got angry until this year - but now I feel like I'm converting that anxiety into anger, which seems to be more healthy in certain ways. It's establishing boundaries at least - but I'll still be able to see right through people, so some in some sense it's just silly....

Try this on for size....

"But why should you try to multiply the things which have given you no happiness? There is no reason for it. What does anger mean? When someone puts obstacles in the path of your desires which you think will bring you pleasure, you get angry. When you are trying to earn money and somebody is creating obstacles for you, then anger will be born. You are wanting to marry a particular woman and someone is putting obstacles in the way, then anger will be born. You were about to win an election when someone decided to stand against you with much noise and sloganeering; then anger will be born. Anger means when someone puts obstacles in the way of your desire.

So anger, greed and attachment are the shadows of desire."

Damnit Ron, every time I read one of your posts I can't NOT agree with you. Well this is something I will be experimenting with more... I still have an anger inside me though, it goes away most of the time but comes back at random times. I just had a flash of it writing this post because I think I've confused myself. Do you think it's moral to express anger at/towards someone else as a release? Idk what to do with it......

No, don't express the anger at someone....release the anger...yell, scream, beat up a pillow, but don't dump it on another person because that person will take it personally and escalate the situation.

Release the anger privately, then confront the person if need be to try to reconcile the issue.

Today I had a really nice bike ride... riding past an area of downtown Detroit with an outdoor ice skating thing set up. Seeing all the couple holding hands, with the Christmas lights out was so wonderful, and made me wish I had a gf and was skating with them.

That inspired me to just have a good attitude, and express love to everyone, which is probably my happiest state of mind. But then later in the night, it went away. How do you keep the consistency?

When you can finally accept yourself as you are and stop judging yourself. Then all this energy being consumed by your self-absorption is free to be shared as loving compassion for yourself and for all.

Also in my first post I wasn't intending to ask for advice about how to win... just about the decision to participate in the first place, given what I wrote.

My brutha, you don't realize that you are already in the ego game, that your depression and confusion are symptoms of the game. You're just tired of losing it to the "happy" egos out there that dominate you.

[Self Exploration]

Originally Posted by nistacular

If you have a bunch of just, general anger, at people, and humanity - do you think there's any way to move forward besides expressing that anger to people? Because I can't seem to make it go away by holding it in.... and I can't legitimately express it on inanimate objects.

Also when you don't release anger, can it manifest itself in anxiety?

Assuming you are convinced with good reason that your anger is just, then the anger has to be released somehow. There are awful ways to do it and there are better ways to do it.

Anxiety if you have given up on anger completely?
Absolutely! Anger is your friend until you unleash it indiscriminately at your over all self. You can be angry at the part of you that lost the keys to the car, not at every aspect or yourself.

If that is what you are doing, it is unjustified.

The subject is vast but this is a summary.