Getting better leverage

[Melnorme]

Hello,

In Steve's blog and Tony Robbins tapes there are mentions of "leverage" - idea of some undesirable outcome that you will take action to avoid. One example was of a guy who posted picture of himself with text "if you catch me smoking, I will pay you $10,000."

Now Tony mentions leverage as first step of dealing with limiting beliefs, and I've encountered two difficulties with applying it. Because of that it's been hard to create enough strife between current and desired reality, and strife is needed to fuel change. (Right?)

First comes from Buddhism which I've been subscribed to for a while. Disclaimer: my understanding of it is probably incomplete, mostly coming from hours of listening to Alan Watts tapes and various online texts here and there. It would always give me a sense of peace and notion that everything (in this funny game that Self is playing) is going to turn out OK. Similar thing happened with Carl Sagan's Cosmos series where it's shown how tiny and insignificant we are. Now, my brain has apparently decided to interpret that as "it's OK to slack and not put in real effort because it's all irrelevant in bigger picture". Thinking about it logically I can see the flaw, but there is still a feeling of "meh, whatever".

Second one is about suicide. I've been considering it on and off for over a decade (27 years old now), and it was always presented as an easy way out if things get too hard or unpleasant. This also gave a sense of peace and ability to approach threatening things playfully, but left me unable to really find motivation for more challenging projects. It's not that I'd back off on first sign of trouble, but maybe 4th or 5th, with failure as result.

As mentioned in one article here, enemy fights hardest when believing he is cornered, and it seems like there are these huge two exits behind me. I'd like to retain the benefit of peacefulness from them, but still be able to commit some more to complete certain goals. Otherwise it's clear that financial and social parts of my life will continue being a total disaster, sadly there is a part of me that's OK with that.

Being able to feel the need for change more deeply would be great. Any insights from people who can see the problem from better angle or who have been in similar situation are welcome.

Thanks and have fun...