Humiliation and Respect

[Soul Reaver]

Edited

Where do you guys think respect comes from? What does it mean to respect yourself?

Do you have to earn your OWN respect?

[FelineNostalgia]

I have to warn you first of all I'm tired and my concentration is a little naff.

Have you ever met people or had relationships with people that respect you for you.If so really focus on these interactions. Remember that pretty much everyone feels disrespected or laughed at and humiliated at some point in their life.

Do you ever feel guilty easily? I know I do this when I over emphasize with people

[Greek Dog]

Perhaps I am speaking more to myself than to you because what I am going to write is easier said than done, but I believe it none-the-less.

You wrote:

How can I make people respect me more when I'm so open-hearted and playful? I'm not the typical push-over...I can be quite aggressive...I'm just kinda reactive and people like to take the piss...and I can't find it in me to just ignore people....because in the end I DO CARE what other people think of me.

My first point to make is that the key here is that you respect yourself. It is paradoxical that the respect you have for yourself actually conveys to others and where it does not simply becomes irrelevant when you hold yourself in esteem. Being reactive can be changed with determination. It certainly is not easy but it can be life changing and life giving.

When you feel disrespected poll yourself and examine what your own feelings and reaction to yourself are. IF you are feeling self-critical work on making that shift and feeling respect for yourself. You will be surprised at how significantly you will begin to see respect come back from others.

[Merr]

I agree with GreekDog but I'd add that respect is earned rather than commanded. You need to 'earn' your own respect as well as that of others. What do you think someone who you'd respect would look like, act like and so on? What would you get out of being respected, how would it feel? You talk a great deal about the feelings of humiliation but you need to imagine what respect would feel like. If you're able to at least imagine something, it's more likely to enter your life.

[wanzulfikri]

For humiliation is 'perceived'. There is no humiliation unless you think it is .

[RonSouther]

Humiliation is an attack on your ego and respect is nourishment for your ego.

Egoless, neither of these matter.

[Soul Reaver]

RonSouther: I know what you mean, but for all my spiritual inclination I've decided to win the ego game first according to my standards. It's a conscious choice.

I edited my first post and I realize that for all it's length it wasn't asking the right questions.

Merr: It wasn't very apparent on my first post but I'm very familiar with the feeling of respect. Even with that of reverence. This disrespect happened in a couple of relationships and we all know how changing relationship dynamics can be difficult after a while. The humiliation stems from the fact that I've had quite a few examples where I was being disrespected...and feeling that doesn't jive with my self-image.

The problem is I still say hello to these frenemies if I see them on the street because at the time I chose to let a lot of things slide...but now looking back I regret that.

It's funny you ask "what I think someone who I'd respect would look like, act like and so on" because by default I respect everyone. I don't understand why people say you earn respect. There's no justification for disrespecting another no?


I have a lot of respect for myself. But are we talking about good posture, dressing sharply and watching every word one says in front of others for fear of how it will be perceived?

Greek Dog I basically agree with you. Then again I wouldn't say I lack any self-respect at all. I just have a problem responding to judgement and establishing boundaries. I can take things personally, and I don't know how NOT to and to assert boundaries without sounding I'm defending myself.

[Merr]

Originally Posted by Soul Reaver

RonSouther: I know what you mean, but for all my spiritual inclination I've decided to win the ego game first according to my standards. It's a conscious choice.

I edited my first post and I realize that for all it's length it wasn't asking the right questions.

Merr: It wasn't very apparent on my first post but I'm very familiar with the feeling of respect. Even with that of reverence. This disrespect happened in a couple of relationships and we all know how changing relationship dynamics can be difficult after a while. The humiliation stems from the fact that I've had quite a few examples where I was being disrespected...and feeling that doesn't jive with my self-image.

The problem is I still say hello to these frenemies if I see them on the street because at the time I chose to let a lot of things slide...but now looking back I regret that.

It's funny you ask "what I think someone who I'd respect would look like, act like and so on" because by default I respect everyone. I don't understand why people say you earn respect. There's no justification for disrespecting another no?


I have a lot of respect for myself. But are we talking about good posture, dressing sharply and watching every word one says in front of others for fear of how it will be perceived?

Greek Dog I basically agree with you. Then again I wouldn't say I lack any self-respect at all. I just have a problem responding to judgement and establishing boundaries. I can take things personally, and I don't know how NOT to and to assert boundaries without sounding I'm defending myself.

Regardless of whether people can justify it, behaving in certain ways will mean that people do not respect you. Do you really respect everyone? You identify certain qualities in yourself and seem to equate them with not being respected... the qualities of being playful and open hearted, so do you see those as qualities that don't lend themselves to being respected?

Earning respect from others has nothing to do with how you dress or being careful about the words that you say. It's about having respect for yourself and all the qualities that you possess and believing that other people will respect them too.

[Soul Reaver]

^well if that's what earning respect means then I have no reason to have lost someone's respect for me.

I didn't meant to imply being playful and openhearted are qualities not worthy of respect...I meant that they can be qualities that might be mocked as signs of weakness or lack of composure.

I only disrespect someone who does immoral stuff. I may not want to hang out with person on the planet as friends...I may not like you...but I can respect you.

[RonSouther]

Excellent reading about respect and reverance....

Osho,
Yesterday you said that jealousy is part of respect. I have tremendous respect for you but my jealousy is poisoning it. I am experiencing self-condemnation and anguish. Does reverence transcend this poisonous respect?


It has to be understood a little, it is a delicate point. Whenever you respect somebody, you respect them because you see in that person something which is not in you. You respect them because you see something in that person which you would also like to be.

A beggar respects an emperor because he wants to be an emperor. So on the one hand he respects and on the other hand he is jealous because he is not yet an emperor. He wants to be an emperor. The emperor has achieved what the beggar wants to achieve. So the beggar respects the emperor because the emperor has succeeded. “I am standing far behind in the queue, you have arrived at that place where I want to be. You are powerful, intelligent, clever, strong, so I respect you.” But a fire of jealousy is also burning within: “If I get a chance then I would like to be in your place, I would like to remove you.” And when this beggar gets a chance he will push the emperor out, throw him out and will sit on the throne.

So jealousy is hidden in your respect. You may never have thought about it. You think that respect is a great quality. Respect is not a great quality, respect is a dimension of jealousy. You have hidden jealousy behind respect.

So reverence and respect are very different things. Understand it: respect is reverence mixed with jealousy, reverence is respect in which there is no jealousy. Then what is reverence? You revere the person in whom you have seen the echo of your own self-nature and you respect the person in whom you have seen the fulfillment of your ambition. Let me repeat it, you respect the person in whom you can see the fulfillment of your desires; it could not happen to you, but it has happened to him. And you revere the person in whom you see the reflection of your self-nature, not ambition but your own self-nature; one who becomes a mirror for you and who shows you that which you already are, who makes you acquainted with your self-nature.

An ambition can be fulfilled in the future. You respect the person in whom you have seen your future happening now. It has not happened to you yet so there is pain too: it has happened to him. So jealousy and respect go together.

If you go to an enlightened person, a reverence will arise in you. Reverence means the enlightened person has shown you that which you already are. Now there is no question of achieving it so there is no question of jealousy. Respect is for the one who has things which can be taken. Reverence happens for the one who has things which can be learned, not taken.

If I have money then you can respect me. If I have status you can respect me because you can snatch my status away. That which I have now, tomorrow it can be yours. And it also means that as long as it is mine it cannot be yours. So in respect there is a deep enmity: you also want to achieve what I have achieved. That I have achieved means I have snatched it from you or I have prevented you from achieving it. And if you want to achieve it you have to snatch it from me and you will prevent me from achieving it. Politicians respect each other, they respect each other very much – but inside, jealousy is burning. Rich men respect each other but inside jealousy is burning.

What is the meaning of reverence? Reverence means that I have something which I have not taken from you, I have not taken it from anybody. And however you may try you will not be able to take it from me. Yes, if you want to you can learn it from me.

Respect ? Future ? Jealousy? ? Osho Online Library

[MyLifeSucks]

Originally Posted by RonSouther

Humiliation is an attack on your ego and respect is nourishment for your ego.

Egoless, neither of these matter.

Man, that's powerful.