|Emotional Mastery Emotional intelligence, addiction and recovery, grieving, loss, fear, anger, guilt, resentment, frustration, anxiety, depression, happiness, joy, love, kindness, forgiveness, self-acceptance, confidence, escaping the pit of despair, EFT|
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|12-14-2011, 11:11 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2011
If i had the guts, i'd kill myself!!
I am a complete and total loser and I've not accomplished one thing in my 38y/o on earth. I had a terrible upbringing and I think my lack of success comes from the tramatic childhood.
I did mange to go to college in spite of dropping out of school in the 8th grade and getting my GED. I have about $45K in student loans that I cannot pay back.
I've always had an issue with being focused. I think all of my tramatic experiences may have something to do with it. I did seek professional help twice and on both occassions, the end results where" I am a normal person", at least that's what the professionals told me.
I don't feel normal, not in the slightest. As a result of me not being focused I job hopped for years. I never knew the things that a lot of people knew. I spent my whole life trying to figure life out. I made mistakes but how lontg do I have to keep paying for them? I admit, I hopped around to so many jobs that it's hard for me to get anything above $8/hr. I was just trying to figure out how to be an adult.
I did not mean any harm by job hopping. I didn't know any better. I lived in shelters, slept in cars and I still manged to not go down the path of crime and drugs. I don't even "drinK".
I know I have made job mistakes and I've baically missed out on life in my 20's and 30's.
I've accomplished nothing. I work as a custodian and it is very painful doing this kind of work when I know deep in my heart I have do a lot of wonderful things. I feel like such a loser.
All of my family has disappeared and both mom and dad aew dead, they did not accomplish much neither. mom died at age 34 as a result of partying too much and dad died at age 60 from cancer. I did not know him.
My sister, well we don't get along. I was not in her life for the majority of my life so we don't have a foundation. I have no friends and my life sucks.
I've never caused hard to anyone. I've always done the right things in life. I did the things they I thougjht where right. I'm paying for them dearly.
I never meant to job hop. I was just trying to do what I thought was right for me. I was trying to figure out life.
I wish I had the guts, I'd kill myself. I hate my life and it's not getting any better.
I'm just tired of living.
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