Just some problems

[nistacular]

I feel like it's very hard for me right now to be confident and happy at the same time... being confident literally seems unnatural. I don't even know what confidence would feel like for me sometimes.... I think it's because sometimes I just look so down at humanity.... I can't see the good in people nearly as much anymore. And when I do see the good in people, and am happy (which is more rare), I feel less willing to talk, like my words wouldn't mean much. I constantly feel myself saying things with hardly any feeling behind them. I often don't know what people want from me.

Today was a really bad day for me... but it was also sort of an experiment. I tried to speak neutrally without any sort of connection to people, but it didn't work so well. I probably looked as though I was suppressing emotions all day. I didn't feel confident or happy. I felt apathetic. I probably sounded passive aggressive a lot. Am I just doomed forever to a life of dependency?

This is really hard for me to admit, because I don't want this as part of my identity - but I sometimes feel very submissive - I'm a 19 year old guy. I wish someone could just take over for me. Honestly I wish I was a girl sometimes so this would be less of a problem - also wish I was a girl because all I really value in this world is love, and I see it a lot less often from men. Please comment on this - this is something I've been struggling with for much of my life.

Also let me share my negative view on men. I want discussion in the post. Men's actions are often selfish, with the intent of dominating other people in some way or another. Few men can just appreciate people for who they are - instead they appreciate people for what they mean to them. Which sounds very natural - but it isn't who they are most of the time it seems. I appreciate people for the way they feel. Men appreciate people in much more of a power-struggle way I think.... it's hard to express this idea. But basically, I don't feel like I know my place among men. I feel like men get their ego hurt, and then never let down their guard, but expect women to do it anyway - does anyone know what I'm talking about here?? And now I'm having a hard time, perhaps for the first time in my life, letting down my own guard. Because I'm tired of all the bs, I'm tired of apathetic people, and people who aren't responsive to my good nature. I feel like the world is pushing me into a corner but my stubborn personality just doesn't fit in there - and it's slowly getting crushed under the pressure. I don't want to be apathetic, help.

[nistacular]

oh another thing that seems to be a constant fear that I also hate admitting.... I had a bad trip from lsd last year... and some part of me is afraid I still haven't gotten over that. I think before last year I was more sure of myself. Ever since then my mind has been slightly less focused, often not really knowing what to think about, getting bored/lonely more often, and less engaged in things. I feel so stupid for ever doing that.....

[Albalida]

It sounds to me like the thing you take most issue with, is a social construct called Privilege. Gender privilege proposes that for a lot of our recorded history, all over the world, it's masculinity that's been endowed with certain considerations that keep femininity more or less downtrodden. Real people have been socialized to follow these rules of privilege: men who are emotional, intuitive, artistic, or passive have been condemned (sometimes violently, and fatally,) by reinforcers of the privilege for blurring the lines-- you might know a little of the shame of this. Women have had to fight for things like votes, education, careers that won't leave them destitute in case their father/brother/husband pass away, and the freedom to express their sexuality as subjects rather than objects. So, it isn't usually as easy for the ladies as coasting into the open arms of a dashing prince-- life is work, privilege just makes it more difficult, in different ways, for everyone.

And that's only gender privilege: there are systems of privilege connected to race and ethnicity, handicaps and mental disorders, age (though I think most people eventually grow out of that one) -- it chips away at everybody's shoulders, being so widespread, and running so deeply. Those who aren't empowered to be themselves outside of this paradigm can have a lot of suffering ahead of them, so... more power to you!

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by nistacular

This is really hard for me to admit, because I don't want this as part of my identity - but I sometimes feel very submissive - I'm a 19 year old guy. I wish someone could just take over for me. Honestly I wish I was a girl sometimes so this would be less of a problem - also wish I was a girl because all I really value in this world is love, and I see it a lot less often from men. Please comment on this - this is something I've been struggling with for much of my life.

Also let me share my negative view on men. I want discussion in the post. Men's actions are often selfish, with the intent of dominating other people in some way or another. Few men can just appreciate people for who they are - instead they appreciate people for what they mean to them. Which sounds very natural - but it isn't who they are most of the time it seems. I appreciate people for the way they feel. Men appreciate people in much more of a power-struggle way I think.... it's hard to express this idea. But basically, I don't feel like I know my place among men. I feel like men get their ego hurt, and then never let down their guard, but expect women to do it anyway - does anyone know what I'm talking about here??

I used to wish I was a man because men are completely sexually liberated, can have sex at the drop of a hat, at a moment's notice, can walk around naked in front of each other, etc. Now I realize that I can be a sexually liberated woman and still get support.

You can be a passive intuitive man and still get treated with respect and kindness. Does Steve Pavlina strike you as being a dominant brute? He said he's exploring polyamory for the emotional intimacy not the sex. Male therapists are passive and intuitve. Why not hang out with girls or effeminate gay guys since you have more in common with them?

You also shouldn't care what people think or how they feel about you. Are men concerned that you consider them selfish, or are they carrying on with their lives? Don't fall for the pecking order thing. Free yourself from societal constraints.

Also like the above poster said, girls can't just be submissive and have the world take over. That's taking the easy way out is not realistic. You could fall into an abusive relationship or lose your sense of self-respect because you're obedient. In this modern world, many women are tough and catty and have their own pecking order thing going on. I think you have a fantasy of what being a girl is like. We have our own struggles too. We fight for respect. Look at Hillary Clinton. Does she seem submissive to Bill Clinton or like she receives warm fuzzies from the world? Meanwhile Barack Obama, who by the way is passive, is handled with kid gloves.