Fearful of unrealistic expectations of myself

[JacobtheSkeptic]

Let me just start by saying I'm new to this forum, but I think it has real potential to help me. So I'm 22 and I am in my fifth year of college, and I have about another year to go. I'm a little behind due to some extremely poor academic choices in the past. I feel like I'm finally moving in the right direction now, but I'm afraid I have set my goals too high. I have always been the "slacker" type: smart, but unwilling to try at anything, and way too eager to quit whatever I have started. However, I am no longer complacent with apathy and indolence, and i am ready to make a real difference in the world. In fact, it's all that I think about. But every time I come up with some idea of how to help people or make a difference, it's something out of my reach. It's like I can't be satisfied just being a better person and treating people with kindness. I have an insatiable drive to make a world wide impact. And it isn't a desire to be famous or rich. I just want to feel like I have earned my keep on the planet. Those family and friends whom I have actually opened up to tend to look at me like I am just a kid dreaming of being an astronaut. It's like they know I'm incapable of making a serious change in the world. To make matters worse, I don't take criticism well. I typically accept it as a "well i guess it wasn't meant to be" kind of sign. Should I just try to forget about large scale improvement and work on myself? Or is there some way to overcome my somewhat repressed fears of failure(as well as others' expectations of my failure)?

[Rimuel]

What do you have to offer to the world?

This is the answer you should seek. It may have to be something only you can give. Or it may be something that others are offering, but that you can offer to a greater degree.

If you do not have anything to offer, the rational way is to improve on yourself. For starters, look to your strengths. What are you good at? You are more likely to find your unique expression through your strengths than your weaknesses. Personality tests, Strengthsfinder, VIA are examples of tools you can use to identify your strengths.

Manage your weaknesses; do not let them stray you from your goal. There are several ways to do this: find complementary partners, create support systems and tweak your role/job description.

I have a similar record too; smart but lazy, procrastinates a lot, gives up easily. But this is merely a starting point from which we can work from. Satisfied needs do not motivate; only things which we lack carry us towards action. So do not fear that which we lack, but embrace it, for from that paths shall be revealed.

[JacobtheSkeptic]

As simple as your advice is, I think it's exactly how I would advise someone in a similar situation. It's always easier to make decisions from a third person point of view. As crazy as it sounds, I have never actually asked myself "what do i have to offer the world?" and I think that's one that will take some real time and circumspection. Thank you for pointing that out.

As far as weaknesses: I am certainly prone to let them overcome me. I will have to take preventative measures, no doubt.

[Greek Dog]

Don't forget - some kids DID grow up to be astronauts.
Expectations of others can have a profound effect on us.
But that power exists only when it is unconscious.
Bring your reaction to other's expectations to the forefront where you can purposefully see that it is about them and not you.

Those family and friends whom I have actually opened up to tend to look at me like I am just a kid dreaming of being an astronaut. It's like they know I'm incapable of making a serious change in the world. To make matters worse, I don't take criticism well. I typically accept it as a "well i guess it wasn't meant to be" kind of sign.

Perhaps this is especially revealing of what has been more powerful in your life than your own desires for yourself. "Family and friends" opinions seem to be in the driver's seat. Can you trace things back and see how they came to be in charge? As you grew up were you trained how to take charge of your life? Were your parents in charge, making decisions for you, ignoring your own choices?

[RonSouther]

Fear Self Help!