how can i help my cousin besides just helping her w/ homework?

[Kronique]

my little cousin is having issues -- a lot. cant focus and has become a hider. she is afraid of seeing people or going outside
but lately her parents are really busy too and they dont seem to do anything accept give her Adderall (and ADD drug)

she tells me she
-feels outcast at school
-she does poorly in school and doesn't do the work, but she has no reason to care
-when she gets home she gets no help with homework or math, she doesn't get proper guidance or encouragement at ALL.
-my aunt and her siblings often joke at her and laugh at her whenever she's over. they seem to be frivolous but i am pretty sure thats all she ever hears

can there be a way to lift this girl's self-esteem? how often should i invite her over to help her? everyday? every other day?
she is a really smart and sweet girl and she needs better=/

it seems like her parents ignore her a lot of the time, or criticize her. what else should i do to help her besides help her with homework and be a mentor?

also does it REALLY sound like this girl has ADD or other problems? i honestly think its motivation problems but i dont know how to get her grounded. of course she's not grounded or interested in school but how can she deal with school when she has other problems to deal with?

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Kronique

it seems like her parents ignore her a lot of the time, or criticize her. what else should i do to help her besides help her with homework and be a mentor?

She doesn't need you to help her so much as she needs you to be there for her. It sounds like everyone else just considers her a non-entity to be prodded and filled with pills whenever she makes a noise. Don't worry too much about her grades or motivation, focus more on being available and non-judgmental. When she makes a noise in front of you, be the one to listen to it instead of trying to make it go away. She will solve her own problems, as long as she has someone to help her feel like she can.

[Kronique]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

She doesn't need you to help her so much as she needs you to be there for her. It sounds like everyone else just considers her a non-entity to be prodded and filled with pills whenever she makes a noise. Don't worry too much about her grades or motivation, focus more on being available and non-judgmental. When she makes a noise in front of you, be the one to listen to it instead of trying to make it go away. She will solve her own problems, as long as she has someone to help her feel like she can.

Good point.

I just dont want her to feel helpless when it comes to school and math. If she gets too behind it will be retty bad.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Kronique

Good point.

I just dont want her to feel helpless when it comes to school and math. If she gets too behind it will be retty bad.

Joint activities are a great way to bond. Tutoring her counts.

[abcbac]

Very nice of you! Just spend more time with her if people are treating her like an outcast. Let her know that you are there for her.

[RonSouther]

See if she will read my story of overcoming these issues....

ADHD Self Help - A Story of Healing - Profound-Self-Help.com

[MovingForward]

It sounds like you have naturally developed a mentoring relationship with her. You have the chance to be a role model for her. Share your experiences with school and she will probably open up more. Be careful not to betray her confidence and keep some things private. Others can help and should be asked for help with some of your concerns.

I would suggest you encourage her to see her guidance counselor and speak to her teachers about her academic concerns. Accomedations to assist in learning can be made in school to support her. I bet there is free tutoring offered at her school. Help her make these connections.

Speak to her parents and ask them to speak to their daughters teachers and guidance counselors. Be ready to give specific examples of your concerns.

Learn, by asking her, what motivates her and try it out. Some kids like movie tickets, some money, some the chance to get out of the house and do an activity. Find out what motivates her and use it as a reward for good behavior within your comfort zone or get help with this from her parents. For example, if she likes the movies, tell her if she gets atleast a B on her next math test, you will take her to the movies. Encourage her before the test, practice with her, keep reminding her of the reward. This usually works well.
I think her parents want their child to do well and feel comfortable in school. I am sure if you shared your desire to help, they would support that.
Good luck, it is nice of you to care. Not everyone holds a hand out to help.