How to not dwell on it if someone is mean to you?

[GregD]

Sometimes it happens that someone is mean to you and in my case I usually dwell on it and feel bad about it for a long time. How do you not do that without becoming an evil person

[Prinie]

It ain't got nothing to do with you. And even if it was, who cares? I shift focus. So I messed up and they didn't like what I said. Now's a new moment. lol

[Clint Cora]

If someone is mean to you, of course you should try your best to avoid that person in the future if at all possible. This is also related to how you get caught up on how you think other's perceive you and treat you. When this happens, the best thing to do in my opinion is to evaluate how important that other person is to your own life and success.

Usually you end up thinking that such a jerk is not worth the time nor energy to get worried about. I shot an entire video and article just on this very topic since I noticed that this type of thing has bothered quite a lot of people.

I hope it will be of some help to you.

[Greek Dog]

The key is to focus on your reaction to that meanness. that is where your power is. When you feel your power being "taken by that person's meanness" remind yourself and declare to yourself that you are taking back your power. Make a statement to yourself that you are sorry that person has been mean, it is disappointing but you are moving on.

If these words don't do it for you try others that carry the same sentiment until you get the right mix. It can be exceptionally powerful. Just the phrase, "I am taking my power back from you." can be all you need to think to yourself. You can actually feel the shift in you body as your tension releases and your spine straightens.

[GregD]

@Prinie
I guess you are not as sensitive as me

@Clint Cora
Thank you, I watched your video, but everything is not about success. You see if someone punches you then it is going to hurt no matter if that person is important or not. Being mean or insulting is same as punching just on the psychological battle field, so even if the person has no meaning the punch still hurts...

@Greek Dog
Hi I tried telling myself that, but I didn't feel anything different


Thanks to everyone for trying to help.

[nothuman]

OK I'll play. Normally if someone is mean to you and it causes an energetic reaction in you..... so be it. The best thing to understand is that it is normal to feel this way at times and then have a go at not resisting and letting go the emotion you are feeling.
On a level of emotion one of the best ways to diffuse anger is to apply interest to it. Eg if someone is paying out on you for being late then become interested in their argument. This is not always possible as sometimes you are just too keyed in to react.
However you choose to approach anger remember that any technique you employ will only work some of the time.
It is part of your journey to experience and understand and part of that is handling what arises in you.

[Prinie]

Too much for forum

[Greek Dog]

Thanks for the reply GregD. Sorry my suggestion wasn't helpful. I do hope you find something that resonates with you.

[jayenn]

Maybe it would help to try to reverse the roles for a moment and try seeing this from the other person's (the mean person's) perspective. When was the last time you said something mean to or about someone? If someone had said that about you how would you feel and do you think that you would've taken it more personally than it was intended? Often times we give the mean words that we are victim to more gravity than the mean words that we say about others. Sometimes you may not even notice that something you said would be considered mean or hurtful or you might not have expected it to have a very great impact on the person you are saying it about. This might be the case with the person who said something mean about you; they've probably already forgotten about the mean thing they said so why haven't you forgotten about it? Move on!

[abcbac]

I can totally understand how you feel. But you cannot just avoid everyone that is mean to you. You have no control over that. There are going to be mean and condescending personalities everywhere you go whether it is the gym, work, school,etc. You have to learn to deal with that which takes time. You can change your mindset. When someone is mean to you, tell yourself that their opinion is worthless and does not matter. Try to move on even if it is really hard. They can say whatever they want, but you will choose if you get insulted or not in the end. I was constantly bullied and picked in the past and it made me into a very cynical, over-aggressive, raging person. I would get offended by the littlest thing. But I realized that I can't let people affect me this way. Be kind and respectful to everyone but never take ♥♥♥♥ from anyone either. If someone is constantly nagging you, let them know and tell them to stop.

[GregD]

@Prinie
I'm really sorry to hear that ((
I don't know how you made it, I can't even imagine..
I wish that only good things will happen to you from this second onwards


@everyone
it seems like you guys talking about creating defensive walls and basically hiding behind them. Sure then nobody will hurt because tall walls are built, but then everything else is also blocked out like love, respect, etc... I wonder if there is a healthy way to absorb/accept/receive the negativity without blocking out the world...

[Mounds]

Hey GregD,

I've got two suggestions.

One starts with a story. Yesterday, I came to work and someone was parked in my spot. We don't have names on our parking spots or anything, but it it still annoyed me to high heaven. Obviously this person was trying to piss me off.

After dwelling on it for the better part of the day, I realized that a flexible person would just park elsewhere. Chances are, the guy doesn't think about parking spots the same way I do. If he did do it to annoy me, what better way of invalidating his behaviour than by not being annoyed!

When someone is blatantly mean towards you, feel free to be angry. All anger is telling you is that one of your boundaries was crossed. Anger stops making sense when the even happened hours, days, weeks, or even years after the event. At that point, you have to ask yourself, "Although this emotion helped me make sense of the event at that time, how does it help me now?".

Overall, learn from it. People being mean to you is a fantastic opportunity for your confidence to grow.

-Tim

[reekah]

People hold a right to be mean. it is the elemental human condition (or part of it). For all of our history as a species, we have been malevolent and unkind to each other. Of course, this does not mean we cannot be anything else, but it still (like kindness/benevolence) is a significant part of our nature. It's a complex mix amongst other traits.

This does not however mean we must tolerate meanness, but it means we should ride above it, and not let it affect us.

[Prinie]

Um...thanks GregD. I think everyone else has given you really good suggestions so it's up to you to use them or not now.

Nice meeting you.

[BillieAnn]

some people are good people and some are not. Live ..