Is it possible to be attached to someone emotionally but yet not love the person?

[sharshar89]

Don't know if this is the right section to post at.
But is it possible for the above to happen?

[ksirminoh]

Not sure...
I'd say you'd love the person, even if it weren't romantic love. Maybe we could help you better if you described the situation a bit deeper?

[Prinie]

omg YES! It became like an obsession for me and I felt like I was dying... I realized that if I even had to ask this question and many others like this...wasn't love.

[The Cloud]

I'd say that attachment is the norm and love the exception.

[scotthegeek]

I have been so isolated and a lone and I have a girlfriend now and I love the attention and affection but my gut is telling me that its not really love. We don't have much in common and she happy but I still feel disconnected a lot of the time but I'm learning a lot about myself.

Should Love feel like a drug?

[ksirminoh]

Originally Posted by scotthegeek

Should Love feel like a drug?

Romantic love does feel like a drug xD
Watch this: Helen Fisher studies the brain in love | Video on TED.com

[jayenn]

I think that it is very possible to become attached to a person without truly loving them romantically or otherwise. This happens all the time when you get attached to a person in the same way that you might get attached to a favorite pen or a certain jacket. Just because you feel emotionally attached to that pen or jacket doesn't mean that you love those things. Attachment is a much simpler emotion and generally grows with familiarity. For example, after shopping at the same convenience store for years you might grow attached to the familiar old man who works behind the counter and always seems to be there which would cause you to be upset if you went into the store one day and a new person was standing behind the counter. This doesn't mean that you loved the old man though. Attachment is a simple feeling that can be applied to people as well as inanimate objects, while love is a much more complex emotion than can truly only be applied to living, thinking beings.

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

I'd say that attachment is the norm and love the exception.

amen....

Nearly no one knows what love really is....We think that attachment is love but attachment leads to possessiveness and jealousy and we know that isn't love.

It's a quantum leap to live true love....Like the saying goes, if you want to see if love is true, let it go....if it comes back, it's true.

[The David]

What's the difference? Good luck solving that puzzle!

[Curtis2011]

Originally Posted by sharshar89

Don't know if this is the right section to post at.
But is it possible for the above to happen?

Yes, of course.

Sometimes it is attachment that may lead to love in the future. Sometimes it might be attachment that doesn't lead to love though.

[Bonadea]

Of course

[sharshar89]

Recently I feel this feeling.. We are on long distance relationship and I went over to visit him for quite sometime.. I feel as though he is so much happier with his friends than me.. I hardly feel the same frequency with him (as compared to him with his friends) whether it be in the past or now.. Im thinking if someone comes along with the same frequency as him.. He will be much happier than being with me..Thinking of this makes me feel more sad and further away but I'm selfish.. I don't want to let go..

He has and currently still is very doting and caring and accomodating to my wishes.. And he's very loyal to me.. But I have an instinct that tells me he feels obliged to.. He also has the tendency to keep very old things until they are fully torned or spoilt then he decide to change to another.. Im wondering.. Is this mutual attachment.. I don't know what to do.. What should I do?

[Perspective]

Sharshar,
Emotional attachment (aka infatuation disguised as passionate love) is concerned with "What's in it for me? or "How do I feel, or how would I feel if this or that happened?"
Loving someone is concerned with "What is best for this person & me in the big picture?"

Friendship, generally is more relaxed with less expectations than romantic relationships. So, it's understandable that your boyfriend may be happier or more easy-going around his friends because he probably doesn't feel like he could fail. Yet, maybe with you, he may be more concerned if he's acting right or wrong... or if he'll hurt you. It sounds kind of fake. Maybe because your relationship is "long-distance" you have a lot of time to fantasize about each other, so when you finally get the reality, it feels strange.

Maybe you could tell him that you'd like to take it slower, with no commitment, less expectations, & just have fun together, getting to know each other. I'd also suggest that you open yourself to meeting more people, or enhancing friendships you already have... that way, not so much is riding on this 1 relationship.

[ainsleigh]

I think it's possible to have emotional attachment without love.

Emotional attachment can come from your personal issues. Fear of being alone. Scared of letting go of something. Scared you won't find something better...

Love is something that isn't about your personal needs. It's something that grows and cultivates after you get to know someone.

[Kana]

I think I'm on a similar situation here...ok, maybe a little different, there's love, not on a lover's way, more like a mother-child love.

I was kind of neglected by my mother when I was a child and since I'm like 10 years old or so that I look for a mother figure in my teachers. Now that I'm 20, it's getting worse. I love one of my teachers (she's in her mid 50s) and would love to get to be her daughter, and have been suffering quite a bit,, I never told her, she's been my teacher for the past 2.5 years, and within 6 months our student/teacher relation will end because I will graduate. I'm so afraid of that. Next semester she will only teach me one subject and I'm so sad...

I like her so much, I try to go to all her classes (1st,2nd and mine - 3rd year) just to be around her because I feel safe.

I don't know if this is normal or not, I feel so alone when I'm at home with my parents (divorced, so on weekends I stay on fridays with my mom and on saturdays with my dad). When I'm with my teacher it's like I'm a child again.

This is so embaracing...

What should I do, I'm so attached to her...

[billionairekid]

Originally Posted by jayenn

I think that it is very possible to become attached to a person without truly loving them romantically or otherwise. This happens all the time when you get attached to a person in the same way that you might get attached to a favorite pen or a certain jacket. Just because you feel emotionally attached to that pen or jacket doesn't mean that you love those things. Attachment is a much simpler emotion and generally grows with familiarity. For example, after shopping at the same convenience store for years you might grow attached to the familiar old man who works behind the counter and always seems to be there which would cause you to be upset if you went into the store one day and a new person was standing behind the counter. This doesn't mean that you loved the old man though. Attachment is a simple feeling that can be applied to people as well as inanimate objects, while love is a much more complex emotion than can truly only be applied to living, thinking beings.

I wanna add my support for this post. It describes the difference between love and attachment. You may be attached to having someone in your life that fills the role of a "love." I'll tell you, it's hard dating and sometimes attachment is easier than love.

[sharshar89]

Originally Posted by Perspective

Sharshar,
Emotional attachment (aka infatuation disguised as passionate love) is concerned with "What's in it for me? or "How do I feel, or how would I feel if this or that happened?"
Loving someone is concerned with "What is best for this person & me in the big picture?"

Friendship, generally is more relaxed with less expectations than romantic relationships. So, it's understandable that your boyfriend may be happier or more easy-going around his friends because he probably doesn't feel like he could fail. Yet, maybe with you, he may be more concerned if he's acting right or wrong... or if he'll hurt you. It sounds kind of fake. Maybe because your relationship is "long-distance" you have a lot of time to fantasize about each other, so when you finally get the reality, it feels strange.

Maybe you could tell him that you'd like to take it slower, with no commitment, less expectations, & just have fun together, getting to know each other. I'd also suggest that you open yourself to meeting more people, or enhancing friendships you already have... that way, not so much is riding on this 1 relationship.

We are already together for a long time before the long distance..
By the way you define love it feels as though he loves me but Im attached to him..

[rawxstasy]

Originally Posted by Kana

I don't know if this is normal or not, I feel so alone when I'm at home with my parents (divorced, so on weekends I stay on fridays with my mom and on saturdays with my dad). When I'm with my teacher it's like I'm a child again.

This is so embaracing...

What should I do, I'm so attached to her...

I am sorry about your experience. It's good that you recognize that your attachment to your teacher is related to not getting what you needed as a child. This is callled attachment hunger.

This site is helpful. Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy

The way to move past the hunger is to let yourself feel it. You need to let yourself feel the feelings of abandonment, loneliness, fear etc. Eventually you will realize that you aren't going to "die" without that person.

This is another good book.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Break-Your.../dp/0553260057