Serious trouble regarding the success of my peers?

[FORk]

Hello

I am 25. As I told you, I failed in my studies, lost 3 years in a row and dropped out of college for two years. I am back in college now, in the first year and have to start over. I've been in deep depression. I sometimes feel good every time I convince myself that I am so young and learnt from my mistakes and that I know all the roads leading to success, bu I have a huge problem regarding my peers and students that are younger than me. Every time I read their biography and read about their successes and ECs, and colleges finished with excellent grades, my body sweats and I feel worthless, I feel that I will never reach them and even If I do, I'll be too old by then. I feel like I 'll have to lay off all my free time and just focus on my career, like I'll never have to listen to music, watch movies I just have to study to make up for lost time. I am saying it because some of them are not wiser than me and when I was younger, everyone said that I was going to reach amazing heights in my life, but I didn't know my values back then. And now that I do, I feel so old and my brain is so sick of pressure.
So do I have to feel this way?
Do I have to lay off all my free time, never to listen to music and such, just focusin on my future, on my studies and never relaxing just to try to reach those heights which are killing me, cause I've disappointed my parents so much. Due to depression, my brain doesn't have the power it had any more.

I am going through this painfully!

All your advice will be appreciated!

[CroMagna]

You really need to get over this. You care way too much about what other people think of you or what other people are doing with their lives. Stop comparing yourself to other people! And stop living for your parents, you have to live your own life now. You're an adult.

If you allow yourself to become clinically depressed (and it will be your fault) you will blow it again and then what will you do? Then you'll be older, may not be able to afford to go back, may not be let back in, etc.

It's absurd to think you won't be able to listen to music for 10 minutes if you want to succeed.

There are people who are 99 and are just now earning PhDs. That's inspiring. It's never too late.

No matter how often people tell you that 25 is young, you won't believe it until you're 35.

[FORk]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

You really need to get over this. You care way too much about what other people think of you or what other people are doing with their lives. Stop comparing yourself to other people! And stop living for your parents, you have to live your own life now. You're an adult.

If you allow yourself to become clinically depressed (and it will be your fault) you will blow it again and then what will you do? Then you'll be older, may not be able to afford to go back, may not be let back in, etc.

It's absurd to think you won't be able to listen to music for 10 minutes if you want to succeed.

There are people who are 99 and are just now earning PhDs. That's inspiring. It's never too late.

No matter how often people tell you that 25 is young, you won't believe it until you're 35.

I feeltoo old. I always hear my parents talking behind my back about how far I could've accomplished by no, about how I didn't use my skills in the best years of my life. What do you say about this?

[DANDUNGAN]

From Brian Tracy
Taking Personal Responsibility

As Henry Ford II once said, “Never complain, never explain.” If you’re not happy with the situation, do something about it. If you’re not willing to do something about it, then don’t complain.

There’s the story of the construction worker who opens up his lunch box at the noon break and unwraps his sandwich to find that it contains sardines. He gets really upset and complains loudly to everyone around him about how much he hates sardines.

The next day, the same thing happens: a sardine sandwich. Again, the construction worker shouts and complains about how much he hates sardines for lunch.

The third day it happens again. By this time, his fellow workers are getting fed up with his loud complaining. One of them leans over and says to him, “If you hate sardines so much, why don’t you tell your wife to make you some other kind of sandwich?”

The construction worker turns to the fellow and says, “Oh, I’m not married. I make my own lunches!”

Many of us get into the same situation as the construction worker’s and complain about circumstances that are almost entirely of our own making.

Is this true for you? Look over your relationships and ask where this might be true in your life.

[Curious cat]

You are putting too much weight on 'success' in order to be happy. In your case, success is achieving academic status at a young age. The problem is, happiness should not be contingent on x, y, z. It is a state you can access while you are on your way towards reaching for x, y, z.

To chase happiness almost guarantees you will not be happy.

Much of what you've been complaining about in this post and previous ones indicate that your parents have high expectations of you, and they are projecting their own hopes and dreams onto you. They've conditioned you to believe that you can only be happy if you are successful. When i personally believe that our highest goal is to be happy. Success and other status inducers are secondary.

You are 25 now. You are capable of independent thinking. I mean, does it sound right to you to have to study yourself into the ground and sacrifice joy in order to have good grades? Deep down, is this 'career' even something you want, or is it just something you have accepted because it was imposed on you by society (ie peers and family), and therefore just adopted this dream as your own?

Happiness is quite achievable and a simple concept really, but it takes work. It starts with you. Allow yourself to think for yourself and not just buy into everything that society feeds you because that will only hinder your own happiness. Because where does it end, in your quest to make others happy? When you finally get your degree at a top University, or only after you have a top job in a top organisation, earning a top salary?

if you have a lifetime of lists of achievements before you can finally enjoy your life, then it will be over before you get to enjoy it, so why not just enjoy it now, because you can

[wanzulfikri]

What I can see is that you are having this problem of age excuitis. Age is never an excuse.

You are now living, don't waste it acting as if you are half dead. You still have you life with you, so do the things that you love and succeed man!

[FORk]

The only thing I don't need to hear is Wake up before it's too late. It sounds like this too-late is so around the corner and I don't wanna hear about it. It's because I don't even feel like my brain is ready to resist the pressure for the upcoming days. You told me about how I should ignore my parents, but u didn't tell me about how I should react when I have to hear about the successes of my peers or those whoa are younger than me and are taking Master degrees now, who are working now and who were never wiser than me. I know I sound selfish, but I always think that I didn't deserve all things that I've been through,. I've been through something that I couldn't handle. Thanks for all your advice anyways!

[CroMagna]

You shouldn't even know what people way younger than you are doing. If you do know, it means you've been hanging out on facebook comparing yourself to other people and making yourself miserable. You should take responsibility for the fact that you've been seeking it out.

You wouldn't want to be those people, because they are doing things you're not interested in doing. What makes you unique? What are your career goals? What are you doing that makes you glad to be you rather than someone else?

BTW, you're only 4 years older than them! A 25 year old could marry a 21 year old. When you're 46 and they're 42 will it matter?

[CoolBee]

Quit school and travel for a year and get some life experience.

You can do it on a low budget. Assuming you are a US citizen, all you need is a passport.

All these people you are envying will be having their own issues. Some will become 'wage slaves' living up to income in big corporations and unable to quit because of fear of the loss of income or whatever.

Some of them will be marrying people who are totally the wrong person but because they feel in their early 20s they 'should' be marrying and settling down.

Some of them will be hating and loathing what they do but be acting under parental/societal pressure.

Never presume that what YOU perceive as success in someone else isn't killing them the same way you are feeling 'killed' right now.

[Affinity]

Originally Posted by FORk

Hello

I am 25. As I told you, I failed in my studies, lost 3 years in a row and dropped out of college for two years. I am back in college now, in the first year and have to start over. I've been in deep depression. I sometimes feel good every time I convince myself that I am so young and learnt from my mistakes and that I know all the roads leading to success, bu I have a huge problem regarding my peers and students that are younger than me. Every time I read their biography and read about their successes and ECs, and colleges finished with excellent grades, my body sweats and I feel worthless, I feel that I will never reach them and even If I do, I'll be too old by then. I feel like I 'll have to lay off all my free time and just focus on my career, like I'll never have to listen to music, watch movies I just have to study to make up for lost time. I am saying it because some of them are not wiser than me and when I was younger, everyone said that I was going to reach amazing heights in my life, but I didn't know my values back then. And now that I do, I feel so old and my brain is so sick of pressure.
So do I have to feel this way?
Do I have to lay off all my free time, never to listen to music and such, just focusin on my future, on my studies and never relaxing just to try to reach those heights which are killing me, cause I've disappointed my parents so much. Due to depression, my brain doesn't have the power it had any more.

I am going through this painfully!

All your advice will be appreciated!

Thinking about heights can be stressful, instead you look at just about what is possible to you.

Perfectionism is your problem.