I Am So Torn It's Driving Me Crazy

[ohTen]

I, a musician and songwriter, (have) lived in New York City for over six years and have been involved in the music scene there for about that long. At the beginning of the summer, I went to live and teach music at a summer camp (that was really more like an art colony) in Connecticut for two months with a group of my close Brooklyn friends. It was an absolutely amazing summer in every way, and while I was there our circle of friends meshed with this other group of friends who had come to the camp from Los Angeles. We became very good friends and when the end of the summer came, a promise was made that I would go stay with them in LA.

I bought the plane ticket a few days after camp ended. I spent about three weeks in Brooklyn moving out of my apartment, selling my largest belongings and throwing the rest in storage, crashing on couches all around the Northeast, and counting the days until my three week-long trip to LA.

My trip surpassed all of my expectations. I had been to LA once before and had decided that I didn't like it very much. This time around, staying with my friends in a different part of town and getting out and about on my own, I fell in absolute love with the place. I felt so, so good there - almost as if I could just stay there and never look back. The only thing that kept me from staying was a lucrative gig back in NY that I had committed to months before. I had made the plan at the end of camp to return to my parents' house around thanksgiving to prolong my 'work sabbatical', spend some much-needed time with my parents, and save some money.

So I returned to New York for one month (the length of the gig), fully intending on saving up to head out to LA ASAP once the gig was over. About a week after I got back, however, a beautiful set of circumstances led to me unexpectedly being offered a record deal on a small independent label. This well-run label happens to be home to several bands I've known and been close to since I first moved to NYC and has brought them great success, getting them signed to much larger labels and effectively launching their careers. The guy who runs it is young, very sharp, and full of great ideas. I could not have asked to be on a better first label or to have received a better deal. It's a perfect fit for me. I accepted the record deal on a handshake (no contract).

The problem is that I cannot stand to live in New York for another minute. My simmering discontent with the city reached a boiling point somewhere around the middle of the summer. Typical complaints: filthy, loud, dangerous, bad weather, too expensive, bad Q of L. I spent most of the nights that I was not working on my friend's couch in Massachusetts. With my natural feelings and the increasingly fascist, heavily-policed atmosphere throughout the city, I just couldn't stand to be there any more. As soon as the gig was over, I immediately returned to my parents' house, where I'm sitting as I write this.

My feeling that I need to follow my original plan and move to LA is so overwhelming that I can't ignore it. It's still early enough that backing out of the deal would not cause too much damage to either party, but part of me feels like I would be an idiot to turn down this record deal. I made some good connections while I was in LA and would not be starting from zero if I moved there. Furthermore, I'm confident that I could secure a record deal out there with hard work and persistence. But I'm being offered a deal now, on a great little label, just based in a city that I don't want to be in. I know that I am at my creative best when I am happy, and know that despite the opportunity beckoning that I cannot reach that happy state in New York (trust me, I've tried for six years).

The indecision here has me paralyzed and miserable, which is ridiculous because both of these paths are wonderful opportunities and I do realize that I'm incredibly lucky to even be stuck in this dilemma. I waver back and forth between the two decisions every day: stick it out in New York, or follow my heart to LA? My time to reach a decision is coming soon. I'm more venting than anything, not really looking for concrete opinions (e.g. "you should move to new york"), more wondering if anybody else has ever been in a similar situation where they've had to make an incredibly difficult choice between two paths that both offer a lot of opportunity and both require some big sacrifices.

[supertom]

Ignoring the information for a bit and looking at the decision making process, usually when I have to make a choice between two positive paths, I ask myself a question, first I find some balance and clear my mind for a few minutes, than I ask myself and in your case "What's stopping me from _____", what ever answer fills in the blank is actually what you want to do deep down but there's a few negatives blocking you, it is a trick of sorts because whats stopping you doesn't matter. I find after asking this the answer becomes clear.

I hope it works for you as well, good luck and good clarity.

[Nick Connor]

We are talking about matters of the heart here and I can relate/reply in multiple ways.

About 6 months ago I made a decision to leave an AMAZING job running a sports performance business (after considering the move for close to a year). I was tired of the corporate grind and the only thing keeping me there was the paycheck and the memory of two grueling years waiting to be promoted to the position.

I was torn because I was unhappy with the way "life" was turning out. As a former college and professional athlete I had romantic ideas of what life was supposed to be. My heart was telling me that there was more out there for me: a better job, better girlfriend, better life. But everyone in my life thought I was crazy to leave such a promising job.

I have always been a deep dude and spend a lot of time considering the pros and cons of things. The decision to leave my job, on it's face, seemed crazy. But ignoring the desire I had deep down to pursue the life that I wanted was no longer an option.

I am 29 years old (30 in less than a month) and here I am living my life according to my decisions. The decisions have been hard but making hard decisions is what successful people do.

The last 6 months have been crazy. I know more about myself now than I did 6 months ago, I have been late on multiple bills (damn lexus payment is killing me), my family thinks I'm crazy and sometimes I do wish I had the consistent paycheck.

BUT...

I freed up my heart, mind and energy which has allowed me to lay the groundwork for the life I want. I now travel around the country speaking to high school and college students about making tough decisions and basically these two points:

1. Focus on the things you can ACHIEVE in life rather than the things you ATTAIN.
2. Focus on the MEANS to the END more than the end itself.

You are a good looking, educated and passionate girl. Your choice to go or stay is not the END it is the means to your END. You have to define clearly your end and if you believe in that end the route to get there is all valuable experience.

The choice is simply a matter of the heart and I can truly say the benefit of following your heart if priceless.

Where can I hear your music?

Best,

Nick

[ohTen]

Hey Nick, thanks for your insightful reply. Our situations do sound pretty similiar. Sometimes I forget that a record deal is basically my industry's equivalent of a 'job offer' for artists, and put it on this almighty pedestal as something that is harder to achieve than it really is. The likelihood of an artist getting signed is more dependent on having the fundamental qualities and work ethic of someone worthy of a record deal than some big twist of luck and fate.

If you click on the link in my signature, it'll take you to my website.

[James81]

I know absolutely nothing about music, but why can't you do both? A record deal isn't a permanent job, right? It's like you are going to record an album, which is only a temporary gig, no?

[wolfgang]

A bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush.

Could the record company work with you even if you move?

[ohTen]

@wolfgang: there is a possibility that I could remain on the NY label even if I move to California, but it would be much more difficult considering that most of the resources the label would provide me are in NY anyway (e.g. photographer, booking agent, press contacts). it wouldn't matter as much if the label was larger as larger labels have much larger resource networks at their disposal. I haven't brought it up with them yet because I haven't made a solid decision and want to play this as carefully as I can.

@james81: it's true, it's only a one record deal, but the label also sets me up with management, promotion, and booking. if choose to remain in NY and take this deal I am committing to having a new york-based band, publicist, and agent. it would not make sense to spend a year putting out a record, playing, and touring with one band and then completely dismantling it and starting over on the west coast. I am effectively digging my heels in NY by following through.

[Lioness]

You're young and time is on your side. This is the time of your life when you can afford to take risks. I say go to LA and establish yourself there. There are probably tons of things you can do with your musical talent in LA. Getting a record deal is a great achievement but it doesn't guarantee success.

Go for what you really want! There might be something even better for you on the West Coast. Be honest and gracious to the NY people, maybe they can point you to some LA contacts.

I just noticed that you really don't want this kind of advice...oops! I have been in a tough decision-making position. One thing you can do is make a list, pros on one side, cons on the other. See which side is longer and which side has the most compelling reasons. You can also do a "what's the worst that could possibly happen" in both cases, and determine which scenario you could better live with.

Once you make your decision, take some action on it right away to finalize it. You just have to stick to it and stop wavering.

[SireneB]

Originally Posted by ohTen

The likelihood of an artist getting signed is more dependent on having the fundamental qualities and work ethic of someone worthy of a record deal than some big twist of luck and fate.

This.

Think about it - what is it saying if you grab at a contract offer as though it's the only chance you'll have? Sounds like scarcity, to me.

Out of curiosity, what part of L.A. resonated with you, and what part didn't?

I like your music, btw!

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by ohTen

@wolfgang: there is a possibility that I could remain on the NY label even if I move to California, but it would be much more difficult considering that most of the resources the label would provide me are in NY anyway (e.g. photographer, booking agent, press contacts). it wouldn't matter as much if the label was larger as larger labels have much larger resource networks at their disposal. I haven't brought it up with them yet because I haven't made a solid decision and want to play this as carefully as I can.

I see. Have you considered moving out of the city but staying on the eastcoast? like to CT or MA and work this deal by going into the city when needed. I know not as appealing as LA.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by SireneB

This.

Think about it - what is it saying if you grab at a contract offer as though it's the only chance you'll have? Sounds like scarcity, to me.

Out of curiosity, what part of L.A. resonated with you, and what part didn't?

I like your music, btw!

I don't know about that meaning scarcity. Taking it could also be looked at as gratitude, you know?

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Lioness

You're young and time is on your side. This is the time of your life when you can afford to take risks. I say go to LA and establish yourself there. There are probably tons of things you can do with your musical talent in LA. Getting a record deal is a great achievement but it doesn't guarantee success.

A record deal is a level of success.

Go for what you really want! There might be something even better for you on the West Coast. Be honest and gracious to the NY people, maybe they can point you to some LA contacts.

I just noticed that you really don't want this kind of advice...oops! I have been in a tough decision-making position. One thing you can do is make a list, pros on one side, cons on the other. See which side is longer and which side has the most compelling reasons. You can also do a "what's the worst that could possibly happen" in both cases, and determine which scenario you could better live with.

Once you make your decision, take some action on it right away to finalize it. You just have to stick to it and stop wavering.

Yeah, maybe the NY record group knows some LA people.

ohTen, what a dilemma you have!

[ohTen]

@SireneB: Thanks! I did not care for Hollywood and parts of West LA (the first time I went I stayed in Laurel Canyon and was confined to the Sunset Strip/Santa Monica Blvd) though this time around I enjoyed the area around Miracle Mile and La Brea. I LOVED staying with my friends in Northeast LA and exploring Lincoln Heights, Highland Park, Echo Park, Silverlake, Downtown LA, Eagle Rock, etc. That is the area of LA I would choose to live in should I return.

@wolfgang: I have considered staying somewhere else in the Northeast and commuting in. As far as I'm concerned it's still a viable option, though it would mean changing my strategy (but then again, so do all my other options!). My best friend lives in Northampton, MA and has offered me her couch indefinitely. Part of the reason I am so interested in moving to LA (aside from the fact that I absolutely love it there) is that my music has been getting positive attention (the first radio station to spin my music was KCRW, for example) out there for quite some time now, and I would already be entering the scene with a leg up. I'm sure you are right that the label owner has even more contacts out there.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by ohTen

@SireneB: Thanks! I did not care for Hollywood and parts of West LA (the first time I went I stayed in Laurel Canyon and was confined to the Sunset Strip/Santa Monica Blvd) though this time around I enjoyed the area around Miracle Mile and La Brea. I LOVED staying with my friends in Northeast LA and exploring Lincoln Heights, Highland Park, Echo Park, Silverlake, Downtown LA, Eagle Rock, etc. That is the area of LA I would choose to live in should I return.

@wolfgang: I have considered staying somewhere else in the Northeast and commuting in. As far as I'm concerned it's still a viable option, though it would mean changing my strategy (but then again, so do all my other options!). My best friend lives in Northampton, MA and has offered me her couch indefinitely. Part of the reason I am so interested in moving to LA (aside from the fact that I absolutely love it there) is that my music has been getting positive attention (the first radio station to spin my music was KCRW, for example) out there for quite some time now, and I would already be entering the scene with a leg up. I'm sure you are right that the label owner has even more contacts out there.

Is the NY offer solid? Do you have to actually sign a contract?

[superfoodist]

Hey ohTen! I'm listening to your music right now, this is awesome! Very original sounding. I'm actually an underground rapper trying to break more into the music scene myself , so I see where you're coming from.

Your first best bet would most likely be to see if your record label can work with you even if you live in LA, and if they can possibly hire someone who can book you gigs out there.

If that doesn't work out, you could always be your own promoter and show booker. It takes a bit more work, but with this scenario, all profits would be yours, and you'd learn some first hand stuff about the music business that you might not have known otherwise.

The whole point of a record label in the past was to legally protect, promote, and book shows for their artists. Nowadays, we have the internet, and we can do ALL of that ourselves. You can start your own record label with a few hundred dollars just to legally protect all your work, and you won't have to submit to any creative control by record label executives (which is usually what happens when artists get transferred to major labels anyways). Also, in LA, I'm sure you can find TONS of places to do shows at (which can even fund the start up of small record label strictly to protect you).

Here's a recent interview of Trent Reznor (from Nine Inch Nails) that talks quite a bit about the future of the music industry, and how you can do a lot of stuff by yourself online.

EDIT : Trent Reznor Interview **NEW** April 2009 - YouTube (I forgot to post the link, lol)

Anyways, sorry for ranting. I hope that helps. I'll follow you on twitter!

[SireneB]

Originally Posted by ohTen

@SireneB: Thanks! I did not care for Hollywood and parts of West LA (the first time I went I stayed in Laurel Canyon and was confined to the Sunset Strip/Santa Monica Blvd) though this time around I enjoyed the area around Miracle Mile and La Brea. I LOVED staying with my friends in Northeast LA and exploring Lincoln Heights, Highland Park, Echo Park, Silverlake, Downtown LA, Eagle Rock, etc. That is the area of LA I would choose to live in should I return.

Northeast L.A. is a great area - and I knew you'd like my neighborhood (Echo Park). Lots of music happening here!

Good luck with your decision...

[ohTen]

i had a talk with a music contact/friend of mine (who lives in LA) recently that really cleared up my perspective on things, and I've decided that I need to take this record deal and follow through with it. As my friend put it, "if your record has even the slightest whiff of success about it, you'll be touring 40 percent of the year anyway, so where you live is probably more or less irrelevant."

I think a lot of my conflict is also rooted in a fear of committing to such a large and risky undertaking. This is the first time I've ever been asked to get really serious about my music - something I hold very dear to my heart and that carries a lot of personal investment - and the thought of taking it to a new and more intense level is, to be completely honest, pretty terrifying. Doesn't mean I'm not going to do it or don't want to do it, it's just completely uncharted territory for me.

I've been away from New York for a few weeks now and don't know when I'm going back to stay. There will be a lot of traveling back and forth in the mean time, which is okay because it's cheaper than living there. Oddly enough, I've started to miss New York since leaving. I'd still rather live there than pretty much any other place on earth except California. Moving to LA is still a long-term goal of mine, and if the opportunity presents itself once this record is done, I'm going to take it. In the mean time, though, my focus is on making this record and making it the best it can be.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by ohTen

Moving to LA is still a long-term goal of mine, and if the opportunity presents itself once this record is done, I'm going to take it. In the mean time, though, my focus is on making this record and making it the best it can be.

yay! Did you sign a real record deal contract?