Suicide

[quantummechanics]

Hello, I recently had a dear friend ask me for advice. She sent me a letter, which I will show below. I will leave out the beginning part and go right to the part in which she describes her thoughts. Please give suggestions on how to help her.

I have so many thoughts it is hard to write them. I want to figure out what death is like. I highly doubt that there's anything, but I must know. I realize I should wait. But the thought keeps nagging at me. I want to know all. But there is so much to learn here. The entire human race has not been able to figure out the truth, only parts. I want, nay, i need to know all. Suicide is not selfish of the person doing it, it is selfish of the people left behind. If they truly loved us, they would want what we need most. Anyway, if no one before me has discovered the truth, then how could I? What if I'm wrong? If I die, will anything still exist? I am tired. Tired of everything. Tired of not knowing why; tired of wanting to know why. Somehtimes I wish it would all just end. People who say it's just giving up do not know how hard it is. The greatest sorrow in life is caring that you know relativly nothing. It is what I truly hate. Holocaust, poverty, evil, these I do not hate. These are a part of life. My idea of a utopia is not world peace, it is all-knowledge. Suicide is not an escape, but an entry, a door into the much-sought knowledge. I feel as if my head should explode. People say suicide is selfish. This is asinine. Suicide is, whether the person doing it is conscious of it or not, a realization of people. Selfishness is all there is. I honestly don't believe people understand what I'm going through, and I'm a very rational person. When I see people loving, I cry. I don't know why, but I want to. I really can't stand not knowing. When people talk about suicide, I cry. I fear it will only cause more suicides. When you find that people are honestly trying to understand suicidals but can't, it only makes the person more suicidal; makes him/her feel more lonely. Toughness I can take. It is not hard. Love, it is different. I feel as if people would be disappointed in me, say that I am being ridiculous and am just trying to escape reality. I feel as if this is the only thing holding me back. Why should I continue living in a world that I don't even believe in?

Please comment. Thanks.

[The Cloud]

I don't think there's anything to worry about, although I can't say for sure. If your friend is really seeking knowledge, she'll realize that hastening a death that is already inevitable will only cut off all other possible paths to knowledge prematurely. She doesn't sound standard-issue depressed. In fact, it sounds more like confusion than depression to me.

Unfortunately, she's probably right that nobody is in the position to help her or even understand her. She's probably in the place she is precisely because she is surrounded by ignorance that she cannot pierce and cannot see being pierced by anyone else, while having the feeling that it should be something she should be able to cut through. Not having known anyone that has pierced the veil, she has only her own conviction that there is something to be known, a conviction that she can find no denial or confirmation for in others.

It's lonely being stuck with a conviction she can't understand, surrounded by people that can't even imagine what it is she believes well enough to tell her she's wrong. She doesn't even have anyone to disagree with her, because no one knows enough to disagree, and certainly there are none to help. The only thing you could do to help her is to understand what she's after better than she does. Barring that, all she has is herself, and the more people try to help her without understanding, the more apparent it will be that she's alone. It's something she'll have to come to terms with on her own, because nobody is going to save her.

Fortunately, she probably doesn't need saving, because if she's gone far enough to be this alone, she can probably go further and not need to be lonely in her solitude anymore. The allure of suicide is that it's a solution that forces understanding. It doesn't have to be explained to work, and it can't be denied by the people around her. It is the ultimate form of independence, an experience that can't be shared with anyone and therefore can't be taken away by anyone. But once she doesn't need other people to understand her, suicide should lose its appeal, because then all experiences will be unable to be shared or taken away.

[RonSouther]

Nicely said Cloud....

Her life doesn't have true "meaning". What she thinks of life is being defined by what she sees around her and not by what she realizes inside her.

I'm with her in that when I look around, I'm thinking another 40 or 50 years of this? Wars, fear, superstitions, ego gratification, politics, etc... It's like "what's the point??"

She doesn't see inside her a push to contribute to make the world better. Her mind wants to escape the ugliness around her, but her heart hasn't been rediscovered to speak towards the beauty of life.

Cloud said she's confused and I agree. Her mind can't figure all this out, can't see that life is a beautiful mystery and not a problem. Who would want to live "confused"? I know I don't.

She's ready for a breakthrough...will she get it? The culture around her is too busy trying to give her new beliefs systems, not new awareness.

See if she will join this message board and I'm KNOW that she will find a lot of kindred spirits here that can offer a loving hand of unconditional acceptance in the form of helping her to see beyond her logic that says that life isn't worth it.

She's justifying that it isn't worth it by praising a desire to see what death is, but that is in contrast to how she views life. To her, death seems to be better than life but she doesn't know that death is part of life.

My mom pulled the plug...her logic was the same.

[sharshar89]

She doesn't sound depressed nor suicidal enough to commit the act. So don't worry.