In distress

[LPM]

Hi, I just turned 21 last week. I'm desperagely looking for advice and something to calm myself down from my own stupidity.

Ok, to get to the point, I have stolen $100 USD from my employers. I snuck it. Well just got a call/voicemail to call them. After I had taken it in the first place Ive been regretting it very deeply and very scared. Ive worked there 3+ years.

I have not spent it, just been holding it. And really want to return it and dont now how i could dullen the consequences on myself. I will forfeit my job dealing with money and do something lower if i must and if possible to have no record of this. Also to note, i have never done anything of the sort before in my life. Why the thought came into my head, my hours were cut there, i cant afford my place, i have unpaid medical bills due to my medical condition which made me lose hours at work also,and i have no insurance, having marital problems over money etc. ive been under stress but i no this was no good solution to my problem. I just really regret this!!!! I never could have done this, it felt like i really didnt, but reality is i have and everything just hit me after i had done this horrible deed. Have no one to talk to and I really need advice. This is probably the last thing anyone wood post here, but i just caused myself more problems on top of the old ones and i dont no how to fix what i have done.

I work tomorrow and have to face the people I worked with that day about it. Its just hard because im totally the opposite of this and none of them or myself wood believe this. i take very highly of wat people think of me, and i no this is something people just cant forget let alone it be on record.

I will never attempt or think about it again, if only it hit me while i was doing it i woodnt be so distressed or even in a deeper problem etc. i dont want to go to jail, i cant afford to live without a job, i dont want my friends and family etc to think so defferently of me etc.

Is it possible any job wood take it easy on sum1? if they give it bak? if i give my paycheck too and holiday pay and offer to demote myself work status wise? I dont want this on my record or go to jail etc or have it spread to my family etc. I'd do anything to be forgiven. I just really need advice and sum1 to talk to. this is not me at all.

[Criseyde]

Well...

If I were your employer, I would probably fire you. I think at this point you are pretty much going to lose your job. Perhaps it would be best to just try to accept this.

But if I were your employer, and you gave the money back and expressed remorse, I would not press charges.

The only advice I can give you is try to move forward from here. You've basically signaled to yourself and everyone else that you're in serious distress -- I get that from how many times you wrote "this isn't me." All right. So who are you? Who is your best self? What is making you behave this way, so differently than who you want to be? And how do you get there from here?

All the best.

[ZephyrusX]

I would give the money back upfront and tell them honestly why you did it. Most places have good enough auditing systems where they can tell which employee stole what, and besides, it seems you just want to get this off your chest. I honestly wouldn't fire you if you did this, but I can't speak on behalf of your employer. I don't have the slightest idea what they will do. I do think that most places prefer to solve their internal problems amongest themselves without having to go through the issue of pressing charges. I doubt that they will bother pressing charges if you give the money back, but again, I can't speak on behalf of your employer.

What sort of relationship do you have with your employer?

[LPM]

I do understand, I'd lose my job. I think the hardest part for me is to sit and talk to them as someone who was never seen this way etc or even thought as someone to act in such a way. As i stated before, I think highly of what my peers think of me. I know in committing this deed that i have dissapointed and let them down, and could not ever earn their trust in hoping to get a demoted job in a different department.

Yes, its hard to accept, I need my job very much, and been trying to get 3 jobs, but cant even get a 2nd one.
I am also very much afraid of if they'd press charges. They know of my medical condition of passing out alot at work etc, and they have been very concerned for me and helped me alot, and I wound up doing this to them. I don't think i could ever forgive myself let alone think they would. I don't want to ruin my future, my record etc. which I have yet to have determined.

What I think of myself, and as others see in me-I'm a very kind, gentle, honest church-going person. I always try to do my best, i work very hard for what I have, I'm a people person, very well oriented for my job-dealing,helping, greeting people, and making their visit as a customer, before they leave, in a better mood etc. I've been there so long I have senority and know all the regulars etc. they also go thru my register line or in the office just to talk with me because I'm always cheerful etc.

Why I acted out in this way, I've stated about my hour cuts, my unpaid medical bills, no health insurance, I'm having problems paying my bills, my marital relationship because of financial concerns, the holidays etc. It all weighed on me and i got so depressed because of it all and it just clouded over me til I left work with that money in hand. I got home and just broke down deeper. It wasn't like me at all doing such a thing and I just wish I could take it all back. I was never raised to do such things.

To get there from here-I know I have to sit and talk with my employers. I'll go in work early before my shift to have enough time, tho they might let me go b4 i could work the shift. but i just want to give it back. I don't want this on my shoulders or on my record etc or go to jail or have my family and friends look down on me or see me any different. I was told over and over my life has just began, and I just threw that away before myself doing such a stupid and regretful thing.

Whats harder now is still having it on my shoulders and cant sleep thinking about tomorrow.

[ZephyrusX]

I'm sorry that you feel this way. I don't know exactly how you feel, but I can relate to some extent. *hugs*

The people close to you probably will look upon you differently, but you always have a choice as to how you will respond to this, and hopefully, earn back whatever trust and respect that is lost. I think the fact that you are showing remorse and that you are willing to give the money back says a lot. People make mistakes. It is really how they respond to those mistakes that says anything substantial about their character.

What are you going to do about your financial situation? I understand if you don't want to talk about it considering the present circumstances.

Are you eligible for state assistance in paying for your medical bills?

Originally Posted by LPM

Whats harder now is still having it on my shoulders and cant sleep thinking about tomorrow.

[LPM]

Thats what i want to do. I want to give it bak and explain. But its gonna be very hard. i've always felt uncomfortable speaking to people higher in status/authority etc-their experience-i guess, i dont no how to put it exactly. but its with people older with me I have like a social awkwardness when things are really serious in a one on one talk on just about anything. I no that sounds weird but its hard to explain. its just an uncomfortable feeling i get and it'll be on top of me being looked at in disapointment. I see all my fellow employees and employers as family-as they have treated me like. Other employees have stolen and were given demoted, non-money wise jobs but they hadnt stolen that much money and sometimes no money at all but other things in the store, but i wont take that for granted into my own. I really don't know either how they would go about this, which is scary for me in itself.
Well, i have 3 main bosses who own the place. Each one a different personality and outlook. I think it would have to pass all 3. but they all treated me as family, in concern for my well-being etc. dependant how the day is their moods differ. They are all church-going, and one is more concerned about store income etc. They are 3 others I'm gonna really disappoint after how theyve treated me. the whole place/people is like a family. So thats how my relationship is with them. Also once word goes out its through everyones ears. I may walk in tomorrow and be stared at not only by the people who work there but aslo my customers.

[SireneB]

All you can do at this point is be honest with them, apologize for what you did, and if you have a chance, explain what you learned about yourself and why you would not do it again. I do think you will be better off if you can go in without projecting assumptions of how they will handle it, rather, focus on trying to make things right by returning the money. It sounds like they already know the strengths you have in your position and that you are in a difficult situation personally, but there will also be other factors (type of management and company culture, policies, etc) that will affect how they handle it, things you would not have control over anyway, so the best thing you can do is try to stay at peace within yourself.

Good luck,this sounds like a real growth experience for you (although I'm sure that's the last thing on your mind now). Please let us know how it goes.

[ZephyrusX]

I don't think that is weird at all. I think it is quite normal to feel that way, especially when you are relatively young and when you are a situation where you disappoint the ones you love. Yet, you are willing to give the money back despite this feeling in order to do what you think is morally right, and again, I think that says a lot about your character.

Originally Posted by LPM

Thats what i want to do. I want to give it bak and explain. But its gonna be very hard. i've always felt uncomfortable speaking to people higher in status/authority etc-their experience-i guess, i dont no how to put it exactly. but its with people older with me I have like a social awkwardness when things are really serious in a one on one talk on just about anything. I no that sounds weird but its hard to explain. its just an uncomfortable feeling i get and it'll be on top of me being looked at in disapointment.

[LPM]

"I'm sorry that you feel this way. I don't know exactly how you feel, but I can relate to some extent. *hugs*

The people close to you probably will look upon you differently, but you always have a choice as to how you will respond to this, and hopefully, earn back whatever trust and respect that is lost. I think the fact that you are showing remorse and that you are willing to give the money back says a lot. People make mistakes. It is really how they respond to those mistakes that says anything substantial about their character."

What are you going to do about your financial situation? I understand if you don't want to talk about it considering the present circumstances."

Thank you zephyrus!
Financially wise, if i am able to still work there as in a non-money recieving department, i'd work how i usually did, and I would never have such a thought again, i dont want to feel this way or be in this situation again at all. i'd still try to look for a 2nd and then a 3rd job. (I used to have 3 before even living with a roomate last yr, now i live by myself). At work, after being there as long as i have, I'm making 7.85/hr. if i lose my senority, like as in i first started, as minimum wage. but now im only getting from 20-27 hrs and the shedule is not fixed (hours differ each week as do times). but if I lost my job, starting anywhere else i'd make less (minimum). that is why I've been looking to get 3 jobs. and I haven't even gone to college yet either.

"Are you eligible for state assistance in paying for your medical bills?"

I was eligable for assistance for medical, but when i turned 21 I lost it. I make too much. It's $200 or less a month is the requirement under gross pay being of age as an independant now. And everytime i called to send in medical bills I got the run around, and they even were switching my caseworkers without me knowing. Not too long after, (about every other day to days) I had more medical bill in the mail-even when i was covered which i was trying to understand and work through with caseworker, which hadn't got me anywhere b4 I lost my benefits with them.

[ZephyrusX]

Meh. I'm sorry about your financial situation. I know it can be hard to live on that kind of money, and often, it doesn't seem like there is a way out.

It is getting late here, so I'm going to bed. I wish you all the best and I hope everything goes well tomorrow.

Good night!

[LPM]

SireneB: All you can do at this point is be honest with them, apologize for what you did, and if you have a chance, explain what you learned about yourself and why you would not do it again. I do think you will be better off if you can go in without projecting assumptions of how they will handle it, rather, focus on trying to make things right by returning the money. It sounds like they already know the strengths you have in your position and that you are in a difficult situation personally, but there will also be other factors (type of management and company culture, policies, etc) that will affect how they handle it, things you would not have control over anyway, so the best thing you can do is try to stay at peace within yourself.

Good luck,this sounds like a real growth experience for you (although I'm sure that's the last thing on your mind now). Please let us know how it goes.

Thank you! I will do that!!! And I'll try not to project assumptions of how they will handle this as you said. that's what i was thinking about the other factors: We were never given the handbook to keep with the policies in it etc and how they'd go about most. Also, i never thought that would apply to me, given as how i was seen, act, and how i really am. But they have been reviewed by our manager when we 1st started but that was so long ago.

I will try to get sum rest now, you all really calmed me thru ur advice etc. I knew and know what I am to do tomorrow and what I've been wanting to do since i was home after work today. I'm more calmer and collected now after recieving everyones advice.

You are right, about the growth experience, cuz i reviewed my thoughts over and over since I've gotten home as of all the downfall to all this and how it will harm my future etc and how i never want to come face to face with this again. And i really want to return it asap so I will go in early b4 my shift tomorrow. I will let you know how it goes. Thank you soo much!!!

It is getting late here, so I'm going to bed. I wish you all the best and I hope everything goes well tomorrow.

Good night!

Thank you Zephyrus!!!!!! G'nite! And thank you for your advice too!!!!

[LPM]

Thank you guys!!!!!
I talked to my high up manager. She said she will try to help me. I can keep my job and she said she could give me more hours and even work in other departments too,that she thinks of me as one of her kids. Said if I ever need help to talk to her and that if i ever need to borrow anything, her and even my boss, would help. She said she would keep it between us and tell my boss the bank just miscounted the deposit. said i did the right thing coming to her about it.

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by LPM

Thank you guys!!!!!
I talked to my high up manager. She said she will try to help me. I can keep my job and she said she could give me more hours and even work in other departments too,that she thinks of me as one of her kids. Said if I ever need help to talk to her and that if i ever need to borrow anything, her and even my boss, would help. She said she would keep it between us and tell my boss the bank just miscounted the deposit. said i did the right thing coming to her about it.

Oh, awesome! I'm glad it all worked out well. Phew.

[LPM]

I feel better about it but still really really aweful. My high up manager just spoke to my boss and then she came to my house to talk to me about it. she said that he had said i did the right thing. but if anything comes up short that i'll be 1st one they think of so I'm to be careful about any shortages (thats shortages that other people that could cause too). He and she both gave me money to get bak on my feet. I really didnt want it and refused it but she had me take it. I dont think i should be given sympathy for wat I have done, even tho i regretted it deeply and gave it bak. It really hurts. But I am even more thankful to them for everything they have done for me in the past and now. I really learned from this experience and I will never do such a thing again!!!! I should have just talked to them in the 1st place about everything rather than resort and lower myself to that.
I really want to thank you all for all your advice too!!!! My stomache is still upset not feeling well and everything but I do feel alot better to do the right thing than for it weighing on my mind or having worse possible outcome for it. They are like a family and a family to me. But still feel like i should have been punished sumhow for doing that to them. I am very thankful, and i will not cause them or anyone any more trouble etc. I do want to earn their trust bak and keep it at that.

[ZephyrusX]

Cool! Thanks for keeping us updated. I like hearing good endings. Your employers sound like wonderful people.

Originally Posted by LPM

Thank you guys!!!!!
I talked to my high up manager. She said she will try to help me. I can keep my job and she said she could give me more hours and even work in other departments too,that she thinks of me as one of her kids. Said if I ever need help to talk to her and that if i ever need to borrow anything, her and even my boss, would help. She said she would keep it between us and tell my boss the bank just miscounted the deposit. said i did the right thing coming to her about it.

[SireneB]

Glad this worked out for you! It sounds as though you have to re-prove yourself at your job (in terms of money as well as other things), but consider that that's a small price for being able to keep a job, and one with such a compassionate boss, under the circumstances.

Life is full of opportunities both to learn, and to pay forward kindnesses shown to you to others who need them. As long as you hold onto that perspective, you will be fine.