regret from the past.... Loving the present

[ultimate]

I have gotten into a relationship in my 30's

I am loving it!

The only thing is I get a feeling of regret that I did not have any relationships earlier.

How do I stop feeling that regret? (I know I should live in the present moment)
I even feel like I want to have more relationships to make up for lost time.

I am sure she would have had more relationships with people than I have.

I stil feel I am missing out but am so enjoying my current relationship.

[RonSouther]

Can't change the past and you can't make up for it. This is a quality of life...no one knows it all or really anything at birth. Life is beautiful when it's an ongoing discovery! Do you see that your discovery is energizing your desire to live even more? I think so.

So rather that judge your past, look for new things to discover. Explore your new friend, explore yourself.

And when you end up in a conflict, your mind might switch to thinking that not being in a relationship all these years was the best thing that could've happen because this other person is hell (right now). Instead, those conflicts ARE what essentially force you to look inside yourself and to try to figure out the other person, IF you're desire to be the other is strong enough and vice versa.

Conflicts are those times that reveal to us our warts and not times to avoid, trying to keep the peace. And the joy that comes from learning something new, from seeing that conflict isn't bad, that we each can assert ourselves intelligently and fix problems....that's such a rush!

This is my favorite quote about intimacy....

"When two lovers are really open to each other, when they are not afraid of each other and not hiding anything from each other, that is intimacy. When they can say each and everything without any fear that the other will be offended or hurt. . . . If the lover thinks the other will be offended, then the intimacy is ...not yet deep enough. Then it is a kind of arrangement, which can be broken by anything.

But when two lovers start feeling that there is nothing to hide and everything can be said, and the trust has come to such a depth where even if you don't say it the other is going to know, then they start becoming one." Osho

[Wout]

Any advice how to deal with regrets?

[newkaren]

Originally Posted by Wout

Any advice how to deal with regrets?

Past "mistakes" make you who you are today.

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by Wout

Any advice how to deal with regrets?

Make sure you learn every lesson you can from your mistakes. Mistakes are not bad, but mirrors to reveal where we need to grow. How else can you learn if you don't test your logical ideas?

I think the education system makes us think that memorizing is knowing and it's not. The stuff memorized is untested in our daily lives. You won't know until you try, right? The learning curve is always steep and mistakes are part of it.

I don't know of any other real way to live without regrets. Off the top of my head if I did unrepairable damage to my body from a bad habit or unnecessary activity (like football) that took its toll, that may be hard to get over, but in the end, the body fails regardless. I just don't need to be doing stupid things for happiness at the expense of my body.