Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 02:10 AM

Hello All

I am a first semester freshman at a small liberal arts college. So far, I just feel so lost and out of place. I feel like, this was not the school for me (at least socially). I have one close friend, but we are like completely different (opposites attract! hahah). As well as having international acquaintances and non international acquaintances who I say hi to and occasionally eat meals with and have the conversations with in classes but its like I have no true social life and its sort of really upsetting me (more depressing me than upsetting me). I don't smoke and I don't drink, and frankly I really don't want to change who I am to fit in with people. On a side note, I was even placed on a hall that was suppose to be quiet and co-ed but it turned to be the extremely loud/smoking/party every other night hall. Don't know if that last point was relevant to the my big train of thought but it seemed like it.

On the other hand, I am really liking the academics at the school. I was an awkwardly shy person in high school, and teachers would often look down on that and think of me as dumb. Never call on me in class and just well, never give me the time of day. Here is different. Teachers want to help. Teachers know my weaknesses and know that I am trying. I remember when I gave a presentation here for a class, and my acquaintance actually said It was great so I actually walked away from it feeling like a rockstar. A year ago, I would have been feeling like a failure.

So there are pros and cons with this school. I feel like the cons outweigh the pros a majority of the time because I have been depressed allot lately and now Im feeling way to sad to sleep. I would call my parents but they won't pick up there phone because they hate hearing my cry about school so that is why I'm turning to you lovely people.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated please

DANDUNGAN · 11-15-2011, 02:15 AM

I'm just wondering--Are you there to study and learn or to socialize and make friends?

What is your main goal?

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 02:23 AM

I mean my personal opinion, I thought college was about learning. Explorning different classes, discovering a true passion. Then that passion can evolve into helping you get dive into what you want to be when you grow up, a job of your choosing. Or possibly graduate school (Im leaning more towards graduate school).

My parents think that college is about socializing more. Going to those parties and going to lots of clubs. Believe me, I'm not against clubs or anything (I am against parties though). But in general I'm more into the classes and academics.

My parents are the ones paying a majority for college. Im paying 1/8th of it.

DANDUNGAN · 11-15-2011, 02:38 AM

I'm curious, how do you know your parents are more interested in socializing?

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 02:41 AM

the times Ive talked to them...they say that. "College is not only about studying!" they hoot.

its sort of really annoying.

DANDUNGAN · 11-15-2011, 02:44 AM

Are they talking abut withholding the funds if you don't socialize?

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 02:48 AM

oh no. at least...I don't think so...

personally I don't know if this was the right school for me. I mean I feel like you are suppose to find some friends in college. Its nice I have one close one, and some acquaintances, but I don't know. I shouldn't feel this down and out. I mean these are suppose to be the best years of your life. both socially and academically.

CroMagna · 11-15-2011, 02:48 AM

Hi Dear,

Since college for you is about academics, what does it matter if your parents disagree? I'm sure they'll be much prouder of you if you land a good career than if you have good memories and all you have are those memories. You sound level-headed so stick to the academics. Good luck.

DANDUNGAN · 11-15-2011, 02:50 AM

what do you think the right school would be?

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 02:56 AM

Ill cross that bridge when and if I have to get there, seriously hurts my brain thinking about other schools

And thank you CroMagna sometimes I have remember that in order to keep myself going

DANDUNGAN · 11-15-2011, 03:03 AM

So, since it hurts your brain to think about other schools, I'm confused how you feel you're at the wrong school.

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 03:10 AM

looking for a school was such a complicated process last year.
I had to please my parents and there needs, and well me.
and now, if I were to NOT like this school my parents would have a whole new set of rules for schools. so lets say I liked school "A" they would say no no no because it had the same qualities of the school Im at now. or if I like school "b" they would say no because much more far away than the school Im at now.

Do you see now why the whole process is just mind hurting and such?

DANDUNGAN · 11-15-2011, 03:13 AM

Is it because you know the school you wanted to attend, but your parents said, "That's too far away?"

So now you are trapped, because they are paying for most of the costs.

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 03:20 AM

....I don't think this conversation is going in any sort of direction I want it to.
but no, this wasn't my first choice.

DANDUNGAN · 11-15-2011, 03:21 AM

Ok, I'll stop. I was just trying to understand your situation.

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 03:35 AM

thank you for trying to help

Acting Like Godot · 11-15-2011, 03:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArielX

looking for a school was such a complicated process last year.

..... Do you see now why the whole process is just mind hurting and such?

Looking for a college IS generally a complicated process. There are so many factors to consider.

So your mind felt hurt. But the process is over. So what's the problem?

DANDUNGAN · 11-15-2011, 03:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArielX

thank you for trying to help

you're welcome. I was trying to help, and I don't understand because my college experience was so long ago and so different from yours.

Acting Like Godot · 11-15-2011, 03:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArielX

personally I don't know if this was the right school for me. I mean I feel like you are suppose to find some friends in college.

Do you honestly think that if you went to another college, you would make friends more easily?

It's possible, but I really don't know how you would find such a college. Colleges don't generally advertise themselves as follows - "Well Known for Being an Easy Place to Make Friends".

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 04:05 AM

Yes, Im not that stupid, making friends is in fact extremely hard, especially in college. HOWEVER the campus population just feels totally different from me and thats why I feel out of place and I don't clique. If that makes any sense once so ever.

Acting Like Godot · 11-15-2011, 04:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArielX

Yes, Im not that stupid, making friends is in fact extremely hard, especially in college.

That's your limiting belief - that making friends is very hard, especially in college. And it translates into your reality, you see.

Now, why should making friends in college (specifically) be any harder than, say, making friends in high school, or making friends at work, or making friends anywhere else?

To me, it seems unlikely to be generally true ....

Acting Like Godot · 11-15-2011, 04:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArielX

HOWEVER the campus population just feels totally different from me and thats why I feel out of place and I don't clique.

I don't know what your college is like.

Mine was, well, suitable for a wide range of personalities. You had the beer-&-parties crowd. You also had the sports sorts. The academic sorts. The music-and-cultural sorts. The highly competitive and brilliant sorts. And also the more laid-back and relaxed sort.

So basically anyone should have a reasonable chance of making friends. You can't possibly be incompatible with so many different kinds of people. You just have to go find the kinds of people you would like to be friends with.

SireneB · 11-15-2011, 05:19 AM

You're still in your first semester... there are other people like you at your school, it's just a matter of finding them. My suggestion would be to get an on campus job, join a club, or find something on campus you are passionate about (for example, at the university where I work, there are volunteers who go out and help kids learn to read at the neighborhood schools). Expand the people you come in contact with, out of the context of the classroom, dorm or parties, at the same time you are doing something that interests and/or benefits you.

I bet by this time next year, the thought of leaving wouldn't even cross your mind, due to all the friends you have there!

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 05:38 AM

my school is a very very artsy school. we don't have a football team. we have sports (they are varsity but they are not extremely competitive). but yeah, we are arts 100% full force. I guess there are many different types of artsy people here with many different types of personalities. I just haven't met them yet.

Hopefully ill meet them soon, knock on wood for me y'all.

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 05:41 AM

Thank You for the advice Sirene B

Mickeyjay · 11-15-2011, 05:58 AM

Hey Ariel, my girlfriend graduated from Amherst college in 2010 and she went through the exact same thing you're going through. She lived in Chicago all her life and the transition into a small rural area was difficult for her. In addition, she only had one friend in the first year of college. She used to call home everyday crying and complaining. But then things started to get better for her..

That one friend turned out to be her best friend all throughout college. She didn't just limit herself to social groups within Amherst. As you know UMASS and I believe 2-3 other colleges are nearby where she met a lot of other people that she can relate to. She started exploring the town, going to different restuarants, plays, events, social meetings etc.. In order to socialize, you don't have to party and drink everynight. You seem more mature for your age and may enjoy doing other things than your peers. And thats ok. Amherst has a lot to offer, you just have to find it.

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 06:29 AM

Wow! That makes me feel a whole lot better about things, like it actually really does.

I'm planning on doing a course at Mount Holyoke next semester with high high high hopes to meet more different types of people, and through this hopefully ill see some light at the end of the tunnel. Also I might want to audition for some productions off campus to, since I am a theatre person

Sorry I just vented my life plan for next semester to you guys but it just warms my heart to know that a person went through a similar experience as me and she turned out all right and graduated.

Mickeyjay · 11-15-2011, 06:48 PM

Yup. And just to let you know, when graduation came she was didn't want to leave. She loved that place and still does. IMO, when I visited her, everyone I met were very different but in a good way. They seemed to have their act together. Even the parties that were thrown in the campus buildings had security and offered to escort people back to their place. Out of all the campus's that I have visited(UMadison, Purdue, NIU, UIC) Amherst by far was the safest, cleanest, and IMO had the smartest people.

MovingForward · 11-15-2011, 09:15 PM

Take advantage of the best that the situation has to offer for now. If you do not connect with other students, try to connect with the staff at the college. Get a job in the department of your major or volunteer for a professor that you like. Find a person to mentor you. Ask about the schools services that you may be missing, like career centers, clubs, activities.
Get yourself out in the community and see if there are other colleges in the area. Volunteer at a local school or senior center. Follow your interests and eventually you will connect.
College is more than academic, the entire experience is something to learn from. Be patient with yourself since you just started a few months ago. If you still don't enjoy it in a few months, maybe then consider transferring.

ArielX · 11-15-2011, 11:29 PM

Thinking about it now, its not wrong of me that I would want to do as many things off campus and at other schools? I mean if Im spending all my time at another campus, why am I at the current campus I'm at now. Its seriously just a sticky situation

Hmph. Today was just another awful day here. Got no sleep last night. Slept through my classes. I just want to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

11-15-2011, 02:10 AM	#1 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	College Troubles. Hello All I am a first semester freshman at a small liberal arts college. So far, I just feel so lost and out of place. I feel like, this was not the school for me (at least socially). I have one close friend, but we are like completely different (opposites attract! hahah). As well as having international acquaintances and non international acquaintances who I say hi to and occasionally eat meals with and have the conversations with in classes but its like I have no true social life and its sort of really upsetting me (more depressing me than upsetting me). I don't smoke and I don't drink, and frankly I really don't want to change who I am to fit in with people. On a side note, I was even placed on a hall that was suppose to be quiet and co-ed but it turned to be the extremely loud/smoking/party every other night hall. Don't know if that last point was relevant to the my big train of thought but it seemed like it. On the other hand, I am really liking the academics at the school. I was an awkwardly shy person in high school, and teachers would often look down on that and think of me as dumb. Never call on me in class and just well, never give me the time of day. Here is different. Teachers want to help. Teachers know my weaknesses and know that I am trying. I remember when I gave a presentation here for a class, and my acquaintance actually said It was great so I actually walked away from it feeling like a rockstar. A year ago, I would have been feeling like a failure. So there are pros and cons with this school. I feel like the cons outweigh the pros a majority of the time because I have been depressed allot lately and now Im feeling way to sad to sleep. I would call my parents but they won't pick up there phone because they hate hearing my cry about school so that is why I'm turning to you lovely people. Any advice would be greatly appreciated please

11-15-2011, 03:35 AM	#16 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	thank you for trying to help Last edited by ArielX; 11-15-2011 at 03:45 AM.

11-15-2011, 06:29 AM	#27 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	Wow! That makes me feel a whole lot better about things, like it actually really does. I'm planning on doing a course at Mount Holyoke next semester with high high high hopes to meet more different types of people, and through this hopefully ill see some light at the end of the tunnel. Also I might want to audition for some productions off campus to, since I am a theatre person Sorry I just vented my life plan for next semester to you guys but it just warms my heart to know that a person went through a similar experience as me and she turned out all right and graduated. Last edited by ArielX; 11-15-2011 at 06:38 PM.

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11-15-2011, 02:15 AM	#2 (permalink)
DANDUNGAN Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Sylmar, CA Posts: 195	I'm just wondering--Are you there to study and learn or to socialize and make friends? What is your main goal?

11-15-2011, 02:23 AM	#3 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	I mean my personal opinion, I thought college was about learning. Explorning different classes, discovering a true passion. Then that passion can evolve into helping you get dive into what you want to be when you grow up, a job of your choosing. Or possibly graduate school (Im leaning more towards graduate school). My parents think that college is about socializing more. Going to those parties and going to lots of clubs. Believe me, I'm not against clubs or anything (I am against parties though). But in general I'm more into the classes and academics. My parents are the ones paying a majority for college. Im paying 1/8th of it.

11-15-2011, 02:38 AM	#4 (permalink)
DANDUNGAN Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Sylmar, CA Posts: 195	I'm curious, how do you know your parents are more interested in socializing?

11-15-2011, 02:41 AM	#5 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	the times Ive talked to them...they say that. "College is not only about studying!" they hoot. its sort of really annoying.

11-15-2011, 02:44 AM	#6 (permalink)
DANDUNGAN Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Sylmar, CA Posts: 195	Are they talking abut withholding the funds if you don't socialize?

11-15-2011, 02:48 AM	#7 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	oh no. at least...I don't think so... personally I don't know if this was the right school for me. I mean I feel like you are suppose to find some friends in college. Its nice I have one close one, and some acquaintances, but I don't know. I shouldn't feel this down and out. I mean these are suppose to be the best years of your life. both socially and academically.

11-15-2011, 02:48 AM	#8 (permalink)
CroMagna Family Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,975	Hi Dear, Since college for you is about academics, what does it matter if your parents disagree? I'm sure they'll be much prouder of you if you land a good career than if you have good memories and all you have are those memories. You sound level-headed so stick to the academics. Good luck.

11-15-2011, 02:50 AM	#9 (permalink)
DANDUNGAN Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Sylmar, CA Posts: 195	what do you think the right school would be?

11-15-2011, 02:56 AM	#10 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	Ill cross that bridge when and if I have to get there, seriously hurts my brain thinking about other schools And thank you CroMagna sometimes I have remember that in order to keep myself going

11-15-2011, 03:03 AM	#11 (permalink)
DANDUNGAN Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Sylmar, CA Posts: 195	So, since it hurts your brain to think about other schools, I'm confused how you feel you're at the wrong school.

11-15-2011, 03:10 AM	#12 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	looking for a school was such a complicated process last year. I had to please my parents and there needs, and well me. and now, if I were to NOT like this school my parents would have a whole new set of rules for schools. so lets say I liked school "A" they would say no no no because it had the same qualities of the school Im at now. or if I like school "b" they would say no because much more far away than the school Im at now. Do you see now why the whole process is just mind hurting and such?

11-15-2011, 03:13 AM	#13 (permalink)
DANDUNGAN Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Sylmar, CA Posts: 195	Is it because you know the school you wanted to attend, but your parents said, "That's too far away?" So now you are trapped, because they are paying for most of the costs.

11-15-2011, 03:20 AM	#14 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	....I don't think this conversation is going in any sort of direction I want it to. but no, this wasn't my first choice.

11-15-2011, 03:21 AM	#15 (permalink)
DANDUNGAN Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Sylmar, CA Posts: 195	Ok, I'll stop. I was just trying to understand your situation.

11-15-2011, 04:05 AM	#20 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	Yes, Im not that stupid, making friends is in fact extremely hard, especially in college. HOWEVER the campus population just feels totally different from me and thats why I feel out of place and I don't clique. If that makes any sense once so ever.

11-15-2011, 05:19 AM	#23 (permalink)
SireneB Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 351	You're still in your first semester... there are other people like you at your school, it's just a matter of finding them. My suggestion would be to get an on campus job, join a club, or find something on campus you are passionate about (for example, at the university where I work, there are volunteers who go out and help kids learn to read at the neighborhood schools). Expand the people you come in contact with, out of the context of the classroom, dorm or parties, at the same time you are doing something that interests and/or benefits you. I bet by this time next year, the thought of leaving wouldn't even cross your mind, due to all the friends you have there!

11-15-2011, 05:38 AM	#24 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	my school is a very very artsy school. we don't have a football team. we have sports (they are varsity but they are not extremely competitive). but yeah, we are arts 100% full force. I guess there are many different types of artsy people here with many different types of personalities. I just haven't met them yet. Hopefully ill meet them soon, knock on wood for me y'all.

11-15-2011, 05:41 AM	#25 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	Thank You for the advice Sirene B

11-15-2011, 05:58 AM	#26 (permalink)
Mickeyjay Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Illinois Posts: 8	Hey Ariel, my girlfriend graduated from Amherst college in 2010 and she went through the exact same thing you're going through. She lived in Chicago all her life and the transition into a small rural area was difficult for her. In addition, she only had one friend in the first year of college. She used to call home everyday crying and complaining. But then things started to get better for her.. That one friend turned out to be her best friend all throughout college. She didn't just limit herself to social groups within Amherst. As you know UMASS and I believe 2-3 other colleges are nearby where she met a lot of other people that she can relate to. She started exploring the town, going to different restuarants, plays, events, social meetings etc.. In order to socialize, you don't have to party and drink everynight. You seem more mature for your age and may enjoy doing other things than your peers. And thats ok. Amherst has a lot to offer, you just have to find it.

11-15-2011, 06:48 PM	#28 (permalink)
Mickeyjay Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Illinois Posts: 8	Yup. And just to let you know, when graduation came she was didn't want to leave. She loved that place and still does. IMO, when I visited her, everyone I met were very different but in a good way. They seemed to have their act together. Even the parties that were thrown in the campus buildings had security and offered to escort people back to their place. Out of all the campus's that I have visited(UMadison, Purdue, NIU, UIC) Amherst by far was the safest, cleanest, and IMO had the smartest people.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

11-15-2011, 09:15 PM	#29 (permalink)
MovingForward Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 70	Take advantage of the best that the situation has to offer for now. If you do not connect with other students, try to connect with the staff at the college. Get a job in the department of your major or volunteer for a professor that you like. Find a person to mentor you. Ask about the schools services that you may be missing, like career centers, clubs, activities. Get yourself out in the community and see if there are other colleges in the area. Volunteer at a local school or senior center. Follow your interests and eventually you will connect. College is more than academic, the entire experience is something to learn from. Be patient with yourself since you just started a few months ago. If you still don't enjoy it in a few months, maybe then consider transferring.

11-15-2011, 11:29 PM	#30 (permalink)
ArielX Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Amherst, Mass. Posts: 15	Thinking about it now, its not wrong of me that I would want to do as many things off campus and at other schools? I mean if Im spending all my time at another campus, why am I at the current campus I'm at now. Its seriously just a sticky situation Hmph. Today was just another awful day here. Got no sleep last night. Slept through my classes. I just want to see the light at the end of the tunnel.