How to Fall out of Love (or never in love so quickly)

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by jamestl2

@Boreas - So was just wondering what you made of my list of what attracted me to her? Any special gaps to fill, what the cause is, etc.?

Wow, I wrote a reply to your list, and now it has disappeared.
Is this the work of the mods?
I will try write another reply here shortly.

[Boreas]

James, first of all, thanks for sharing this list, there are many things you have noticed that I now realize were reasons why I had crushes/obsessions.

I think the reason my last reply got deleted was that I had too many multi-quotes, since I went line by line, so now I will try groupings, with your quotes in italics, and my responses in bold.


Besides these physical qualities about her I admired:
-beautiful eyes
-wonderful smile
-nice-looking body, soft skin
-great hair

Tell yourself you have all those qualities, do it as often as you can: when you walk into a class, or start a conversation. So much of their power is believing you have them. Try it, when was the last time you told yourself you have a wonderful smile?


-she was the first girl who really talked to me outside of class
-whenever I saw her outside of class, she was usually by herself (even though later she told me she has many people outside of class she works with)
-her eagerness to keep in touch (via her giving me her email, asking for my phone number, etc.)

I am going to be bold and guess that you are an introvert. Or that is to say, usually happy by yourself, happy to read, and hang out at home if need be. I am mostly introverted too and know what it means to be living in one's own little bubble world. Then someone comes into it and everything pops. Suddenly we realize that we are lonely and have a need and we wonder how we were happy before. The solution to this is to try find balance and become more extroverted. This can be a problem, since it is never good to force or fake extroversion or interest in other people...still, I suggest you try this:

Talk to a girl after class or in class. Sit next to the one you think you most want to meet and start talking, ask if you want to study and try exchange numbers. If it doesn't work out, try with someone else. I know it is difficult, but it should get easier every time. At least thinking about how difficult this is going to be and how it all went will take your mind off of the current girl, right?

If things do go well, be very interested in the other person, when you are with them invest your whole person in them. Don't worry about what they are thinking about you, what you said in the past, or what you are going to have to say, just be you.


-everything she told me about herself
-the closeness I felt when I worked on the class material with her

This ties into confidence and believing you can be yourself, all of yourself, at every moment. What you have written suggests that you do not share a lot of who you are with other people. The solution to this is to start. Take steps every day to share more about yourself with everyone you can: your parents, friends, family, store clerks, strangers on the bus. Practice doing it and see how you feel. If you do those things you will feel like you have closer relationships with more people because you are being yourself and giving more of yourself to the relationship. The more relationships you have like that, the less likely you are to obsess on any one of them.

-the compliments we gave each other
-her flirtiness (with me, above all people)

What is flirtiness exactly? I think it is just taking a step back and saying: what the hell, I am going to be playful. It is probably the mindset you need to have to get you started on all the above points. Tell yourself you are good looking and have a great smile, tell yourself: "what the hell I am just going to have fun and joke around", then it will be easy to compliment people. Most of the time, when you give someone a compliment, they will compliment you back, it is a good cycle. If they don't, they might be shy. If they just blow you off, move on, there are other people out there. You might also change your tack on what compliments you choose, take advantage of any opportunity to practice. Sit down at your next class and say something like "You really seem into this class" or "Nice stlye" anything like that, you kind of have to judge the person. Anyway, you are just being playful, and no matter what happens, you still have your great smile right?

Good luck James, will be interested to hear what steps you take. It might seem difficult, but if you have your back against the wall with pain, it might not be a bad idea to say what the hell, and go for it.