It's driving me crazy

[Mikahcho]

There's a musician out there who haunts me.

Her music is so beautiful, don't get me wrong, nobody else can honestly compare to it. But the whole experience is nothing short of an emotional hell.

Seeing her face or anything to do with her music, makes my insides well up. Especially when I visit Youtube, just seeing one of her videos and her song titles makes me feel as though I'm stumbling upon some kind of dark memory. Listening to the songs only makes it so much worse, I love them so much it makes me feel sick. After I stop listening, the song isn't stuck in my head, but the moods and themes that her music encompass spiral around in my mind.

It's ridiculous and it's been happening to me for about two years. I just had to let it out somehow, in the hope that there's something or someone out there that can help me.

I do love her and the music she's created, but I hate that she's done this to me. But the emotions her music make me feel are vastly stronger than any love or hate I've ever had surge through me, it's destroying my soul from the inside, there's no way to get across how much it pains.

[Perry M]

Well who is she?

[Mikahcho]

Utada Hikaru

[Bonadea]

I'm guessing it's triggering a past life type of thing.

I get that with anything some the 60's. I will start crying for absolutely no reason. That bitter sweet type of cry, like running into an old friend.

[Mikahcho]

Her music career started after my birth, so if you're suggesting. Liked it in a previous life and it's affecting me now, that wouldn't be right. Do you mean I may have known her in a past life? Mmmm, I don't believe in past lives so much... I'm doubtful.

[Bonadea]

I was thinking more along the lines of it just reminds you of home type of thing, but anything's possible.

[EWell]

Have you ever been obsessed with anything else? Whether it be a thought, tendency, habit? You are, for instance, naturally emotional.

[Mikahcho]

@EWell

It's not really an obsession, I feel cursed, as though I'm forced into thinking about it.

But I have had obsessions before, with many things, from suicide to music to people.

[sharshar89]

And I thought only black/death metal can bring out that feeling?
Utada is jus a jap pop singer?

[Mikahcho]

Yep, she's a Japanese pop singer.

I've listened to death/heavy metal before and that genre has never really effected me, at least in no way that I am aware of.

Do you know that feeling of epiphany you get sometimes? The moment of realization, when everything suddenly flips and you see the world in a different way and everything has changed? It's as though I'm stuck in a split second of epiphany, and the feeling is sickening to me.

If anyone could even identify what the problem might be, I'd appreciate it very much. I'm toying with the idea of a past-life experience, but I lack both understanding and belief to actually develop a well-structured insight when it comes to it.